KRASNÓV. No, I'm all through there.
ARKHÍP. Will you stay at home?
KRASNÓV. I'll be here for an hour, then I have to go across the river to
make a collection.
TATYÁNA _brings a plate of cabbage soup, puts it on the table, and goes
out with_ LUKÉRYA. KRASNÓV, _after eating several spoonfuls, is lost in
thought_.
ARKHÍP. Lev! I can't see you, but it seems as if you weren't happy.
KRASNÓV. What's there to be happy about?
ARKHÍP. Why are you so sad? What's your sorrow?
KRASNÓV. It's my sorrow, grandfather, mine. My very own. It's for me to
judge of it.
ARKHÍP. Well, as you choose! It's your sorrow, and for you to bear.
[_Pause_] If I say anything, you know I'm not your enemy; if you scold
me, there's no harm in it. I've lived longer than you, and I've seen more
sorrow; maybe what I say will be good for you.
KRASNÓV. It isn't the kind of affair, grandfather, that needs advice! You
can't tell me anything.
ARKHÍP. You're foolish, foolish! How do you know? Are you wiser than the
rest of us?
KRASNÓV. Please stop. I can't discuss with you. What do you want? _Strikes
the spoon against the bowl angrily_. LUKÉRYA _enters, places a bowl of mush
on the table, and goes out_.
ARKHÍP. Your wife is wiser than you, really wiser.
KRASNÓV. If she were wise she'd obey her husband.
ARKHÍP. Not necessarily! One can't be on one's guard every minute! Don't
you hold anger for every little thing. One wrong--is no wrong; and two
wrongs--a half wrong; it takes three wrongs to make a whole wrong.
KRASNÓV. What wrongs! All wrongs aren't the same. For some wrongs
strangling would be mild.
ARKHÍP. What makes you so fierce? Nowadays, they don't hang a man even for
highway robbery.
KRASNÓV. I can't even eat my food.
ARKHÍP. You have a terrible temper! I began to talk about your wife; that
wasn't just for the sake of saying something. She came to her senses before
you did. [KRASNÓV _listens_] "Grandfather Arkhíp," says she, "put in a word
for me to my husband! I love him," says she, "but I'm afraid of his temper.
He seems to think me bad without any reason. I wouldn't exchange him
for any one," says she. "I'd try to please him in every way, just so he
forgives me and doesn't get angry."
KRASNÓV. Is that true?
ARKHÍP. Have you gone absolutely crazy? Do you think I'd turn liar in my
old age? She'd have told you herself; she wants to bow down to you but, you
see, she's ashamed, and then she's afraid.
KRASNÓV. [_Rising_] Grandfather Arkhíp, understand me! You know how I love
her, there's no need telling! Until this happened, we lived together very
comfortably; you all saw how I simply doted on her. Now that this gentleman
has come I see that he talks in too free and easy a way with her; and that
made me angry. Would you believe me, I didn't know what I was doing or
saying. When she went to him, I waited half an hour--she didn't return; I
waited an hour--she didn't return; I became furious; my very teeth began
to chatter. Here I was imagining all sorts of things! Maybe I'm doing her
wrong, am unjust to her; maybe she meant nothing; but what was there to do?
I'm consumed with a fire, absolutely consumed, I wronged her, I admit; but
was it easy for me? If you'd told me that she'd just died--I don't know
what I'd do with myself, but it would be easier; then no one could take her
from me. [_Weeps_] Some want money or reputation, but I need nothing except
her love. Give me the choice: Here, Krasnóv, you can have gold-mines and
royal castles, if you'll only give up your wife; or here, you can have a
roofless mud hut, all sorts of hard work, but you may live with your wife.
I won't utter a sound. I'll carry water on my back, just to be with her
always. So listen, grandfather! Is it strange that with my hot temper I
hurt her? If there's no love, then there's no anger. But you tell me that
she herself wants to bow down to me! Such happiness can't come to me even
in a dream. Certainly that is a load off my shoulders. It seems as
though I'd just been born into the world! Thank you, grandfather Arkhíp!
I was a dead man and you brought me to life again! I had such thoughts in
my head that I can't make up for them by praying all my life. The devil was
surely near me. Not only did he whisper in my ear, but--it's a sin to say
it--[_in a low voice_] he might have made me raise my arm.
ARKHÍP. What! At whom?
KRASNÓV. Well, what's past is past. God preserve me from such torment in
the future! I wouldn't wish such for my enemy.
ARKHÍP. You'd better calm your heart!
KRASNÓV. Ah, grandfather! I'd be glad to, but one can't restrain oneself.
All at once your eyes become clouded, your head whirls, it seems as if
some one were gripping your heart with his hand and you can think only of
misfortune and sin. You walk about as if half crazed, and see nothing all
around you. But now when your anger has calmed down, then you're at ease,
as if nothing had happened. [LUKÉRYA _comes in and takes the bowl from the
table_] Where's Tatyána Danílovna?
LUKÉRYA. She's there, in the kitchen.
KRASNÓV. Why in the kitchen? What is she doing there? The kitchen is no
place for her to sit in! Call her in here.
LUKÉRYA _goes out_.
AFÓNYA. [_In a low voice to_ ARKHÍP] Grandfather, will she bow down to
brother's feet or not? If not, then I'll leave.
ARKHÍP. As they please, that's not our business!
_Enter_ TATYÁNA and LUKÉRYA.
SCENE V
KRASNÓV, TATYÁNA, LUKÉRYA, ARKHÍP, _and_ AFÓNYA
TATYÁNA. Did you call me?
KRASNÓV. Yes, because the kitchen is no fit place for you to sit in.
ARKHÍP. I have spoken to him, Tatyána; now do as you like yourself.
TATYÁNA. Lev Rodionych! If I've done you any wrong whatever, please pardon
me. If you wish it, I'll bow down to your feet.
KRASNÓV. No, why should you? I can feel it without your doing that. I could
never allow you to do that--to bow down before me! What kind of man would I
be then?
TATYÁNA. I'm willing to do anything, only do not be angry with me.
KRASNÓV. I need nothing but your word. You gave your word--that's enough;
it's my duty to believe you.
TATYÁNA. Then you're not angry with me?
KRASNÓV. Not at all! I'm not a man of polished manners; in my excitement I
stormed--but don't take it ill of me; I did it because I was fond of you.
LUKÉRYA. Oh, stop! Who could take it ill of you?
TATYÁNA. I've already forgotten it. Your words didn't hurt me so much as
that you didn't even look at me to-day.
ARKHÍP. Well, now they've made up! What's the use of thrashing over old
scandals! Now kiss, as you should. Now everything will go on as it ought.
TATYÁNA. We won't fuss over that, grandfather. I'll be very glad to. I
wanted to long ago, but I didn't know how it would please Lev Rodionych.
KRASNÓV. If it's a pleasure to you, it's a double one for me! [_They kiss
each other_.
LUKÉRYA. I've always marvelled, Lev Rodionych, to see how sister loves you.
KRASNÓV. What's there to marvel at?
LUKÉRYA. I know her, Lev Rodionych, better than you do. She's of a quiet
temperament and can't tell you everything; but you just ought to know what
her real feelings are.
KRASNÓV. That makes it more pleasant still.
LUKÉRYA. She would have liked to tell you how much she loved you; but she's
so timid that she can't.
KRASNÓV. [_To his wife_] Why are you timid with me? I'm only an ordinary
man.
LUKÉRYA. We are so naturally.
KRASNÓV. [_To his wife_] Then be kind enough not to be afraid of me in the
future. That would trouble my conscience. Am I a bogie?
TATYÁNA. I'll not be afraid of you any more, Lev Rodionych; I'll love you.
LUKÉRYA. Other women would make you all sorts of promises that they didn't
mean a bit, but my sister--she's different.
KRASNÓV. Now I can understand you. There were times when I didn't know just
how to approach you--whether you'd be pleased or not!
TATYÁNA. You always please me.
AFÓNYA. Come, Grandfather Arkhíp, let's go out on the street!
ARKHÍP. As you wish; come on! Now, thank God, we again have peace and love.
It's good when there's agreement in the house! It's good, children, good!
[_Going out_] The demon has vanished under the earth, and God walks on the
earth! [_Goes out_.
LUKÉRYA. I just looked in here and now I must go somewhere else. [_Goes
out_.
SCENE VI
KRASNÓV and TATYÁNA
KRASNÓV. [_Sitting down on the bench_] Ah, Tatyána Danílovna, if God would
only grant that we might live our entire lives in such harmony as now!
TATYÁNA. [_Sitting down beside him_] We will.
KRASNÓV. If you were always so kind, you could fairly twist me round your
finger. You can do anything with me by kindness, Tatyána Danílovna.
TATYÁNA. [_Placing her hand on his shoulder_] I don't need anything from
you; I'm satisfied with everything. But don't think ill of me. Why were you
so jealous?
KRASNÓV. [_Embracing her_] So you were offended! [_Looking at her
lovingly_] You're my dear! Whatever is dear to one he guards. Why, you're
dearer to me than everything in the world! What a wife you are! Who else
has such a one? You're the envy of the whole city--don't I see that? Who
would want to lose such a wife? In the first place, it's just like tearing
a piece out of his heart; and secondly with their taunts and reproaches
they would give me no peace, drive me wild. I must tell you, I love you
more than my soul, and I had no intention of abusing you, but--how can I
explain it?--I can't help having notions.
TATYÁNA. Don't have them.
KRASNÓV. That's all over now.
TATYÁNA. [_Kindly_] Don't you insult me by watching me!
KRASNÓV. I tell you that's all past! Give me a good hard kiss! [_They kiss
each other_] That's right! Now tell me why you love me? How can you be so
attached to me?
TATYÁNA. I just love you, that's all.
KRASNÓV. No, do tell me! It does me good to hear it from you. I want to
know what there is in me that could make such a beauty fall in love with
me. Did I please you by my wit or by something else?
TATYÁNA. By everything. Who could say anything bad of you? Everybody knows
you're a good man.
KRASNÓV. And what else?
