ON HABITS OF SYSTEM AND ORDER.
The discussion of the question of the equality of the sexes, in
intellectual capacity, seems frivolous and useless, both because it can
never be decided, and because there would be no possible advantage in
the decision. But one topic, which is often drawn into this discussion,
is of far more consequence; and that is, the relative importance and
difficulty of the duties a woman is called to perform.
It is generally assumed, and almost as generally conceded, that woman's
business and cares are contracted and trivial; and that the proper
discharge of her duties, demands far less expansion of mind and vigor of
intellect, than the pursuits of the other sex. This idea has prevailed,
because women, as a mass, have never been educated with reference to
their most important duties; while that portion of their employments,
which is of least value, has been regarded as the chief, if not the
sole, concern of a woman. The covering of the body, the conveniences of
residences, and the gratification of the appetite, have been too much
regarded as the sole objects, on which her intellectual powers are to be
exercised.
But, as society gradually shakes off the remnants of barbarism, and the
intellectual and moral interests of man rise, in estimation, above the
merely sensual, a truer estimate is formed of woman's duties, and of the
measure of intellect requisite for the proper discharge of them. Let any
man, of sense and discernment, become the member of a large household,
in which, a well-educated and pious woman is endeavoring systematically
to discharge her multiform duties; let him fully comprehend all her
cares, difficulties, and perplexities; and it is probable he would
coincide in the opinion, that no statesman, at the head of a nation's
affairs, had more frequent calls for wisdom, firmness, tact,
discrimination, prudence, and versatility of talent, than such a woman.
She has a husband, to whose peculiar tastes and habits she must
accommodate herself; she has children, whose health she must guard,
whose physical constitutions she must study and develope, whose temper
and habits she must regulate, whose principles she must form, whose
pursuits she must direct. She has constantly changing domestics, with
all varieties of temper and habits, whom she must govern, instruct, and
direct; she is required to regulate the finances of the domestic state,
and constantly to adapt expenditures to the means and to the relative
claims of each department. She has the direction of the kitchen, where
ignorance, forgetfulness, and awkwardness, are to be so regulated, that
the various operations shall each start at the right time, and all be in
completeness at the same given hour. She has the claims of society to
meet, calls to receive and return, and the duties of hospitality to
sustain. She has the poor to relieve; benevolent societies to aid; the
schools of her children to inquire and decide about; the care of the
sick; the nursing of infancy; and the endless miscellany of odd items,
constantly recurring in a large family.
Surely, it is a pernicious and mistaken idea, that the duties, which tax
a woman's mind, are petty, trivial, or unworthy of the highest grade of
intellect and moral worth. Instead of allowing this feeling, every woman
should imbibe, from early youth, the impression, that she is training
for the discharge of the most important, the most difficult, and the
most sacred and interesting duties that can possibly employ the highest
intellect. She ought to feel, that her station and responsibilities, in
the great drama of life, are second to none, either as viewed by her
Maker, or in the estimation of all minds whose judgement is most worthy
of respect.
She, who is the mother and housekeeper in a large family, is the
sovereign of an empire, demanding more varied cares, and involving more
difficult duties, than are really exacted of her, who, while she wears
the crown, and professedly regulates the interests of the greatest
nation on earth, finds abundant leisure for theatres, balls, horseraces,
and every gay pursuit.
There is no one thing, more necessary to a housekeeper, in performing
her varied duties, than _a habit of system and order_; and yet, the
peculiarly desultory nature of women's pursuits, and the embarrassments
resulting from the state of domestic service in this Country, render it
very difficult to form such a habit. But it is sometimes the case, that
women, who could and would carry forward a systematic plan of domestic
economy, do not attempt it, simply from a want of knowledge of the
various modes of introducing it. It is with reference to such, that
various modes of securing system and order, which the writer has seen
adopted, will be pointed out.
