_To convert Astronomical Mean Time into Mean Civil Time._—Beating being
the shortest way to make mean people civil—beat time.
_To find the distance of Terrestrial Objects._—Take a yard measure, and
measure it. Another way, useful if the object be a window, a friend, or
a public character, is to throw a stone at it, and if you hit it, you
may be sure it is within a stone's throw.
_To set a Sun Dial._—Dig a hole in the earth, and set it. Sun dials are,
however, seldom known to thrive much. The Seven Dials in London grew up
in a soil composed of old clothes, Irish, onions, Jews, and Gin; and the
population is still literally celebrated for knowing what's o'clock,
with occasional rectification by the police.
_Directions to know the Stars._—Notice whose names are printed largest
in the play-bills, and precede the largest sums in the schedule of a
manager when he goes up to the Insolvent Court. Another way is to notice
who play or sing most carelessly when the house is bad, or look sulky
when applause doesn't come.
_To calculate Longitude from the Meridian of Greenwich._—Ascertain how
often a person has eaten whitebait that season.