TATYÁNA. You're very kind, and you don't begrudge me anything.
KRASNÓV. That's the talk! [_Embraces her fervently and kisses her_] Well,
love me still more and then I'll be still kinder. What are you frowning at?
Did I muss you a little?
TATYÁNA. You're holding me too tight.
KRASNÓV. Oh, for the Lord's sake! I just can't help it! I squeeze you the
way I love you. It's right from the heart, no humbug. I don't suppose
you're made of sugar; you won't fall to pieces.
TATYÁNA. That's all right.
KRASNÓV. I know you didn't mean anything. What's there to complain of! No
need to get angry at such treatment! Isn't that so?
TATYÁNA. You know yourself, why ask!
KRASNÓV. Such is life with a good woman! Peaches and cream! Simply lovely!
Nothing on earth is better! What is the reason that you're so precious to
us men?
TATYÁNA. I don't know.
KRASNÓV. It's the work of Providence--truly, of Providence! It's beyond our
understanding! We know one thing, that--if you're attached to your wife,
that's enough. If you're once attached, then that's all. Now that we're
friends, the house might burn down over my head. [_Kisses her_] To-day I'll
go and collect some money, and to-morrow I'll buy you a new outfit.
TATYÁNA. What for? You don't need to.
KRASNÓV. If I say I'll buy it, then that's my affair. So I do need to buy
it. You attend to your business; comfort your husband! And I'll attend to
mine. [_Looking at his watch_] Oh, there's lots of time! I'd better go! I
wish I didn't have to leave you.
TATYÁNA. Don't go!
KRASNÓV. Don't you really want me to go? Don't act spoiled! Business before
pleasure! If I don't make the collection to-day, I can't get my money for
a whole week. It's so far to go, too! I wish he'd--Why, it's on the other
side of the river! It'll take an hour; confound him! [_Takes his cap_] So
you don't want me to go?
TATYÁNA. Of course not!
KRASNÓV. Oh, what a woman you are! [_Embraces her_] I know your kind,
and very well too! You just wait for me an hour, you'll live through it!
[_Kisses her_] Good-by! Otherwise I'd really be bound to stay with you. You
women were created for man's temptation in this world! [_Starts off_.
TATYÁNA. Come back soon!
KRASNÓV. I'll be back 'fore you can count ten! Speaking seriously, I can't
return within an hour. [_He goes out_.
SCENE VII
TATYÁNA _alone_
TATYÁNA. [_As soon as her husband goes_] Well, good-by! At last he's gone!
I'm unfortunate, unfortunate! They say one ought to love one's husband; but
how can I love him? He's vulgar, uneducated--and he fondles me as a bear
would! Sits there--and swaggers like a peasant; and I have to pretend to
love him, to humor him; how disgusting! I'd give anything on earth not to
have to do that. But how can I help it! I have to submit to one I don't
love! [_Silence_] I wonder where everybody is? Here I am all alone! Such
loneliness! [_Sits down at the window_] Even the streets are deserted, and
there's no one to look at. Where's my sister? [_Sings softly_.
"O, mother I'm sad!
Sad, my lady!
My heart is cast down,
Cast down and aching;
My beloved knows not
How my heart is bleeding."
SCENE VIII
TATYÁNA _and_ LUKÉRYA
LUKÉRYA. What, is he gone?
TATYÁNA. Yes.
LUKÉRYA. Far?
TATYÁNA. Across the river.
LUKÉRYA. Will he be long?
TATYÁNA. He said, not sooner than an hour.
LUKÉRYA. Now you might run over. I was just there--he's waiting. He leaves
to-day.
TATYÁNA. Surely not to-day? How can that be, Lusha, my dear? He didn't tell
me. If I could only see him!
LUKÉRYA. Take my kerchief and cover yourself all up with it. It's so dark
outside that no one will know you.
TATYÁNA. You think it'll be all right?
LUKÉRYA. If you're afraid of the wolf don't go into the woods. It isn't
far, you can run over in a minute. But don't stay too long!
TATYÁNA. No, no, of course I shan't. [_Puts the kerchief on_.
LUKÉRYA. You'd better be watching out! God forbid that Lev Rodionych should
return first. What should I do then! Shall I say that you went for some
thread to a neighbor? It'll be lucky if he believes it. What did you say to
him when you were alone?
TATYÁNA. What did I say--I don't know; and what I'm doing now--I can't
understand.
LUKÉRYA. Well, run along! run along!
TATYÁNA _goes out_.
SCENE IX
LUKÉRYA _and later_ AFÓNYA
LUKÉRYA. [_At the window_] Just look at her! She's flying like an arrow.
Who'd scheme for her if I didn't? She's a pretty girl, only she hasn't
any sense, and that's bad. She has to be taught everything; she has to be
looked after as though she were a small child. If I hadn't advised her to
make up with her husband, what would have happened? Quarrel and abuse.
She probably wouldn't have wanted to give in; then there'd have been a
continual squabble in the house and scandal among the neighbors. But now
she can do as she likes; everything will be smoothed over. _Enter_ AFÓNYA.
AFÓNYA. Where is Tatyána? Where is she, where is she?
LUKÉRYA. What do you want her for?
AFÓNYA. I need her. Tell me, where? Tell me, where?
LUKÉRYA. Probably in the garden.
AFÓNYA. Why are you fooling me? For once in your life tell the truth! Has
she gone? Speak, has she gone?
LUKÉRYA. Maybe she has gone.
AFÓNYA. Did she just slip out of the gate?
LUKÉRYA. Probably it was she. Wasn't it for thread she went? She's been
wanting to run over to the neighbor's for some time.
AFÓNYA. For thread?
LUKÉRYA. Well, yes, for thread.
AFÓNYA. You lie, lie!
LUKÉRYA. Leave me alone! Why are you worrying me? Why did you leave
grandfather?
AFÓNYA. That's none of your business. I know where she went. You're devils.
You've deceived brother. I saw it long ago in your eyes; in your eyes
flames flickered, devilish flames!
LUKÉRYA. My, but you're a malicious imp!
AFÓNYA. You just wait, just wait! You'll get sick of deceiving us; I'll
show you up.
LUKÉRYA. Don't threaten! We're not afraid of you.
AFÓNYA. [_With tears_] Heavens! My God! What's all this? What a man it is
they're deceiving before his very eyes! [_Runs out_.
ACT IV
TABLEAU I
_A street before_ PROKÓFYEVNA'_s house. Twilight_
SCENE I
ULYÁNA _and_ PROKÓFYEVNA _come out of the gate_
PROKÓFYEVNA. What is it, Ulyana! What is it! How is it possible! Don't
think of such a thing! You just imagined it. Believe me, you just imagined
it.
ULYÁNA. Say what you like about imagining! Thank Heaven, I'm not blind yet.
Not to recognize her! Why, I'd pick her out of a thousand by her dress. We
have only one style for our clothes; on holidays we don't wear the clothes
she does on week-days. You and I were just coming out of the door, and she
was just going in to see him.
PROKÓFYEVNA. I tell you it's a mistake. It's true, she isn't without
faults. There's a woman here who comes to him, and looks like her, but it
isn't she. What's that to me! Wouldn't I tell you? But if it isn't true,
then why talk nonsense?
ULYÁNA. You're just helping them out.
PROKÓFYEVNA. Don't tell wrong stories, Ulyana; don't tell wrong stories!
ULYÁNA. But where's the wrong, Prokófyevna! She's equal to it; because I
know her. It's too bad brother has given her so much freedom. I wouldn't
have thought of saying such a thing of another, but it isn't a sin to say
it of her. If not to-day then to-morrow she'll begin to raise trouble that
will never come to an end. She'll hoodwink brother. If you only knew how
she's insulted me.
PROKÓFYEVNA. Is that so?
ULYÁNA. May I die in my tracks if she didn't! She's changed brother so that
now he fairly growls at me. "I won't have anything to do with you," says
he. That's the sort she is! Just you wait, my dear! I'm not like some.
PROKÓFYEVNA. That's enough for you! What's the good of your mixing in!
She's the mistress in her house, and you are in yours.
ULYÁNA. To the deuce with her! I've nothing to do with her. But it hurts
me, Prokófyevna, that she upsets brother, and estranges him from his whole
family.
PROKÓFYEVNA. Well, that's your business; you'll settle accounts somehow.
Are you going home now?
ULYÁNA. Yes, my dear; it's supper-time. My boss is probably storming and
pacing the floor by now. Come and see us!
PROKÓFYEVNA. Good-by.
_They kiss each other. PROKÓFYEVNA goes out through the gate._
SCENE II
ULYÁNA and later AFÓNYA
ULYÁNA. Who knows whether Prokófyevna was lying or not. You can't believe
her; she's a rogue. I'd give a lot to find out for certain if she's now
with the gentleman or not. Will it hurt to wait? If she stays long, my
husband will make such a fuss that I won't forget it for a month of
Sundays. You're lucky that I'm in a hurry, or I'd watch out for you. [_Goes
out. She meets AFÓNYA_] Afónya, where are you going?
AFÓNYA. Go away, leave me alone! Leave me alone!
ULYÁNA. Is Tatyána at home?
AFÓNYA. No, she's gone.
ULYÁNA. Then she's here at the gentleman's; I just saw her.
AFÓNYA. At the gentleman's? Heavens! Have people no sense of shame!
ULYÁNA. I've got to run home; I'll tell my husband, then I'll call at your
house. [_Going away_] Wait, brother, wait! I'll get even with you for your
insults! [_Goes out_.
AFÓNYA. Heavens! I haven't any strength! How is one to live in such a
world? This is a punishment for our sins! Left her husband for a stranger!
She was sitting in a corner starving; we took care of her, gave her fine
clothes bought with hard-earned money! Brother denies himself, denies his
family, and gives her cash to buy rags, and now she and a stranger are
cursing us for the shelter we gave her. It makes me sick! Why don't I die!
I'm shedding tears of blood. We've warmed a viper in our bosom. [_Leans
against the fence_] I'll wait, I'll wait. I'll tell her everything,
everything that's seething in my heart.