A wise economy is nowhere more conspicuous, than in the right
_apportionment of time_ to different pursuits. There are duties of a
religious, intellectual, social, and domestic, nature, each having
different relative claims on attention. Unless a person has some general
plan of apportioning these claims, some will intrench on others, and
some, it is probable, will be entirely excluded. Thus, some find
religious, social, and domestic, duties, so numerous, that no time is
given to intellectual improvement. Others, find either social, or
benevolent, or religious, interests, excluded by the extent and variety
of other engagements.
It is wise, therefore, for all persons to devise a general plan, which
they will at least keep in view, and aim to accomplish, and by which, a
proper proportion of time shall be secured, for all the duties of life.
In forming such a plan, every woman must accommodate herself to the
peculiarities of her situation. If she has a large family, and a small
income, she must devote far more time to the simple duty of providing
food and raiment, than would be right were she in affluence, and with a
small family. It is impossible, therefore, to draw out any general plan,
which all can adopt. But there are some _general principles_, which
ought to be the guiding rules, when a woman arranges her domestic
employments. These principles are to be based on Christianity, which
teaches us to "seek first the kingdom of God," and to deem food,
raiment, and the conveniences of life, as of secondary account. Every
woman, then, ought to start with the assumption, that religion is of
more consequence than any worldly concern, and that, whatever else may
be sacrificed, this, shall be the leading object, in all her
arrangements, in respect to time, money, and attention. It is also one
of the plainest requisitions of Christianity, that we devote some of our
time and efforts, to the comfort and improvement of others. There is no
duty, so constantly enforced, both in the Old and New Testament, as the
duty of charity, in dispensing to those, who are destitute of the
blessings we enjoy. In selecting objects of charity, the same rule
applies to others, as to ourselves; their moral and religious interests
are of the highest moment, and for them, as well as for ourselves, we
are to "seek first the kingdom of God."
Another general principle, is, that our intellectual and social
interests are to be preferred, to the mere gratification of taste or
appetite. A portion of time, therefore, must be devoted to the
cultivation of the intellect and the social affections.
Another, is, that the mere gratification of appetite, is to be placed
_last_ in our estimate; so that, when a question arises, as to which
shall be sacrificed, some intellectual, moral, or social, advantage, or
some gratification of sense, we should invariably sacrifice the last.
Another, is, that, as health is indispensable to the discharge of every
duty, nothing, which sacrifices that blessing, is to be allowed, in
order to gain any other advantage or enjoyment. There are emergencies,
when it is right to risk health and life, to save ourselves and others
from greater evils; but these are exceptions, which do not militate
against the general rule. Many persons imagine, that, if they violate
the laws of health, in performing religious or domestic duties, they are
guiltless before God. But such greatly mistake. We as directly violate
the law, "thou shalt not kill," when we do what tends to risk or shorten
our own life, as if we should intentionally run a dagger into a
neighbor. True, we may escape any fatal or permanently injurious
effects, and so may a dagger or bullet miss the mark, or do only
transient injury. But this, in either case, makes the sin none the less.
The life and happiness of all His creatures are dear to our Creator; and
He is as much displeased, when we injure our own interests, as when we
injure those of others. The idea, therefore, that we are excusable, if
we harm no one but ourselves, is false and pernicious. These, then, are
the general principles, to guide a woman in systematizing her duties and
pursuits.
The Creator of all things, is a Being of perfect system and order; and,
to aid us in our duty, in this respect, He has divided our time, by a
regularly returning day of rest from worldly business. In following
this example, the intervening six days may be subdivided to secure
similar benefits. In doing this, a certain portion of time must be given
to procure the means of livelihood, and for preparing food, raiment, and
dwellings. To these objects, some must devote more, and others less,
attention. The remainder of time not necessarily thus employed, might be
divided somewhat in this manner: The leisure of two afternoons and
evenings, could be devoted to religious and benevolent objects, such as
religious meetings, charitable associations, school visiting, and
attention to the sick and poor. The leisure of two other days, might be
devoted to intellectual improvement, and the pursuits of taste. The
leisure of another day, might be devoted to social enjoyments, in making
or receiving visits; and that of another, to miscellaneous domestic
pursuits, not included in the other particulars.
