I. The highest bidder to be the purchaser, unless some gentleman
bids more.
II. If any dispute arises as to who was the highest bidder, the sale
is to stop until the parties have fought it out: but if either
combatant is killed, he shall be allowed to amend his bidding for
the sake of his bereaved family.
III. If after a piece of land has been sold, it cannot be found in
the estate to which it belongs, it shall be taken from the estate
that lies most convenient to it; but the purchaser shall pay the
owner of the latter the full price of the piece thus taken; but
this purchase-money shall be laid out in improving the same.
Anyhow, they must settle it between them.
IV. If a lot has been wrongly described, such misdescription shall
not vitiate the sale; but compensation shall be granted as may be
just. If a piece of land has been described as a house, the
auctioneer shall be bound to build a house thereon with the money
paid for the same: and if it is not convenient for the purchaser
to pay for his purchase, the money may be borrowed out of the
poor-rates. If the vendor or the poor complain of this, they must
write to the newspapers; and if they can't write, more shame for
them.
V. The auctioneer shall not be liable to be called out upon any
pretence whatever connected with the sale now about to take place;
but this condition shall in no wise prevent his giving
satisfaction in regard to any other sale, or his conduct in
knocking down other lots or bidders.
VI. In regard to its being insulting to ask a gentleman to show his
dirty parchments, and make out titles, and all that bother, no
title shall be required beyond the seller giving his word of
honour that the title is as good as possible, and better. After
this, if there's any awkwardness, it's a case for the Phaynix
Park.
VII. If what the lawyers call "outstanding terms" can't be "got in,"
they must stop out.
VIII. If it shall turn out that the seller has sold property to
which he was not entitled, and which belongs to somebody else, and
the right owner, upon proper application, unreasonably refuses to
give up possession, the trouble and expense of bringing him to a
sense of what is gentlemanly conduct shall be equally divided
between the seller and buyer.
IX. If the purchaser thinks he has paid too much, the balance shall
be handed back to the auctioneer, to be treated as liquidated
damages, that is, laid out in claret, to be drunk by all the _bonâ
fide_ bidders at the sale.
X. The auction duty shall not be paid at all, as it only helps to
maintain English ascendancy.
XI. Should there be much starvation on the estate, or much
difficulty in getting enough rent out of the tenants, part of the
purchase-money shall be laid out in publishing, in the English
papers, an appeal to the charitable.
XII. That none of these conditions shall be binding on anybody who
disapproves of them.
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