(_From the Ouran-outan Town Journal and Monkey World Gazette._)
A very curious creature, unknown hitherto to the philosophy of
Monkeydom, has been lately brought to this city, and is now to be
seen at the Zoological Gardens. The stranger has been examined by
the most learned citizens of Ouran-outan Town, and particularly by
the President and Scientific Committee of the Society for the
Promulgation of Unintelligible Knowledge; but opinion is divided as
to his probable genus, race, and species. It is confidently stated,
however, that he shows symptoms of belonging to a debased and
degenerated breed of some savage Ouran-outan race, who, cut off from
civilization and refinement, offer now a humiliating example of what
a monkey may come to. The conjecture is supported by a sort of
unintelligible jargon uttered by the animal. He frequently repeats
sounds which may be spelt thus—"johnsmithstrandlondon;" and
"dammeifthesemonkeychapsdontthinkthey'remen;" but upon no possible
rules of philological philosophy can the meaning (if, indeed, it
have any) of this gabble be ascertained. The animal, when captured
by a hunting party from Ape Valley, was covered in a most ludicrous
and absurd manner, by pieces of cloth cut into barbarous shapes, and
presenting a sad instance of the utter negation of all rules of
taste and propriety. He is believed not to have any natural tail,
and so conscious is he of the want that he seems to have fashioned
two cloth artificial ones, in which, by a strange and savage
ingenuity, are placed (or misplaced) pouches, or holes—to be used,
it is conjectured, for hiding his young ones. The animal, when
taken, made no resistance, but seemed considerably surprised, and
repeatedly uttered a sound like "monkeyshaveme," or "monkeysgotme,"
opinions are divided as to which; afterwards he looked steadily at
his captors and distinctly pronounced "sichalotoguys," the apparent
spelling of which was taken down on the spot.
Since its arrival at the Zoological Gardens the animal has manifested
signs of decided intelligence. Meat having been set before him, instead
of eating it like a civilized Ouran-outan with his paws, he produced,
from some of his pouches, two strange instruments, one of a cutting
nature, the other furnished with prongs, by means of which he divided
the morsels and raised them to his mouth. After feeding he now walks
round the company upon his hind legs, in the manner of a rational being;
and were it not for his absurd clothes, his habits of rubbing or
brushing his hair, washing his face, never biting nor kicking, and
especially were it not for a sort of chimney-pot which he wears upon his
head, many Ouran-outans would really be inclined to think of him as
approaching, in some degree, to the verge of a dim and cloudy
rationality. At all events the creature is a matter of enlightened
curiosity, and we understand is likely to form one of the main
attractions at the approaching Exhibition of the Want of Industry of
Monkeys of all Nations.
[Illustration:
Monster discovered by the Ourang Outangs.
]
HOW I WENT UP THE JUNG-FRAU, AND CAME
DOWN AGAIN.
(BY PETER TWITTERS, PHILOSOPHER, CAMDEN TOWN.)
[_From his own private Diary, which he kept for publication in the_
Times,
_only they didn't put it in._]
[Illustration]
[Illustration]
[Illustration]
_July 25th._—Determined to ascend the Jung-Frau mountain, which is
totally inaccessible and impossible to climb. Difficulties only add fuel
to the fire of a Briton's determination. Was asked what I should do when
I got to the top. Replied, come down again. That's what everybody does
who goes up high hills. Engaged guides, porters, &c. Provided ourselves
with necessaries, such as ladders, umbrellas, skates for the glaciers,
ropes, brandy, camp stools, &c., and started. Quite a sensation in the
village. Landlord of hotel with tears in his eyes asked me to pay my
bill before I went. Didn't. Began the ascent; ground became steepish, as
may be seen by the illustration. Hard work. Suppose such a gradient
would puzzle Mr. Stephenson. Talking of Stephenson, the whole party,
puffing and blowing like so many locomotives. Pulled out our camp-stools
and tried to sit down on them. Ground so steep that we all lost our
balance, and tumbled down to the bottom of the slope. Never mind.
Gathered ourselves up, and at it again. Recovered our former position,
and getting higher, found the slope still more excessive. In fact, it
was a wonder to me how we managed it at all. Approached the glacier
region, and found it rather softish. Unpleasant consequence of which is
that the whole of our party sink up to the neck in half-melted sludge.
[Illustration]
Scrambling out again with much ado, we feel chilly, and refresh with
brandy. Being apprehensive of the ava-lanches, we keep a sharp look-out
and dodge them. At one time six huge masses of moving snow fell
together, but we watch our chance and slip between them with the
greatest dexterity.
[Illustration]
[Illustration]
[Illustration]
[Illustration]
Next danger a really dreadful one. Arrive at a fearful precipice, the
edge very much overhanging the base, so that it formed a species of
cave. Called a council of war. Council of war were for going home again.
