SELF-GOVERNMENT.
What self-government includes. Cheerfulness a duty. Discretion.
Modesty. Diffidence. Courage. Vigilance. Thoughts and feelings. The
affections. The temper. The appetites and passions.
This is so broad a subject that I shall present my thoughts concerning
it under several different heads. It includes, in my estimation, the
government of the THOUGHTS, the IMAGINATION, the TEMPER, the
AFFECTIONS, and the APPETITES. The young woman who truly governs
herself, will be at once _cheerful, discreet, modest, diffident,
vigilant, courageous, active, temperate_ and _happy_.
Cheerfulness.--Is cheerfulness within our power? some may be inclined
to ask. I certainly regard it so. That there are moments of our
lives--nay, even considerable seasons--when cheerfulness is not
required, may, indeed, be true. Our friends sicken and die, and we
mourn for them. This is a law of our nature. Even our Saviour was, at
times, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; though of all
individuals in the universe cheerfulness was his right. But he bore
more than his own sorrows; and in so far as his example is, in this
respect, binding upon us, it is only when we bear the sorrows of
others. Those should, indeed, often be borne; and in proportion as they
are borne--in proportion as we are wounded for the transgressions, and
bruised for the iniquities of others--it may not be possible for us to
be continually cheerful.
As for our own sorrows--the sufferings, the pangs, the bereavements of
our own existence--we should never cease to regard them, in some
measure, at least, as the chastisements of an Almighty Father. Smitten
friends, according to the sentiment of a distinguished poet, are
messengers of mercy to us--are sent on errands full of love.
"For us they sicken, and for us they die."
We should be at least resigned, even under such chastisements, when we
remember they are inflicted by a Father's hand.
But setting aside occasions of this kind, is there not a demand on our
whole nature, for general cheerfulness? It is not only the "sunshine of
the soul," but that of the body. The truly cheerful are not only
happier in their minds and spirits, but also in their very bodies. The
brain and nervous system play their part in the great drama of physical
life better; the heart, and stomach, and lungs, work better. Indeed,
all is better throughout.
Is not that a duty which is productive of so much happiness? But can
that be a duty which it is not in our power to perform? It were surely
an impeachment of the wisdom and goodness of God, did he require us, in
his providence or in his word--by his natural or his revealed law--to
do that of which we are incapable.
I consider cheerfulness, then, as a matter of duty; and, of course, as
in a great measure in our power. It makes us happier ourselves; it
enables us to reflect more happiness on others. I consider it
especially as a duty of the young, who have it in their power to
communicate happiness thereby in such large measure. Let them--let
young women especially--strive to cultivate it. It is in its nature a
perennial plant; and if it is not such at the present time, it is
because it has degenerated in a degenerate world. Let it be restored to
its pristine beauty; and let the world thereby--in connection with
other means tending to the same end--be restored to what it was before
the loss of Eden.
Discretion.--This is a virtue with which, it is supposed by some, the
young have little if any thing to do. I cannot assent to such an
opinion. I believe that the young are to be trained in the way they
should go; and as discretion is prominently a virtue of middle and
later life, I deem it desirable that we should see at least the germs
of it in the young.
Above all, do I like to see the young woman discreet. Discretion not
only heightens the pleasures of her existence, but adds greatly to her
reputation in the just estimation of the wise. Coupled with modesty, of
which I am to speak presently, it more than doubles her charms.
Let discretion then be studied. Let it be studied, too, for its
immediate as well as remote benefits. It will, indeed, bear fruit more
abundantly in later life; but it will not be without its value in
youth. It is a plant which it were worth while to cultivate, if human
existence were more frail, and life more uncertain of continuance than
it now is.
MODESTY.--Of all the qualities appropriate to young women, I know of
none which is more universally esteemed than modesty. And what has
been, by common consent, so highly esteemed, I cannot find it in my
heart to under-value. Indeed, I do not think it has ever been
over-valued, or that it can be.
I have been somewhat amused--not to say instructed--by the following
remarks on this trait of female character, from the pen of one who is,
not only a philosopher, but a physiologist. [Footnote: Alexander
Walker, the author of several British works connected with the subject
of physical education and physical improvement.] They are not the more
interesting, perhaps, because they are somewhat new; but neither are
they less so. As I have nothing else to say on this topic, which has
not been said a thousand times, I transcribe the more freely, the
thoughts of the author to whom I refer.
"Modesty establishes an equilibrium between the superiority of man and
the delicacy of woman; it enables woman to insure thereby for herself,
a supporter--a defender. And while man thus barters his protection for
love, woman is a match for his power; and the weaker, to a great
extent, governs the stronger."
