That a Lord, when he is displeased with his wife, can take her to
Smithfield, and putting a rope round her neck, sell her in the market
for a pot of beer, or whatever a drunken drover chooses to bid for her.
That brandy is allowed to be drunk in the House of Lords.
That no daguerreotype can be taken in London, in consequence of the
perpetual fogs; and that the church clocks are illuminated for the same
obscure reason.
That the only pastry is plum-pudding; the only wine, ale or porter; the
only fruit, baked potatoes; the only song, "God Save the Queen," and the
only national amusement, boxing.
That no gentleman's establishment is complete without a bull-dog.
That the ladies propose to the gentlemen; that Gretna Green is an
omni-bus-ride from London, and that half the marriages in England, those
of Royalty and cooks included, are celebrated by The Blacksmith.
That commissions are purchasable in the police force, and that the sons
of noblemen are proud to serve in it.
That the result of every dinner-party is for the gentlemen to drop, one
by one, underneath the table, after which they are carried upstairs to
the ladies.
That half the population is "_milors_," and the other half
"_millionaires_."
That there is no English school of painting, excepting that practised by
Clowns and Ethiopians.
That the Boy Jones is (if the truth was known) a member of the Royal
Family.
That George the Fourth was in the habit of going to the Coal Hole.
That Watt stole his steam-engine from the French; and other absurdities
by far too numerous to mention.