“Dear Ewell,” wrote Lincoln, one day in a pet,
“Your tactics have ended in loss;
You have let Hill escape, I will venture to bet,
It’s _myself_ and not him you made _cross_.
Why were you so blinded by Hill’s little _ruse_?
It is shameful--nay, more; it is cruel;
Your failures, disasters, really give one the blues,
And I wish I could only make _you Hill_” (you ill).
_Shakspearian Query._
Abraham is known to be very fond of Shakspeare, yet at times, to
indulge in a joke, even at the expense of his favourite. A short time
since, he wrote as follows to a popular actor, with whom he is known
to be on intimate terms:--
“In _Hamlet_, Act II., Scene 2, is this:--
“‘_King._ He tells me, my dear Gertrude, he hath found the head and
source of all your son’s distemper.’
“‘_Queen._ I doubt it is no other but the _main_.’
“Tell me, does her Majesty imply that _Hamlet_ suffered from
sea-sickness?”
The reply was that the actor believed that it was not the _main_ cause.
_Running Comment._
On hearing that an American composer was engaged in writing a national
hymn----, the President hinted that “He hoped that it would not have
too many _runs_ in it.”
_An Impossibility._
“The Americans,” said Chase, “at the present crisis, must not be
extravagant--they must live _under_ their incomes.” “How can they do
that,” said the President, “when there is no alternative but their
living _on_ them.”
_Jack’s Opinion._
The President narrates the following story:--“While passing along
the streets of New York, one day, I met a Jack Tar. ‘What ship,’ I
enquired, ‘do you belong to?’ ‘What odds is that to you,’ was the
reply. ‘Do you know who I am,’ I exclaimed. ‘No.’ ‘Why, I am the
President.’ Then, said Jack, ‘_You have a damned good berth of it!_’”
_The House of Congress._
“That house,” said Abe, “is a swan house--all white and fair outside,
but only think of the black-legs that are working out of sight.”
[This, if ever said by the President, is an adaptation from Douglas
Jerrold.]
_Abe Lincoln’s opinion of a man’s strength._
Upon the receipt of the news that ---- had carried Fort Nagher--the
President drily remarked that “He must be a very _strong man_!”
_The Fall of Pride._
An enthusiastic Englishman once said to the President, that the Niagara
river was the pride of rivers. “Yes,” was the reply, “but that pride
has a tremendous fall.”
_The Captain’s Reply._
“We’re short of prog, said Captain B----,
When going on a trip;
And as we’ve little got to eat,
We’ll dine off the ship.
Fear not, but keep your powder dry,
And place faith in the Lord;
You’ve naught to fear, for seamen cooks
Can always cook a-board.
The captain quickly did reply,
While standing by the wheel,
’Tis little, Abe’rm, that we have--
How can we cook _a deal_.”
_A Strange Similarity._
“Why is the Northern army,” asked the President, “like the post-office
at Washington?” “Because it is made up of columns, wings, and squares,
and, judging from the past, it is also _doomed_.”
_Economy._
“There is no nonsense about these sardines,” said Mrs. Lincoln, “they
are genuine, and came from the Mediterranean.” “Yes,” said Lincoln,
“and if you leave them to themselves _they will go a great deal
farther_.”
_Where Punch got his Cartoon from._
When Lincoln sent contributions to the Northern army, he wrote to
General ---- as follows:--“Dear Sir,--Knowing that the army under your
charge requires purging, I herewith send you a _black draft_.”--Yours,
Lincoln.
_Pun upon Pun._