SELF-COMMAND.
Presence of mind. Examples. Napoleon. Female example. Mrs. Merrill. Use
of the anecdote. Self-command to be cultivated. In what manner Consult
the experience of others. Consult your own reason and good sense. Daily
practice in the art of self-command.
I was, at first, disposed to call this chapter Presence of Mind; but
for various reasons, I have chosen to call it by another name--that of
Self-Command.
To acquire the art of properly commanding ourselves, in all
circumstances--especially in the most trying emergencies, and at a
moment of danger, when not a minute, perhaps not a second, should be
lost--is as difficult as it is important to every person; and to none
perhaps more so, than to young women. Not that their trials of this
sort will be more frequent than those of other people; but because the
usual course of their education is such as to prepare them but poorly
to meet those which fall to their lot.
It is said that Napoleon was greatly distinguished for the trait of
character of which I am now speaking. But there are also numerous.
examples of self-command in females on record. I will relate one.
Some thirty or forty years ago, when the Indians had not yet done
making depredations on the inhabitants of our then frontier states,
Kentucky and Ohio, a band of these savage men came to the door of a
house in Nelson county, Ky., and having shot down the father of the
little family within, who had incautiously opened the door, they
attempted to rush in and put to death the defenceless and unoffending
mother and her children. But Mrs. Merrill--for that was the name of the
heroic woman--had much of that self-command, or presence of mind, which
was now so needful. She drew her wounded husband into the house, closed
the door and barred it as quickly as possible, so that the Indians
could not enter at once, and then proceeded to the defence of "her
castle," and all those in it whom she held dear.
The Indians had soon hewed away a part of the door, so that they could
force themselves in, one by one, but not very rapidly. This slow mode
of entrance gave time to Mrs. M. to despatch them with an axe, and drag
them in; so that before those without were aware of the fate of those
inside, she had, with a little assistance from her husband, formed
quite a pile of dead bodies within and around the door; and even the
little children, half dead though they at first were with fear, had
gradually begun to recover from their fright.
The Indians, finding their party so rapidly disappearing, at length
began to suspect what was their fate, and accordingly gave up their
efforts in that direction. They now attempted to descend into the house
by way of the chimney. The united wisdom and presence of mind of the
family was again put in requisition, and they emptied upon the fire the
contents of a feather bed, which brought down, half smothered, those
Indians that were in the chimney, who were also soon and easily
despatched. The remainder of the party, now very much reduced in
numbers, became quite discouraged, and concluded it was best to retire.
I have not related this story because I suppose any of my readers will
ever be tried in this particular manner. Many of them, however, may be
placed in circumstances exceedingly trying; and their lives and those
of others may depend on a little presence of mind.
Suppose, now, that Mrs. M., instead of dragging her wounded husband
into the house and fastening the door, had stood still and screamed; or
suppose she had fainted, or run away; what would have been the result?
We do not know, it is true; but we know enough of the Indian mode of
warfare to see that no condition could well be more perilous.
It cannot be denied that the large share of nervous sensibility which
is allotted to the female constitution, peculiarly unfits woman for
scenes of blood, like that to which I have alluded. And yet we see what
can be done, as a last resort. [Footnote: Some persons object to the
detail or such a scene of murder as this, even as an illustration of an
important principle. They dislike to present such things to the
youthful mind; and so do I. But it should be remembered that this book
is not for mere children, but rather for young women; and is therefore
less objectionable than if it were written for persons much younger.]
But if most females were fitted for trying emergencies, as I doubt not
they could be, how much better they could meet the more common
accidents and dangers to which human existence is daily more or less
liable. And ought they not to be thus fitted?
Do you ask how item be done? This is precisely the question I should
expect would be asked by those who have a strong desire for
improvement. It is a work that is at present chiefly left undone, both
by parents and teachers, and yet hundreds of lives are lost every year
for the want of it; and hundreds of others are likely to be lost in the
same way every year for many years to come, unless the work is taken up
as a work of importance, and studied with as much zeal as grammar, or
geography, or botany, or mathematics.
It is a most pitiable sight to see a young woman, twelve, fifteen, or
it may be eighteen years of age, left to take care of a babe, suffer
its clothes to get on fire by some accident, and then, without the
least particle of self-command, only jump up and down and scream, till
the child is burnt to death; or what perhaps is still worse, rush out
for relief, leaving the door wide open to let through a current of air
to hasten the work of destruction.
Equally distressing and pitiable is it, to see females, young or old,
losing all presence of mind the moment a horse takes fright, or a gale
of wind capsizes the vessel in which they are travelling, and by their
erratic movements, depriving themselves of the only opportunity which
remains to them, of saving themselves or of assisting to save others.
