THE CHRISTMAS WINE-HAMPER FRAUD.
_Advertising pays--giving a Dinner with an object--obtaining the
confidence of the public--an extraordinary bargain--a great swindle._
The tricks of "the trade" in London never fail to amuse me. When a
fraud is thoroughly exploded and no longer pays, it is dropped until it
is forgotten, and then revived. Solomon was quite right in saying there
was nothing new. Akin to the fashions, these combinations to deceive
the ever-confiding public have their apogee, their decline and fall.
Like the gourd, they spring up in a single night, and never fail to
secure their victims. Am I not acting the part of a public benefactor
in dealing with such matters? And will not some complaisant clergyman,
of the Pennington stamp, think it his duty to draw attention to the
benefits to be derived from reading them? Opprobrium will be heaped on
me by a certain class for speaking the truth, but I am quite prepared
to figure as a martyr.
It is a melancholy fact, and I have no doubt about it, that if every
one had, say £5,000 a year, crime would be banished from the land. But
the millennium is not here yet, and we must take the world as we find
it. It is the monetary difficulty which occasions men to whet their
wits to get by fair means or foul a necessary supply of the circulating
medium.
It is not everyone who can, like a certain racing nobleman, fall back
on a horse to pull him through. When it got into the middle of the
racing week, and Lord W---- found the bookmakers had had the best of
him, he used to telegraph to his training-stable, "Send Indian Star,"
and that trustworthy animal almost invariably won some little race on
which his lordship would plunge.
A man in the City (surely that is vague enough), not having a horse to
relieve him from his monetary dilemma, was got out of the difficulty
through a Christmas wine-hamper.
If what I am told be correct, his Christmas wine-hamper business was
quite as legitimate as the concern known in these days as the "American
Singing Bird." Not having heard the following conversation myself, you
must take it as it was given to me. The scene took place in a novelty
store, between the proprietor and his shopman:--
Proprietor (to shopman)--Much business this morning?
Shopman--Quiet; very quiet.
Proprietor--What! No demand for nose machines?
Shopman--None.
Proprietor--Nor cork legs?
Shopman--Not any.
Proprietor--Very sad! Something must be done. Of course you've got rid
of a number of home knitters?
Shopman--No!
Proprietor--Not sold even a baby?
Shopman--There has only been one man here this morning, and he wanted a
glass eye of a green colour; but I think it was only his fun.
Proprietor--Tut, tut! This is dreadful! Heavy expenses and no returns!
_Out with the Canary!_
The canary, when wound up, can really sing not only for a minute or
two, but, by a secret contrivance, its melodious voice goes on without
a break for hours! So my informant tells me. It always attracts large
and admiring crowds, many of whom become purchasers, not only of the
bird, but machines for hatching chickens, feeding them, pulling off
their feathers, roasting them, and many other wonderful contrivances!
The only thing wanted to make these shops perfect is a market for wives
and an assortment of coffins. The ingenious plan of keeping the canary
in full tune so long as considered desirable is simple. It consists of
a flexible tube attached to the bird, at the end of which is a whistle.
This is put into a basin of water and blown through. It is not a horse
this time, but a mechanical bird, that brings grist to the mill.
I will now proceed to show you how much money was made by advertising
a Christmas wine-hamper. The wine trade has always been popular with
men who could not succeed in any other profession or business. Everyone
fancies he can drive a mail-phaeton, edit a paper, and is a judge of
wine, the belief being that there is nothing wonderful to learn. If he
has a connection of friends and acquaintances in London, especially at
the West-End, so much the better. The method usually adopted to ensure
success is to give _recherche_ dinners, and mention incidentally
the quality and price of each wine as it is produced on the table.
