[Illustration]
OLD STYLE.--_Nervous Witness about to leave the box, when
his progress is arrested by Counsel on the other side._
_Counsel_ (_sharply_). Now, Sir, do you know the value of an oath?
_Witness_ (_taken aback_). Why, yes--of course.
_Coun._ (_pointing at him_). Come, no prevarication! Do you understand
the value, or do you not?
_Wit._ (_confused_). If you will allow me to explain--?
_Coun._ Come, Sir, you surely can answer Yes or No--now which is it?
_Wit._ But you will not let me explain--
_Coun._ Don't be impertinent, Sir! Explanation is unneeded. Mind, you
have been sworn, so if you _don't_ know the value of an oath, it will
be the worse for you.
_Wit._ But you won't let me speak.
_Coun._ Won't let you speak! Why, I can't get a word out of you. Now,
Sir--in plain English--are you a liar or not?
_Wit._ (_appealing to Judge_). Surely, my Lord, he has no right to
speak to me like this?
_Judge_. Be good enough to answer the Counsel's questions. I have
nothing to do with it.
_Coun._ Now, Sir--once more; are you a liar, or are you not?
_Wit._ I don't think that's the way to speak to me--
_Coun._ Don't bully me, Sir! You are here to tell us the truth, or as
much of it as you can.
_Wit._ But surely you ought to--
_Coun._ Don't tell me what I ought to do, Sir. Again; are you a liar,
or are you not?
_Wit._ Please tell me how I am to reply to such a question?
_Coun._ You are not there to ask me questions, Sir, but to answer _my_
questions to _you_.
_Wit._ Well. I decline to reply.
_Judge_ (_to Witness_). Now you had better be careful. If you do not
answer the questions put to you, it will be within my right to send
you to gaol for contempt of Court.
_Coun._ Now you hear what his Lordship says, and now, once more, are
you a liar, or are you not?
_Wit._ (_confused_). I don't know.
_Coun._ (_to Jury_). He doesn't know! I need ask nothing further!
[_Sits down._
_Foreman_ (_to Judge_). May we not ask, my Lord, how you consider this
case is being conducted?
_Judge_. With pleasure. Gentlemen! I will repeat what I remarked to
the Master quite recently. I think the only word that will describe
the matter is "noble." Distinctly noble!
[_Scene closes in upon despair of Witness._
NEW STYLE.--_Arrogant Witness about to leave the box, when
his progress is arrested by Counsel on the other side._
_Coun._ I presume. Sir, that--
_Wit._ (_sharply_). You have no right to presume. Ask me what you
want, and have done with it.
_Coun._ (_amiably_). I think we shall get on better--more quickly--if
you kindly attend to my questions.
_Wit._ Think so? Well, it's a matter of opinion. But, as I have
an engagement in another place, be good enough to ask what you are
instructed to ask, and settle the matter off-hand.
_Coun._ If you will allow me to speak--
_Wit._ Speak!--I like that! Why I can't get a rational word out of
you!
_Coun._ (_appealing to Judge_). Surely, my Lord, he has no right to
speak to me like this?
_Judge_. Be good enough to attend to the Witness. I have nothing to do
with it.
_Wit._ (_impatiently_). Now, Sir, am I to wait all day?
_Coun._ (_mildly_). I really venture to suggest that is not quite the
tone to adopt.
_Wit._ Don't bully me, Sir! I am here to answer any questions you like
to put, always supposing that you have any worth answering.
_Coun._ But come--surely you ought to--
_Wit._ I am not here to learn my duty from you, Sir. You don't know
your subject, Sir. How long have you been called?
_Coun._ I decline to reply.
_Judge_ (_to Counsel_). Now you had really better be careful. I wish
to treat the Bar with every respect, but if you waste any more time
I shall feel strongly inclined to bring your conduct before your
Benchers.
_Wit._ You hear what his Lordship says. What are you going to do next?
_Coun._ (_confused_). I don't know.
_Wit._ (_to Jury_). He doesn't know! I needn't stay here any longer.
[_"Stands" down._
_Judge_ (_to Jury_). May I ask you, Gentlemen, how you consider this
case is being conducted?
_Foreman of the Jury_. With pleasure, my Lord. We were all using
the same word which exactly describes the situation. We consider the
deportment of the Witness "noble." Distinctly noble.
[_Scene closes in upon despair of Counsel._
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