COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE.
It has long been the custom amongst the Siamese to ascribe honor and
glory to their princes and lords, in proportion to the number of wives
they have, and can maintain.
The king has generally one whom he constitutes his Queen Consort. A
young princess of the highest rank that can be found in the kingdom is
selected. She however is not certain of promotion until after she has
lived with the king for a time, and has succeeded in gaining a large
place in the royal affections. When this is sufficiently accomplished,
the king appoints a day for her exaltation. Three days are usually
devoted to the purpose. The chief officers of the palace, the chief
scribes, and the chief princes and nobles of the kingdom are present.
The principal ceremonies devolve upon the priests, of whom there are
quite a number present, both Budhist and Brahmin. The princess is
copiously bathed in pure water, in which the leaves of a certain kind
of tree, supposed to possess purifying and healthful influences, are
put. Most of the time is spent in feasting, but on the third day she
is placed on a small throne under a white canopy, where she is bathed
with holy water, the priests reciting prayers the while. She is then
conducted to a place where the wet clothes are laid aside, and she is
arrayed in queenly costume, jewels, and diamonds, and then displays
herself to those in attendance. Instances have occurred when the king
had two Queen Consorts. In such cases one is called the queen of the
right hand, and the other the queen of the left hand.
It has only happened about twice in Siamese history, that the king has
taken a foreign princess for his Queen Consort. This can happen in one
of two ways. The foreign prince wishing to secure the friendship and
alliance of the king of Siam, makes the first advance, offering his
daughter to the king of Siam. If, after having received testimonials
of her beauty and worth, the king is favorably disposed, he sends an
embassy to formally ask her of the father. The other way is, that the
king of Siam is the first mover in the matter, and makes the first
overtures.
In addition to his Queen Consort the king can have as many inferior
wives, or concubines, as he wishes. These are called _"Nang-ham,"_
literally, a woman forbidden--that is forbidden to go out of the
palace. Although women as a general thing in Siam are not in any way
secluded, still these inferior wives are rigidly confined within the
palace walls. During the late reign however, much more laxity in this
respect was displayed, than in any former reign. They cannot go
outside of the palace walls without a royal permit, and that only on
special and extraordinary occasions. The king seldom seeks an inferior
wife, but they are presented to him by princes and nobles wishing to
gain the royal favor, and thus they consign their daughters to a life
oftentimes worse than exile for that purpose. It is said that the late
king never left home but he returned with some new accessions to his
harem, and that they became so numerous that he oftentimes had to
refuse them.
The better classes amongst them procure wives something after the
following manner. There is nothing like courting amongst the young
folks, as we understand that term, unless it is done by stealth, which
is almost impossible, from the fact that the mothers exercise the
strictest vigilance over their unmarried daughters. In this respect
American mothers might often profit by the example of these heathen.
Girls become wives there at the early age of fourteen, and an old maid
is quite a curiosity.
Although young men in search of wives are not allowed the privilege of
courting, still they keep their eyes open, and when one sees a young
lady he fancies, he takes the proper steps to secure her. He makes the
matter known to his parents, if he has any; they employ an elderly
lady who is denominated a _"Maa su"_, and who is acquainted with and
respected by the young lady's parents. This _"Maa su"_ goes to the
house of the young lady's parents, and by a series of nice
insinuations, or otherwise, finds out how such a match would take, and
returns to report progress. If indications are favorable, the parents
of the young man then select a number of elderly persons of both
sexes, who are respectable, and intimate with both families. These
they invite to their house, and hold a consultation, and after the
matter is thoroughly discussed and the match decided to be a favorable
one, a propitious day is chosen, and the elderly persons repair to the
house of the young lady's parents. These of course divining their
object, receive them kindly, and according to custom, set out the tray
containing areca nut, seri leaf, red lime, and tobacco for chewing.
This ceremony over, the elders broach the subject of their mission,
taking good care to address the parents according to their rank, as
one improperly used pronoun might spoil the whole. If it is proper to
say _you_, they say it, and if it is proper to say your _honors_, or
your _graces_, they say that.
"Such parents having ascertained that this is a propitious day, have
commissioned us to come and confer with you concerning their son of
such a name, who has as yet no wife. His parents having put the
question to him, 'Have you any one in your mind, you would like to
have become your wife, and to whom you could trust your life in
sickness, and your obsequies after death?' The young man answered,
that he had your daughter of such a name, and her only. The parents
have therefore commissioned us to visit you the much respected parents
of the young lady, and confer with you in reference to this matter.
What do you the parents say?"
