A NEW LIFE.
Checked in his military ardour, John Fletcher turned his thoughts
again to study. His linguistic powers were great; it was to him a
cheerful distraction to join a party of students who were proceeding
to England to become familiar with the language.
At the first English inn at which they stayed Fletcher showed that
simple confidence in his brother-man which so distinguished his later
life by trusting a strange Jew with all his money for the purpose of
changing it into English coin. His fellow-students exclaimed, "You
will never see another crown of it!" but whether or not that quality
in Fletcher which always expected the very best from a man worked
salvation in this case as in many another, certain it is that the Jew
returned with the £90 intact.
For eighteen months Fletcher studied English at a school in
Hertfordshire, and afterwards became tutor to the two sons of a Member
of Parliament named Hill.
He little knew then how important a link in the providential chain was
that appointment. Up to this time, although he had deeply appreciated
religion, had read his Bible and prayed much, using any leisure he
could gain between his ordinary studies for the research of prophecy
and the perusal of devotional books, yet he lacked any experience of
living union with God; joy in Christ was an unknown bliss; the "peace
which passeth all understanding" was unrevealed to him. To his brother
Henry he thus described his condition:--
"My feelings were easily excited, but my heart was rarely affected,
and I was destitute of a sincere love to God, and consequently to my
neighbour. All my hopes of salvation rested on my prayers, devotions,
and a certain habit of saying, 'Lord, I am a great sinner; pardon me
for the sake of Jesus Christ!' In the meantime I was ignorant of the
fall and ruin in which every man is involved, the necessity of a
Redeemer, and the way by which we may be rescued from the fall by
receiving Christ with a living faith. I should have been quite
confounded if anyone had asked me the following questions: 'Do you
know that you are dead in Adam? Do you live to yourself? Do you live
in Christ and for Christ? Does God rule in your heart? Do you
experience that peace of God which passeth all understanding? Is the
love of God shed abroad in your heart by the Holy Spirit?'"
A vivid dream concerning the Day of Judgment was used to arouse him,
and for some days he was so depressed and harassed in mind that he
could not settle to any occupation for long together. Sunday arrived;
no teaching demanded his mental application; he wandered listlessly
from place to place, miserable and dejected. At length he sat down to
copy some music. The door opened and in walked the butler, an old
servant of the family, and a countryman of Fletcher's. For a moment he
paused, then approaching the tutor, said firmly, but respectfully:--
"Sir, I am surprised that you, who know so many things, should forget
what day this is, and that you should not be aware that the Lord's Day
should be sanctified in a very different manner."
The man was a true Christian, deeply humble, and full of zealous love
for God. The knowledge of many things he had borne patiently for
Christ, coupled with the strange power with which he spoke, smote the
tutor with a sense of his own shortcomings, and made him exclaim to
his own heart, "I am not renewed in the spirit of my mind, and without
this the death of Christ will not avail for my salvation!"
Not long after this Mr. Hill went up to London to attend Parliament,
accompanied by his tutor and family. On the road they stayed for a
meal and to change horses at St. Albans, and Fletcher went for a brisk
walk through the streets to stretch his limbs.
The horses were put to, but the tutor did not appear. After some delay
the post-chaise drove off, a horse being left in readiness for the
tutor to mount and ride after them. When in the evening he overtook
the party, Mr. Hill enquired why he stayed behind. He replied, "As I
was walking I met with a poor old woman, who talked so sweetly of
Jesus Christ that I knew not how the time passed away."
"I shall wonder," said Mrs. Hill, "if our tutor does not turn
Methodist by-and-by."
"Methodist, Madame!" asked he, puzzled; "pray what is that?"
"Why, the Methodists are a people that do nothing but pray," was her
rejoinder; "they are praying all day and all night."
"Are they? Then by the help of God I _will_ find them out," said
he decidedly.
He not only "found them out," but joined a Methodist society, meeting
with them whenever an opportunity presented itself.
Fletcher could not readily rid himself of the idea that "much doing"
would make him acceptable unto God. Gradually, however, he was brought
to consider the value of "saving faith," and writes in his diary:--
"Instead of going straight to Christ I have lost my time in fighting
against sin with the dim light of reason, and the use of the means of
grace. I fear my notions of Christ are only speculative, and do not
reach the heart. _I never had faith_, and without faith it is
impossible to please God. Then every thought, word, and work of mine
have only been sin and wickedness before God, though ever so specious
before men. All my righteousness is as filthy rags. I am a very devil,
though of an inferior sort, and if I am not renewed before I go hence,
hell will be my portion to all eternity....
"I begged of God to show me all the wickedness of my heart, and to fit
me for His mercy. I besought Him to increase my convictions, for I was
afraid I did not _mourn_ enough for my sins. But I found relief
in Mr. Wesley's Journal, where I learned that we should not build on
what we feel, but that we should go to Christ with all our sins and
all our hardness of heart.
"On January 21st I began to write a confession of my sins, misery, and
helplessness, together with a resolution to seek Christ even unto
death, but, my business calling me away, I had no heart to go on with
it. In the evening I read the Scriptures, and found a sort of pleasure
in seeing a picture of my wickedness so exactly drawn in the third
chapter of the Epistle to the Romans, and that of my condition in the
seventh; and now I felt some hope that God would finish in me the work
He had begun."
It would have been strange if at this important crisis the devil had
let him alone. In many ways the enemy fought for his soul. Among other
hindrances he was beset with temptations to evil thoughts, and,
distressed beyond measure, he cried to God with a _definite_
faith which grew out of the very desperateness of his immediate need
of help. Hope grew within his cheerless soul, for, as he says:--
"Having withstood two or three temptations, and feeling peace in my
soul through the whole of them, I began to think it was the Lord's
doing. Afterwards it was suggested to me that it was great presumption
for such a sinner to hope for such a mercy. I prayed I might not be
permitted to fall into a delusion; but the more I prayed the more I
saw it was real, for though sin stirred all the day long, I always
overcame it in the name of the Lord.
"In the evening I read some of the experiences of God's children, and
found my case agreed with theirs, and suited the sermon I had heard on
Justifying Faith. I called on the Lord for perseverance and an
increase of faith, for still I felt some fear lest this should be all
delusion. Having continued my supplication till near one in the
morning, I then opened my Bible and fell on these words, 'Cast thy
burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain thee. He will never suffer
the righteous to be moved.' Filled with joy, I fell on my knees to beg
of God that I might always cast my burden upon Him. I took up my Bible
again, and fell on these words, 'I will be with thee; I will not fail
thee, neither forsake thee; fear not, neither be dismayed.' My hope
was now greatly increased, and I thought I saw myself conqueror over
sin, hell, and all manner of affliction.
"With this beautiful promise I shut my Bible, and as I shut it I cast
my eye on the words, 'Whatsoever ye shall ask in My name I will do
it.' So, having asked perseverance and grace to serve God till death,
I went cheerfully to take my rest."