"It is probable that modesty derives its cause in woman, from a certain
mistrust in her own merit, and from the fear of finding herself below
that very affection which she is capable of exciting, and of which she
is the object. ... Modesty compels her love to assume that form by
which nature has taught her so universally to express it--that of
gratitude, friendship, &c. ... Modesty is a means of attraction with
which nature inspires all females."
Under this head I will just add, that since by modesty the weaker
govern the stronger, it is of immense importance that woman should know
the true secret of maintaining her power and also by what means she is
likely to jeopardize that power. And without undertaking to determine
what shall be the precise rules of female action, and the precise
limits of the sphere within which the Author of her nature designed she
should move, is it not worth the serious inquiry, whether she does not,
as a general fact, lose influence the moment she departs widely from
the province which God in nature seems to have allotted her; when, like
a Woolstoncroft, or a Wright, or others still of less painful
notoriety, she mounts the rostrum, and becomes the centre of gaping,
perhaps admiring thousands of the other sex, as well as of her own. So
did not the excellent women of Galilee, eighteen hundred years ago;
although they were engaged, heart and hand, in a cause than which none
could be more glorious, or afford a greater triumph, especially to
their own sex. They probably knew too well their power, to endanger it
thus in the general scale; or if not, they probably yielded to the
impulses of a spirit which could direct them in a path more congenial
to their own nature, as well as on the whole more conducive to their
own emancipation, elevation and perfection.
DIFFIDENCE.--This trait, though nearly related to modesty, is far from
being the same thing, its character having been more frequently brought
in question than that of modesty. And yet it seems to me equally
valuable. It gilds what modesty graces; and polishes what modesty
improves.
Let not the reader confound modesty and bashfulness; for they are by no
means the same thing. Modesty is as much opposed to impudence as any
thing can be; and yet it is certain that impudence is often conjoined
with bashfulness. Not so often, to be sure, in the female sex, as in
our own; and yet such a phenomenon is occasionally witnessed, even in
woman.
Bashfulness is usually the result of too low an estimate of ourselves;
whereas, true diffidence only leads us to value ourselves according to
our real worth. Diffidence makes us humble, but bashfulness sometimes
makes us mean; at least, there is danger of it. It is, at all events,
of doubtful utility; and though I would not denounce or condemn it, I
would urge the young to endeavor to rise far above it.
But I repeat it--I would endeavor to cultivate and encourage every
thing which belongs to true diffidence. It will assist modesty in
performing her angelic office; and the influence of both, united, may
save from many a pang in this world, and perhaps prove a means, under
God, of preventing the sentence of condemnation in the world to come.
COURAGE.--By courage I do not mean that trait for which man is
constitutionally as much distinguished, as woman is for the want of it
I mean not a courage to meet and surmount physical difficulties, and
encounter outward and physical dangers. I mean, on the contrary, that
moral courage which is neither confined to sex nor condition.
Not that physical courage is to be despised, even by females. On the
contrary, I think it is a trait of character which is quite too much
neglected in female education. It is not only lamentable, but pitiable,
to see a female of twenty, thirty, or fifty years of age, shrinking at
the sight of a spider, or a toad, even when there is not the smallest
prospect of its coming within three yards of her. Nor is it as it
should be, when a young woman, already eighteen or twenty years of age,
has such a dread of pigs and cows, as to scream aloud at the sight of
one in a field, so well enclosed that it is not possible her safety
could be endangered were the animal ever so malicious. Such
unreasonable and foolish fears ought by no means to be encouraged; on
the contrary, she who finds herself a slave to them, ought to suppress
them as fast as possible.
This is, indeed, an important but much neglected part of female
education; and she who is a sufferer therefrom, will do well to derive
a hint from these pages. The unreasonable fears of which I speak, are
by no means confined to the sight of toads, or spiders, or pigs, or
cows. We find them more or less frequently, and in some form or other,
in nearly every family. Some are unreasonably afraid of dogs and
horses; others, of cats or snakes; others, again, of the dark, or of
being alone by night or by day.
Let me not be understood as saying that no tears are to be indulged, in
regard to any of these things; it is only an unreasonable and foolish
degree of fear, that should be guarded against. A cow or a horse
feeding quietly in a pasture, and separated from you by a stout fence,
which no animal in any ordinary circumstances is wont to leap, is not a
proper object of fear with a rational person over twelve years of age.
If a cow or horse is running at large in the highway, and appears
fearless of man, or furious, or if mad dogs are about, enough of fear
may reasonably be indulged to keep you from the streets, and confine
you to your home, unless you have suitable protection.