The parents reply: "Our daughter is one we love much, and the young
man is one whom his parents love much. We have an ancient proverb
which says, 'Move slowly and you will gain your object, and a
prolonged effort generally results favorably.' We will consult our
relatives on the right hand, and on the left, and see what they say
about it. Please call again."
After waiting a reasonable time and another propitious day has come,
the elders call again. The parents of the young lady will say: "We
have consulted our relatives, and they are unanimously of the opinion
that if the young man really loves our daughter, and can confide in
her as a proper person to take care of him in sickness, and take
charge of his body after death, his affections and confidence should
be planted." "But how is it in regard to the ages, and birthdays of
the parties? Are they such as to be suitable to each other?" The
Siamese have a superstition that persons born in certain years, are
incompatible with each other. For instance, if one was born in the
year of the _dog_, and the other in the year of the _rat_, or one in
the year of the _cow_, and the other in the year of the _tiger_, they
would be incompatible with each other. The matter is accordingly
referred to some fortune-teller, who, for a small fee, generally
pronounces no serious difficulty in the way.
This difficulty cleared up, the elders call for a further discussion
of the preliminaries. They say:--"Since birth-days do not interfere,
what shall be said about the mutual stock for the young couple to
commence business on, and the money for building a house for the young
couple?" According to Siamese custom the bridegroom almost invariably
goes to live with the parents of the bride, and accordingly puts up a
house on their premises, and as near the old mansion as possible. Thus
a man who has a number of daughters, finds himself surrounded by a
village, by the time they are all married off. The parents of the
young lady will answer, "We are by no means affluent, that we could
devote much money to that purpose. But allow us to ask, how will it be
with the parents of the young man--how much will they be willing to
give their son?" The others will reply, "It depends altogether on the
parents of the young lady." The other party will reply, "If such be
the case, we would suggest that they appropriate, say one hundred
_ticals_ ($60), for the purpose of building a house; and for mutual
trade _five hundred ticals_, and that they also contribute areca nut,
seri leaf, red lime, cakes, &c., for wedding purposes, say one hundred
salvers or dishes." The plan of the new house, and the number of rooms
are generally also specified. The elders then return and report to the
parents of the young man, and if they are satisfied, a bargain is
struck.
All preliminaries having been made, the young man goes to work to
build his house, which generally requires but a short time, and the
parents of the young lady do not delay to consult astrologers in
reference to a propitious day for the wedding. The day having been
fixed, and all things arranged, the friends of both parties are
invited to assist in carrying out the arrangements. The parents of
both parties unite in selecting some elderly persons, who shall be the
bearers of the money, together with two suits of white raiment, an
offering to the bride's parents, and the wedding cakes, &c. This is
done in procession, either in boats on the river, or by land, with
bands of music playing wedding airs. The money and presents are given
over to the bride's parents, and they in turn bring out their portion
of the money, and perhaps a slave or two, to assist the young bride in
performing her household duties. The guests being all assembled, the
money and presents are all exhibited. The elders then count the money
of both parties, as legal witnesses. Both sums are thrown together,
and sprinkled over with a little rice, scented oil, flowers, &c.,
symbolical of blessings craved on the young couple. The joint stock is
then delivered over to the parents of the bride for safe keeping.
Some time is then spent in feasting and mutual conversation, and
priests are chanting prayers the while. The bridegroom then, in
company with some of his young friends, goes to his new house.
The bride at the same time dispatches a lad neatly dressed, bearing a
tray of areca nut, who meets them there, and invites them to be seated
and enjoy themselves. She also decks herself in gay apparel, and in
company with some of her attendants repairs to the same building, but
the two parties are still separated by a screen. Religious services
are then held, after which the screen is withdrawn and the elders
proceed to bathe the young couple copiously with holy water. The chief
elder pours it first upon the head of the bridegroom, and then upon
the head of the bride, pronouncing a blessing upon each. The
attendants of the bride then assist her in changing her wet apparel
for dry, but still, if anything, more gay than the former. A finely
dressed lad then appears with a silver plated tray, containing a
handsome suit for the bridegroom, being a present from the bride's
parents, in which he speedily attires himself. Whilst these things are
going on the priests are rehearsing prayers for the benefit of the
young couple. All are then invited to a feast prepared by the bride's
parents, and when this is over the guests all return to their homes.
The bride stays with her parents, but the bridegroom goes to his new
house, where he has secured a band of music, and serenades the bride
until a late hour. Early next morning the guests all assemble, and
have a feast for the priests in which all vie with each other in their
attentions to the clergy. They then have another feast for themselves.
If this is a propitious day the ceremonies are closed in the evening.
