From my own Apartment, October 24.
My brother Tranquillus, who is a man of business, came to me this
morning into my study, and after very many civil expressions in return
for what good offices I had done him, told me "he desired to carry his
wife, my sister, that very morning to his own house." I readily told him
"I would wait upon him" without asking why he was so impatient to rob us
of his good company. He went out of my chamber, and I thought seemed
to have a little heaviness upon him, which gave me some disquiet. Soon
after my sister came to me with a very matron-like air, and most sedate
satisfaction in her looks, which spoke her very much at ease; but the
traces of her countenance seemed to discover that she had lately been in
a passion, and that air of content to flow from a certain triumph upon
some advantage obtained. She no sooner sat down by me but I perceived
she was one of those ladies who begin to be managers within the time
of their being brides. Without letting her speak, which I saw she had a
mighty inclination to do, I said, "Here has been your husband, who tells
me he has a mind to go home this very morning, and I have consented to
it."--"It is well," said she, "for you must know--" "Nay, Jenny," said
I, "I beg your pardon, for it is you must know. You are to understand,
that now is the time to fix or alienate your husband's heart for ever;
and I fear you have been a little indiscreet in your expressions or
behaviour towards him, even here in my house." "There has," says she,
"been some words; but I will be judged by you if he was not in the
wrong: nay, I need not be judged by anybody, for he gave it up himself,
and said not a word when he saw me grow passionate but, 'Madam, you are
perfectly in the right of it:' as you shall judge--" "Nay, madam," said
I, "I am judge already, and tell you that you are perfectly in the wrong
of it; for if it was a matter of importance, I know he has better sense
than you; if a trifle, you know what I told you on your wedding day,
that you were to be above little provocations." She knows very well I
can be sour upon occasion, therefore gave me leave to go on.
"Sister," said I, "I will not enter into the dispute between you, which
I find his prudence put an end to before it came to extremity; but
charge you to have a care of the first quarrel, as you tender your
happiness; for then it is that the mind will reflect harshly upon every
circumstance that has ever passed between you. If such an accident
is ever to happen, which I hope never will, be sure to keep the
circumstance before you; make no allusions to what is passed, or
conclusions referring to what is to come; do not show a hoard of matter
for dissension in your breast; but, if it is necessary, lay before
him the thing as you understand it, candidly, without being ashamed
of acknowledging an error, or proud of being in the right. If a young
couple be not careful in this point they will get into a habit of
wrangling; and when to displease is thought of no consequence, to please
is always of as little moment. There is a play, Jenny, I have formerly
been at when I was a student; we got into a dark corner with a
porringer of brandy, and threw raisins into it, then set it on fire. My
chamber-fellow and I diverted ourselves with the sport of venturing our
fingers for the raisins; and the wantonness of the thing was to see each
other look like a demon, as we burnt ourselves, and snatched out the
fruit. This fantastical mirth was called Snap-Dragon. You may go into
many a family, where you see the man and wife at this sport: every word
at their table alludes to some passage between themselves; and you see
by the paleness and emotion in their countenances that it is for your
sake and not their own that they forbear playing out the whole game in
burning each other's fingers. In this case, the whole purpose of life
is inverted, and the ambition turns upon a certain contention, who shall
contradict best, and not upon an inclination to excel in kindnesses
and good offices. Therefore, dear Jenny, remember me, and avoid
Snap-Dragon."
"I thank you, brother," said she, "but you do not know how he loves
me; I find I can do anything with him."--"If you can so, why should
you desire to do anything but please him? But I have a word or two more
before you go out of the room; for I see you do not like the subject I
am upon: let nothing provoke you to fall upon an imperfection he cannot
help; for, if he has a resenting spirit, he will think your aversion as
immovable as the imperfection with which you upbraid him. But above all,
dear Jenny, be careful of one thing, and you will be something more than
woman; that is, a levity you are almost all guilty of, which is, to
take a pleasure in your power to give pain. It is even in a mistress
an argument of meanness of spirit, but in a wife it is injustice and
ingratitude. When a sensible man once observes this in a woman, he must
have a very great, or very little, spirit to overlook it. A woman ought,
therefore, to consider very often how few men there are who will regard
a meditated offence as a weakness of temper."
I was going on in my confabulation, when Tranquillus entered. She cast
all her eyes upon him with much shame and confusion, mixed with great
complacency and love, and went up to him. He took her in his arms, and
looked so many soft things at one glance that I could see he was glad
I had been talking to her, sorry she had been troubled, and angry at
himself that he could not disguise the concern he was in an hour before.
After which he says to me, with an air awkward enough, but methought not
unbecoming, "I have altered my mind, brother; we will live upon you
a day or two longer." I replied, "That is what I have been persuading
Jenny to ask of you, but she is resolved never to contradict your
inclination, and refused me."
We were going on in that way which one hardly knows how to express; as
when two people mean the same thing in a nice case, but come at it by
talking as distantly from it as they can; when very opportunely came in
upon us an honest, inconsiderable fellow, Tim Dapper, a gentleman well
known to us both. Tim is one of those who are very necessary, by being
very inconsiderable. Tim dropped in at an incident when we knew not how
to fall into either a grave or a merry way. My sister took this occasion
to make off, and Dapper gave us an account of all the company he had
been in to-day, who was, and who was not at home, where he visited. This
Tim is the head of a species: he is a little out of his element in this
town; but he is a relation of Tranquillus, and his neighbour in the
country, which is the true place of residence for this species. The
habit of a Dapper, when he is at home, is a light broad-cloth, with
calamanco or red waistcoat and breeches; and it is remarkable that their
wigs seldom hide the collar of their coats. They have always a peculiar
spring in their arms, a wriggle in their bodies, and a trip in their
gait. All which motions they express at once in their drinking, bowing
or saluting ladies; for a distant imitation of a forward fop, and a
resolution to overtop him in his way, are the distinguishing marks of a
Dapper. These under-characters of men are parts of the sociable world by
no means to be neglected: they are like pegs in a building; they make
no figure in it, but hold the structure together, and are as absolutely
necessary as the pillars and columns. I am sure we found it so this
morning; for Tranquillus and I should, perhaps, have looked cold at each
other the whole day, but Dapper fell in, with his brisk way, shook us
both by the hand, rallied the bride, mistook the acceptance he met
with amongst us for extraordinary perfection in himself, and heartily
pleased, and was pleased, all the while he stayed. His company left us
all in good humour, and we were not such fools as to let it sink before
we confirmed it by great cheerfulness and openness in our carriage the
whole evening.