But as I have already said, it is _moral_ courage that I would inspire
in the young woman. She has patience, and perseverance, and
fortitude--why then may she not add to these, moral courage? What man
has done, man may do--has been a thousand times said; and the remark is
not less applicable to woman than to man. What woman has done, woman
may do. But woman, in numerous instances, has possessed moral courage.
She has been known, more than once, to "face a frowning world," or to
oppose some of its tyrant fashions. I could mention more than one who
has thus evinced true moral courage, and set her sex a glorious
example, which not a few of my readers might do well to follow.
Let woman dare to do right--whether fashionable or unfashionable. Let
her dare to do so in the smaller no less than in the larger matters of
life. Let her dare to obey God, and the laws of God, both natural and
revealed--both within and around her--rather than the laws of any man
or set of men. Let her do this, and she will evince true moral courage;
a courage as far surpassing the highest efforts of physical courage of
prowess, as right surpasses might; virtue, vice; or purity, impurity.
VIGILANCE.--The young woman who truly understands and practises the art
of self-government, will not only train herself to be at once cheerful,
discreet, modest, diffident and courageous; she will also be vigilant.
The largest ship may be sunk by a very small leak; and in like manner,
may the brightest and noblest character lose its lustre, unless the
possessor is ever on the watch. Let not the most perfect individual on
earth say, in the plenitude of his own power, and in the height of his
own assurance--"My mountain stands strong. I shall never be moved."
Such assurances of self-government and self-possession may be
proper--of course are so--in Him who is in his own nature perfect and
immutable--infinitely and eternally so; but not in a frail, mutable,
created man or woman--above all, in the young and inexperienced.
Pardon me, then, youthful reader, when I repeat the Scripture
cautions--"Be vigilant;" and "Let him who thinketh he standeth, take
heed lest he fall." It is easier to maintain the measure of
self-government we have already attained, and even to add to it, than
to recover what we have once lost.
THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS.--On this account, set a guard over the very
thoughts of your hearts. All sin begins in the desires of the heart and
the affections of the soul. There, in the deep recesses of the man, it
germinates. Let every imagination, then, which exalts itself unduly, be
brought low; and let the stream of thought and feeling be pure, and
perfect, and holy. Acquire the exceedingly important habit of confining
your thoughts and desires to those subjects which your judgment tells
you are lawful and proper--and which are not only lawful and proper in
general, but which are so at particular times and places. The wise man
says there is a time and season for every thing; and more than
intimates, that it is wisdom to confine every thing--thoughts and
feelings, no less than words and actions--to their own place and time,
respectively.
But to learn to think with _order,_ is one exceedingly important item
in the art of _governing_ our thoughts. Half the thought in the world
is of a mere random character. Men are but half men who have not yet
attained to the government of their thoughts and feelings.
THE AFFECTIONS.--Even these, as I have already said, can be controlled.
Were it not so, what meaning would there be in the gospel commands--so
incessantly repeated by the divine Author of the gospel--to love our
_enemies?_ On this subject--the regulation, and if I may so say, the
application of the affections--I intend to dwell at greater length
hereafter.
THE TEMPER.--Nothing is more unpleasant--slovenliness, perhaps,
excepted--than a bad temper. I beseech every one who is so unhappy as
to possess such a temper, to pay particular attention to what I am
about to say, on this interesting and important topic.
Some young women seem entirely to overlook the consequences of an ill
temper. These are numerous--too numerous to be mentioned in a single
chapter. I shall only say here, that such a temper is no less
destructive--in a slow way--to the health of the body, than it is to
the mental faculties and the affections.
Some suppose their ill temper to be constitutional, and this serves
them as an apology for neglecting to govern it. They seem to regard it
as so wrought into their very structure, that it will hardly be
possible ever to eradicate it. They are condemned by inheritance, as
they appear to suppose, to a perpetual war within--in which the most
they can hope for is an occasional victory.
Now let me tell every young woman who has imbibed this erroneous and
dangerous notion, that God has never suffered the command of her temper
to be placed beyond her reach. She may acquire the most perfect
self-command, even in this respect, if she will. Not in a moment, nor
in a day, it is true. The work may be the labor of months, or of years.
Still, the battle can be won: a permanent and final victory can be
achieved.
The very general idea, that single persons somewhat advanced in life,
especially females, become habitually impatient or ill tempered, has
too much truth for its foundation, though it is by no means universally
true. Nor is it ever necessary that it should be so, as I have
endeavored to show elsewhere.