A respectable couple, friends of the bride, who are man and wife, and
who themselves have been blessed with a large family of children, are
selected, and they then repair to the new house and prepare the bridal
bed. About 9 o'clock in the evening the elders conduct the bride to
her new home, and after some counsels and exhortations, the young
couple are left alone perhaps for the first time. Oftentimes however,
if the second day is unpropitious, the ceremonies are continued until
the third or fourth day.
After a few days have elapsed the bridegroom conducts his bride to
visit his parents. She takes with her a few presents of cakes and
fruit, and upon entering the house prostrates herself three times to
the floor, and is then taken into the embrace and confidence of the
family. The bridegroom also pays a formal visit to the bride's
parents, and prostrates himself before them.
After the birth of the first child the joint stock of money is
produced, and the young couple enter into business for themselves, as
they are supposed to have lived off the bride's parents up to this
time. There are three things which are considered absolutely essential
in these wedding ceremonies. These are three metallic platters, one
containing a kind of sweet cakes called _"Kanome cheen",_ or Chinese
cakes; another contains a kind of mince-meat, highly seasoned, and
much prized; and the third contains areca nut, seri leaf, red lime,
and tobacco for chewing purposes. These articles constitute what is
called the _"Kan mak,"_ literally the areca-nut tray, but which has
become one of their names for a wedding.
Marriage amongst them appears to be little more than a civil contract,
in which the bride has but little choice, but yields implicit
obedience to the will of the parents.
If a young man attempts to pay his addresses to a young lady without
going through the proper channel, he is supposed to be doing so from
improper motives, and stands a chance to get himself chastised by some
male member of the family. We had once in our school a young man, who
was rather fancy, and who attempted to address a young lady in the
neighborhood, without taking the proper steps. One evening two of the
young lady's brothers met him, and administered to him a sound
thrashing.
A man in Siam possesses the prerogative of administering to his wife a
little wholesome chastisement, if she fails to fulfil her duties. I
have seen a few instances in which I really thought it was deserved,
and did good, but as a Christian missionary, and a representative of
the free United States, where women are clamoring for the same rights
as men, I had to discourage such things under all circumstances.
Polygamy is not common amongst the middle and lower classes, simply on
account of their inability to maintain more than one wife, but divorce
is very easy, being only a dissolving of the civil contract by the
mutual consent of the parties, and then each party is at liberty to
marry again. There are however, many happy marriages in Siam, and I
have seen old people of seventy, who had spent a long life together
and raised large families.
Notwithstanding the vigilance of the mothers, there is occasionally a
runaway match. In such cases however, they as soon as possible take
all proper steps to propitiate the parents. They select respectable
persons, and send them with presents to the parents, and, as a general
thing, like runaway matches everywhere; after a short time every thing
is smoothed over satisfactorily. I had in my employ a young man who
was an orphan. He became enamored with a young lady in the
neighborhood, and through his friends secured the consent of her
parents, but as he was poor, the wedding was to be postponed a year.
In the mean time, a well-to-do Chinaman, who had considerable money at
his command, came along and proposed. The parents consented,
notwithstanding the former contract, and went on to make arrangements
for the wedding, without telling the daughter anything about it. A few
days before the wedding was to come off, she got wind of what was
going on, and that night ran away and came down to our place, to hunt
up her other lover. In the morning he came to me in great trepidation,
but unwilling to give up his prize. I rather felt for the young folks,
and selected some of the most honorable persons in the neighborhood,
and sent them up to the parents, but they were inexorable. I then sent
for them to come down to our place, which they did through respect for
me, but would still do nothing, and threatened to go to law; but I
told them I would defend the young man in his just rights to the last.
After a few days however, all was quieted down, and the matter
smoothed over amicably. A faithful creature she also proved to be. She
worked and kept up the house, and all the expenses, whilst he worked
to pay me a tolerably large debt, for money which I advanced him on
the occasion.
The nobility have all a plurality of wives, in proportion to their
means and rank. The first one taken, is head or mistress over the
others, and the whole get along as harmoniously together as such an
arrangement could be expected to do, and much more so than the same
arrangement would do with us. A nobleman is rather to be envied than
otherwise on his return home, as he receives so many delicate
attentions from his numerous wives, who all vie with each other in
meriting a liberal share of the divided affections of their lord.
Woman knows her place in Siam, and there are no such unfrocked
specimens of the sex there, as Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Lucretia Mott,
and others. Polygamy is however, one of the curses of the land, and
one of the great barriers to the introduction of the gospel. It is one
of those mountains which the power of the gospel must eventually bring
low. The day is coming when it must be abolished even in Siam.