If anyone sends you a brace of partridges, do not eat them yourself, but
tie one of your own cards to them, write on the back of it, "shot this
morning," and send them where you think the attention will pay best. In
that way you are much more certain to make a hit than if you foolishly
attempted to shoot them yourself.
If you are a member of parliament, get a "pair," that you may be off to
your manor, this being now the custom. If you like stag-hunting, you had
better stay on a railway committee.
If you meet a friend, complain of being dull and the emptiness of
London: this looks as if your acquaintances were in the habit of going
out of town; the fact being, that no one you know leaves London from one
year's end to the other except your tailor.
If you are a barrister, you are expected to be on circuit at this time;
but as this is expensive when you have no brief, put a placard on your
outer door, "On the Northern Circuit," and live in a single room at
Manor Cottage, Kennington, or a similar locality.
[Illustration:
SCORPIO—The Slanderer—"I could a tale unfold."
]
THE ZODIAC—OCTOBER.
SCORPIO—THE SLANDERER.
Well, I really can't see how a laugh can be got
Out of slander, and scorpions, and lies, and what not;
If out of such subjects grow matter of mirth,
'Tis for gentry in black who live lower than earth.
And I know for my own part I've reason to grieve
That young women anonymous letters believe;
What a Scorpion was he who wrote my Mary Anne
That I was a very "irregular man!"
Oh! cruel George Cruikshank, how could you invent
Such a horrible picture with comic intent?
I hope that if ever you've your Mary Anne,
You'll be called, as I was, an "irregular man."
THINGS TO BE BORNE IN MIND IN
OCTOBER.
That if you are a sober man, according to the old song, you may now
prepare to "fall as the leaves do," and die this month.
If the settling for the Leger has prevented you from settling your
day-book, and you wish to commit suicide without the discredit of
_felo-de-se_, get invited to a _battue_. Place yourself about the centre
of the wood, and you will be tolerably certain to be hit by something or
somebody.
That theatres are said to open this month; but as nobody is ever known
to go to them, the only proof of this is the fact that they are found
open at a later time of the year.
The clubs become empty about this time, therefore it is a good
opportunity of asking any friend of uncouth or disreputable appearance
to dine with you, as he will only afford amusement to the servants
instead of the members, which is not likely to be so painful to your
feelings.
Freshmen go up to the Universities, and may be expected to come down
upon their governors with heavy bills. Medical students walk the
Hospitals, and run into debt.
[Illustration]