A battalion of the London Regiment had been having a particularly
gruelling time in the trenches, but some of the men were cheered with
thoughts of impending leave. In fact, permission for them to proceed
home was expected at any moment.
At this time the Germans started a "big push" in another sector, and
all leave was suddenly cancelled.
An N.C.O. broke the news to the poor unfortunates in the following
manner: "All you blokes wot's going on leaf, ain't going on leaf,
'cause you're unlucky."
In spite of the great disappointment, this way of putting it amused
even the men concerned. The real Cockney spirit!--_S. C., Brighton._
"An' That's All that 'Appened"
Before going up the line we were stationed at Etaples, and were
rather proud of our cook-house, but one day the colonel told the
sergeant-major that he had heard some of the most unparliamentary
language he had ever heard in his life emanating from the cook-house.
The sergeant-major immediately called at the cook-house to find out the
cause of the trouble, but our Cockney cook was very indignant. "What,
_me_ Lord Mayor? [slang for 'swear']. No one's ever 'eard me Lord
Mayor."
"Don't lie to me," roared the sergeant-major. "What's happened here?"
"Nuffin'," said the cook, "except that I slopped a dixie full of 'ot
tea dahn Bill's neck. I said 'Sorry, Bill,' and Bill said 'Granted,
'Arry,' an' that's all what's 'appened."--_Ryder Davies (late 1st Kent
Cyclists, Royal West Kents), 20 Villa Road, S.W.9._