Mister and Mistress Henry Brown
Were in society but young beginners;
And their ambition was to gain renown
By giving very nice _récherché_ dinners.
It was their boast, they used to say,
Not to attempt a great display;
In a small house it would have been misplaced,
Therefore they merely aimed at perfect taste.
It was a standing joke with Mister Brown—
A joke in which he hated to be foiled—
That there could be no other house in town
Where taste so ruled the roast—ay, and the boiled.
'Twas the commencement of the autumn season,
After some time in his own mind reviewing it,
Brown gave a dinner, simply for the reason
That few—except himself—would think of doing it.
A London dinner-party in September,
Brown did opine, was something out of the common line;
A sort of thing to talk of and remember.
The arrangements having been completed,
The guests are round the table seated;
Of turtle-soup each one had got a plate—
Some one remarked the summer had been brief—
"Yes!" Brown exclaimed, "'tis in the season late,
We must be looking for the fall of the leaf."
He'd scarcely said the words, when, with a crash,
Down came the dinner-table flap,
Sending some iced sauterne, with sudden splash,
Into his lady's lap.
Fish, water-bottles, knives and forks, _epergnes_,
Came rattling down upon her all in turns:
The sudden movement no one could control—
A slice of bread went off into a roll.
Decanters seemed disposed to fall,
As if they'd had a drop too much;
And stoppers never stopped at all—
In fact, refused to act as such.
'Twas a mishap, and yet, the truth to tell,
Mister and Mistress Brown both had their wish;
They hoped the dinner would go off all well,
And so it did go off—ay, every dish!
NEW LITERARY ASSOCIATION OF THE
FRIENDS OF FRANCE.
Professed patriots being always addicted to abusing their own country,
it is presumed that the height of patriotism would consist in an
Englishman writing leading articles for a French Radical newspaper. With
this view a few literary friends of freedom have associated for the
purpose of supplying the Parisian Press with Anti-English leaders at a
cheap rate, and the following is submitted as a specimen of the article
it is proposed to manufacture.
The subject is a particularly happy one, being no less than the solemn
declaration of the King of the French (while being invested with the
Order of the Garter) that he would never make war upon the Sovereign of
the Order alluded to.
The circumstance that the oath taken includes no promise or declaration
of the kind can of course be of no consequence, as the leader is
intended for a French newspaper. The following is the specimen:—
"_Nous voyons_ [We see] _que perfide Albion_ (we don't translate
_perfide Albion_, for everybody knows the meaning of that) _a donné une
Jarretière_ [has given a Garter] _à Louis Philippe_ [to Louis Philippe].
_Mais, pourquoi cette Jarretière?_ [But why this Garter?] _Nous voyons
dans cette Jarretière_ [We see in this Garter] _une autre chaîne_
[another chain] _pour France_ [for France]. _Oui, oui!_ [Yes, yes!]
_cette Jarretière infâme_ [this infamous Garter] _tiera Louis Philippe
par la jambe_ [will tie Louis Philippe by the leg] _plus que jamais_
[more than ever]. _En recevant ce Jarretière honteuse_ [In receiving
this infamous Garter] _on lui a fait jurer_, [they made him swear,]
_qu'il ne fera pas la guerre_ [that he will not make war] _sur le
Souverain de l'Ordre_ [on the Sovereign of the Order]. _Hein, hein!_
[Alas, alas!] _notre pauvre campagne_ [our poor country] _est trahie_
[is betrayed].
"_Mais on a donné cette Jarretière déshonorante_ [But they have given
this degrading Garter] _au Roi de la Prusse aussi bien_, [to the King of
Prussia as well,] _et aussi à l'Empereur de Russie_ [and also to the
Emperor of Russia]. _Tous ont juré la même chose_, [All have sworn the
same thing,] _de ne pas faire la guerre contre le Souverain de l'Ordre_
[not to make war on the Sovereign of the Order]. _Et qui est le
souverain contre qui on a juré de ne pas faire la guerre?_ [And who is
the sovereign against whom they have sworn not to make war?] _Pourquoi,
la Reine Victoria, pour être certain._ [Why, Queen Victoria, to be
sure]. _Et qui est elle?_ [And who is she?] _Pourquoi, perfide Albion,
comme une matière du courant._ [Why, perfidious Albion, as a matter of
course]. _Laisser les Anglais aller se pendre_ [Let the English go and
hang themselves] _dans leurs jarretières_, [in their garters,] _comme
cette misérable Mademoiselle Bailey_, [like that unfortunate Miss
Bailey,] _de qui on chante quelquefois_ [whom they occasionally sing
about]. _Mais ne_ _laissez pas les Français_ [But do not let the French]
_suivre l'exemple_ [follow the example] _de la demoiselle à qui nous
avons fait allusion_ [of the young lady whom we have alluded to].
_Laissons les rappeler_ [Let them remember] _le sort horrible_ [the
horrible fate] _de cette jeune dame_, [of that young lady,] _qui peut
avoir été_ [who might have been] _une decoration à sa sexe_ [an ornament
to her sex] _mais pour les jarretières_ [but for the garters]."
REPORT OF THE COMMITTEE ON WASHHOUSES
FOR THE PEOPLE.
The committee appointed to select a site for a great National Washhouse,
vacillated for some time between the Fleet Prison and Covent Garden
Theatre; but at length, for the reasons hereinafter stated, gave the
latter the preference.
Covent Garden Theatre has had cold water thrown upon it so long, that no
expense need be gone to in laying on any more of the salubrious element.
The genius of the place is also favourable to such an experiment as the
one proposed, for in the event of water being scarce, recourse might be
had to some of the old pumps, which, though rather out of use, could
easily be made to act again. These pumps possess the advantage of never
causing an overflow.
It is proposed to turn the pit into a drying-ground, the backs of the
seats being used for hanging clothes upon.
Persons bringing their own soap cannot, on any account, be admitted into
the dress circle with mottled; and a moderate quantity of starch will be
expected in the private boxes. Tickets for single tubs may be had at the
doors, and family coppers to admit six may be had at all the libraries.
One advantage connected with the scheme for turning the theatre into a
washhouse, is the opportunity that would be afforded for employing some
of the regular company of actors, who, in the mangling department, would
be invaluable. The style in which they have occasionally got up and
mangled some of Shakspeare's fine things ought never to be forgotten.
With reference to the Fleet Prison, it is suggested by the committee
that it is scarcely adapted to ordinary washing, though for purposes of
whitewashing, it has always been found to answer.
Should Covent Garden Theatre be fixed upon, due notice will be given of
its being open for the season.