I wish every young person could be induced to study deeply the causes
which operate on mankind to originate or perpetuate a bad temper. They
are numerous--exceedingly so. It is not necessary to charge much upon
our ancestors. The causes may much oftener be found within our own
minds and bodies, would we but look for them there. We harbor or
perhaps indulge a thousand unpleasant feelings from day to day, not
seeming to know, or at least to realize, that as small streams form
larger ones, so these first risings of anger lead to its more
out-breaking forms.
Not a few of the instances of irritability, fretfulness, impatience and
melancholy, have their origin in physical causes--in errors in regard
to exercise, sleep, air, temperature, dress, eating, drinking, &c.; and
some have their origin in mistakes about the theory or the practice of
religion. Some originate, too, in disappointed love. In short, their
sources are well nigh endless.
THE APPETITES AND PASSIONS.--It is in vain, or almost in vain, to hope
for any radical improvement in our physical, intellectual or moral
condition, except in proportion as the body and the bodily appetites
are kept in proper subjection to right reason and religion.
Here I must again urge upon every young woman the duty of studying the
laws of health, and especially those of temperance. The knowledge thus
to be obtained, would be of exceeding great value to her in the
government of her passions and appetites.
Prof. Mussey, recently of Dartmouth College, in New Hampshire, relates,
that a teacher in Boston, whose general course of discipline was quite
mild, was sometimes so much affected in his temper by high-seasoned or
over-stimulating dinners, as to be petulant and passionate, even to
blows, immediately afterward.
Now, whether this was often the case with the individual in question, I
cannot say. This, however, I may affirm with the utmost safety and
confidence--that many an individual who finds her passions or her
appetites more than usually troublesome or rebellious, would do well to
look for the cause in the bad air which she breathes, the bad food or
drinks she uses, or in something else in herself or in her habits which
might have been prevented.
Sometimes tea or coffee, notwithstanding their first effects to
enliven, produce the results I have mentioned, as their secondary
effects. Sometimes a hearty dinner of flesh meat, or a more moderate
one, with bad accompaniments, or with improper seasonings, is the cause
of trouble. Sometimes the cause is something either quite indigestible,
or difficult of digestion, whether it be animal or vegetable. And,
lastly, but yet most frequently of all, it may be excess of quantity,
or the bad cooking of substances naturally wholesome and digestible.
I press this part of my subject upon the consideration of young women,
because it concerns not them alone, but a host of others. No one liveth
to himself, says an apostle; and the remark is quite as important in
its application to the young woman, as to any other individual.
One reason why I urge it is, because we are almost universally referred
to moral means and moral considerations alone, in order to keep in
subjection the body--its passions and appetites--and seldom, if ever,
to a proper attention to our food or our drink, our air, our exercise,
or our sleep. Nay, the hopes of the young, in regard to keeping the
body in subjection, are sometimes completely paralyzed by the grave
assertion, that the strength of our passions and appetites is
constitutional--as much our inheritance, as the color of our eyes, or
the contour of our physiognomies, and almost equally unalterable.
Now I would encourage no young woman to expect too much of "temperance
in all things," without the co-operation of the moral powers, and
especially of the will. But I would encourage her to strict temperance
for her own sake, and that of others. I would say to her once more,
that in proportion to her obedience to the laws of health, in regard to
air, exercise, sleep, temperature, study, food, drink, clothing, &c.,
&c., will be her ability to govern herself according to right, and
reason, and the commands of the Creator. The simpler her diet, for
example, and the more free it is from extraneous things--as fat,
condiments, &c.--the easier will it be to keep herself in proper
subjection to herself--the body to the immortal spirit.
One of the most powerful and ever active causes of that slavery of the
soul to the body, which every person of sense must perceive and
deplore, is our unnatural and artificial cookery. Had it been the aim
of all the cookery in the world, to make it as bad as possible for the
health of body and soul, I know not that things could have been worse
than they are now. Very few things, indeed, are made more palatable,
more digestible, or more nutritious by it--the legitimate and only ends
of all the efforts of our fashionable cookery. On the contrary, they
are made, almost universally, a great deal worse for us.
Let the young woman who would serve God in her day and generation, by
doing good in the reformation, elevation, and eternal progress of
herself and those around her, not only study deeply the laws of health
and life, but let her tax her powers of reasoning and invention, to see
if it is not possible to remove the cause of so much mischief from our
parlors, our sleeping-rooms, our kitchens, and our tables. Much must be
done, in this respect, before the world can become what it ought to be;
and woman must lead the way--woman of some future generation, if not of
the present.