Giv us yer congraterlations old chap, for luck as turned at last. Thank
evings I'm now a maid man, and a real transported conwict, and no
mistake. Ha! ha! No more bissines—no more senter hits, nor kro bars, nor
skillington keas, nor dips into pokkets with nuffin in 'em—nor puttin
old ladis on the grate when 'ot, to make 'em tell vere the spoons is—no
more rows with them ere Peelers, nor interwiews with the Beaks—nor no
more pollis wans, nor Hold Baileys, nor Middlesects sesshuns, nor
Surgeon Adamses, nor Recorders, nor Ballantines nor Clarksons. As I said
afore, in one wurd, no more bissines. I'm a-coming out in the
respictable line, and I'm a-goin to keep a gigg. I've made my lucky, and
I can afford to pass the remaneder of my days a-doin' nuffin but
enjoying on myself.
In two wurds, Ikey, I've maid my fortin. I've 5 portmanties chok full of
gold. How you'd like a grab at 'em, eh? The rigglar stuff; shinin' like
sufferings, and worth never so much more, bekase more purer, and no
allhoy. You remember the littel Jobb for which I got into trubbel—the
plate down Hackney way, which we didn't find out to be Britania Mettle
till jist as it was in the meltin' pott, and the pollis had me by the
choler. Well, I staid in Pentonwill too ears, and then we kum out here,
a hole ship lod on us, rigglar outanouters as ever stood in a dok, and
then they set us to make rods, and me and Bil Smuth, and Jerry Gibbs—him
as knocked the old lady on the 'ead for pleasure, arter the bissines was
over, and the swag sekured—and half-a-dozen more, was all tyed to one
chane, with a lot o' sogers ready to shoot us if we layed doun our piks
or spaids for a minit. But let me tell yer, as things 'as turned out,
the praktise was kapital, for suddenly one mornin' there kame word, that
about a dosen of miles from us, there was a bed, a rigglar bed of gold
made up in the earth, and that noboddy had anythink to do but to stupe
down and pik hup the peaces. By gom, Ikey, when the sogers heard this,
off they cut, and set to work at the golden sand with their baggynets,
and, as you may be sure, also off we kut arter them; and there we wos,
the hole wak of us, konwicts and no konwicts, pickin' up the yaller
metal like 1 o'clock, and mindin' nuffin else. And now we found out the
hadvantage of our rod makin praktise, for, for every ounse of gold the
rest piked up, we got a £. So we soon had the chane off, and, in less
nor 6 wheeks I had for my share at least 50,000 lbs. worth—which,
by-the-by, I am grieved to say, that disonest skoundrel, Bil Smuth,
tryed to pilpher from, but a dig from the pik axe settled his ash, as so
it did Jerry Gibbs's, whose and I found in my pokkits—the unprinsipaled
thif, who had no more respect for reallysed property than nothink at
all. And so, to make a long storey short, here I am, a-goin' to sale for
Urope by the next ship with all my gold, and quite sartin of being
reseaved accordin to my merrits, as weyed by the hevvyness of my
Koffers.
I have hardly maid up my plans yet, but I think I'll by an andsome ouse
somewere near Tyburnia—I like the name; and I'll call it either
"Burglary Lodge," or "Felony Villa," or "The Fence," and I'll furnish
part on it quite slap-up like the nobses; and part on it like Newgate,
and part like Pentonwille, and part like the Pennytenshiary, just to
keep hup a scentimental rememberance of the old Times. I'll get a Kot o'
arms too. The Herralds' Offis will soon find that for me, but there must
be a dark lantern in it, and a skillington kea, and for a mottar,
"Sucksess to Swindlin," in a dead langwidge, which is more genteeler nor
a livin one. In course I'll have an ouse-warming, when I'll ask the
Rekordor of the sitty of London, and the Kommon Surgeon, and Surgeon
Adams of the Middlesects, and the Kommishners of Pollis, and Dannal
Wittles Arvey. I should think they'd come. I don't bear no mallis, and
I'll give 'em good wittles. "Sirkmstances is altared, my Lords," I'll
say after dinner, when I'm a-standing with a glass of champagn in my
'and, "And I forgive you for having sent me out to Bottiney Bay,
konsidering wot's come of it, and if any of you would like to try your
luck akross the water, I'll give you a letter to a hold pal of mine that
worked on the same chane as me for five ears, and he'll put you hup to
the time o' day if anybody will." I shood think, Ikey, as that would be
a 'andsome way of doing the thing, and letting bygons be bygons. I
wudn't be surprised arter that if they made me a Middlesects magistrate,
or a visitin Justass, or summut o' that kind, and when I goes to a
Pollis offis just for old assossiashun's sake, you'll read in the papers
how the Honorable Genlmn was akkomodated with a seat on the bench beside
the worthy maggistrate, Ha! ha! Ikey, the gold will do it al. I wouldn't
be surprised if I get a testymonial, or if there be a subskription to
raise a monyment to me—or a lot of amsouses for dekayed prigs, to be
called "Bullseye Amsouses," with the names of the churchwardens of the
Parritch karved over the entrance door. In course I'll keep a carridge,
which is more convenient than a wan with V. R. painted on the side; and
I'll have the deerest pue in the most fash'nable chapple—Parritch
churches is low—and I'll shubscribe to the societies for the purtection
of property and the shuppression of voice. Its wot is looked for in men
in a sartin position.
Sutch then, Ikey, are my present plans. I wud ask you to my ouse warming
but fear you mite not like to meet some of the Gents allooded to, you
being still in the old line of bisiness, and not unkimmon well of.
Howsoever, we'll have a quiet tawk when we meet, over a glas of grogg
and a pype.
Yours affexndly,
JEMMY BULLSEYE.
P.S. In coorse I'll go into Parlyment, but representing nyther St.
Alban's nor Harwich. No, no, dang it, not so low yet as that kums to
nyther.