PHONOGRAPH, n. An irritating toy that restores life to dead noises.
PHOTOGRAPH, n. A picture painted by the sun without instruction in
art. It is a little better than the work of an Apache, but not quite
so good as that of a Cheyenne.
PHRENOLOGY, n. The science of picking the pocket through the scalp.
It consists in locating and exploiting the organ that one is a dupe
with.
PHYSICIAN, n. One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs
when well.
PHYSIOGNOMY, n. The art of determining the character of another by
the resemblances and differences between his face and our own, which
is the standard of excellence.
"There is no art," says Shakespeare, foolish man,
"To read the mind's construction in the face."
The physiognomists his portrait scan,
And say: "How little wisdom here we trace!
He knew his face disclosed his mind and heart,
So, in his own defence, denied our art."