BABÁYEV _and_ TATYÁNA _come out of the gate_; AFÓNYA _hides behind a
corner_.
SCENE III
AFÓNYA, BABÁYEV, _and_ TATYÁNA
BABÁYEV. What are you afraid of? There's not a soul on the street. Why are
you in such a hurry? It isn't half an hour since you came.
TATYÁNA. No, no! Somehow I feel uneasy.
BABÁYEV. I don't understand why you are so afraid. Well, your husband will
scold and that's all.
TATYÁNA. I was late the time before; how terribly he acted; I thought he'd
kill me. He makes me afraid, frightfully afraid! [_Silence_] Shall you
return soon?
BABÁYEV. In a week, in ten days at most.
TATYÁNA. Oh, how has this come about! Oh, if we had what we wanted: you'd
go to the country--and I'd go there too; you'd go to St. Petersburg--and
I'd follow you.
BABÁYEV. I asked you to come with me.
TATYÁNA. It's all right for you. You're a free man, while I'm no better
than a captive. That's my trouble. I've thought more than once how I could
run away to you.
BABÁYEV. That's good.
TATYÁNA. Just think how unfortunate my life is: in order to have a little
pleasure I have to deceive my husband. It's all deceit and deceit! But
what's the use of deceiving? It disgusts me; it's not in my character. If
my husband guessed that I didn't love him, then he'd kill me with scolding
and reproaches. I very well understand that I can't be a real wife to him,
and that I'm not wanted by his family; and they'd rather I were anywhere
else; but who can I explain that to, who'd understand it! Just see how
rough and stern they are, and I'm not used to sternness. What a life, when
there's no freedom!
BABÁYEV. Tánya, I'll tell you what to do! Tell him outright that you don't
want to live with him. You and your sister rent a house, and I'll send you
the money.
TATYÁNA. That's impossible. Not to be thought of! Do you think he'd let me
go? He doesn't care if I die--so long as I'm with him--before his eyes. It
would be better for me to leave quietly.
BABÁYEV. Very well, leave quietly.
TATYÁNA. Really, I don't know. We're all brave when it's a matter of words,
but when it comes to action, then you lose your reason, especially such as
I. Do as you wish. I'll do as you advise me. If you love me, you won't want
to cause my ruin.
BABÁYEV. Of course not.
TATYÁNA. They're right when they say that all women are insane; I married
of my own accord--nobody forced me--so now I ought to live according to my
vows; but I'm drawn to you, and want to escape from my home. It's all your
fault, Valentin Pávlich; home has become disgusting to me because of you.
If it weren't for you, I'd manage to live somehow with my husband; at least
I shouldn't know this sorrow.
BABÁYEV. A fine life! You have much to regret!
TATYÁNA. But is my life agreeable now? Of course I ought not to blame you
much, because I'm entirely to blame myself. You have nothing to worry
about! Yours is a man's affair, and no one will condemn you; but we have
to suffer for every single thing. But what's to be done! It's too late to
argue who's in the right and who's to blame; but I guess this affair had to
happen. But don't you deceive me; come back!
BABÁYEV. Oh, stop; what do you mean! Certainly I'll come back.
TATYÁNA. [_Kissing him_] Good-by! It's time for me to go! My, how I'm
shivering! My legs fairly totter under me.
BABÁYEV. Calm yourself a little. Come, I'll walk along the bank with you;
you'll get home in time. [_They go out_.
AFÓNYA. So this, brother Lev, is what you deserted us for! Just look, and
enjoy it! You act like a wild beast to those who love you with their whole
soul. I'm burning up like a candle, I'm wasting away because of love and
pity for you, and yet I haven't once heard a kind word from you. You doted
on your wife, and see what she's up to, the wretch! No, there's no truth in
the world, none. [_Goes out_.
TABLEAU II
_Same room as in_ ACT III
SCENE I
LUKÉRYA _enters with a candle and places it on a table; later_ AFÓNYA
_comes in_.
LUKÉRYA. Why doesn't Tánya return! It's high time, She's insane! She's just
glad that she got out of here; she doesn't realize that suddenly, when you
least expect it, her husband may return. Here I am on pins and needles.
When I hear any one at the door my heart almost stops. Every minute seems
a year. Afónya torments me too. I wonder where he went. Isn't he spying on
her? Of course I can find ten replies to every word he says; yet he may
rouse suspicion. Ah, some one is coming! Is it possible that it's Lev!
Heaven forbid! I do believe I'll die. [AFÓNYA _comes in, and, groaning,
lies down on the stove-couch_] Where have you been?
AFÓNYA. Never you mind.
LUKÉRYA. Speak, it won't hurt your voice.
AFÓNYA. I don't want to talk to you.
LUKÉRYA. [_Caressingly_] Don't you feel well, Afónya?
AFÓNYA. Oh, Heavens! don't touch me, don't touch! You can't fool me.
LUKÉRYA. I don't in the least wish to fool you.
AFÓNYA. You fooled brother, but you can't fool me. No, no! LUKÉRYA. I don't
understand a bit what you're talking about.
AFÓNYA. Oh, I'm exhausted! Go away: out of my sight. Don't torment me.
LUKÉRYA. You feel worse because you don't appreciate kindness.
AFÓNYA. I don't need it! I don't need anything.
LUKÉRYA. Well, then just lie on your couch. Do you think I want anything
from you? I only spoke out of sympathy. [_Silence_] What a senseless girl;
how senseless! I'm all a-tremble.
KRASNÓV comes in.
SCENE II
The same and KRASNÓV
KRASNÓV. Well, here I am. What a trick I've played! The joke's on Tatyána
Danílovna. "Expect me in an hour," I said, and here I am in half an hour,
so she'd be surprised. I was invited to tea, but I didn't stay. "Do you
think I want tea," I said, "when I have a young wife at home who's waiting
for me!" But where is she?
LUKÉRYA. I don't know. Somewhere around. Isn't she in the garden?
KRASNÓV. Send her in right away, I want to give her a present for her
kindness to-day.
LUKÉRYA. Right away, right away. [_Goes out_]
KRASNÓV. [_Paces up and dawn in silence; then speaks to himself_]
Fifty-seven rubles, six and three, nine to Peter Ananyev. [_Pause_] Has she
disappeared? [_Paces up and down in silence_] Afónya, do you know where my
wife went?
AFÓNYA. Don't know. Oh, I feel sick.
KRASNÓV. What's she dallying around for? [_Goes to the door_] Tatyána
Danílovna! Lukérya Danílovna! They don't even answer. What does that mean
now? Afanásy, where's my wife?
AFÓNYA. Are you lonesome without her? She'll come, don't be afraid. No
matter where she's strolling, she'll come home.
KRASNÓV. [_At the door_] Tatyána Danílovna!
ULYÁNA _comes in_.
SCENE III
_The same and_ ULYÁNA
KRASNÓV. Who's that? Is that you, Ulyana?
ULYÁNA. Yes, brother.
KRASNÓV. What do you want?
ULYÁNA. Just to call on you, brother, as a relative should.
KRASNÓV. I'm in no great need of your calls.
ULYÁNA. My feelings, brother, are different from yours; I can't help
remembering my kindred. Where's your bride?
KRASNÓV. She seems to have gotten lost somewhere here. I keep calling her,
but can't raise her.
ULYÁNA. Maybe she's far away from here, so she can't hear your call
KRASNÓV. What do you mean by "far"? I tell you she's at home.
ULYÁNA. Who said that? Wasn't it her sister, Lukérya Danílovna?
KRASNÓV. Yes, maybe it was she.
ULYÁNA. And you believed her. Oh, you're simple, simple!
KRASNÓV. Go away, sister! Keep out of trouble!
ULYÁNA. Come to your senses; what are you shouting for? I saw with my own
eyes how she went to the gentleman.
KRASNÓV. So that's the kind of family I have! My luck sticks in their
throats. You're a barbarian, you jealous woman. To kill you would be small
penalty for your cursed tongue! [_Raises his arm to strike her_.
AFÓNYA. [_Getting up from the couch_] Quieter, you; quieter! What are you
making a row for?
KRASNÓV. I'll hang you both on the same poplar!
AFÓNYA. [_Shielding his sister_] Don't touch her, don't lay a finger on
her! She's telling the truth, the absolute truth.
KRASNÓV. You lie, you're jealous, both of you! It isn't an hour, I tell
you; it isn't an hour since we sat here, kissing and embracing, looking
into each other's eyes and couldn't get enough of it.
ULYÁNA. Heavens, he's out of his head! You've lost your mind! Go and see
for yourself if you don't believe us.
KRASNÓV. [_At the door_] Lukérya Danílovna!
ULYÁNA. Call, call; she ran over there, too. _Enter_ KÚRITSYN.
SCENE IV
_The same and_ KÚRITSYN
KÚRITSYN. What are you yelling for, are you teaching your wife? That's good
for her, so she won't run away from home.
KRASNÓV. But where is she? Where is she? Spare me; you're tearing me to
pieces.
KÚRITSYN. She'll come back; she doesn't spend the night there.
ULYÁNA. You'd better calm yourself, brother; sit down.
KÚRITSYN. We'll all wait for her, the lady.
KRASNÓV. She petted me, fondled me, pressed me close to her heart.
TATYÁNA _enters quietly and looks around_.
SCENE V
_The same and_ TATYÁNA
KRASNÓV. Where have you been? Have you had a good time? Speak, don't hide
it! Why are you silent? Speak! You see: everybody has come to view my
shame.
ULYÁNA. Why don't you talk, you shameless creature! You think you can get
out of it by silence? We saw how you went over there and came back.
KÚRITSYN. Trample on her, brother, trample on her hard; she'll talk.
KRASNÓV. Don't torment me! Tell me, what am I to think of you? What? Are
these people lying? Then I'll turn 'em out, head over heels! Or maybe
they're telling the truth? Deliver me from my sinful thoughts! Tell me,
which of you is my enemy? Were you there?
TATYÁNA. What's the use of lying, since you've all seen me. I was there.
