From my own Apartment, October 25.
When I came home last night my servant delivered me the following
letter:
"SIR,
"I have orders from Sir Harry Quickset, of Staffordshire, Baronet, to
acquaint you that his honour Sir Harry himself, Sir Giles Wheelbarrow,
Knight, Thomas Rentfree, Esquire, Justice of the Quorum, Andrew
Windmill, Esquire, and Mr. Nicholas Doubt, of the Inner Temple, Sir
Harry's grandson, will wait upon you at the hour of nine to-morrow
morning, being Tuesday the twenty-fifth of October, upon business which
Sir Harry will impart to you by word of mouth. I thought it proper to
acquaint you beforehand so many persons of quality came, that you might
not be surprised therewith. Which concludes, though by many years'
absence since I saw you at Stafford, unknown, Sir, your most humble
servant,
"JOHN THRIFTY.
"October 24."
I received this message with less surprise than I believe Mr. Thrifty
imagined; for I knew the good company too well to feel any palpitations
at their approach; but I was in very great concern how I should adjust
the ceremonial, and demean myself to all these great men, who perhaps
had not seen anything above themselves for these twenty years last past.
I am sure that is the case of Sir Harry. Besides which, I was sensible
that there was a great point in adjusting my behaviour to the simple
esquire, so as to give him satisfaction and not disoblige the justice of
the quorum.
The hour of nine was come this morning, and I had no sooner set chairs,
by the steward's letter, and fixed my tea-equipage, but I heard a knock
at my door, which was opened, but no one entered; after which followed
a long silence, which was broke at last by, "Sir, I beg your pardon;
I think I know better," and another voice, "Nay, good Sir Giles--" I
looked out from my window, and saw the good company all with their hats
off and arms spread, offering the door to each other. After many offers,
they entered with much solemnity, in the order Mr. Thrifty was so kind
as to name them to me. But they are now got to my chamber-door, and I
saw my old friend Sir Harry enter. I met him with all the respect due
to so reverend a vegetable; for you are to know that is my sense of a
person who remains idle in the same place for half a century. I got him
with great success into his chair by the fire, without throwing down any
of my cups. The knight-bachelor told me "he had a great respect for my
whole family, and would, with my leave, place himself next to Sir Harry,
at whose right hand he had sat at every quarter-sessions these thirty
years, unless he was sick." The steward in the rear whispered the young
templar, "That is true to my knowledge." I had the misfortune, as
they stood cheek by jowl, to desire the esquire to sit down before the
justice of the quorum, to the no small satisfaction of the former, and
resentment of the latter. But I saw my error too late, and got them as
soon as I could into their seats. "Well," said I, "gentlemen, after I
have told you how glad I am of this great honour, I am to desire you to
drink a dish of tea." They answered one and all, "that they never drank
tea in a morning." "Not in a morning!" said I, staring round me; upon
which the pert jackanapes, Nic Doubt, tipped me the wink, and put out
his tongue at his grandfather. Here followed a profound silence, when
the steward in his boots and whip proposed, "that we should adjourn to
some public house, where everybody might call for what they pleased, and
enter upon the business." We all stood up in an instant, and Sir Harry
filed off from the left, very discreetly, countermarching behind the
chairs towards the door. After him Sir Giles in the same manner. The
simple esquire made a sudden start to follow, but the justice of the
quorum whipped between upon the stand of the stairs. A maid, going up
with coals, made us halt, and put us into such confusion that we stood
all in a heap, without any visible possibility of recovering our order;
for the young jackanapes seemed to make a jest of this matter, and had
so contrived, by pressing amongst us under pretence of making way,
that his grandfather was got into the middle, and he knew nobody was of
quality to stir a step till Sir Harry moved first. We were fixed in this
perplexity for some time, till we heard a very loud noise in the street,
and Sir Harry asking what it was, I, to make them move, said it was
fire. Upon this, all ran down as fast as they could, without order or
ceremony, till we got into the street, where we drew up in very good
order, and filed off down Sheer Lane; the impertinent templar driving us
before him as in a string, and pointing to his acquaintance who passed
by.
I must confess I love to use people according to their own sense of good
breeding, and therefore whipped in between the justice and the simple
esquire. He could not properly take this ill, but I overheard him
whisper the steward, "that he thought it hard that a common conjuror
should take place of him, though an elder esquire." In this order we
marched down Sheer Lane, at the upper end of which I lodge.
When we came to Temple Bar, Sir Harry and Sir Giles got over, but a run
of coaches kept the rest of us on this side the street. However, we all
at last landed, and drew up in very good order before Ben Tooke's shop,
who favoured our rallying with great humanity; from whence we proceeded
again till we came to Dick's coffee-house, where I designed to carry
them. Here we were at our old difficulty, and took up the street
upon the same ceremony. We proceeded through the entry, and were so
necessarily kept in order by the situation, that we were now got into
the coffee-house itself, where, as soon as we arrived we repeated our
civilities to each other, after which, we marched up to the high table,
which has an ascent to it enclosed in the middle of the room. The whole
house was alarmed at this entry, made up of persons of so much state and
rusticity. Sir Harry called for a mug of ale and Dyer's Letter. The boy
brought the ale in an instant, but said they did not take in the Letter.
"No!" says Sir Harry, "then take back your mug; we are like indeed to
have good liquor at this house!" Here the templar tipped me a second
wink, and, if I had not looked very grave upon him, I found he was
disposed to be very familiar with me. In short, I observed after a long
pause, that the gentlemen did not care to enter upon business till after
their morning draught, for which reason I called for a bottle of mum,
and finding that had no effect upon them, I ordered a second and a
third, after which Sir Harry reached over to me and told me in a low
voice, "that the place was too public for business, but he would call
upon me again to-morrow morning at my own lodgings, and bring some more
friends with him."