The sun is scorching overhead: the roads are dry and dusty;
And here are berries, ripe and red, refreshing when you're _thusty_!
They're hanging just within your reach, inviting you to clutch them!
But--as your Uncle--I beseech you won't attempt to touch them?
_Tommy and Jane (dutifully)._ We'll do whatever you beseech, and
not attempt to touch them! [_Annoyance of_ W. U.
_The W. U._ Temptation (so I've understood) a child, in order kept, shuns;
And fruit in lanes is seldom good (with several exceptions).
However freely you partake, it can't--as you are young--kill,
But should it cause a stomach-ache--well, don't you blame your Uncle!
_Tommy and Jane._ No, should it cause a stomach-ache, we will not blame our
Uncle!
_The W. U. (aside)._ They'll need no further personal assistance,
But take the bait when I am at a distance.
I could not, were I paid a thousand ducats,
(_With sentiment_) Stand by, and see them kick their little buckets,
Or look on while their sticks this pretty pair cut! [_Stealing off._
_Tommy._ What, Uncle, going?
_The W. U. (with assumed jauntiness)._ Just to get my hair cut! [_Goes._
_Tommy (looking wistfully at the berries)._ I say, they _do_ look nice,
JANE, such a lot too!
_Jane (demurely)._ Well, TOMMY, Uncle never told us _not_ to.
[_Slow music; they gradually approach the berries, which they
pick and eat with increasing relish, culminating in a dance
of delight._
_Duet_--TOMMY _and_ JANE (_with step-dance._)
_Tommy (dancing, with his mouth full)._ These berries ain't so
bad--although they've far too much acidity.
_Jane (ditto)._ To me, their only drawback is a dash of insipidity.
_Tommy (rudely)._ But, all the same, you're wolfing 'em with
wonderful avidity!
_Jane (indignantly)._ No, that I'm not, so _there_ now!
_Tommy (calmly)._ But you _are_!
_Jane._ And so are _you_!
[_They retire up, dancing, and eat more berries--after which
they gaze thoughtfully at each other._
_Jane._ This fruit is most refreshing--but it's curious how it cloys
on you!
_Tommy (with anxiety)._ I wonder why all appetite for dinner it
destroys in you!
_Jane._ Oh, TOMMY, you are half afraid you've ate enough to poison
you?
_Tommy._ No, _that_ I'm not--so there now! &c., &c.
[_They dance as before._
_Tommy._ JANE, _is_ your palate parching up in horrible aridity?
_Jane._ It is, and in my throat's a lump of singular solidity.
_Tommy._ Then that is why you're dancing with such pokerlike rigidity.
[_Refrain as before: they dance with decreasing spirit, and
finally stop, and fan one another with their hats._
_Jane._ I'm better now that on my brow there is a little breeziness.
_Tommy._ My passing qualm is growing calm, and tightness turns to easiness.
_Jane._ You seem to me tormented by a tendency to queasiness?
[_Refrain; they attempt to continue the dance--but
suddenly sit down side by side._
_Jane (with a gasp)._ I don't know what it is--but,
oh, I _do_ feel so peculiar!
_Tommy (with a gulp)._ I've tumults taking place within that I may say
unruly are.
_Jane._ Why, TOMMY, you are turning green--you really and you _truly_ are!
_Tommy._ No, _that_ I'm not, so _there_ now!
_Jane._ But you _are_!
_Tommy._ And so are _you_!
[_Melancholy music; to which_ TOMMY _and_ JANE, _after a few convulsive
movements, gradually become inanimate. Enter old Farmer_ COPEER _from
gate, carrying a large bottle labelled "Cattle Medicine."_
_Farmer C._ It's time I gave the old bay mare
her drench. [_Stumbles over the children._
What's here? A lifeless lad!--and little wench!
Been eatin' berries--where did they get _them_ idees?
For cows, when took so, I've the reg'lar remedies.
I'll try 'em here--and if their state the worse is,
Why, they shall have them balls I give my 'erses!
[_Carries the bodies off just before the W. U. re-enters._
_W. U._ The children--gone? yon bush of berries less full!
Hooray, my little stratagem's successful!
[_Dances a triumphant pas seul. Re-enter Farmer C._
_Farmer C._ Been looking for your little niece and nephew?
_The W. U._ Yes, searching for them everywhere--
_Farmer C. (ironically)._ Oh, _hev'_ you?
Then let me tell you, from all pain they're free, Sir.
_The W. U. (falling on his knees)._ _I_ didn't poison them--it wasn't _me_,
Sir!
_Farmer C._ I thought as much--a constable I'll run for. [_Exit._
_The W. U._ My wretched nerves again! _this_ time I'm done for!
Well, though I'm trapped and useless all disguise is,
My case shall ne'er come on at the Assizes!
[_Rushes desperately to tree and crams himself with the remaining
berries, which produce an almost instantaneous effect.
Re-enter_ TOM _and_ JANE _from gate, looking pale and limp.
Terror of the_ Wicked Uncle _as he turns and recognises them._
_The W. U. (with tremulous politeness)._ The shades of JANE and
TOMMY, I presume? [_Re-enter Farmer C._
_Jane and Tommy (pointing to Farmer C.)_ His Cattle Mixtures snatched us
from the Tomb!
_The W. U. (with a flicker of hope)._ Why, then the selfsame drugs will
ease my torments!
_Farmer C. (chuckling.)_ Too late! they've drunk the lot, the little
vormints!
_The W. U. (bitterly)._ So out of life I must inglorious wriggle,
Pursued by TOMMY'S grin, and JENNY'S giggle!
[_Dies in great agony, while_ TOMMY, JANE, _and_ Farmer COPEER
_look on with mixed emotions as the Curtain falls_.
* * * * *
[Illustration: RECIPROCAL HOSPITALITY.
_First Distinguished Colonist._ "BY THE WAY, HAVE YOU SEEN ANYTHING OF
THAT NICE YOUNG FELLOW, LORD LIMPET, SINCE YOU CAME TO LONDON--THE MAN
WHO STAYED WITH YOU SO MANY MONTHS AT YOUR STATION LAST YEAR?"
_Second Ditto, Ditto._ "OH YES! I MET HIM THE OTHER NIGHT AT LADY
BOVRIL'S RECEPTION, AND HE KINDLY BESTOWED UPON ME THE UNUSED HALF OF A
SMILE WHICH HE HAD PUT TOGETHER FOR A PASSING DUKE!"]
* * * * *