KRASNÓV. [_Beside himself_] There, good people, there--that's how it is!
What shall I do now? What can I--pardon me, a sinner, for doing you wrong!
How other men's wives behave, I don't know; but this is the way in our
family.
ULYÁNA. Now we'll watch your pride. How will you show yourself among people
now, shameless woman? You've disgraced our brother, disgraced him!
AFÓNYA. Viper, viper!
KÚRITSYN. What's the use of looking at her! She ought to pay the penalty
right off.
_ARKHÍP comes in._
SCENE VI
_The same and_ ARKHÍP
ARKHÍP. What punishment has God sent us? Why so much noise? Is there a
fire? You know I can't see.
ULYÁNA. The sweet bride has been up to mischief! If I were in brother's
place, I'd take her and crush her.
KRASNÓV. Away, away! Don't, don't anybody lay a finger on her! I'm her
husband, so I'm her judge. Now tell me, why did you do it? Why did you go
astray? Were you drawn into the net of sin? Perhaps you didn't dream of
such a thing of your own accord. Perhaps you didn't expect it? Or did you
rush into sin of your own free will? How about you now? Do you repent or
not? Or maybe you think that was the right thing to do? Speak! Why are you
silent? Are you abashed before people, or are you happy? Are you ashamed,
or are you glad of what you've done? Are you made of stone? Roll at every
one's feet, crucify yourself! Or will you tell me outright that you did it
to spite me! I want to know what to do with you--spare you, or kill you.
Did you love me at least a little bit; is there any reason for my sparing
you? Or did you cheat me all the time? Did I only dream of happy days?
TATYÁNA. [_With tears_] I'm guilty, Lev Rodionych. I deceived you. I never
loved you, and don't love you now. You'd better leave me, rather than have
both of us suffer. Better that we part!
KRASNÓV. How part? Where shall we go? No, you lie! Whom shall I punish for
my shame? You say you don't love me, and never did, while I went around
town and boasted that a beautiful lady loved me. How shall I take revenge
for this insult? Go in the kitchen! You can't be a wife, so be a cook! You
couldn't walk hand in hand with your husband, so fetch water for him. You
have aged me in a day, and now I'll make sport of your beauty! Every day
that the fair sun rises, you'll get nothing from me but slaps and curses
all your life; maybe some time when I'm angry, I'll kill you like a dog.
Some one give me a knife!
TATYÁNA _runs out_.
AFÓNYA. Brother! brother! She's going, she's going away.
KRASNÓV. She won't escape me!
AFÓNYA. She's going to the gentleman. I heard them planning to go away to
the country.
KRASNÓV. Who'll take her from me, if I won't give her up? Who in the whole
world is strong enough to take her from me? If they take her they'll have
to tear my arms off.
AFÓNYA. [_Looking out of the door_] Brother, she's getting ready! She's
leaving, brother!
KRASNÓV. [_Pushing him aside_] Stand aside! A woman leaves her husband
only for the grave, for nowhere else! [_Goes out. The cry of_ TATYÁNA _is
heard_: "Let me go!" _He comes back_] Bind me! I've killed her.
AFÓNYA. Serves her right.
ULYÁNA. Ah, my dear! What will happen to you now?
ARKHÍP. Where is he? Where is he? [AFÓNYA _leads him_] What have you done?
Who gave you the right? Is she guilty only towards you? First of all, she
is guilty before God; and you, a proud and willful man, have taken it upon
yourself to judge? You couldn't wait for the merciful judgment of God; so
now go to the judgment of man, yourself! Bind him!
KÚRITSYN. He didn't expect it, he didn't foresee it, but he fell into
sorrow! Sorrow walks not through the woods, but among men.
IT'S A FAMILY AFFAIR--WE'LL SETTLE IT OURSELVES
A COMEDY IN FOUR ACTS
CHARACTERS
SAMSÓN SÍLYCH BOLSHÓV[1], _a merchant_
[Footnote 1: Samsón Strengthson Bigman.]
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA, _his wife_
OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA (LÍPOCHKA), _their daughter_
LÁZAR ELIZÁRYCH PODKHALYÚZIN[2], _a clerk_
[Footnote 2: Sneaky.]
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA, _a professional match-maker_
SYSÓY PSÓICH RISPOLÓZHENSKY[3], _a lawyer_
[Footnote 3: Unfrocked.]
FOMÍNISHNA, _housekeeper_ }
} _in_ BOLSHÓV'S _house_
TÍSKA[4], boy }
[Footnote 4: A nickname for Tikhon.]
ACT I
_Drawing-room in BOLSHÓV'S house_
SCENE I
_LÍPOCHKA is sitting near the window with a book_
LÍPOCHKA. What a pleasant occupation these dances are! Very good indeed!
What could be more delightful? You go to the assembly, or to somebody's
wedding, you sit down, naturally, all beflowered like a doll or a magazine
picture. Suddenly up runs a gentleman: "May I have the happiness, miss?"
Well, you see, if he's a man of wit, or a military individual, you accept,
drop your eyes a little, and answer: "If you please, with pleasure!" Ah!
[_Warmly_] Most fas-ci-nat-ing! Simply beyond understanding! [_Sighs_] I
dislike most of all dancing with students and government office clerks. But
it's the real thing to dance with army men! Ah, charming! ravishing! Their
mustaches, and epaulets, and uniforms, and on some of them even spurs with
little bits of bells. Only it's killingly tiresome that they don't wear a
sabre. Why do they take it off? It's strange, plague take it! The soldiers
themselves don't understand how much more fascinatingly they'd shine! If
they were to take a look at the spurs, the way they tinkle, especially if
a uhlan or some colonel or other is showing off--wonderful! It's just
splendid to look at them--lovely! And if he'd just fasten on a sabre, you'd
simply never see anything more delightful, you'd just hear rolling thunder
instead of the music. Now, what comparison can there be between a soldier
and a civilian? A soldier! Why, you can see right off his cleverness and
everything. But what does a civilian amount to? Just a dummy. [_Silence_] I
wonder why it is that so many ladies sit down with their feet under their
chairs. There's positively no difficulty in learning how! Although I was
a little bashful before the teacher, I learned how to do it perfectly in
twenty lessons. Why not learn how to dance? It's only a superstition not
to. Here mamma sometimes gets angry because the teacher is always grabbing
at my knees. All that comes from lack of education. What of it? He's a
dancing-master and not somebody else. [_Reflecting_] I picture to myself:
suddenly a soldier makes advances to me, suddenly a solemn betrothal,
candles burn everywhere, the butlers enter, wearing white gloves; I,
naturally, in a tulle or perhaps in a gauze gown; then suddenly they begin
to play a waltz--but how confused I shall be before him! Ah, what a shame!
Then where in the world shall I hide? What will he think? "Here," he'll
say, "an uneducated little fool!" But, no, how can that be! Only, you see
I haven't danced for a year and a half! I'll try it now at leisure.
[_Waltzing badly_] One--two--three; one--two--three--
SCENE II
LÍPOCHKA _and_ AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. [_Entering_] Ah, ha, shameless creature! My heart
told me so; before it's fairly daylight, before you've eaten God's bread,
you start off dancing right away!
LÍPOCHKA. Now, mamma, I've drunk my tea and eaten some curd-cakes. Look
here, is this all right? One, two, three; one--two--
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. [_Following her_] What difference does it make if
you have had something to eat? I suppose I'll have to keep watching what
sinful pranks you're up to! I tell you, don't whirl around!
LÍPOCHKA. Pooh! where's the sin in that! Everybody's doing it nowadays.
One, two--
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Better knock your forehead against the table, but
don't fiddle around with your feet. [_She runs after her_] What's the
matter with you? Where did you get the idea of not obeying?
LÍPOCHKA. Who told you I didn't obey? Don't meddle; let me finish the way I
want to! One, two, three--
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Shall I have to run after you long, old woman as
I am? Ouf! You've worn me out, you barbarian! Do you hear? Stop! I'll
complain to your father!
LÍPOCHKA. Right away, right away, mamma! This is the last time around! God
created you expressly for complaining. Much I care for you! One--two--
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. What! you keep on dancing, and talk impudently into
the bargain! Stop it this minute! It'll be so much the worse for you; I'll
grab you by the skirt, and tear off the whole train.
LÍPOCHKA. Well, tear it, and much good may it do you! You'll simply have to
sew it up again, and that's all there is to it! [_She sits down_] Phew!
phew! my, I'm soaked through! as if I'd been pulling a van! Ouf! Mamma,
give me a handkerchief to wipe off the perspiration.
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Wait, I'll wipe it off myself. You've half killed
yourself! And it's just as if somebody were making you do it. Since you
don't respect your mother, you might at least respect these walls. Your
father, my dear, has to make a great effort even to move his legs; but you
skip about here like a jumping-jack!
LÍPOCHKA. Go away with your advice! How can I act according to your
notions? Do you want me to get sick? That would be all right if I were a
doctor's wife. Ouf! What disgusting ideas you have! Bah! What a woman you
are, mamma, drat it! Honestly, I sometimes blush for your stupidity!
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. What a darling child you are! Just consider how
you're insulting your mother! Ah, you stupid chatterbox! Is it right to
dishonor your parents with such words? Was it for this I brought you into
the world, taught you, and guarded you as carefully as if you were a
butterfly?
LÍPOCHKA. You didn't teach me--strangers did; that'll do, if you please.
You yourself, to tell the truth, had no bringing up. What of it? You bore a
child--what was I then?--a child without understanding, I didn't understand
the ways of society. But I grew up, I looked upon society manners, and I
saw that I was far more educated than others. Why should I show too much
indulgence for your foolishness? Why, indeed! Much reason for it, I must
say!
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Let up, let up, you shameless girl! You'll drive me
out of patience; I'll go straight to your father, throw myself at his feet,
and say: "Samsón, dear, there's no living because of our daughter!"
LÍPOCHKA. Yes, there's no living for you! I imagine so. But do you give me
any chance to live? Why did you send away my suitor? Could there have
been a better match? Wasn't he a Coopid[1]? What did you find in him that
was soft?
