The Young England party will be decidedly in the ascendant at the
commencement of the holidays; and materially affect "the social
condition of the people" in the house.
Popular lectures on "cold," at the Polytechnic Institution, when the
Professor will have the subject at his fingers' ends. Dr. Ryan, having
frozen water in a red-hot crucible, will next make a piece of ice
red-hot without melting it, by reversing the process.
The march of intellect will be found to have altered all the old
Christmas objects of revelry. The yule log will be supplanted by an
Arnott's stove; the homely carol, by an Italian scena, which the singer
does not understand; the wassail bowl, by British brandy, or perhaps
something better; and the mummers, by the far more dangerous false masks
and manners of society, as at present constituted.
TREMENDOUS RAILWAY ACCIDENT.—Four trains will meet at a cross junction
line exactly at the same time. Every precaution will be taken to avoid
danger, as soon as the accident has occurred.
THE
COMIC ALMANACK
FOR 1847.
DER BAILIFFE JÄGER:
AN ENGLISH BALLAD IN THE GERMAN STYLE.
Who is it that paces that street o'er and o'er?
Why keeps he his eye ever fix'd on that door?
What seeketh he there, at an hour like this?
Bears he tidings of woe?—bears he tidings of bliss?
No tidings of bliss does the stranger convey;
But for a bold Captain he hears a fi: fa:
And he paces that street, and he eyes that thresh-hóld;
For he seeketh to capture that Captain so bold.
And where is the Captain he seeketh to seize?
At the "COAL HOLE," he taketh his grog, and his ease.
God send he may stop there until morning comes!
For God shield the Captain to-night from the Bums!
But hark! in the distance, a footfall occurs;
And clinketty-clink! sounds the jingling of spurs;
And then the street echoes with "La-li-e-tee!"
Now God shield the Captain! for sure it is he.
And he reacheth the door, and he knocketh thereat,
With a thundering rat-a-tat-tat-a-tat-tat!
And he giveth the bell such a furious ring
That the street rings again, with its cling-a-ling-ling!
Oh Captain! bold Captain! now hie thee away!
For near draws that Bum, with his fearful fi: fa:
Hurrah! now he sees him as nearer he steals;
And away hies the Captain! with the Bum at his heels.
Then, hurrying—scurrying—the Captain doth fly;
And following—hollowing—the Bum rusheth by.
Away! and away! thro' each square, and each street!
Though fleet runs the Captain, the Bum runs as fleet.
On! on! my bold Captain, see, help is at hand;
For lo! in the distance, appears a cab stand.
Quick! he's _in_ one, and off, at a galloping pace;
Quick! The Bum's in another cab, giving him chase.
Then, "haste thee, my Cabman!" the Captain did say;
"The Bailiff behind has for _me_ a fi: fa:
'Tis in Middlesex though! so there's Gold, if you'll hurry;
Yes, Gold! if you drive me now safe into Surrey."
And, "Haste thee, my Cabman!" the Bailiff did say,
"For the Captain before us I've got a fi: fa:
'Tis in Middlesex though! so there's Gold, if you hurry
Yes, Gold! if I catch him before he's in Surrey."
Then gee up! and gee on! they go tearing along,
Now jerking the reins—and now plying the thong;
And the horses they bound away over the ground:
And the mud flies about, as the wheels fly around.
Bump! bump! over the stones—slosh! slosh! over the wood,
Whack! whack! goeth each whip—quick! quick! quicker who could?
And clattering—spattering—onward they go,
"Hark forward! hark forward! for Surrey halloo!"
Right and left, flieth past every gaslight, how fast!
How fast! right and left, too, each street flieth past!
The shops, and the houses, like lightning, are gone,
As the horses keep galloping, galloping on.
See yonder! see yonder's a small breakfast stall;
"Have a care! have a care!" or the Sáloupe must fall:
Round the corner, unheeding, the vehicles dash;
Crash! down come the coffee and cups with a smash.
And still they go pacing—and racing—and chasing:
And the Bum still the steps of the Captain is tracing:
Away! and away! through each square, and each street!
Though fleet rides the Captain, the Bum rides as fleet.
"On! on!" shouts the Captain: "On! on!" shouts the Bum;
"I promised thee Gold: come! I'll double the sum;
So, on! push along! my good trusty Jehu!
On! on! to the bridge that is called Waterloo."
Now, galloping fast, by St. Giles's they've past;
The Captain still first, and the Bailiff still last.
Now, through High Street they pace—now, down Cross Street they race:
With the Captain ahead, and the Bum giving chase.
Then Long Acre's clear'd—and then Bow Street is near'd—
Then the Theatre Royal Covent Garden appear'd—
And then quickly in view came the Lyceum too—
Hurrah! now they're close to the bridge Waterloo.
So, gee up! and gee on! they go tearing along;
Now jerking the reins—and now plying the thong;
And the horses they bound away over the ground;
And the mud flies about, as the wheels fly around.
Bump! bump! over the stones—slosh! slosh! over the wood;
Whack! whack! goeth each whip—quick! quick! quicker who could?
And clattering—spattering—onward they go:
"Hark forward! hark forward! for Surrey halloo!"
Now there's no time to wait; and see! merciless fate!
At the bridge a curst wagon doth block up the gate.
'Tis ruin to stay!—but one moment's delay,
And the Captain he falls to the Bailiff a prey.
But quickly the wight from the cab doth alight,
Pays the toll, and on foot then continues his flight;
Still ripe for the race, the Bum bounds from his place,
Clears the gate, and on foot too continues the chase.
Then huzzā! and huzzā! they go tearing away,
Now out in the road—now upon the pavé:
And, racing—and chasing—still onward they go;
"Hark forward! hark forward! for Surrey halloo!"
Now the goal draweth nigh—now the toll is hard by;
And now, how they scamper!—and now, how they fly!
And now, how they hurry!—and now, how they scurry!
And, hip! hip! hurrah! now the Captain's in Surrey.
Then the Captain turned round to the Limb of the Law;
And he chaff'd, and he laugh'd at his craft, Haugh! haugh! haugh!
And says he, "To catch me, sure the Bum must be cunning
For the constable I have a knack of outrunning."
That the Sheriffs in one county cannot arrest
The "bodies" that bide in another's confest;
So that Bailiff no longer that Captain can worry,
For the Bum is in Middlesex—the body's in Surrey.
[Illustration:
WHERE CAN THE POLICE BE?
]
[Illustration:
THE BLUEBOTTLE THAT DESTROYS ALL THE COLD MEAT.
]
[Illustration:
Two things equally difficult to be met with.
]
CURIOUS EXHIBITION.
NEVER SEEN IN THIS COUNTRY.
The Proprietors of the EGYPTIAN HALL are happy to state that they have
made arrangements with the authorities of Scotland Yard, and, after
considerable difficulty, procured the services of
[Illustration:
The Kitchen Cupid.
]
[Illustration:
The Modern Macheath; or, how happy could I be with either?
]