right hand. It is afterward put down, while the fork is transferred
to the right hand for passing food to the mouth. When not in use both
knife and fork are left on the plate. They should not be held in the
hands, or laid down on the table. They are to remain on the plate also
if it is sent for another helping. When eating is ended, knife and fork
are laid together on the plate—parallel, points to the center, and the
fork tines down.
The fork should be used throughout with the tines downward. It is only
used spoon-fashion for small vegetables such as peas. The fork rather
than a spoon should be used for eating ices, melons, and the like. It
is used to fold lettuce and other salad leaves, which must not be cut
with a knife.
The knife is used only for cutting, and is afterward laid down on the
plate.
Beverages in glasses or cups are tested by sipping from a spoon, which
is then laid down. Afterward one drinks directly from the container.
The spoon must never be allowed to stand in a cup or glass. For taking
soup, the spoon is pushed forward, not drawn toward one. The soup plate
is never tipped. The liquid must be taken into the mouth from the side
of the spoon never from the end.
Boiled eggs are properly eaten with a spoon, of course, as are jellies,
custards and the like, grape-fruit and various fruits served with
cream, and cereals.
A finger-bowl is properly used on finishing a fruit course. A slight
rinsing of the finger-tips suffices, after which they are wiped on the
napkin.
Butter is not served at formal dinners.
At all other meals a special plate is laid for bread and butter, and
a small knife of silver for spreading the butter. The bread is broken
with the fingers, a mouthful at a time and separately buttered. Cake is
eaten either in the fingers or with a fork.
Cheese is cut into small pieces. Each piece is placed on a mouthful of
bread or cracker, and then eaten from the fingers.
Apples, pears, etc., are quartered, peeled, cut in mouthfuls, and
then eaten from the fingers. Smaller fruits with pits are eaten from
the fingers. Each pit is taken from the mouth in the closed hand and
deposited on the plate.
Asparagus is eaten with a fork. That part of the stalk not easily cut
by the fork is left. But burr artichokes are eaten from the fingers a
leaf at a time, after it has been dipped in the sauce. Only the heart
demands the use of a fork.
Celery, olives and radishes are eaten from the fingers. So, also, are
crystallized fruits, almonds and other nuts.
When leaving the table at the conclusion of a meal elsewhere than in
one’s own house, the chair is left without being pushed back close to
the table.
TEAS
IN THE COUNTRY, where the dinner is in the middle of the day, the
evening meal is called either supper or tea, and an invitation to tea
ordinarily means an invitation to the evening meal. In England, where
afternoon tea-serving is universal among all classes, the evening meal
is frequently designated high tea.
The proprieties concerning afternoon tea are explained in the chapter
entitled, “At Homes.”
THEATER-PARTIES
WHEN A THEATER-PARTY is to be given, it is not customary to use the
engraved form of invitations, but notes written in the first person
suffice.
_97 Hamilton Street,
May 1, 1919_
_My dear Miss Hammer:_
_Will you give me the pleasure of dining with me on
Wednesday evening of next week, at seven o’clock, and
of afterward witnessing the new play at the Brooke
Theater?_
_In the hope that you are free that evening and kindly
disposed toward my invitation, I remain,_
_Yours sincerely,
Mary Holmes_
To such an invitation, the guest should return an immediate reply,
either of acceptance or rejection, written in the first person, after
the manner of the other missive.
It is within the discretion of the host or hostess to secure orchestra
seats, or a box. Care should be taken, in the case of a box, not to
have a sufficient number of guests to cause crowding. The invitations
should be sent out about a week before the evening of the party, but a
longer or shorter notice is permissible. A bachelor may find it more
convenient to give his invitations in person, orally, and such laxity
is allowable on his part.
The giver of the entertainment may use his or her discretion in having
attendance on the play preceded by an early dinner-party, which may
include all or only a part of his guests; or having it followed by
a supper-party. Or the theater alone may be deemed a sufficient
entertainment.
Very often, a host orders an omnibus to collect his guests for a
theater-party and to carry them to the theater, and back home after
the performance. If this is done, the invitation should specify the
fact, and notify the guest of the exact time of the omnibus’s arrival.
When a man invites an unmarried woman to be his companion at the
theater, he is expected also to invite another woman, either a relation
or friend, according to circumstances, who shall act as chaperon.
But this rule is not too strictly enforced where a friendship exists
between a man and a spinster of mature age.
It is the duty of the man to call in person for his guests, and to
provide them with fitting transportation to and from the theater. On
their arrival at the theater, if the women leave their wraps in the
cloak-room, he also should check his hat and coat. He allows the ladies
to precede him, and inside the theater secures programs for them, and
then gives his checks to the usher. The usher now leads the way, with
the ladies following and the host bringing up the rear. If he has
retained his coat and hat, he places his hat under the seat and lays
the folded coat over the back of the chair or holds it across his
knees. He is careful always to retain the checks during the evening
since lack of them might prove embarrassing if any error has been made
in the seating arrangements, as sometimes happens.
A man thus escorting ladies to the theater properly remains with them
throughout the performance. The only justifiable excuse for leaving
them for a few minutes is when he occupies an aisle seat, and then only
when during an intermission a friend comes to pay his respects, who can
take his place until the rising of the curtain.
