"He's a disgrace to his profession!"
"_He_ pretend to have religion!"
"A minister indeed!"
And so the changes rang.
All this time, Mr. Manlius firmly maintained his ground, taking his
glass of wine whenever it suited him. At last, after the occurrence
of a dinner-party given by a family of some note in the place, and
at which the minister was present, and at which wine was circulated
freely, a rather scandalous report got abroad, and soon went buzzing
all over the village. A young man, who made no secret of being fond
of his glass, and who was at the dinner-party, met, on the day
after, a very warm advocate of temperance, and a member of a
different denomination from that in which Mr. Manlius was a
minister, and said to him, with mock gravity--"We had a _rara avis_
at our dinner-party yesterday, Perkins."
"Indeed. What wonderful thing was that?"
"A tipsy parson."
"A what?"
The man's eyes became instantly almost as big as saucers.
"A tipsy parson."
"Who? Mr. Manlius?" was eagerly inquired.
"I didn't say so. I call no names."
"He was present, I know; and drank wine, I am told, like a fish."
"I wasn't aware before that fishes drank wine," said the man
gravely.
"It was Manlius, wasn't it?" urged the other.
"I call no names," was repeated. "All I said was, that we had a
tipsy parson--and so we had. I'll prove it before a jury of a
thousand, if necessary."
"It's no more than I expected," said the temperance man. "He's a
mere winebibber at best. He pretend to preach the gospel! I wonder
he isn't struck dead in the pulpit."
The moment his informant had left him, Perkins started forth to
communicate the astounding intelligence that Mr. Manlius had been
drunk on the day before, at Mr. Reeside's dinner-party. From lip to
lip the scandal flew, with little less than electric quickness. It
was all over the village by the next day. Some doubted, some denied,
but the majority believed the story--it was so likely to be true.
This occurred near the close of the week, and Sunday arrived before
the powers that be in the church were able to confer upon the
subject, and cite the minister to appear and answer for himself on
the scandalous charge of drunkenness. There was an unusual number of
vacant pews during service, both morning and afternoon.
Monday came, and, early in the day, a committee of two deacons
waited upon Mr. Manlius, and informed him of the report in
circulation, and of their wish that he would appear before them on
the next afternoon, to give an account of himself, as the church
deemed the matter far too serious to be passed lightly over. The
minister was evidently a good deal surprised and startled at this,
but he neither denied the charge nor attempted any palliation,
merely saying that he would attend, of course.
"It's plain that he's guilty," said Deacon Jones to Deacon Todd, as
they walked with sober faces away from the minister's dwelling.
"Plain? Yes--it's written in his face," returned Deacon Todd. "So
much for opposing temperance reforms and drinking wine. It's a
judgment upon him."
"But what a scandal to our church!" said Deacon Jones.
"Yes--think of that. He must be suspended, and not restored until he
signs the pledge."
"I don't believe he'll ever do that."
"Why not?"
"He says he would cut off his right hand first."
"People are very fond of cutting off their right hand, you know. My
word for it, this will do the business for him. He will be glad
enough to get the matter hushed up so easily. I shall go for
suspending him until he signs the pledge."
"I don't know but that I will go with you. If he signs the pledge,
he's safe."
And so the two deacons settled the matter.
On the next day, in grave council assembled were all the deacons of
the church, besides sundry individuals who had come as the
minister's friends or accusers. Perkins, who had put the report in
circulation, was there, at the special request of one of the
deacons, who had ascertained that he had as much, or a little more
to say, in the matter, than any one.
Perkins was called upon, rather unexpectedly, to answer one or two
questions, immediately on the opening of the meeting, but as he was
a stanch temperance man, and cordially despised the minister, he was
bold to reply.
"Mr. Perkins," said the presiding deacon, "as far as we can learn,
this scandalous charge originated with you: I will, therefore, ask
you--did you say that the Rev. Mr. Manlius was drunk at Mr.
Reeside's dinner-party?"
"I did," was the unhesitating answer.
"Were you present at Mr. Reeside's?"
"No, sir."
"Did you see Mr. Manlius coming from the house intoxicated?"
"No."
"What evidence, then, have you of the truth of your charge? We have
conversed this morning with several who were present, and all say
that they observed nothing out of the way in Mr. Manlius, on the
occasion of which you speak. This is a serious matter, and we should
like to have your authority for a statement so injurious to the
reputation of the minister and the cause of religion."
"My authority is Mr. Burton, who was present."
"Did he tell you that Mr. Manlius was intoxicated?"
"He said there was a drunken minister there, and Mr. Manlius, I have
ascertained, was the only clergyman present."
"Was that so?" asked the deacon of an individual who was at Mr.
Reeside's.
"Mr. Manlius was the only clergyman there," was replied.
"Then," said Perkins, "if there was a drunken minister there, it
must have been Mr. Manlius. I can draw no other inference."
"Can Mr. Burton be found?" was now asked.
An individual immediately volunteered to go in search of him. In
half an hour he was produced. As he entered the grave assembly, he
looked around with great composure upon the array of solemn faces
and eyes intently fixed upon him. He did not appear in the least
abashed.
"You were at Mr. Reeside's last week, at a dinner-party, I believe?"
said the presiding deacon.
"I was."
"Did you see Mr. Manlius intoxicated on that occasion?"
"Mr. Manlius! Good heavens! no! I can testify, upon oath, that he
was as solemn as a judge. Who says that I made so scandalous an
allegation?"
Burton appeared to grow strongly excited.
"I say so," cried Perkins in a loud voice.
"You say so? And, pray, upon what authority?"
"Upon the authority of your own words."
"Never!"
"But you did tell me so."
Perkins was much excited.
"When?"
"On the day after the dinner-party. Don't you remember what you said
to me?"
"Oh, yes--perfectly."
"That you had a drunken minister at dinner?"
"No, I never said that."
"But you did, I can be qualified to it."
"I said we had a 'tipsy parson.'"
"And, pray, what is the difference?"
At the words "tipsy parson," the minister burst into a loud laugh,
and so did two or three others who had been at Mr. Reeside's. The
grave deacon in the chair looked around with frowning wonder at such
indecorum, and felt that especially ill-timed was the levity of the
minister.
"I do not understand this," he said, with great gravity.
"I can explain it," remarked an individual, rising, "as I happened
to be at Mr. Reeside's, and know all about the 'tipsy parson.' The
cook of our kind hostess, in her culinary ingenuity, furnished a
dessert, which she called 'tipsy parson,'--made, I believe, by
soaking sponge-cake in brandy and pouring a custard over it. It is
therefore true, as our friend Burton has said, that there was a
'tipsy parson' at the table; but as to the drunken minister of Mr.
Perkins, I know nothing."
Never before, in a grave and solemn assembly of deacons, was there
such a sudden and universal burst of laughter, such a holding of
sides and vibration of bodies, as followed this unexpected speech.
In the midst of the confusion and noise, Perkins quietly retired. He
has been known, ever since, in the village, much to his chagrin and
scandalization, he being still a warm temperance man, as the "tipsy
parson."
"There goes the 'tipsy parson'" he hears said, as he passes along
the street, a dozen times in a week, and he is now seriously
inclined to leave the village, in order to escape the ridicule his
over-zealous effort to blast the minister's reputation has called
into existence. As for the Rev. Mr. Manlius, he often tells the
story, and laughs over it as heartily as any one.