DESIRES TO CONVEY TO ALL, URBI ET ORBI, HIS VERY KINDEST ....... AND
BEST....... FOR THE COMING CHRISTMAS, 1892.
N.B.--_Coupons must be cut from the current number, and should be sent
to_ SIR JOHN BRIDGE, _Bow-Street, E.C., with shillings for the Poor Box
to same address._
* * * * *
THE QUEEN AND THE SONGSTRESS.--In consequence of Her Gracious MAJESTY'S
marked approbation of Miss PALLISER'S operatic performance at Windsor
Castle, Sir DRURIOLANUS WINSORENSIS UBIQUITOSUS has serious thoughts of
asking the young cantatrice to change her name to Miss ROYAL PALLIS-ER;
or, if she has the honour of singing "By Command" in London, to Miss
BUCKINGHAM PALLIS-ER.
* * * * *
"NEXT PLEASE!"--_My Brother's Out_--new work by Mrs. LOVETT CAMERON,
Authoress of _A Sister's Sin_.
* * * * *
[Illustration: "THE WANDERING MINSTREL."
_Jem Baggs_ (_"The Wandering Minstrel"_). "THEY MAY SAY
WHAT THEY LIKE AGIN THE COUNTY COUNCIL; _I_ SAYS THEY'RE
JOLLY GOOD FELLERS."]
* * * * *
[Illustration: MISPLACED QUOTATIONS.
_Young Jones_ (_who, five minutes before the
announcement of Dinner, has been introduced to Miss
Sprightly, and has been endeavouring to find a fitting
remark wherewith to open the conversation._)
"THIS--ER--I BELIEVE IS CALLED THE--ER--_'MAUVAIS QUART
D'HEURE'!_"]
* * * * *
"THE WANDERING MINSTREL."
(_Modern Kensington Version._)
[The London County Council has declined to co-operate
with the Kensington Vestry in a representation to the
Home Secretary for more efficient control over
itinerant musicians, street-cries, and similar
nuisances, on the ground that though the Council has
power to make bye-laws for this object, there are no
means of enforcing them.]
SCENE--_Highly respectable Terrace in Kensington. The exterior of_ MR.
TAMBOUR'S _house. Enter_ JEM BAGGS (R.H.) _playing the clarinet badly._
_Jem B._ (_loq._) Vell now! that's vot I calls wery tidy vork!
Bob and a tanner for seven doors ain't none so dusty, blow me!
Summat better this 'ere than orkin' "'All the new and popilar songs
of the day for a penny!" Vot miserable vork that vos to be sure! I vos
allays a cryin' about the streets, "Here y' are--one 'undered and fifty
on 'em pootily bound in a Monster Song Book for a penny!--Here's
'_Ran-ta-rar-roopy-ay!'--'Mary, they 'ave raised my Screw'--'Sling yer
'ook, yer 've got no oof, John.'--'Snide Sammy courted Sally Brown'--'On
the Banks of the yaller Lea.'--'Chummies! Chummies!'--'Fanny
Tooney'--'The Man who ran the Muglumberer's Building Society'--'Dandy
Dan, the Whelk Man, and 'is Donah'--'He vos famed for gargling
Fizz'--'His there a Lip vot never Lapped?'--'A Life on the
Lotion-Lay'--'If I 'ad a Monkey on, vouldn't I go!'--'Down to the Derby
vith a Shallow and a Moke'--'Oh, say not Modern Art is Sold'_--for the
small charge of a penny!" I dessay I might ha' been at that there
callin' to this werry day, if it hadn't been for BOSKY BILL. I shall
never forget BOSKY BILL'S a-sayin' to me--says he, "I say, JEM BAGGS, vy
don't yer take to the singin' line?" "Cos I sings vorser than 'The Big
Bounce,'" says I. "Vorser!" says he, "Vhy so much the betterer!" "Woice
ain't vanted," says he, "only leather and brass. Leather for yer lungs,
and brass for yer face, and there yer are, in the 'Alls or out on 'em."
"But 'ow about them Bye-Laws, BILLY?" says I. "Bye-Laws be bust!" says
he, scornful. "_Who's to henforce 'em?_ Westries and County Councils
can't. Bobbies--bless 'em!--_von't_," says he. "So there yer are, JEM
BAGGS!" In course I tvigged. Vith my woice _and_ a vistle, sez I,
they'll villingly give a tanner to git rid of me! And they _do_! Oh, _I_
know the walley of peace and qvietness, and never moves hon hunder
sixpence! (_Looking up at the house._) But I know as there's a hartist
covey lives 'ere. Notice-plate says, "Mister TAMBOUR is _hout_." Valker!
I know vot that means. I thinks as how he'll run to a shilling. Anyhow,
I'll kick him for a bob.
[_He strikes up, taking care to make as much noise at
possible._
'Tis hof a great Council in London doth dvell;
Jest vot they are arter 'tvould floor me to tell.
They're qvite a young body--not seving years old--
But they've spent a large fortin in silver and go-o-old.
Singing, Ills ve vill cure all on the Sosherlist lay.
As the Council vere a sitting in their Chamber von day,
The Westry come to them, and thus it did say:--
"Ve're off to the Home Sec., street shindies to stay,
So put on your toppers, and come vith hus, pray!"
Singing, &c.
"Nay, Westry," said the Council, "your vish is declined,
To co-operate (at present) ve can't make up our mind;
Our Bye-Laws the Bobbies von't enforce. 'Tis a bore!
But the Public must bear it just a year or two more!"
Singing, &c.
"Go to, County Council!" that Westry replied,
"You svagger no end, and put on lots of side;
But vhen plain reform 'tis our vish to begin,
By _your_ aid ve don't benefit not von single pin!"
Singing, &c.
[_His melodious flow is interrupted by a violent
rapping at the window, and the sudden opening of the
street-door._
_Jem Baggs_ (_loq._) Aha! I knew they couldn't stand that werry long.
Out comes the sarvint vith tuppence or thruppence, and a horder for me
to "move on." Valker! There ain't no Bobby in sight, and I shan't shift
under a shilling. Vell, they may say vot they likes agin the County
Council; _I_ says they're jolly good fellers, and I'll drink their
bloomin' 'ealth out o' that hartist cove's bob, ven I gets it. [_Tunes
up again._
* * * * *
[Illustration: "À la Cocotte?"]