Rebuked them, and pointing to rough edges of rock, proposed to try to
crawl to summit. Set to work accordingly. Dangerous business, but
succeeded. On the top of this tremendous cliff, discovered a vast chasm
or crevice, which appeared to bar all further progress. Guides in
despair. Much too wide to jump. Looked down. Crevice did not appear to
have any bottom in particular. Called another council of war, and at the
same moment a violent squall of wind and snow sweeping by, put up my
umbrella, when, horrible to relate, the storm caught it, and lifted me
into the air; the principal guide, who caught my leg, being carried up
also, and in a moment we were hurried, in the very thick of the squall,
and deafened by its howling, across the abyss, and landed on the further
bank. The guides on the other side now flung across the rope, which we
caught, and fastened to a rock, and one of their number, unfortunately
the heaviest, proceeded to come across. The remaining two, however, not
having strength to support his weight, he fairly pulled them into the
crevice, so that we were obliged to drag up the whole three. Found that
we were now not far from the summit. Saw it before us rising in a sharp
peak against the blue sky. More of the steep slope work. Guides at last
become so dreadfully exhausted, that I have to drag up the whole four.
Terribly hard work. Nothing but my splendid muscular development would
have enabled me to go through with it. Ice decidedly too rough for
skating over, as may be seen by the following diagram.
[Illustration]
Close to the summit, when another dreadful crevice with a high rock on
the opposite side threatens to stop our progress. Surmounted the
difficulty by a daring gymnastic feat, performed as follows:—Standing on
each other's shoulders, the lowest man let his body incline over the
cliff, so that I, as highest, reached the edge of the opposite side, and
made fast the rope to a projection in the rock.
[Illustration]
[Illustration]
[Illustration]
Thus we happily got over, and in half an hour reached the extreme peak
of the Jung-Frau, where we clustered together, and gave three British
cheers, while half a dozen eagles flew round and round us.
Had no time to make scientific experiments; but ascertained that the
strength of alcohol is not diminished in any sensible degree by the
extreme rarefaction of the air at great heights. I subjoin a telescopic
view of mountain scenery, as it appeared through my double-barrelled
lorgnette. N.B. I squint.
[Illustration]
[Illustration]
[Illustration]
Having got up, prepared to go down again, an operation which was
performed in a much quicker style than the other. Started down a
slippery slope, and missing our footing, and not being able to stop
ourselves, proceeded in this manner, down at least 2000 feet, before we
were brought up by a ridge of rocks, composed of uncommonly hard
granite, against which we rebounded like footballs. Up, however, and at
it again. Came to another difficulty; found ourselves in a dreadful
gully or ravine, with no sort of exit but a narrow cleft, down which
poured a tremendous cataract, into an awful black and foaming pool 500
feet below. There was nothing for it but to fling ourselves into the
torrent, allow ourselves to go over the waterfall, and take our chance
in the cauldron—which we did, in the manner shown in cut. The exploit
was quite dreadful, from the roar of the water, and the speed with which
we were hurled through the air, and soused at least 100 fathoms (for I
counted them) into the pool below, where, after we had reached the
surface, we were whirled about for at least an hour and a quarter before
we managed to emerge. Found the experience I had picked up in the
Holborn swimming baths of little avail in descending this cataract, but
was only too happy to escape at any price. The rest of the journey was
comparatively easy, owing to a very happy thought of mine. Happening to
see a roundish-shaped avalanche roll past, remembered the globe tricks
in the circus, where Signor Sadustini kept his balance on a big wooden
ball going down an inclined plane. Communicated the notion to guides,
waited for the next avalanche, jumped on it as it passed, and went down
like winking, always keeping our places upon the top of the ball, which
gradually increased to such a size, that it carried off several châlets
beneath us. But that, of course, we had nothing to do with; keeping our
places as well as Sadustini himself, until the huge snowball came to a
full stop in the midst of a pine forest, where we clambered out of the
snow, and after several hours' hard walking, reached the village, where
we were greeted by a deputation of the authorities, headed by the
hotel-keeper holding my bill in his hand, who delivered an address of
congratulation, and inquired when it would be convenient for me to
settle. Postponing, however, considerations of business to those of
festivity, a romantic rural _fête_ was got up in honour of our return.
The happy peasantry poured in from all sides, singing, "Come arouse us,
arouse us, we merry Swiss boys." The notary had a table in the corner,
which is always usual. The _Seigneur du Village_ and his lady sat on a
rustic throne. All the peasants had jerkins and breeches, and bright
stockings, with lots of ribands, and all the peasantesses had short
muslin petticoats and pink satin shoes. Choosing then, as a partner, the
loveliest and the most virtuous—I was particular about the last—I opened
the ball.