[Footnote 1: An attempt to reproduce Lipochka's illiterate pronunciation
of the Russian word.]
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. He was soft enough; just a grinning booby. He came
swaggering around, swaggered, strutted, strutted. What a rare bird!
LÍPOCHKA. Yes, much you know! Of course he's a born gentleman; he behaves
in a delicate way. They always do like that in his circle--But how do you
dare to censure such people, of whom you haven't any idea? He, I tell you,
is no cheap merchant. [_She whispers aside_] My darling, my beauty!
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Yes, a good darling! Do tell! Pity we didn't marry
you to some circus clown. Shame on you; there's some kind of folly in you;
you whisper right under your mother's nose, just to spite her.
LÍPOCHKA. I've reason enough, because you don't desire my happiness. You
and pa are only good for picking quarrels and tyrannizing!
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. You can think what you please. The Lord is your
judge! But nobody feels the anxiety for her child that the mother who bore
her does! Here you're always posing and kicking up all kinds of nonsense,
while your father and I worry day and night about how to find you a good
man, and establish you quickly.
LÍPOCHKA. Yes, easy for you to talk; but just let me ask, what good does
that do me, if you please?
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. As if you thought I wasn't sorry for you! But what
can I do? Have a mite of patience, even if you have been waiting a few
years. It's impossible to find a husband for you in a second; it's only
cats that catch mice in a jiffy.
LÍPOCHKA. What have I got to do with your cats! It's a husband I want.
What's the use! I'm ashamed to meet my acquaintances; in all Moscow we
weren't able to choose a husband; other girls kept having all the luck.
Wouldn't it make anybody sick? All my friends were married long ago, and
here I am like a kind of orphan! We found one man, and turned him down.
Now, look here: find me a husband, and find him quick!... I tell you in
advance, look me up a husband right off, or it'll be so much the worse for
you: purposely, just to spite you, I'll secretly scare up an adorer; I'll
run away with a hussar, and we'll get married on the quiet.
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. What! What! You lewd creature! Who drummed such
nastiness into your head? Merciful Lord, I can't get my breath! Ah, you
dirty hussy! Well, there's nothing to be done. It's evident. I'll have to
call your father.
LÍPOCHKA. All you ever say is "father, father!" You have a lot to say when
he's around, but just try it when you're by yourself!
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. So you think I'm a fool, do you? What kind of
hussars do you know, you brazen-faced creature? Phoo! Diabolical
idea! Perhaps you think I'm not able to make you mind? Tell me, you
shameless-eyed girl, where did you get that spiteful look? What, you want
to be sharper than your mother! It won't take me long, I tell you, to send
you into the kitchen to boil the kettles. Shame, shame on you! Ah! Ah! My
holy saints! I'll make you a hempen wedding-dress, and pull it on over your
head directly. I'll make you live with the pigs, instead of your parents!
LÍPOCHKA. How's that? Will I allow anybody to boss me about? The idea!
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Shut up, shut up, you babbling Bessie! Give in to
your mother! What obstinate daring! Just peep another word and I'll stop
your mouth with a potato. A beautiful consolation the Lord has sent me in
you! Impudent slut! You're a miserable tomboy and you haven't a womanly
thought in your head! You're ready, I suppose, to jump on horseback and go
off like a soldier!
LÍPOCHKA. I suppose you'll ring in the police, presently! You'd do better
to keep still, since you weren't properly brought up. I'm absolutely vile;
but what are you, after all? Do you want to send me to the other world
before my time? Do you want to kill me with your caprices? [_She weeps_]
Already I'm about coughing my lungs out! [_Weeps._
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. [_Stands and looks at her_] Well, stop, stop!
LÍPOCHKA _weeps louder and then sobs._
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. I tell you, that'll do! I'm talking to you; stop it!
Well, it's my fault; only do stop--it's my fault!
LÍPOCHKA _weeps._
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Lipochka! Lipa! Come, come, do stop!
[_Tearfully_] Now, don't get angry at me--[_She weeps_] A silly old
woman--ignorant--[_They weep together_] Please forgive me--I'll buy you
some earrings.
LÍPOCHKA. [_Weeping_] I don't want your old earrings; I have a drawer full
already. You buy me some bracelets with emeralds.
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. I will, I will, only please stop crying!
LÍPOCHKA. [_Through her tears_] I won't stop crying till I get married.
[_She weeps._
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. You'll get married, my darling; you will! Now, give
me a kiss! [_They kiss_] There, Christ be with you! Now let me wipe away
the tears for you. [_She wipes the tears_] Ustinya Naúmovna wanted to come
to-day; we're going to talk a bit.
LÍPOCHKA. [_In a voice still rather trembly_] Oh, dear, I wish she'd hurry
up!
SCENE III
_The same and_ FOMÍNISHNA
FOMÍNISHNA. Just guess, my dear Agraféna Kondrátyevna, who's come to call
on us!
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. I can't say. Do you think I'm a witch at guessing,
Fomínishna?
LÍPOCHKA. Why don't you ask me? Am I stupider than you or mamma?
FOMÍNISHNA. The fact is, I don't know how to tell you. You're pretty strong
on talk; but when it comes to action you aren't there! I asked you, and
asked you, to give me just a handkerchief--nothing expensive: two heaps of
stuff are lying around on your closet floor now without any care; but it
didn't do any good; it's always give it to strangers, give it to strangers!
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. There, now, Fomínishna, I'll never make this out
till doomsday.
LÍPOCHKA. Let her go; she had a drink of beer after breakfast, and so she's
getting fuzzy in her head.
FOMÍNISHNA. That's all right; what are you laughing at? How's it coming
out, Agraféna Kondrátyevna? Sometimes the beginning is worse than the end.
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. One can never find out anything from you! As soon as
you begin to talk, we have to stop up our ears! Now, who was it who came
here?
LÍPOCHKA. A man or a woman?
FOMÍNISHNA. You can never see anything but men! Where in the world did one
ever see a man wearing a widow's bonnet? This is a widow's affair--so what
should her name be?
LÍPOCHKA. Naturally, a woman without a husband, a widow.
FOMÍNISHNA. So I was right? And it comes out that it is a woman!
LÍPOCHKA. What a senseless creature! Well, who is the woman?
FOMÍNISHNA. There, there now, you're clever, but no guesser; it couldn't be
anybody else but Ustinya Naúmovna.
LÍPOCHKA. Ah, mamma, how lucky!
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Where has she been all this time? Bring her in
quickly, Fomínishna.
FOMÍNISHNA. She'll appear herself in a second. She stopped in the yard,
quarrelling with the porter; he didn't open the door quickly enough.
SCENE IV
_The same and_ USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. [_Entering_] Ouf, fa, fa! Why do you have such a steep
staircase, my jewels? You climb, and climb, and much as ever you get there!
LÍPOCHKA. Oh, here she is! How are you, Ustinya Naúmovna?
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. Don't get in a hurry! There's people older than you.
I want to chatter with your mamma a bit first. [_Exchanges kisses with_
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA] How are you, Agraféna Kondrátyevna? How did you feel
when you got up? How did you pass the night? All alive, my precious?
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Thank the Lord! I'm alive, able to chew; I've been
joking with my daughter all the morning.
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. All about dresses, I suppose. [_Exchanging kisses with_
LÍPOCHKA] Well, your turn has come. What's this! It seems as if you had
grown stouter, my jewel! Lord bless you! What could be better than to
blossom out in beauty!
FOMÍNISHNA. Shame on you, temptress! You'll give us bad luck yet!
LÍPOCHKA. Oh, what nonsense! It just looks that way to you, Ustinya
Naúmovna. I keep getting punier; first it's stomachache, then palpitation
of the heart--just like the beating of a pendulum. Now I have a sinking
feeling, or feel kind of seasick, and things swim before my eyes.
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. [_To_ FOMÍNISHNA] Come on, you dear soul, let's have a
kiss now. To be sure, we've already exchanged greetings in the yard, my
jewel, so we don't need to rub lips again.
FOMÍNISHNA. Just as you wish. Of course I'm no lady of a household. I don't
amount to much; all the same I have a soul in me, and not just vapor!
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. [_Sitting down_] Sit down, sit down, Ustinya
Naúmovna! Why do you stand up as stiff as a bean-pole? Fomínishna, go tell
them to heat up the samovar.
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. I've had my tea, I've had it, my jewel; may I perish on
the spot if I haven't; and I've just dropped in for a moment.
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. What are you loafing about for, Fomínishna? Run off
a little more nimbly, granny.
LÍPOCHKA. Let me, mamma, I'll go quicker; look how clumsy she is!
FOMÍNISHNA. Don't you meddle where you aren't asked! For my part, my dear
Agraféna Kondrátyevna, this is what I think: wouldn't it be nicer to serve
cordial and some herring?
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Cordial's all right, and the samovar's all right. Or
are you stingy with other people's stuff? Well, when it's ready, have it
brought here.
FOMÍNISHNA. Certainly! All right! [_She goes out_.
SCENE V
_The same, without_ FOMÍNISHNA
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Well, haven't you any news, Ustinya Naúmovna? This
girl of mine is simply grieved to death.
LÍPOCHKA. And really, Ustinya Naúmovna, you keep coming, and coming, and no
good comes of it.
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. But one can't fix things up quickly with you, my jewels.
Your daddy has his eye peeled for a rich fellow; he tells me he'll be
satisfied with any bell-boy provided he has money and asks a small enough
settlement. And your mamma also, Agraféna Kondrátyevna, is always wanting
her own taste suited; you must be sure to give her a merchant, with a
decoration, who keeps horses, and who crosses himself in the old way[1].
You also have your own notions. How's a person going to please you all?
SCENE VI
_The same and_ FOMÍNISHNA, _who enters and places vodka and relishes on the
table_.
LÍPOCHKA. I won't marry a merchant, not for anything. I won't! As if I was
brought up for that, and learned French[1], and to play the piano, and to
dance! No, no; get him wherever you want to, but get me an aristocrat.