The man wears evening dress for the theater. He should by no means
appear in a tailless coat when acting as an escort for ladies, or when
a guest in a party that includes ladies. He is permitted, however, to
remove his gloves on arrival at the theater. The silk hat is often
inconvenient for theater purposes, and for that reason the crush hat
has been preferred. But this folding form of headgear has lost its
vogue to a great extent, and there is a growing tendency toward the use
of a black soft hat for such evening wear.
The more usual form of woman’s dress is not the decolleté of the
ball-gown, but a less extreme style, with sleeves. It is, of course, of
such elegance as to suit the occasion. But the low-neck and sleeveless
gown is frequently to be seen, more especially in the boxes.
With the less formal costume, a hat is worn. This and the veil may be
removed in the cloak-room, or, if the wrap is retained, it may be kept
on until the seat is reached. The outer garment is then folded and laid
over the back of the chair. After having seated herself, the woman then
unpins her veil and removes it, together with the hat, and these are
afterward held in the lap.
If the arrival at the theater is a little late, and the wraps are not
left in the cloak-room, it is the part of good taste to remove them
before passing down the aisle to the seats. Otherwise, their removal
becomes an unpleasant interruption to those seated near by.
This same matter of consideration for the rights of others is the
reason why it is necessary that the hats should be removed, since
it would shut off the view of the stage from those seated behind.
It should be borne in mind always, also, that this consideration
for others should extend to the matter of conversation during the
performance, which must be rigidly suppressed. Care ought to be taken
in every respect lest there be an impolite intrusion on the rights of
others.
If there is supper in a restaurant after the play, the wraps should
be left in the cloak-room as a rule, but a woman may retain one of a
sort that is not cumbersome, according to her pleasure. The hat is not
removed for the meal. The veil may either be pushed up or taken off
according to the individual preference. The gloves are removed after
the party is seated at table, and kept in the lap under the napkin
until the conclusion of the meal. They are put on again before leaving
the table.
WEDDINGS
THE WEDDING-INVITATIONS are sent out fully two weeks before the
marriage, at least, and they may be sent earlier, up to a limit of two
months.
The invitation is engraved on white paper, of which there is a double
sheet. The invitation itself must occupy only the first page. An
average size is between seven and eight inches in length and about an
inch less in width. Script is usually preferred. The invitation is
folded once and placed in an unsealed envelope with the guest’s name
written on it. Another envelope is used to contain this, on which are
written both the name and address, and it is sealed for delivery by
post or messenger.
It should be borne in mind that, while husband and wife are joined in
a single invitation, other members of the family must be separately
invited, except that more than one daughter may be included under the
designation _The Misses ...................._, and similarly more than
one son, _The Messrs. ...................._. Otherwise, a daughter
receives an individual invitation, as does also a son.
In cities, on the occasion of church weddings where strangers often
intrude, it is common to inclose with the invitation a small card
inscribed:
_Please present this card at
the Church of the Incarnation
on Tuesday, June the first_
A standard form for the wording of the invitation is as follows:
_Mr. and Mrs. Henry L. Hudson
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Harriet
to
Mr. James Meade Trowbridge
on Tuesday afternoon, June the first
at half-past three o’clock
The Church of the Incarnation
Baltimore_
The invitations are issued in the names of the bride’s parents, or,
lacking them, in the name of her nearest relative, unless this should
be an unmarried sister. When the invitations are issued by a brother,
his name only may be used, even though he is married. But where the
relation is a married woman, the name of the husband also appears on
the invitations. Such invitations issued by some one other than the
parents follow the form given above exactly, save that the full name of
the bride must be given instead of her Christian name alone, and, of
course, the proper relationship must be indicated by a word substituted
for _daughter_.
It is usual, when the bride is a step-daughter, to specify the
relationship in the invitation. Thus, in the form given above, if
Harriet were the daughter of Mrs. Hudson by a previous marriage, the
phrase would run, _at the marriage of Mrs. Hudson’s daughter, Harriet
Blake Rothwell_. If she were the daughter of Mr. Hudson, the phrase
would be, _at the marriage of Mr. Hudson’s daughter, Harriet_.
The invitations to either a wedding-breakfast or reception is inclosed
with the invitation to the ceremony, but the engraved card is of the
ordinary size.
_Mr. and Mrs. Henry L. Hudson
request the pleasure of
..........................
company
on Tuesday, June first
at half-past twelve o’clock
Thirty-six Fremont Avenue_
But often the name is omitted, and the invitation may read simply:
_Reception
From four o’clock
Thirty-six Fremont Avenue_
The initials _R.s.v.p._ may be used in the lower left-hand corner of
either form.
The only essential difference in the form of the invitation to
a home-wedding is that instead of asking for the _honor of your
presence_, the request is for the _pleasure of your company_. Of
course, the home-address must be given at the end, instead of the name
of the church. When the ceremony is to be performed in the presence of
only a limited number of friends, those who are to witness it receive
with their invitation a small engraved card, inscribed _Ceremony at
three o’clock_, or whatever the hour may be.
