One shoe.
A pair of snuffers.
A French grammar.
A mourning hat-band; and half a bottle of usquebaugh.
There will be added to these goods, to make a complete auction, a
collection of gold snuff-boxes and clouded canes, which are to continue
in fashion for three months after the sale.
The whole are to be set up and prized by Charles Bubbleboy, who is to
open the auction with a speech.
I find I am so very unhappy, that, while I am busy in correcting the
folly and vice of one sex, several exorbitances break out in the other.
I have not thoroughly examined their new fashioned petticoats, but
shall set aside one day in the next week for that purpose. The following
petition on this subject was presented to me this morning:--
"The humble petition of William Jingle, Coach-maker and Chair-maker, of
the Liberty of Westminster:
"TO ISAAC BICKERSTAFF, ESQUIRE, CENSOR OF GREAT BRITAIN:
"Showeth,
"That upon the late invention of Mrs. Catharine Cross-stitch,
mantua-maker, the petticoats of ladies were too wide for entering into
any coach or chair, which was in use before the said invention.
"That for the service of the said ladies, your petitioner has built
a round chair, in the form of a lantern, six yards and a half in
circumference, with a stool in the centre of it: the said vehicle being
so contrived, as to receive the passenger by opening in two in the
middle, and closing mathematically when she is seated.
"That your petitioner has also invented a coach for the reception of one
lady only, who is to be let in at the top.
"That the said coach has been tried by a lady's woman in one of these
full petticoats, who was let down from a balcony, and drawn up again by
pulleys, to the great satisfaction of her lady, and all who behold her.
"Your petitioner, therefore, most humbly prays, that for the
encouragement of ingenuity and useful inventions, he may be heard before
you pass sentence upon the petticoats aforesaid.
"And your petitioner," etc.
I have likewise received a female petition, signed by several thousands,
praying that I would not any longer defer giving judgment in the case of
the petticoat, many of them having put off the making new clothes, till
such time as they know what verdict will pass upon it. I do, therefore,
hereby certify to all whom it may concern, that I do design to set apart
Tuesday next for the final determination of that matter, having already
ordered a jury of matrons to be impannelled, for the clearing up of any
difficult points that may arise in the trial.
*****
*** Being informed that several dead men in and about this city do keep
out of the way and abscond, for fear of being buried; and being willing
to respite their interment, in consideration of their families, and in
hopes of their amendment, I shall allow them certain privileged places,
where they may appear to one another, without causing any let or
molestation to the living, or receiving any, in their own persons, from
the company of Upholders. Between the hours of seven and nine in the
morning, they may appear in safety at Saint James's coffee-house, or at
White's, if they do not keep their beds, which is more proper for men in
their condition. From nine to eleven I allow them to walk from Story's
to Rosamond's pond in the Park or in any other public walks which are
not frequented by the living at that time. Between eleven and three they
are to vanish, and keep out of sight till three in the afternoon, at
which time they may go to 'Change till five; and then, if they please,
divert themselves at the Haymarket, or Drury Lane until the play begins.
It is further granted in favour of these persons, that they may be
received at any table, where there are more present than seven in
number: provided that they do not take upon them to talk, judge,
commend, or find fault with any speech, action, or behaviour of the
living. In which case it shall be lawful to seize their persons at
any place or hour whatsoever, and to convey their bodies to the
next undertaker's; anything in this advertisement to the contrary
notwithstanding.
*****
Sheer Lane, January 4.
The court being prepared for proceeding on the cause of the petticoat, I
gave orders to bring in a criminal, who was taken up as she went out
of the puppet-show about three nights ago, and was now standing in the
street, with a great concourse of people about her. Word was brought me
that she had endeavoured twice or thrice to come in, but could not do it
by reason of her petticoat, which was too large for the entrance of my
house, though I had ordered both the folding-doors to be thrown open for
its reception. Upon this, I desired the jury of matrons, who stood at my
right hand, to inform themselves whether there were any private reasons
why she might not make her appearance separate from her petticoat. This
was managed with great discretion, and had such an effect, that upon the
return of the verdict from the bench of matrons, I issued out an order
forthwith, "that the criminal should be stripped of her encumbrances
till she became little enough to enter my house." I had before given
directions for an engine of several legs that could contract or open
itself like the top of an umbrella, in order to place the petticoat upon
it, by which means I might take a leisurely survey of it, as it should
appear in its proper dimensions. This was all done accordingly; and
forthwith, upon the closing of the engine, the petticoat was brought
into court. I then directed the machine to be set upon the table
and dilated in such a manner as to show the garment in its utmost
circumference; but my great hall was too narrow for the experiment; for
before it was half unfolded, it described so immoderate a circle,
that the lower part of it brushed upon my face as I sat in my chair
of judicature. I then inquired for the person that belonged to the
petticoat; and to my great surprise, was directed to a very beautiful
young damsel, with so pretty a face and shape, that I bid her come out
of the crowd, and seated her upon a little crock at my left hand. "My
pretty maid," said I, "do you own yourself to have been the inhabitant
of the garment before us?" The girl, I found, had good sense, and told
me with a smile, that, "notwithstanding it was her own petticoat, she
should be very glad to see an example made of it; and that she wore it
for no other reason, but that she had a mind to look as big and burly as
other persons of her quality; that she had kept out of it as long as
she could, and till she began to appear little in the eyes of her
acquaintance; that, if she laid it aside, people would think she was not
made like other women." I always give great allowances to the fair sex
upon account of the fashion, and, therefore, was not displeased with
the defence of the pretty criminal. I then ordered the vest which stood
before us to be drawn up by a pulley to the top of my great hall, and
afterwards to be spread open by the engine it was placed upon, in such a
manner, that it formed a very splendid and ample canopy over our heads,
and covered the whole court of judicature with a kind of silken rotunda,
in its form not unlike the cupola of St. Paul's. I entered upon the
whole cause with great satisfaction as I sat under the shadow of it.