[Footnote 1: Evidently, Bolshóv and his family, like many other wealthy
Moscow merchants, belonged to the sect of the Old Believers, one of whose
dearest tenets is that the sign of the cross should be made with two
fingers instead of with three.]
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Here, you talk with her.
FOMÍNISHNA. What put aristocrats into your head? What's the special relish
in them? They don't even grow beards like Christians; they don't go to the
public baths, and don't make pasties on holidays. But, you see, even if
you're married, you'll get sick of nothing but sauce and gravy.
LÍPOCHKA. Fomínishna, you were born a peasant, and you'll turn up your toes
a peasant. What's your merchant to me? What use would he be? Has he any
ambition to rise in the world? What do I want of his mop?
FOMÍNISHNA. Not a mop, but the hair that God gave him, miss, that's it.
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. See what a rough old codger your dad is; he doesn't
trim his beard; yet, somehow, you manage to kiss him.
LÍPOCHKA. Dad is one thing, but my husband is another. But why do you
insist, mamma? I have already said that I won't marry a merchant, and I
won't! I'd rather die first; I'll cry to the end of my life; if tears give
out, I'll swallow pepper.
FOMÍNISHNA. Are you getting ready to bawl? Don't you think of it!--What fun
do you get out of teasing her, Agraféna Kondrátyevna?
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Who's teasing her? She's mighty touchy.
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. Well, well, if you've got your mind set on a nobleman,
we'll find you one. What sort do you want; rather stout, or rather lean?
LÍPOCHKA. Doesn't matter, it's all right if he's rather stout, so long as
he's no shorty. Of course he'd better be tall than an insignificant little
runt! And most of all, Ustinya Naúmovna, he mustn't be snub-nosed, and he
absolutely must be dark-complexioned. It's understood, of course, that
he must be dressed like the men in the magazines. [_She glances at the
mirror_] Oh, Lord, my hair looks like a feather-duster to-day!
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. Now, my jewel, I have a husband for you of the very sort
you describe: aristocratic, tall, and brown-complected.
LÍPOCHKA. Oh, Ustinya Naúmovna! Not brown-complected, but
dark-complexioned!
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. Yes, much I need, in my old age, to split my tongue
talking your lingo. What I said, goes. He has peasants, and wears a norder
about his neck. Now you go get dressed, and your mamma and I will talk this
thing over.
LÍPOCHKA. Oh, my dear, sweet Ustinya Naúmovna, come up to my room a bit
later; I must talk with you. Let's go, Fomínishna.
FOMÍNISHNA. Ha, what a fidgety child you are!
[_They go out._
SCENE VII
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA _and_ USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Won't you have a sip of cordial before your tea,
Ustinya Naúmovna?
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. Don't care if I do, my jewel.
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. [_Pouring_] With my compliments.
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. You ought to drink first, my pearl.
[_Drinks._
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. I'll look out for myself!
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. Ya! Phoo! Where d'you get this decoction?
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. At the wine-shop. [_Drinks._
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. Buy it in bulk, I suppose?
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. By the gallon. What should you want to buy in small
quantities for? Our expenses, you see, are heavy.
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. What's the use of talking, my dear, what's the use! Now,
I've been bustling about, bustling about for you, Agraféna Kondrátyevna;
trudging, trudging over the pavement, and at last I've grubbed up a
suitable man: you'll gasp for joy, my jewels, for a fact.
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. At last you're talking sense!
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. A man of birth and of standing; such a grandee as you
never even dreamed of.
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. I see I'll have to ask Samsón Sílych for a couple of
fivers for you.
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. That's all right, my jewel, I don't mind! And he has
peasants, wears a norder on his neck; and as for intellect, why, he's
simply a bonanza.
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Then, Ustinya Naúmovna, you ought to have informed
him that our daughter hasn't got piles of money.
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. But he doesn't know where to put his own.
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. That would be good, and jolly good; only, look here,
Ustinya Naúmovna, and just consider it yourself, my friend: what am I going
to do with a nobleman for a son-in-law? I shan't dare say a word to him;
I'll be all at sea.
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. It's a little scary at first, my jewel, but afterwards
you'll get used to things, you'll manage somehow or other. But, here, we
must talk a bit with Samsón Sílych; he may even know him, this man of ours.
SCENE VIII
_The same and_ RISPOLÓZHENSKY
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. [_Entering_] I've come to you, my dear Agraféna
Kondrátyevna. I was going to have a talk with Samsón Sílych, but he was
busy, I saw, so I thought: now, I'll go to Agraféna Kondrátyevna. By
the way, is that vodka, near you? I'll just take a thimbleful, Agraféna
Kondrátyevna. [_Drinks._
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. With my compliments, my dear sir. Please sit down,
won't you? How are you getting along?
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. What a life I live! Well, I'm just loafing, Agraféna
Kondrátyevna; you know yourself, my family's large, business is dull. But I
don't grumble; it's a sin to grumble, Agraféna Kondrátyevna.
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. That's the last thing in the world to do, my dear
sir.
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. Whoever grumbles, I think, offends against God, Agraféna
Kondrátyevna. This is the way it happened--
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. What are your front names, my dear sir? I keep
forgetting.
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. Sysóy Psoich, my dear Agraféna Kondrátyevna.
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. What does Psoich mean, my jewel? What lingo is that[1]?
[Footnote 1: The name lends itself to the interpretation, "son of a dog
(_pes_)."]
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. I can't tell you positively: they called my father
Psoy--well, naturally, that makes me Psoich.
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. But, Psoich, like that, Psoich! However, that's nothing;
there are worse, my jewel.
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Well, Sysóy Psoich, what was it you were going to
tell us?
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. Well, it was like this, my dear Agraféna Kondrátyevna: it
isn't as if it were a proverb, in a kind of fable, but a real occurrence.
I'll just take a thimbleful, Agraféna Kondrátyevna. [_Drinks._
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Help yourself, my dear sir, help yourself.
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. [_Sits down_] There was an old man, a venerable old
man--Here, I've forgotten where it was, my dear madam--only it was in some
desert spot. He had twelve daughters, my dear madam; each younger than the
other! He didn't have the strength to work himself; his wife, too, was very
old, the children were still small; and one has to eat and drink. What they
had was used up by the time they were old, and there was no one to give
them food and drink. Where could they find refuge with their little
children? Then he set to thinking this way, then that way.--No, my dear
lady, that's where thinking won't do any good. "I'll go," he said, "to the
crossroads; perhaps I can get something from charitable people." He sat all
day. "God'll help you," they told him. Sits there another day "God'll help
you!" Well, my dear lady, he began to murmur.
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Holy saints!
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. "Good Lord!" he said, "I'm no extortioner, I'm no
usurer--it would be better," he said, "to lay hands on myself."
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Merciful heavens!
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. And lo! my dear madam, there came a dream to him in the
night----
SCENE IX
The same and BOLSHÓV
BOLSHÓV. Ha, you here, sir? What's this you're preaching here?
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. [_Bows_] I hope you're well, Samsón Sílych.
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. Why, my jewel! You seem to be growing thin. Or have you
been crippled somehow?
BOLSHÓV. [_Sitting down_] Must be I've caught cold, or perhaps my blood's
in a bad way.
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Well, Sysóy Psoich, and what happened to him next?
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. Some other time, Agraféna Kondrátyevna, some other time
I'll finish telling; I'll run in some day about dusk and tell you about it
fully.
BOLSHÓV. What's the matter with you; trying to be sanctimonious? Ha, ha,
ha! It's time you came to!
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. There, now, you're beginning! You won't let us have
a heart-to-heart talk together.
BOLSHÓV. Heart-to-heart talk! Ha, ha, ha! But you just ask him how his case
was lost from court; there's the story he'll tell you better.
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. On the contrary, it was not lost! That's not true, Samsón
Sílych!
BOLSHÓV. Then what did they turn you out for?
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. This is why, my dear Agraféna Kondrátyevna. I took one
case home with me from the court; on the way my friend and I just stepped
aside--mortal man is weak; well, you understand--if you'll permit me to say
it, into the wine-shop, so to speak. I left it there, and when I was rather
tipsy, I suppose, I forgot it. What of that? It might happen to anybody.
Afterwards, my dear lady, they missed that case in court; we looked and
looked, and I went home twice with the bailiff--still we couldn't find it.
They wanted to bring me to trial, but suddenly I remembered: it must be,
now, I forgot that thing and left it in the wine-shop. I went there with
the bailiff, and there it was.
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. I declare! That may happen to a sober man as well as
to one who drinks. What a pity!
BOLSHÓV. How is it they didn't send you off to Kamchatka?
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. To Kamchatka! But why, permit me to ask you, why should
they send me off to Kamchatka?
BOLSHÓV. Why? Because you're drunk and disorderly. Do they have to show you
any indulgence? Why, you'll just kill yourself drinking.
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. On the contrary, they spared me. You see, my dear Agraféna
Kondrátyevna, they wanted to try me for that very thing--I went immediately
to our general, and flopped at his feet! "Your Excellency!" I said. "Don't
ruin me! I've a wife," I said, "and little children!" "Well," he said,
"deuce take you; they won't strike a man when he's down: tender your
resignation, so I shan't see you here." So he spared me. What now! God
bless him! He doesn't forget me even now; sometimes I run in to see him
on a holiday: "Well," says he, "how are you, Sysóy Psoich?" "I came,
your Excellency, to wish you a happy holiday." So, I went to the Troitsa
monastery not long ago, and brought him a consecrated wafer. I'll just take
a thimbleful, Agraféna Kondrátyevna. [_Drinks._
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. With my compliments, my dear sir. Ustinya Naúmovna,
let's you and me go out; the samovar is ready, I suppose; I'll show you
that we have something new for the wedding outfit.
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. I suppose, my jewel, you have heaps of stuff ready.
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Why certainly. The new materials have come, and it
seems as if we didn't have to pay money for them.
USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. What's the use of talking, my pearl! You have your own
shop, and it's as if they grew in your garden. [_They go out._
SCENE X
BOLSHÓV and RISPOLÓZHENSKY
BOLSHÓV. Well, Sysóy Psoich, I suppose you've wasted a good deal of ink in
your time on this pettifoggery?