Announcement-cards, following the celebration of a quiet wedding, are
sent out on the day of the marriage. The paper used is the same as that
for the invitations.
_Mr. and Mrs. Henry L. Hudson
have the honor of announcing
the marriage of their daughter
Harriet
to
Mr. James Meade Trowbridge
on Tuesday, June the first
at the Church of The Incarnation_
A combination-card of bride and groom, with their address, and perhaps
her at-home day, may be inclosed with the announcement.
If, for any reason, the announcement-cards are not issued by the
bride’s relatives, they may be sent out by the engaged pair, using the
bride’s maiden name
_Mr. George Hart Bagot
and
Miss Mary Elizabeth Peck
have the honor of announcing their marriage
on Monday, June the seventh
at the Church of The Incarnation
Albany_
Unless the invitation to a wedding carries the letters _R.s.v.p._,
it does not require any reply, but an invitation to the reception or
breakfast should be acknowledged by two visiting-cards, sent to the
bride’s parents, when attendance is not possible or convenient. An
acceptance or declination is written in the third person, and follows
the corresponding form in reference to a dinner-invitation, with the
necessary verbal change, substituting, _wedding-reception of their
daughter_, for _dinner_.
No acknowledgment is required for announcement-cards; but it is well to
call on, or leave cards for, the bride’s parents.
It is impossible to state exactly all the details in connection with
the marriage-ceremony, since the variations in personal taste and
circumstances are such that the wedding may be fittingly celebrated in
almost regal state, with a dozen bridesmaids and everything else with
like profusion, or the rite may be carried out with a plainness and
simplicity that yet perhaps yields a significance more touching than
that of the gorgeous spectacle. Each circle in every community has its
own accepted traditions, and it is always better that these should
be followed. The vagaries of fashion may often tempt its votaries to
extravagances in following the fads and fancies of the moment. But
there should be no frivolous tampering with the marriage rite, which is
proclaimed as a sacrament by the church, and should be always esteemed
as the most sacred act in the lives of those who thus make their
covenants together.
It need only be added that for an evening wedding the bridegroom wears
the regulation evening clothes, while for an hour earlier in the day
his costume includes a frock-coat of black or dark blue, a black or
white waistcoat, and striped trousers of a lighter shade than the coat.
The scarf should be a white ascot, caught with a pearl pin.
He wears patent-leather shoes and gray suède gloves. A silk hat forms
the headgear to accompany either the evening dress or the other.
A maiden bride should wear white and a veil of tulle with orange
blossoms. The gown may be decolleté and sleeveless for an evening
wedding. A woman who has been married before may wear any color
pleasing to her, but not white, and she must not veil herself, nor
display the orange blossoms. A train properly distinguishes the
wedding-gown.
On receipt of an invitation to a wedding, any gift should be sent to
the bride without delay. There is no obligation on the part of a merely
formal acquaintance to send a gift when invited to a church wedding,
but it is permissible. Such an obligation exists for one invited to the
breakfast or reception, as well as one to be among a limited number
present at the actual marriage on the occasion of a home wedding.
Sometimes, those invited to a church wedding compromise by sending
flowers.
The distinction between the maiden and the matron is again emphasized
in the matter of the bouquet carried by the bride, which for the maiden
should be of white flowers, such as lilies of the valley, while for the
woman it must be at least touched with color—perhaps of orchids.
[Illustration: “MADE EASY” SERIES]
THERE is no royal road to learning.
IT is an old saying, and a true one, in a sense: for prince and peasant
must alike travel the path.
YET, there are many paths, and great differences among them, as they
lead to the temple of knowledge. In some, the going is easy: in some,
hard. In some, the journeying is pleasant and profitable: in some,
toilsome—a weary scramble over many stumbling blocks.
THE builder of the road is the teacher. It is his task to smooth the
way, and to make it straight: or to leave it all cluttered, a twisted,
haphazard course, that runs roughly and reaches nowhere.
IN the “Made Easy” Series, it has been the publisher’s purpose to
provide for the student the best possible road to learning—a road truly
royal in its simplicity, its worth: a road wide and direct, and free
from foolish, needless litter.
THE various writers of the books in the series have been chosen for
their special fitness. Such fitness includes, in the first place,
mastery of the particular subject: in the second place, ability to
interpret knowledge to others.
RIGHT teaching makes easy learning. Few subjects are really hard to
learn, when properly set before the pupil. These volumes are the
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* * * * *
_The volumes now ready, or in the course of preparation_—price $1.00
each—are:
Arithmetic Made Easy
Spelling Made Easy
Penmanship Made Easy
Grammar Made Easy
Drawing Made Easy
Dressmaking Made Easy
Dancing Made Easy
Etiquette Made Easy
Keeping Young Made Easy
Love Letters Made Easy
Shorthand Made Easy
Bookkeeping Made Easy
Entertaining Made Easy
Tricks and Magic Made Easy
Mental Healing Made Easy
_Further titles will be added as opportunity presents itself to secure
the proper type of manuscript._
End of Project Gutenberg's Etiquette Made Easy, by Edward Summers Squier