No. 1.--BI-METALLISM.
SCENE--_A Railway-carriage in a suburban morning train to London. There
are four Passengers, two of whom are well-informed men, while the third
is an inquirer, and the fourth an average man. They travel up to London
together every morning by the same train. The two_ Well-informed Men
_and the_ Average Man _are City men; the_ Inquirer _is a young
Solicitor. They have just finished reading their morning papers, and are
now ready to impart or receive knowledge._
_Inquirer._ They don't seem to be making much of this Monetary
Conference in Brussels.
_First Well-informed Man._ Of course they're not. I knew how it would be
from the start. I met HARCOURT some time ago, and told him what I
thought about it. "You mark my words," I said, "the whole blessed thing
will be a failure. You haven't sent out the right men, and they're
certain to waste their time in useless academic discussions." He seemed
surprised, but he hadn't got a word to say.
_Inquirer_ (_deeply impressed_). Ah!
_First W. I. M._ The thing's really as simple as A B C. Here are we, a
country with a gold standard, and we find that gold has appreciated.
What's the consequence? Why, silver goes down everyday, and commerce is
dislocated,--absolutely dislocated. All we have to do is to----
_Second W. I. M._ (_breaking in_). One moment! When you say gold has
appreciated, you mean, of course, that the purchasing power of gold has
increased--in other words, commodities are cheaper. Isn't that so?
_First W. I. M._ Yes. Well, what then?
_Second W. I. M._ What's your remedy? Do you think you can make things
better by fixing a ratio between gold and silver? In the first place,
you can't do it; they've got nothing to do with one another.
_First W. I. M._ (_triumphantly_). Haven't they? What have you got to
say, then, about the Indian rupee? That's where the whole of your
beautiful system comes to grief. You can't deny that.
_Second W. I. M._ The Indian rupee has got nothing to do with it. My
theory is, that it's all due to the American coinage of silver, and
(_vaguely_), if we do the same as they, why, we shall only make things
worse. No, no, my boy, you've got hold of the wrong end of the stick,
there. Look at the Bland Bill. Do you want to have that kind of thing in
England?
_Inquirer._ God forbid! By the way, what was the Bland Bill?
_Second W. I. M._ _What!_ you don't know what the Bland Bill was? Don't
you remember it? It provided that a certain amount of silver was to be
coined every year, and the Treasury was to hold the surplus until it
reached a certain value, and then,--but every schoolboy knows what
happened.
_Average Man._ What did happen, as a matter of fact?
_Second W. I. M._ (_scornfully_). Why, the market was flooded.
_First W. I. M._ Yes, and that exactly proves my point. Make fifteen the
ratio between gold and silver, and you'll never have the market flooded
again.
_Second W. I. M._ (_hotly_). How do you make that out?
_First W. I. M._ It's as plain as a pikestaff. Make silver your legal
tender for large amounts in this country, and you stop all these United
States games at one blow.
_Second W. I. M._ Fiddlesticks! I suppose you'll want us to believe next
that if we become bi-metallists, corn and everything else will go up in
value?
_First W. I. M._ Of course it will. We've only got to get Germany and
France, and the rest of them to come in, and the thing's as good as
done. What I say is, adopt bi-metallism, and you relieve trade and
agriculture, and everything else.
_A. M._ Do you mean we shall have to pay more for everything?
_First W. I. M._ No, of course not; I mean that the appreciation of gold
is a calamity which we've got to get rid of.
_A. M._ I don't see it. If my sovereign buys more than it did years ago,
that seems to be a bit of a catch for me, don't it?
_First W. I. M._ Ah, I daresay you think so, but you're wrong. If you
fix a ratio, things may be dearer, but you'll have twice as much
purchasing power.
_Inquirer_ (_anxiously_). How do you fix a ratio?
_Second W. I. M._ Ah, that's the question!
_First W. I. M._ That's not my business. I say it ought to be fixed, and
it's for the Chancellor of the Exchequer and the Bank of England to do
it.
_Second W. I. M._ (_decisively_). The Bank can't do it. Its Charter
won't allow it.
_Inquirer._ How's that? I never quite understood the Charter.
_Second W. I. M._ By the Charter the Bank has to----
[_But at this moment, the train having drawn up at a
station, an intruder gets into the carriage. He is
severely frowned upon, and the conversation, thus
checked, is not resumed._
_Inquirer_ (_getting out at terminus, to_ First W. I. M.). I think I've
got a pretty clear notion of Bi-metallism now, thanks to you.
_First W. I. M._ (_modestly_). Oh, it's quite simple, if you only take
the trouble to give your mind to it.
* * * * *
[Illustration: A Little Mixed.]
* * * * *
_OUR_ "MISSING WORD COMPETITION."
_Guaranteed exempt from any Treasury prosecution under 1st Jingo, B. IV.
Cap_ (_Fit_) 1, _sec_ (_Pommery_) '74. (_Heading, "Wish you may get
it."_)