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. He, he! Samsón Sílych, cheap goods! But I came to inquire
how your business is getting on.
BOLSHÓV. You did! Much you need to know! Bah, you low-down people! You
bloodsuckers! Just let you scent out something or other, and immediately
you sneak round with your diabolical suggestions.
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. What kind of a suggestion could come from me, Samsón
Sílych? What kind of a teacher should I be, when you yourself, perhaps, are
ten times wiser than I am? I shall do what I'm asked to do. How can I help
it? I'd be a hog if I didn't; because I, it may be said, am loaded with
favors by you, and so are my kiddies. I'm too much of a fool to advise you;
you know your own business yourself better than anybody else.
BOLSHÓV. Know my own business! That's the trouble; men like me, merchants,
blockheads, understand nothing; and this just serves the turn of such
leeches as you. And now you'll besiege me on every side and haunt me to
death.
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. How can I help haunting you? If I didn't love you I
wouldn't haunt you. Haven't I any feelings? Am I really a mere dumb brute?
BOLSHÓV. I know that you love me--you all love us; only one can't get
anything decent out of you. Here I'm worrying, worrying with this business
so that I'm worn out, if you believe me, with this one anxiety. If I could
only get it over with, and out of my head.
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. Well, Samsón Sílych, you aren't the first, nor the last;
aren't others doing it?
BOLSHÓV. How can they help it, brother? Others are doing it. But how do
they do it; without shame, without conscience! They ride in carriages with
easy springs; they live in three-storied houses. One of them will build a
belvedere with pillars, in which he's ashamed to show his ugly phiz;
and that's the end of him, and you can't get anything out of him. These
carriages will roll away, Lord knows where; all his houses are mortgaged,
and all the creditors will get out of it'll be three pairs of old boots.
That's the whole story. And who is it that he'll fool? Just some poor
beggars whom he'll send out into the world in nothing but their shirts. But
my creditors are all rich men; what difference will it make to them?
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. Naturally. Why, Samsón Sílych, all that is in our hands.
BOLSHÓV. I know that it's in our hands; but are you equal to handling this
affair? You see, you lawyers are a rum lot. Oh, I know you! You're nimble
enough in words, and then you go and mess things up.
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. But come now, Samsón Sílych, if you please: do you think
this is the first time for me! As though I didn't know that already! He,
he, he! Yes, I've done such things before; and they've turned out fine.
They'd have sent anybody else long ago for such jobs to the other side of
nowhere.
BOLSHÓV. Oho! What kind of a scheme will you get up?
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. Why, we'll see--according to circumstances. I'll just
take a thimbleful, Samsón Sílych. [_Drinks_] Now, the first thing, Samsón
Sílych, we must mortgage the house and shops; or sell them. That's the
first thing.
BOLSHÓV. Yes, that positively must be done right away. But on whom shall we
shove the stuff? Shall it be my wife?
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. Illegal, Samsón Sílych! That's illegal! It is stated in the
laws that such sales are not valid. It's an easy thing to do, but you'll
have to see that there're no hitches afterward. If it's to be done, it must
be done thoroughly, Samsón Sílych.
BOLSHÓV. That's it: there must be no loose ends.
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. If you make it over to an outsider, there's nothing they
can cavil at. Let 'em try to make a row later, and try to dispute good
legal papers.
BOLSHÓV. But here's the trouble: when you make over your house to an
outsider, maybe it'll stick to him, like a flea to a soldier.
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. Well, Samsón Sílych, you must look for a man who knows what
conscience is.
BOLSHÓV. But where are you going to find him nowadays? Everybody's watching
his chance these days to grab you by the collar; and here you want
conscience!
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. Here's my idea, Samsón Sílych, whether you want to listen
to me or not: what sort of a fellow is your clerk?
BOLSHÓV. Which one? Do you mean Lázar?
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. Yes; Lázar Elizárych.
BOLSHÓV. All right, Lázar; make it over to him; he's a young man with
understanding, and he has some capital.
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. What do you want, Samsón Sílych, a mortgage-deed or a
purchase-deed?
BOLSHÓV. Whichever you can get at the lowest interest rate'll suit me. But
do the thing up brown and I'll give you such a fee, Sysóy Psoich, as'll
fairly make your hair curl.
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. Set your mind at rest, Samsón Sílych, I know my own
business. But have you talked to Lázar Elizárych about this thing or not?
Samsón Sílych, I'll just take a thimbleful. [_Drinks_.
BOLSHÓV. Not yet. We'll talk it over to-day. He's a capable lad; only wink
at him, and he understands. And he'll do the business up so tight that you
can't get in a finger. Well! we'll mortgage the house; and then what?
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. Then we'll write out a statement that such and such notes
are due, and that we'll pay twenty-five kopeks on the ruble: well, then go
see the creditors. If anybody is especially stubborn, you can add a bit,
and if a man gets real angry, pay him the whole bill. You'll pay him on
the condition that he writes that he accepted twenty-five kopeks--just for
appearances, to show the others. "That's the way _he_ did," you see; and
the others, seeing the document, will agree.
BOLSHÓV. That's right, there's no harm in bargaining: if they don't take it
at twenty-five kopeks, they'll take it at half a ruble; but if they won't
take it at half a ruble, they'll grab for it with both hands at seventy
kopeks. We'll profit, anyhow. There, you can say what you please, but I
have a marriageable daughter; I want to pass her on, and get rid of her.
And then, my boy, it'll be time for me to take a rest; I'll have an easy
time lying on my back; and to the devil with all this trading! But here
comes Lázar.
SCENE XI
_The same and_ PODKHALYÚZIN, _who enters_
BOLSHÓV. What do you say, Lázar? Just come from town? How are your affairs?
PODKHALYÚZIN. Oh, they're getting on so-so; thank God, sir! Good morning,
Sysóy Psoich! [_Bows_.
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. How do you do, my dear Lázar Elizárych! [_Bows_.
BOLSHÓV. If they're getting on, let 'em get. [_After a short silence_] But,
look here, Lázar, when you make up the balance for me at your leisure, you
might deduct the retail items sold to the gentry, and the rest of that sort
of thing. You see, we're trading and trading, my boy, but there's not a
kopek of profit in it. Maybe the clerks are going wrong and are carrying
off stuff to their folks and mistresses. You ought to give 'em a word of
advice. What's the use of fooling around without making any profits? Don't
they know the tricks of the trade? It's high time, it seems to me.
PODKHALYÚZIN. How in the world can they help knowing, Samsón Sílych? It
seems as if I were always in town and always talking to them, sir.
BOLSHÓV. But what do you say?
PODKHALYÚZIN. Why, the usual thing, sir. I try to have everything in order
and as it should be. "Now, my boys," I say, "look sharp, now. Maybe there's
a chance for a sale; some idiot of a purchaser may turn up, or a colored
pattern may catch some young lady's eye, and click!" I say, "you add a
ruble or two to the price per yard."
BOLSHÓV. I suppose you know, brother, how the Germans in our shops swindle
the gentlemen. Even if we're not Germans, but orthodox Christians, we, too,
like to eat stuffed pasties. Ain't that so? Ha?
RISPOLÓZHENSKY _laughs._
PODKHALYÚZIN. Why certainly, sir. "And you must measure," I say, "more
naturally: pull and stretch ju-u-u-st enough, God save us, not to tear the
cloth: you see," I say, "we don't have to wear it afterwards. Well, and if
they look the other way, nobody's to blame if you should happen to measure
one yard of cloth twice."
BOLSHÓV. It's all one. I suppose the tailor'd steal it. Ha? He'd steal it,
I suppose?
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. He'd steal it, Samsón Sílych, certainly that rascal would
steal it; I know these tailors.
BOLSHÓV. That's it; the whole lot of them are rascals, and we get the
thanks.
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. Quite right, Samsón Sílych, you're certainly speaking the
truth.
BOLSHÓV. Ah, Lázar, profits are rotten these days: it's not as it used to
be. [_After a moment of silence_] Well, did you bring the paper?
PODKHALYÚZIN. [_Taking it from his pocket and handing it over_] Be so good
as to read it, sir.
BOLSHÓV. Just give it here; we'll take a look. [_He puts on his spectacles
and examines the paper_.
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. Samsón Sílych, I'll just take a thimbleful. _He drinks,
then puts on his spectacles, sits down beside_ BOLSHÓV, _and looks at the
newspapers_.
BOLSHÓV. [_Reads aloud_] "Crown announcements, and from various societies.
One, two, three, four, five, and six, from the Foundlings' Hospital."
That's not in our line: it's not for us to buy peasants. "Seven and eight
from Moscow University, from the Government Regencies, from the Office of
the Board of Charities." Well, we'll pass that up, too. "From the City
Council of Six." Now, sir, maybe there's something here! [_He reads_] "The
Moscow City Council of Six hereby announces: Would not some one care to
take in his charge the collection of taxes as named below?" That's not our
line, you have to give security. "The Office of the Widows' Home hereby
invites--" Let it invite, we won't go. "From the Orphans' Court." I haven't
any father or mother, myself. [_Examines farther_] Aha! Here something's
slipped up! Listen here, Lázar! "Year so-and-so, twelfth day of September,
according to the decision of the Commerce Court, the merchant Fedót
Selivérstov Pleshkóv, of the first guild, was declared an insolvent debtor,
in consequence of which--" What's the use of explaining? Everybody knows
the consequences. There you are, Fedót Selivérstov! What a grandee he was,
and he's gone to smash! But say, Lázar, doesn't he owe us something?
PODKHALYÚZIN. He owes us a very little, sir. They took somewhere between
six and eight barrels of sugar for home use.
BOLSHÓV. A bad business, Lázar. Well, he'll pay me back in full, out of
friendliness.
PODKHALYÚZIN. It's doubtful, Sir.
BOLSHÓV. We'll settle it somehow. [_Reads_] "Moscow merchant of the first
guild, Antíp Sysóyev Enótov, declared an insolvent debtor--" Does _he_ owe
us anything?
