MANNERS.
Miss Sedgwick on good manners. Her complaint. Just views of good
manners. Good manners as the natural accompaniment of a good heart. The
Bible the best book on manners. Illustrations of the subject.
Miss Sedgwick, in her "Means and Ends," has treated the subject of
Manners in a happier way than any other writer with whom I am
acquainted. Perhaps her views are already familiar to most of my
readers; but lest they should not be so, and on account of their
excellency, I propose to give a brief abstract of some of them.
She complains, in the first place, that manners are too often
considered as certain forms to be taught, or certain modes of conduct
for which rules are to be made: and observes that some of the Greek
states maintained professors to teach manners; in connection with which
she immediately adds the following paragraph:
"Is this making manners a distinct branch of education consistent with
their nature? Are they not the sign of inward qualities--a fitting
expression of the social virtues? Are they not a mirror which often
does, and always should, reflect the soul? For instance, is not a
person of mild temper, gentle in manners? Has not another a bold and
independent disposition, a forward and fearless manner? It has been
well said, that real elegance of demeanor springs from the mind;
fashionable schools do but teach its imitation."
Here she quotes, with apparent approbation, the views of Mr. Locke.
This writer, in speaking of the moral education of a young person, has
the following paragraph:
"If his tender mind be filled with veneration for his parents and
teachers, which consists in love and esteem, and a fear to offend them,
and with respect and good will to all people, that respect will of
itself teach _those ways_ which he observes to be most acceptable."
Miss Sedgwick also makes the following judicious remarks:
"I pray you to bear in mind, that manners are but manifestations of
character. I must premise that by manners I do not mean the polished
manners of the most highly educated and refined of other countries, nor
the deferential subservience of their debased classes--so pleasing to
those who prefer the homage to the friendship of their fellow creatures.
"Manners, like every thing else in one's character and conduct, should
be based on religion. Honor all men, says the apostle. This is the
spring of good manners. It strikes at the very root of selfishness. It
is the principle by which we render to all ranks and ages their due. A
respect for your fellow beings, a reverence for them as God's creatures
and our brethren, will inspire that delicate regard to their rights and
feelings, of which good manners is the sign.
"If you have truth--not the truth of policy, but religious truth--your
manners will be sincere. They will have earnestness, simplicity and
frankness--the best qualities of manners. They will be free from
assumption, pretence, affectation, flattery and obsequiousness, which
are all incompatible with sincerity. If you have a goodly sincerity,
you will choose to appear no other nor better than you are--to dwell in
a true light."
I have often insisted that the Bible contains the only rules necessary
in the study of politeness--or in other words, that those who are the
real disciples of Christ, cannot fail to be truly polite. Nor have I
any reason for recalling this opinion; from which that of Miss Sedgwick
does not materially differ.
Not that the same forms will be observed by every follower of Christ,
in manifesting his politeness; all I insist on is, that every one will
be truly polite. Let me illustrate my views in a very plain manner.
Suppose a wandering female, clad in the meanest apparel, calls at a
house, to inquire the way to the next inn, having just found the road
to divide or fork in, a very doubtful and difficult manner. Suppose
there are no persons in the house, but half a dozen females. These, we
will also suppose, are persons of real piety and true benevolence. What
does true politeness require of them, but to give the stranger, in a
gentle and affectionate manner, the necessary information?
But if every one is ready to perform the office which true politeness
would dictate--and is consequently truly polite--there will probably be
as many ways of manifesting these feelings, as there are individuals
present in the company.
One, for example, will give the stranger the best directions she can
without leaving the room; but will be in all respects exceedingly
particular. Another will go to the door, and there give the same
directions. A third will go with her into the street, and there
instruct her. A fourth will go with her to the first or second fork of
the road, and there give further directions. A fifth will send a boy
with her. A sixth will sketch the road plainly, though coarsely, with a
pencil; and mark, in a proper manner, the course she ought to pursue.
Each one will instruct her in an intelligent manner, so that there can
hardly remain the possibility of a mistake; but we see that there will
be a considerable difference in the form.
It may be said in reply to this view of politeness, that there are
genuine disciples of Christ, who, from ignorance of what they ought to
do, or from bad habits not yet subdued, will not in such a case as I
have described, render any assistance at all; and that they cannot, of
course, be truly polite. To which I have only to reply, that such a
thing can hardly happen; and if it should, the spirit of Christianity
would not lead to it--but it would be the result, rather, of a want of
that spirit.
In short, let the young woman who would be truly polite, take her
lessons, not in the school of a hollow, heartless world, but in the
school of Jesus Christ. I know this counsel may be despised by the gay
and fashionable; but it will be much easier to despise it than to prove
it to be incorrect.
"Always think of the good of the whole, rather than of your own
individual convenience," says Mrs. Farrar, in her Young Ladies' Friend:
a most excellent rule, and one to which I solicit your earnest
attention. She who is thoroughly imbued with the gospel spirit, will
not fail to do so. It was what our Saviour did continually; and I have
no doubt that his was the purest specimen of good manners, or genuine
politeness, the world has ever witnessed--the politeness of Abraham
himself not excepted.