Then followed three hundred and seventeen famous names.
"What I have to say," H. R. modestly told the reporters, "I have stated
in my advertisement. However, if you wish to ask any questions, or if
you think the public is interested in any particular point--"
"It is! We do!" exclaimed the reporters. "Tell us about the ten thousand
dollars!"
"It is very simple and very easy," said H. R., with the deadly
earnestness of a man who knows he will not be believed when he speaks
the truth in New York. "As each person passes the ticket-taker he will
go, coupon in hand, into the superintendent's office. There he will be
asked one question. It is not a catch question. No puns permitted. No
double meaning. No particularly deep or recondite significance. It is a
plain question, vital to the welfare of all New-Yorkers, affecting the
destiny of the American nation. The answer is perfectly obvious. The
Mayor has been invited to be present, and he will see to it that no
fraud is perpetrated on the thousands of people who have bought tickets
in good faith--"
"I thought the object of the tickets was to feed hungry--" began a
serious-eyed reporter.
"It is; but charity carries a reward in cash. It is the modern way. You
might add that there will be no reserved seats, no privileged classes.
Where all men are alike charitable, all men are equal before God and
man!"
Napoleon revolutionized the art of war by moving quickly and
overwhelming the foe with artillery. H. R. made charity a success by
appealing not alone to the charitable instinct of New-Yorkers, but to
every other instinct he could think of. Therefore everybody who was not
hungry logically decided to go to the Mammoth Hunger Feast. The
newspapers printed long and reassuring accounts of the police
arrangements.
H. R., being a republican at heart, had reserved the Imperial Box for
Grace Goodchild and her friends, and ninety-nine Royal boxes for the
other ticket-sellers and their fiances. His free sandwich men occupied
the front row of arena seats and had been coached by the leader of the
Grand Opera claque. At a given signal they were to cheer Grace
Goodchild. When the bugle announced H. R.'s entrance they were to go
crazy.
Ten beers _after_ the show.