The counsel for the petticoat were now called in, and ordered to produce
what they had to say against the popular cry which was raised against
it. They answered the objections with great strength and solidity of
argument, and expatiated in very florid harangues, which they did not
fail to set off and furbelow, if I may be allowed the metaphor, with
many periodical sentences and turns of oratory. The chief arguments for
their client were taken, first, from the great benefit that might arise
to our woollen manufactory from this invention, which was calculated
as follows. The common petticoat has not above four yards in
the circumference; whereas this over our heads had more in the
semi-diameter; so that, by allowing it twenty-four yards in the
circumference, the five millions of woollen petticoats, which,
according to Sir William Petty, supposing what ought to be supposed in
a well-governed state, that all petticoats are made of that stuff, would
amount to thirty millions of those of the ancient mode: a prodigious
improvement of the woollen trade! and what could not fail to sink the
power of France in a few years.
To introduce the second argument, they begged leave to read a petition
of the ropemakers, wherein it was represented, "that the demand for
cords, and the price of them, were much risen since this fashion came
up." At this, all the company who were present lifted up their eyes into
the vault; and I must confess, we did discover many traces of cordage,
which were interwoven in the stiffening of the drapery.
A third argument was founded upon a petition of the Greenland trade,
which likewise represented the great consumption of whalebone which
would be occasioned by the present fashion, and the benefit which would
thereby accrue to that branch of the British trade.
To conclude, they gently touched upon the weight and unwieldiness of the
garment, which they insinuated might be of great use.
These arguments would have wrought very much upon me, as I then told
the company in a long and elaborate discourse, had I not considered
the great and additional expense which such fashions would bring upon
fathers and husbands; and, therefore, by no means to be thought of till
some years after a peace. I further urged, that it would be a prejudice
to the ladies themselves, who could never expect to have any money in
the pocket if they laid out so much on the petticoat.
At the same time, in answer to the several petitions produced on
that side, I showed one subscribed by the women of several persons of
quality, humbly setting forth, "that, since the introduction of this
mode, their respective ladies had, instead of bestowing on them their
cast gowns, cut them into shreds, and mixed them with the cordage and
buckram, to complete the stiffening of their under petticoats."
For which, and sundry other reasons, I pronounced the petticoat a
forfeiture; but to show that I did not make that judgment for the sake
of filthy lucre, I ordered it to be folded up, and sent it as a present
to a widow-gentlewoman who has five daughters, desiring she would make
each of them a petticoat out of it, and send me back the remainder,
which I design to cut into stomachers, caps, facings of my
waistcoat-sleeves, and other garnitures suitable to my age and quality.
I would not be understood that, while I discard this monstrous
invention, I am an enemy to the proper ornaments of the fair sex. On the
contrary, as the hand of nature has poured on them such a profusion
of charms and graces, and sent them into the world more amiable and
finished than the rest of her works; so I would have them bestow upon
themselves all the additional beauties that art can supply them with;
provided it does not interfere with disguise, or pervert those of
nature.
I consider woman as a beautiful romantic animal, that may be adorned
with furs and feathers, pearls and diamonds, ores and silks. The lynx
shall cast its skin at her feet to make her a tippet; the peacock,
parrot, and swan shall pay contributions to her muff; the sea shall be
searched for shells, and the rocks for gems; and every part of nature
furnish out its share towards the embellishment of a creature that is
the most consummate work of it. All this I shall indulge them in; but as
for the petticoat I have been speaking of, I neither can nor will allow
it.