"YOUTHFUL HOSTESSES.--A few years ago when a bachelor entertained he
invited his aunt or his mother to act as hostess for him. Now he
asks his grand-daughter."--_Daily Paper._
* * * * *
"Ostensibly Lit was a move to check the ever-rising cost of living,
Land in a way not fully realised by the public Lit was a method of
riveting control on the industry."
_Evening Paper._
With money flung about like this the cost of living is bound to go up
again.
* * * * *
Illustration: SINISTER SIGNS FROM SOUTH KENSINGTON.
_Alarmed House Agent._ "MADAM, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY PARTNER?"
_Client._ "I was just giving particulars of my flat, which I am anxious
to let, and when I said, 'No premium required,' he crumpled up as if
he'd been shot."
* * * * *
_SI JEUNESSE SAVAIT._
[The taking of finger-prints of all new-born babies is advocated.
These will be useful for identification at trials, inquests, etc.,
since the pattern of the print does not change from the cradle to
the grave.]
With paternal pride I used to glow
When the neighbours dropped their pleasant hints
How like Daddy Reginald would grow,
But to-day they took his finger-prints;
Now I am convinced they spoke in haste--
Such expressions show a lack of taste.
Operator was a kindly man,
Formerly a sergeant of police;
Dipped our Reggie's digits in a pan
Filled with printers' ink and oil and grease,
Pressed them on a card and soothed his moans,
Saying "Diddums" in official tones.
Mother stood and gazed upon the thing,
Lovingly as doting mothers do;
Asked, "Does Reggie's hieroglyphic bring
Memories of famous men to you--
Men who, having made their lives sublime,
Left their thumb-prints on the sands of time?
"Will it be his destiny to write
Or to earn a living with his brains?
Will he share a 'loop' with GRAHAME WHITE?
Do his 'arches' pair with those of BAINES?
Is there similarity between
Reggie's 'whorls' and those of M. MASSINE?"
Operator coughed behind his hand,
Moved his feet and shook his hoary head,
Thrust his fingers in his bellyband,
Then at last reluctantly he said,
"I've encountered in the course of biz
Many prints that much resembled his.
"One, I mind me, such impressions made;
P'r'aps you never heard of Ginger Hicks,
Him what done in uncle with a spade
Down in Canning Town in ninety-six?
Ginger was a wrong 'un from the fust;
As a child he bellowed fit to bust.
"Then there was another, something like,
Got a lifer seven years ago;
Surely you remember Mealy Mike,
Robbery with violence at Bow?
Michael's thumb-print, though of larger size,
Was the spit of Reggie's otherwise.
"Then again his lines could be compared--"
Mother snatched her precious up and fled,
Pausing once to ask him how he dared
Put such notions in um's little head.
Her departure mid a storm of kissing
Put the lid on further reminiscing.
* * * * *
Illustration: ALADDIN AND THE MINER'S LAMP.