VANITY.—There is not a mite in the world (says Lavater), but that thinks
itself "quite the cheese."
FRIGHTFUL STATE OF THINGS,
IF FEMALE AGITATION IS ALLOWED ONLY FOR A MINUTE.
[Illustration]
The standard of rebellion is first raised at a fashionable tea-party.
[Illustration]
The rebels rush into the street, break open the public houses, and ask
the men if they are not ashamed of themselves to be sitting there,
whilst their poor dear wives are crying their eyes out at home?
Clubs are put down and a Petticoat Government proclaimed.
[Illustration]
Armed patrols parade the streets, and take up every good-for-nothing
husband that is found out after nine o'clock.
Total abolition of latch-keys.
All men proved to be "brutes," are taken to business in the morning by
the Nurse, and fetched home at night by the Cook.
[Illustration:
Those who offer the slightest resistance are put to mend their wives'
stockings.
]
[Illustration:
The greatest reprobates are sentenced to sit up for their dear wives.
]
[Illustration:
_The Happy Family._
"A Quiet Hint to the Wives of England"
]
[Illustration]
The Lords of Creation are driven to the greatest extremities to enjoy a
quiet pipe.
But if detected, they are immediately made public examples of, by being
sent out to air the babies.
[Illustration]
Those who resist the strong arm of the sex are immediately sent to the
House of Correction, and put for fourteen days upon dirty linen.
[Illustration]
If detected a second time, they are sentenced to a month's imprisonment,
and hard labour at the mangle.
The most refractory are condemned to cold meat for life, without benefit
of pickles.
[Illustration]
The heartless ringleader is loaded with irons.
A member of the Royal Family only saves himself with a fine of twelve
dozen bright pokers, and an Exchequer bond for one hundred steel
fenders!
[Illustration]
But human patience can endure it no longer, and the poor convicts
endeavour to elude the vigilance of the watch, by smuggling themselves
out amongst the clean linen.
[Illustration]
The secret, however, is accidentally divulged by a criminal of great
weight, who drops through the fragile clothes-basket.
[Illustration]
The wretched criminals are carried away by the overpowering force of
"Woman's Mission," and their precipitate folly only ends in their being
floored at the bottom of the stairs, where, in aching shame, they lie
and bite the dust.
Five thousand helpless husbands, whose only crime is their unfortunate
sex, are incarcerated in the Thames Tunnel!
Not a glass of grog, or a newspaper, or a cigar is allowed them!!
Hundreds perish daily for the want of the common necessaries of life!!!
The Black Hole is beaten hollow!!!!
[Illustration]
Frightful rush, and tremendous overflow in the Thames Tunnel, through an
insane attempt of the Boy Jones to escape by the roof!!!!!
[Illustration]
Those who are not drowned, go mad.
An armistice takes place between the opposing bodies. A member of the
Coburg family offers his hand to Mrs. Gamp, but is indignantly rejected
by the lovely widow.
The body of the "oldest inhabitant" is found at Herne Bay, where it is
supposed he emigrated for safety.
_There is not a single man left_, excepting the Man in the Moon.
The ladies, being left to themselves, proceed to discuss their wrongs,
when, after several years' arguments, the world is graced with
[Illustration:
THE FEMALE MILLENNIUM.
]
This continues thirty years, when the argument is decided at length in
favour of
[Illustration:
THE LAST WOMAN,
]
Who compodges herself in honour of the occasion a nice dish of tea, and
after propodging a toast to the memory of that blessed creature Mrs.
Harris dies universally "regretted" on the throne of Buckingham Palace.
* * * * *
[Illustration]
Richardson's ghost makes his last appearance at Greenwich Fair!!!
* * * * *
THE END OF THE WORLD!
AND OF
THE COMIC ALMANACK.
READER, YOU ARE REQUESTED TO DROP A TEAR!!!
* * * * *