But the question recurs--How can these evils be prevented? In what way
can our young women be taught--or in what way can they be induced to
teach themselves--the important art of commanding themselves, on all
occasions, and in all emergencies?
An aged but excellent minister of the gospel with whom I had the honor
and the pleasure of being intimately acquainted, once said, that the
only way of being prepared for the sudden accidents of life--by being
able to keep cool and possess our souls in peace--was to think on the
subject often, and consider what we would do, should such and such
accidents occur.
Thus we should consider often what we ought to do, if a horse in a
carriage should run away with us; if we should awake and find the house
on fire over our heads--what to be done, if we were in this room or in
that, &c.; if our clothes should take fire; if we should be burnt or
scalded--what to be done, if scalded with water, and what, if with
milk, oil, or any other substance; [Footnote: A very small portion of
chemical knowledge is sufficient to teach any person that the falling
of a quantity of boiling oil or fat on any part of the body, will cause
a deeper and more dangerous burn, than the same quantity of boiling
water applied in the same manner; and consequently, will require very
different treatment. Water boils at 212 degrees of Fahrenheit; oil at
about 600.--I have entered minutely into this subject in my work
entitled "The Mother in her Family" chapters xxiv. xxv. and xxvi] if a
child should fall into a well, be kicked by a horse, be seized by
convulsions, or break or dislocate a limb, &c.
It will be asked, I know, of what avail it is to think over and over
what should be done, without the instructions, either of experience or
science. But we can have these instructions, to some extent, whenever
we seek after them. The great trouble is, we are not in the habit of
seeking for them; and what we do not seek, we rarely, if ever, find.
There are around every young woman, those whose judgment is worth
something in this matter. It is not always the old--though it is more
generally such. There are those who live in the world almost half a
century without learning any thing; and there are also those who become
wise in a quarter of a century. The wise, whatever may be their age,
are the persons for you to consult; and the older such persons are, the
better--because the greater is likely to be their wisdom. The truly
wise, are always growing wiser; it is the fool alone who remains
stationary. Wise and observing friends will probably tell you--or at
least relate anecdotes to you, from which you may gather the
conclusion--that when the clothes of a child have caught fire, you may
often smother the flame by wrapping him instantly in a thick woollen
blanket:--that it is seldom entirely safe to open the doors into an
adjoining room--at least without great caution--when the house which we
are in is discovered to be on fire; but the best way, as a general
rule, is, to escape by the scuttle, if there be one, or by a ladder, or
by letting ourselves down to the ground, if the distance is not too
great, through the windows. This last is often the best way, though not
always the most expeditious one. Many sleep with a rope in their
bed-rooms to tie to the bed-post, as a means of letting themselves
down, should there be occasion; while others rely on the
bed-clothes--to make a rope of them by tying several articles together.
But it was no part of my purpose, in this work, to direct to the
appropriate methods of saving ourselves or our friends from harm, in
case of accidents or emergencies; but only to point to the subject, and
leave the reader to pursue it. The intelligent young woman who sets
about gaining the habit of self-command, will not only consult the
experience of others, but observe, and reflect, and reason on the case,
herself. She will often originate plans and means of escape, in places
and, circumstances of danger, which she would not gain from others in a
hundred or a thousand years.
There is one other means of improvement in the art of self-command, on
which I do not know that any writer on the subject has dwelt with much
earnestness. And yet it is as plain and simple as can be. It is to make
the most of every little accident or emergency that actually overtakes
or surprises us. I know from personal experience, that a great deal may
be done in this way. There are those who, though they were formerly
frightened half out of their senses, at the sudden sight of a harmless
snake, have brought themselves, by dint of long effort, to so much
presence of mind, as only to start a little at first--and to be as
calm, and composed, and self-possessed, in a few seconds afterward, as
if nothing had happened. And the same presence of mind may be obtained
in other surprises or emergencies. Besides, she who is learning to
command herself at sight of a snake or a dog; is at the same time
acquiring the power to command herself in any other circumstances where
self-command may be necessary.
I wish the principle indicated by the last statement were more
generally perceived. I wish it were distinctly understood, that what we
want is, to gain the habit of self-command in all circumstances, rather
than to be able to work ourselves up to a proper state of feeling in
particular cases; and that this habit is to be acquired by frequent
familiar conversation on the subject, and by daily practice in the
continually recurring small matters of life. It is, indeed, in
governing ourselves in these small matters--which recur so frequently,
and are regarded as so trifling as to have not only no moral character
in themselves, but no influence in the formation of character--that the
art to which I am now directing your attention, is to be chiefly
acquired. They who defer the work till some larger or more striking
emergency arrives, will not be likely to make much progress; for they
begin at the wrong end of the matter. They begin exactly where they
ought to end.