It is probable, that few persons could carry out such an arrangement,
very strictly; but every one can make a systematic apportionment of
time, and at least _aim_ at accomplishing it; and they can also compare
the time which they actually devote to these different objects, with
such a general outline, for the purpose of modifying any mistaken
proportions.
Without attempting any such systematic employment of time, and carrying
it out, so far as they can control circumstances, most women are rather
driven along, by the daily occurrences of life, so that, instead of
being the intelligent regulators of their own time, they are the mere
sport of circumstances. There is nothing, which so distinctly marks the
difference between weak and strong minds, as the fact, whether they
control circumstances, or circumstances control them.
It is very much to be feared, that the apportionment of time, actually
made by most women, exactly inverts the order, required by reason and
Christianity. Thus, the furnishing a needless variety of food, the
conveniences of dwellings, and the adornments of dress, often take a
larger portion of time, than is given to any other object. Next after
this, comes intellectual improvement; and, last of all, benevolence and
religion.
It may be urged, that it is indispensable for most persons to give more
time to earn a livelihood, and to prepare food, raiment, and dwellings,
than to any other object. But it may be asked, how much of the time,
devoted to these objects, is employed in preparing varieties of food,
not necessary, but rather injurious, and how much is spent for those
parts of dress and furniture not indispensable, and merely ornamental?
Let a woman subtract from her domestic employments, all the time, given
to pursuits which are of no use, except as they gratify a taste for
ornament, or minister increased varieties, to tempt the appetite, and
she will find, that much, which she calls "domestic duties," and which
prevent her attention to intellectual, benevolent, and religious,
objects, should be called by a very different name. No woman has a right
to give up attention to the higher interests of herself and others, for
the ornaments of taste, or the gratification of the palate. To a certain
extent, these lower objects are lawful and desirable; but, when they
intrude on nobler interests, they become selfish and degrading. Every
woman, then, when employing her hands, in ornamenting her person, her
children, or her house, ought to calculate, whether she has devoted _as
much_ time, to the intellectual and moral wants of herself and others.
If she has not, she may know that she is doing wrong, and that her
system, for apportioning her time and pursuits, should be altered.
Some persons, endeavor to systematize their pursuits, by apportioning
them to particular hours of each day. For example, a certain period
before breakfast, is given to devotional duties; after breakfast,
certain hours are devoted to exercise and domestic employments; other
hours, to sewing, or reading, or visiting; and others, to benevolent
duties. But, in most cases, it is more difficult to systematize the
hours of each day, than it is to secure some regular division of the
week.
In regard to the minutiæ of domestic arrangements, the writer has known
the following methods to be adopted. _Monday_, with some of the best
housekeepers, is devoted to preparing for the labors of the week. Any
extra cooking, the purchasing of articles to be used during the week,
the assorting of clothes for the wash, and mending such as would be
injured without;--these, and similar items, belong to this day.
_Tuesday_ is devoted to washing, and _Wednesday_ to ironing. On
_Thursday_, the ironing is finished off, the clothes are folded and put
away, and all articles, which need mending, are put in the mending
basket, and attended to. _Friday_ is devoted to sweeping and
housecleaning. On _Saturday_, and especially the last Saturday of every
month, every department is put in order; the castors and table furniture
are regulated, the pantry and cellar inspected, the trunks, drawers, and
closets arranged, and every thing about the house, put in order for
_Sunday_. All the cooking, needed for Sunday, is also prepared. By this
regular recurrence of a particular time, for inspecting every thing,
nothing is forgotten till ruined by neglect.
