which drew great shoals of spectators about it, who read the bill that
it introduced with unspeakable curiosity; and when they were sick, would
have nobody but this learned man for their physician.
I once received an advertisement of one "who had studied thirty years
by candle-light for the good of his countrymen." He might have studied
twice as long by daylight and never have been taken notice of. But
elucubrations cannot be over-valued. There are some who have gained
themselves great reputation for physic by their birth, as the "seventh
son of a seventh son," and others by not being born at all, as the
unborn doctor, who I hear is lately gone the way of his patients, having
died worth five hundred pounds per annum, though he was not born to a
halfpenny.
My ingenious friend, Doctor Saffold, succeeded my old contemporary,
Doctor Lilly, in the studies both of physic and astrology, to which
he added that of poetry, as was to be seen both upon the sign where he
lived, and in the pills which he distributed. He was succeeded by Doctor
Case, who erased the verses of his predecessor out of the sign-post, and
substituted in their stead two of his own, which were as follow:--
"Within this place
Lives Doctor Case."
He is said to have got more by this distich than Mr. Dryden did by all
his works. There would be no end of enumerating the several imaginary
perfections and unaccountable artifices by which this tribe of men
ensnare the minds of the vulgar and gain crowds of admirers. I have seen
the whole front of a mountebank's stage from one end to the other,
faced with patents, certificates, medals, and great seals, by which the
several princes of Europe have testified their particular respect and
esteem for the doctor. Every great man with a sounding title has been
his patient. I believe I have seen twenty mountebanks that have given
physic to the Czar of Muscovy. The Great Duke of Tuscany escapes no
better. The Elector of Brandenburg was likewise a very good patient.
This great condescension of the doctor draws upon him much good-will
from his audience; and it is ten to one but if any of them be troubled
with an aching tooth, his ambition will prompt him to get it drawn by a
person who has had so many princes, kings, and emperors under his hands.
I must not leave this subject without observing that, as physicians are
apt to deal in poetry, apothecaries endeavour to recommend themselves
by oratory, and are therefore, without controversy, the most eloquent
persons in the whole British nation. I would not willingly discourage
any of the arts, especially that of which I am an humble professor; but
I must confess, for the good of my native country, I could wish there
might be a suspension of physic for some years, that our kingdom, which
has been so much exhausted by the wars, might have leave to recruit
itself.
As for myself, the only physic which has brought me safe to almost the
age of man, and which I prescribe to all my friends, is Abstinence. This
is certainly the best physic for prevention, and very often the most
effectual against a present distemper. In short, my recipe is "Take
nothing."
Were the body politic to be physicked like particular persons, I should
venture to prescribe to it after the same manner. I remember when our
whole island was shaken with an earthquake some years ago, there was
an impudent mountebank who sold pills, which, as he told the country
people, were "very good against an earthquake." It may, perhaps,
be thought as absurd to prescribe a diet for the allaying popular
commotions and national ferments. But I am verily persuaded that if in
such a case a whole people were to enter into a course of abstinence,
and eat nothing but water-gruel for a fortnight, it would abate the rage
and animosity of parties, and not a little contribute to the care of
a distracted nation. Such a fast would have a natural tendency to the
procuring of those ends, for which a fast is usually proclaimed. If any
man has a mind to enter on such a voluntary abstinence, it might not be
improper to give him the caution of Pythagoras in particular, Abstine a
fabis, "Abstain from beans," that is, say the interpreters, "Meddle not
with elections," beans having been made use of by the voters among the
Athenians in the choice of magistrates.