From my own Apartment, November 7, 1709.
I was very much surprised this evening with a visit from one of the top
Toasts of the town, who came privately in a chair, and bolted into my
room, while I was reading a chapter of Agrippa upon the occult sciences;
but, as she entered with all the air and bloom that nature ever bestowed
on woman, I threw down the conjurer, and met the charmer. I had no
sooner placed her at my right hand by the fire, but she opened to me the
reason of her visit. "Mr. Bickerstaff," said the fine creature, "I have
been your correspondent some time, though I never saw you before; I have
written by the name of Maria. You have told me you were too far gone
in life to think of love. Therefore, I am answered as to the passion I
spoke of; and," continued she, smiling, "I will not stay till you grow
young again, as you men never fail to do in your dotage, but am come to
consult you about disposing of myself to another. My person you see; my
fortune is very considerable; but I am at present under much perplexity
how to act in a great conjuncture. I have two lovers, Crassus and Lorio;
Crassus is prodigiously rich, but has no one distinguishing quality;
though at the same time he is not remarkable on the defective side.
Lorio has travelled, is well bred, pleasant in discourse, discreet
in his conduct, agreeable in his person; and, with all this, he has a
competency of fortune without superfluity. When I consider Lorio, my
mind is filled with an idea of the great satisfactions of a pleasant
conversation. When I think of Crassus, my equipage, numerous servants,
gay liveries, and various dresses, are opposed to the charms of his
rival. In a word when I cast my eyes upon Lorio, I forget and despise
fortune; when I behold Crassus, I think only of pleasing my vanity, and
enjoying an uncontrolled expense in all the pleasures of life, except
love." She paused here.
"Madam," said I, "I am confident that you have not stated your case with
sincerity, and that there is some secret pang which you have concealed
from me; for I see by your aspect the generosity of your mind; and that
open, ingenuous air lets me know that you have too great a sense of the
generous passion of love to prefer the ostentation of life in the arms
of Crassus to the entertainments and conveniences of it in the company
of your beloved Lorio: for so he is indeed, madam; you speak his name
with a different accent from the rest of your discourse. The idea his
image raises in you gives new life to your features, and new grace to
your speech. Nay, blush not, madam; there is no dishonour in loving a
man of merit. I assure you, I am grieved at this dallying with yourself,
when you put another in competition with him, for no other reason but
superior wealth."--"To tell you, then," said she, "the bottom of my
heart, there is Clotilda lies by, and plants herself in the way of
Crassus, and I am confident will snap him if I refuse him. I cannot bear
to think that she will shine above me. When our coaches meet, to see
her chariot hung behind with four footmen, and mine with but two: hers,
powdered, gay, and saucy, kept only for show; mine, a couple of careful
rogues that are good for something: I own I cannot bear that Clotilda
should be in all the pride and wantonness of wealth, and I only in the
ease and affluence of it."
Here I interrupted: "Well, madam, now I see your whole affliction; you
could be happy, but that you fear another would be happier. Or
rather, you could be solidly happy, but that another is to be happy
in appearance. This is an evil which you must get over, or never know
happiness. We will put the case, madam, that you married Crassus, and
she Lorio." She answered: "Speak not of it; I could tear her eyes out at
the mention of it."--"Well, then, I pronounce Lorio to be the man; but
I must tell you that what we call settling in the world is, in a kind,
leaving it; and you must at once resolve to keep your thoughts of
happiness within the reach of your fortune, and not measure it by
comparison with others."