Another mode of systematizing, relates to providing proper supplies of
conveniences, and proper places in which to keep them. Thus, some ladies
keep a large closet, in which are placed the tubs, pails, dippers,
soap-dishes, starch, bluing, clothes-line, clothes-pins, and every other
article used in washing; and in the same, or another, place, are kept
every convenience for ironing. In the sewing department, a trunk, with
suitable partitions, is provided, in which are placed, each in its
proper place, white thread of all sizes, colored thread, yarns for
mending, colored and black sewing-silks and twist, tapes and bobbins of
all sizes, white and colored welting-cords, silk braids and cords,
needles of all sizes, papers of pins, remnants of linen and colored
cambric, a supply of all kinds of buttons used in the family, black and
white hooks and eyes, a yard measure, and all the patterns used in
cutting and fitting. These are done up in separate parcels, and
labelled. In another trunk, are kept all pieces used in mending,
arranged in order, so that any article can be found, without loss of
time. A trunk, like the first mentioned, will save many steps, and often
much time and perplexity; while by purchasing articles thus by the
quantity, they come much cheaper, than if bought in little portions as
they are wanted. Such a trunk should be kept locked, and a smaller
supply, for current use, retained in a workbasket.
A full supply of all conveniences in the kitchen and cellar, and a place
appointed for each article, very much facilitates domestic labor. For
want of this, much vexation and loss of time is occasioned, while
seeking vessels in use, or in cleansing those employed by different
persons, for various purposes. It would be far better, for a lady to
give up some expensive article, in the parlor, and apply the money, thus
saved, for kitchen conveniences, than to have a stinted supply, where
the most labor is to be performed. If our Countrywomen would devote more
to comfort and convenience, and less to show, it would be a great
improvement. Expensive mirrors and pier-tables in the parlor, and an
unpainted, gloomy, ill-furnished kitchen, not unfrequently are found
under the same roof.
Another important item, in systematic economy, is, the apportioning of
_regular_ employment to the various members of a family. If a
housekeeper can secure the cooperation of _all_ her family, she will
find, that "many hands make light work." There is no greater mistake,
than in bringing up children to feel that they must be taken care of,
and waited on, by others, without any corresponding obligations on their
part. The extent, to which young children can be made useful, in a
family, would seem surprising, to those who have never seen a
_systematic_ and _regular_ plan for securing their services. The writer
has been in a family, where a little girl, of eight or nine years of
age, washed and dressed herself and young brother, and made their small
beds, before breakfast, set and cleared all the tables, at meals, with a
little help from a grown person in moving tables and spreading cloths,
while all the dusting of parlors and chambers was also neatly performed
by her. A brother, of ten years old, brought in and piled all the wood,
used in the kitchen and parlor, brushed the boots and shoes, neatly,
went on errands, and took all the care of the poultry. They were
children, whose parents could afford to hire servants to do this, but
who chose to have their children grow up healthy and industrious, while
proper instruction, system, and encouragement, made these services
rather a pleasure, than otherwise, to the children.
Some parents pay their children for such services; but this is
hazardous, as tending to make them feel that they are not bound to be
helpful without pay, and also as tending to produce a hoarding,
money-making spirit. But, where children have no hoarding propensities,
and need to acquire a sense of the value of property, it may be well to
let them earn money, for some extra services, rather as a favor. When
this is done, they should be taught to spend it for others, as well as
for themselves; and in this way, a generous and liberal spirit will be
cultivated.
There are some mothers, who take pains to teach their boys most of the
domestic arts, which their sisters learn. The writer has seen boys,
mending their own garments, and aiding their mother or sisters in the
kitchen, with great skill and adroitness; and at an early age, they
usually very much relish joining in such occupations. The sons of such
mothers, in their college life, or in roaming about the world, or in
nursing a sick wife or infant, find occasion to bless the forethought
and kindness, which prepared them for such emergencies. Few things are
in worse taste, than for a man needlessly to busy himself in women's
work; and yet a man never appears in a more interesting attitude, than
when, by skill in such matters, he can save a mother or wife from care
and suffering. The more a boy is taught to use his hands, in every
variety of domestic employment, the more his faculties, both of mind and
body, are developed; for mechanical pursuits exercise the intellect, as
well as the hands. The early training of New-England boys, in which they
turn their hand to almost every thing, is one great reason of the quick
perceptions, versatility of mind, and mechanical skill, for which that
portion of our Countrymen is distinguished.
