The excellent working of the convict system will be summarily displayed
in Australia. The convicts, by a decisive _coup_, will succeed in
obtaining the upper hand. The colonial executive will be vanquished and
replaced by a provisional government on an entirely new principle. A new
and original code of laws will be organized, by which honesty will be
made criminal, and rascality rewarded. No man will be allowed to claim
any property, unless he can prove that he has stolen it, and no
documents whatever will be considered binding except forgeries. The Gold
Fields will be at the disposal of the government, who will grant
licenses (to be paid for in counterfeit coin) for the assassination and
plunder of the individuals who have been sent out (officially) to rob
the diggers.
Emigration will, however, continue unchecked. Labour will be at an
incredible premium. £400 a year will be refused by a groom, because he
is expected to attend to the stable, and refused the use of the piano.
Desertion in the army will be carried to such an extent that Lord
Hardinge himself will be compelled to mount guard at Folkstone, to keep
out the French invasion—his only hope of the safety of the country being
derived from the knowledge that all the soldiers of the Emperor Napoleon
III. have deserted too, and that that potentate is constitutionally
opposed to the ordeal of single combat. There will be no policemen left.
The magistrates themselves will be compelled to assume the uniform in
case of any malefactors remaining in the country. Mr. Norton's beat will
be Westminster Bridge; that of Mr. Broderip, Vauxhall Road and its
environs; whilst the safe custody of the Borough will be entrusted to
the vigilance of Mr. A'Beckett.