He can say, "Yes," as if in an answer to some one, "it is a first class
Amontillado! Only a few dozen left! Cheap at 60s.!" Again, "I hope you
like that Chateau Margaux! A rare vintage! There is not much better
in Her Majesty's cellar! Increases in value every year! Did you ask
had I any to spare? Not quite sure. It is giving it away at 100s.! "If
this delicate way of putting it does not attain the desired end, a
conversation about the various vintages and the recent ravages amongst
wines can be started; and, on seeing your friends off, you can say,
"You had better let me send you the remainder of that sherry--just
a small parcel of six dozen!" Then, again, you can observe, "If you
really are so pleased with that claret, I will see what there is left,
and will try to oblige you!" These and similar remarks generally prove
more or loss effectual.
When the "Man in the City" found his balance at his bankers rather low,
and a confidential note from the manager having been received apprising
him of the fact, he looked round for some method of making both ends
meet. After leaving the army he had taken to the wine business, and
had hitherto done no good. He had plenty of wine in his cellar, but no
demand for it; and being rather young in the trade, he had been made
a victim. All his stock was of an inferior quality, and his friends
declined having any more after the first trial. A bright idea crossed
his mind--Christmas approaching, he would advertise it. Accordingly,
"Christmas Wine Hampers at Two Guineas!" appeared in all the leading
newspapers in town and country, and proved eminently successful. In
this case his purchasers had quantity, not quality. By the commencement
of the year he had got rid of all his bad stock, and realised a good
round sum of money to his credit. But some men are never satisfied
where money is concerned. When he saw the last lot of wine carted
away from his house he called himself some pretty names--such as "I'm
a stupid dolt!" "A confounded fool!"--and avowed he should do better
next time. The lesson he got in this instance he meant to utilize at
the expense of the public the first opportunity. A chance had escaped
him but another would occur. In the meantime he had established a good
reputation with innumerable clients in town and country, which was like
so much capital.
When next Christmas approached his plans were fully matured, and he
was ready for action. The chance of making a large sum of money he
resolved should not be unsuccessful this time. On the 1st of November
he published the following advertisement:--"Christmas Wine-Hamper for
Two Guineas! The firm whose Christmas wine-hamper last year gave such
universal satisfaction, are prepared, on this occasion only and on the
following conditions to supply six bottles of sherry, six bottles of
claret, and six bottles of champagne, all of guaranteed sound quality,
packed in hamper, and sent free to any metropolitan railway station
for the unprecedented small sum of Two Guineas! Orders accompanied by
remittance will be registered as they arrive, and if the stock of wine
is exhausted those who sent first will have the preference, and the
money returned to those who cannot be supplied. The hampers will be
forwarded one week before Christmas-day, and all remittances will be
promptly acknowledged. References to customers in every part of the
world. Bankers--London and Westminster Bank. Cellars--Coleman Street.
All letters to be addressed 'Messrs. Hanbury, Robarts & Co., Moorgate
Street, London, E.C.'"
The orders arrived daily by hundreds, and a large staff of clerks had
to be employed to register them and answer the letters. Clever people
could not see how the thing could be done at the price, but came to the
conclusion that the firm wanted a good advertisement. The two guineas,
however, came rolling in, the public evidently looking upon it as a
golden opportunity to save money.
As can easily be imagined, the men at the cellars were busy. Thousands
of hampers began to accumulate. They had all to go out at the same
time. Before the appointed time for delivery a notice was inserted in
the newspapers that no more orders could be received after a certain
date. The rush on these final days reminded one of the period of the
South Sea bubble. Men and women with tears in their eyes and money in
their hands, entreated as a favour to be registered.
To keep faith with his clients, the "Man in the City" duly sent away
his thousands of hampers on the day named, each hamper containing the
number of bottles enumerated in the advertisement. You will doubtless
turn round in surprise and ask where the profit came in, and whether
the "Man in the City" was not a little touched in his "upper story?"
Not at all. By the transaction he cleared close on £5,000! As will
be seen, he had profited by his previous year's experience, and was
enabled to afford many holidays on the Continent.
Well, as my readers may be anxious to know the secret of his success in
this "little business," I will tell them. It lay in the bottles being
small in size, and containing about two glasses of wine each!
The _quality_ had been guaranteed, not the _quantity_!