The writer has known one mode of systematizing the aid of the older
children in a family, which, in some cases of very large families, it
may be well to imitate. In the case referred to, when the oldest
daughter was eight or nine years old, an infant sister was given to her,
as her special charge. She tended it, made and mended its clothes,
taught it to read, and was its nurse and guardian, through all its
childhood. Another infant was given to the next daughter, and thus the
children were all paired in this interesting relation. In addition to
the relief thus afforded to the mother, the elder children were in this
way qualified for their future domestic relations, and both older and
younger bound to each other by peculiar ties of tenderness and
gratitude.
In offering these examples, of various modes of systematizing, one
suggestion may be worthy of attention. It is not unfrequently the case,
that ladies, who find themselves cumbered with oppressive cares, after
reading remarks on the benefits of system, immediately commence the task
of arranging their pursuits, with great vigor and hope. They divide the
day into regular periods, and give each hour its duty; they systematize
their work, and endeavor to bring every thing into a regular routine.
But, in a short time, they find themselves baffled, discouraged, and
disheartened, and finally relapse into their former desultory ways, in
a sort of resigned despair. The difficulty, in such cases, is, that they
attempt too much at a time. There is nothing, which so much depends upon
_habit_, as a systematic mode of performing duty; and, where no such
habit has been formed, it is impossible for a novice to start, at once,
into a universal mode of systematizing, which none but an adept could
carry through. The only way for such persons, is, to begin with a little
at a time. Let them select some three or four things, and resolutely
attempt to conquer at these points. In time, a habit will be formed, of
doing a few things at regular periods, and in a systematic way. Then it
will be easy to add a few more; and thus, by a gradual process, the
object can be secured, which it would be vain to attempt, by a more
summary course. Early rising is almost an indispensable condition to
success, in such an effort; but, where a woman lacks either the health
or the energy to secure a period for devotional duties before breakfast,
let her select that hour of the day, in which she will be least liable
to interruption, and let her then seek strength and wisdom from the only
true Source. At this time, let her take a pen, and make a list of all
the things which she considers as duties. Then, let a calculation be
made, whether there be time enough, in the day or the week, for all
these duties. If there be not, let the least important be stricken from
the list, as not being duties, and which must be omitted. In doing this,
let a woman remember, that, though "what we shall eat, and what we shall
drink, and wherewithal we shall be clothed," are matters requiring due
attention, they are very apt to obtain a wrong relative importance,
while social, intellectual, and moral, interests, receive too little
regard.
In this Country, eating, dressing, and household furniture and
ornaments, take far too large a place in the estimate of relative
importance; and it is probable, that most women could modify their views
and practice, so as to come nearer to the Saviour's requirements. No
woman has a right to put a stitch of ornament on any article of dress
or furniture, or to provide one superfluity in food, until she is sure
she can secure time for all her social, intellectual, benevolent, and
religious, duties. If a woman will take the trouble to make such a
calculation as this, she will usually find that she has time enough, to
perform all her duties easily and well.
It is impossible, for a conscientious woman to secure that peaceful
mind, and cheerful enjoyment of life, which all should seek, who is
constantly finding her duties jarring with each other, and much
remaining undone, which she feels that she ought to do. In consequence
of this, there will be a secret uneasiness, which will throw a shade
over the whole current of life, never to be removed, till she so
efficiently defines and regulates her duties, that she can fulfil them
all.
And here the writer would urge upon young ladies, the importance of
forming habits of system, while unembarrassed with those multiplied
cares, which will make the task so much more difficult and hopeless.
Every young lady can systematize her pursuits, to a certain extent. She
can have a particular day for mending her wardrobe, and for arranging
her trunks, closets, and drawers. She can keep her workbasket, her desk
at school, and all her other conveniences, in their proper places, and
in regular order. She can have regular periods for reading, walking,
visiting, study, and domestic pursuits. And, by following this method,
in youth, she will form a taste for regularity, and a habit of system,
which will prove a blessing to her, through life.