PODKHALYÚZIN. For vegetable oil, sir; just before Lent they took about
three kegs, sir.
BOLSHÓV. Those blooming vegetarians that keep all the fasts! They want to
please God at other people's expense. Brother, don't you trust their sedate
ways! Those people cross themselves with one hand, and slip the other into
your pocket. Here's the third; "Moscow merchant of the second guild, Efrém
Lúkin Poluarshínnikov[1], declared an insolvent debtor." Well, what about
him?
[Footnote 1: Half a yard.]
PODKHALYÚZIN. We have his note, sir.
BOLSHÓV. Protested?
PODKHALYÚZIN. Yes, sir. He himself's in hiding, sir.
BOLSHÓV. Well! And the fourth there, Samopálov. Why! have they got a
combination against us?
PODKHALYÚZIN. Such an underhanded gang, sir.
BOLSHÓV. [_Turning over the pages_] One couldn't get through reading them
until to-morrow. Take it away!
PODKHALYÚZIN. They only dirty the paper. What a moral lesson for the whole
merchant corporation! [_Silence_.
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. Good-by, Samsón Sílych, I'll run home now; I have some
little matters to look after.
BOLSHÓV. You might sit a little while longer.
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. No, confound it, Samsón Sílych, I haven't time. I'll come
to you as early as possible to-morrow morning.
BOLSHÓV. Well, as you choose!
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. Good-by! Good-by, Lázar Elizárych! [_He goes out_.
SCENE XII
BOLSHÓV _and_ PODKHALYÚZIN
BOLSHÓV. Now consider, Lázar, what trading's like: just think about it. You
think it's getting money for nothing? "Money, not much!" they tell you;
"ain't seen any for a long time. Take my note," they say. But what are
you going to get from some people on a note? Here I have about a hundred
thousand rubles' worth of 'em lying around, and with protests. You don't
do anything but add to the heap each year. If you want, I'll sell you the
whole pile for half a ruble in silver. You'll never catch the men who
signed 'em even with bloodhounds. Some have died off, some have run away;
there's not even a single man to put in the pen. Suppose you do send one
there, Lázar, that doesn't do you any good; some of 'em will hold on so
that you can't smoke 'em out. "I'm all right here," they say, "you go
hang!" Isn't that so, Lázar?
PODKHALYÚZIN. Just so, that's the way it happens.
BOLSHÓV. Always notes, notes! But what on earth is a note? Absolutely
nothing but paper, if I may say so. And if you discount it, they do it at
a rate that makes your belly ache, and you pay for it later with your own
property. [_After a brief silence_] It's better not to have dealings with
provincials: always on credit, always on credit; and if he ever does bring
the money, it's in slick small change--you look, and there's neither head
nor tail to the coins, and the denomination's rubbed off long ago. But do
as you please here! You'd better not show your goods to the tradesman of
this place; any one of 'em'll go into any warehouse and sniff and peck, and
peck, and then clear out. It'd be all right if there were no goods, but
what do you expect a man to trade in? I've got one apothecary shop, one dry
goods, the third a grocery. No use, none of them pays. You needn't even go
to the market; they cut the prices down worse than the devil knows what;
but if you sell a horse-collar, you have to throw in trimmings and earnest
money, and treat the fellows, and stand all sorts of losses through wrong
weights. That's the way it goes! Don't you realize that?
PODKHALYÚZIN. Seems I ought to realize it, sir.
BOLSHÓV. There's business for you, and that's the way to do it. [_Silence_]
Well, Lázar, what do you think?
PODKHALYÚZIN. What should I think, sir? That's just as you please. My
business is that of a subordinate.
BOLSHÓV. What do you mean, subordinate? Just speak out freely. I'm asking
you about the business.
PODKHALYÚZIN. Again, Samsón Sílych, it's just as you please, sir.
BOLSHÓV. You twaddle one thing: "As you please." But what do you think?
PODKHALYÚZIN. That I can't say, sir.
BOLSHÓV. [_After a brief silence_] Tell me, Lázar, on your conscience;
do you love me? [_Silence_] Do you love me or not? Why are you silent?
[_Silence_] I've given you food and drink, set you up in the world; haven't
I?
PODKHALYÚZIN. Oh, Samsón Sílych! What's the use of talking about it, sir?
Don't have any doubts about me! Only one word: I'm just such as you see me.
BOLSHÓV. What do you mean by that?
PODKHALYÚZIN. Why, if you need anybody or anything whatsoever, you can
count on me. I shan't spare myself.
BOLSHÓV. Well, then, there's nothing more to be said. In my opinion, Lázar,
now is the most proper time; we have a good deal of ready cash, and all
the notes have fallen due. What's the use of waiting? You'll wait, if you
please, until some merchant just like yourself, the dirty cur, will strip
you bare, and then, you'll see, he'll make an agreement at ten kopeks on
the ruble, and he'll wallow in his millions, and won't think you're worth
spitting at. But you, an honorable tradesman, must just watch him, and
suffer--keep on staring. Here's what I think, Lázar: to offer the creditors
such a proposition as this--will they accept from me twenty-five kopeks on
the ruble? What do you think?
PODKHALYÚZIN. Why, according to my notion, Samsón Sílych, if you're going
to pay at the rate of twenty-five kopeks, it would be more decent not to
pay at all.
BOLSHÓV. Why, really, that's so. You won't scare anybody by a bluff; but
it's better to settle the affair on the quiet. Then wait for the Lord to
judge you at the Second Coming. Only it's a heap of trouble. I'm going to
mortgage my house and shops to you.
PODKHALYÚZIN. Impossible to do it without some bother, sir. You'll have to
get rid of the notes for something, sir; have the merchandise transferred
somewhere further off. We'll get busy, sir!
BOLSHÓV. Just so. Although an old man, I'm going to get busy. But are you
going to help?
PODKHALYÚZIN. Good gracious, Samsón Sílych, I'll go through fire and water,
sir.
BOLSHÓV. What could be better! Why the devil should I scratch around for
pennies. I'll make one swoop, and that's an end to it! Only God give us the
nerve! Thanks, Lázar. You've treated me like a friend. [_He rises_] Now,
get busy! [_He goes up to him and taps him on the shoulder_] If you get the
thing done properly, you and I'll divide the profits. I'll reward you for
the rest of your life.
[_He goes to the door._
PODKHALYÚZIN. I don't need anything, Samsón Sílych, except your peace of
mind, sir. I've lived with you since my earliest years, and I've received
countless favors from you; it may be said, sir, you took me as a little
brat, to sweep out your shops; consequently I simply must be grateful.
ACT II
_Office in the house of BOLSHÓV. Rear centre a door; on the left a
staircase leading to the floor above._
SCENE I
TISHKA _near the front of the stage, with a brush_
TISHKA. What a life, what a life! Sweep the floors before daylight! And is
it my business to sweep floors? Things aren't the same here as with decent
folks. Now if the other bosses have a boy, he lives with the boys; that is,
he hangs around the shop. But with me it's now here, now there, tramp the
pavement all day as if you were crazy. You'll soon feather your nest--I
don't think! Decent people keep a porter for running around; but at our
place he lies on the stove with the kittens, or he hangs around with the
cook; but _you're_ in demand. At other people's it's easy-going; if you get
into mischief now and then, they make allowances for your youth. But at our
house--if it isn't he, then it's somebody else; either the old man or the
old woman will give you a hiding; otherwise there's the clerk Lázar, or
there's Fomínishna, or there's--any old rascal can lord it over you. What a
cursed life it is! But if you want to tear yourself away from the house
and go somewhere with friends to play three-card monte, or have a game of
handball--don't think of such a thing! Now, really, there's something feels
wrong in my head. [_He climbs upon a chair on his knees and looks in the
mirror_] How do you do, Tikhon Savostyánovich! How are you getting along?
Are you all top notch? Now, then, Tishka, just do a stunt. [_He makes a
grimace_] That's what! [_Another_] Exactly like----
[_He bursts out laughing_.
SCENE II
TISHKA _and_ PODKHALYÚZIN, _who steals in and seizes him by the collar_.
PODKHALYÚZIN. What are you doing there, you little imp?
TISHKA. What? You know what! I was wiping off dust!
PODKHALYÚZIN. Were you wiping it off with your tongue? As if you could find
any dust on the mirror! I'll show you some dust! You're showing off! I'll
just warm up the nape of your neck so you'll know it.
TISHKA. Know what? Now what have I done?
PODKHALYÚZIN. What have you done? What have you done? Say another word and
you'll find out what! Just let out a peep!
TISHKA. Yes, a peep! I'm going to tell the boss, and then you'll catch it!
PODKHALYÚZIN. Going to tell the boss! What's your boss to me? Why, if it
came to that--what's your boss to me!--Why, you're just a kid that has to
be taught; what were you thinking of? If we didn't wallop you imps there'd
be no good come of you. That's the regular way of doing things. I, myself,
my boy, have come through fire, water, and copper pipes.
TISHKA. I know you did.
PODKHALYÚZIN. Shhh--you little devil! [_Threatening him_.
TISHKA. Ha, just try it! I'll sure tell, honest to goodness I will.
PODKHALYÚZIN. What are you going to tell, you devil's pepper-pot?
TISHKA. What'll I say? Why, that you scold!
PODKHALYÚZIN. Great impression that'll make! You're quite a gentleman! Come
here, sir! Has Sysóy Psoich been here?
TISHKA. He sure has.
PODKHALYÚZIN. Talk sense, you little devil! Was he going to come again?
TISHKA. He was that!
PODKHALYÚZIN. Well, you can run along, now.
TISHKA. Do you want any vodka?
PODKHALYÚZIN. Yes, I do. I'll have to treat Sysóy Psoich. [_He gives
money_] Buy a bottle, but you keep the change for gingerbread. But see that
you hurry, so they don't miss you here!
TISHKA. I'll be home before a short-haired girl can twist her braids. Off I
go, hippity-hop.
SCENE III
PODKHALYÚZIN _alone_
PODKHALYÚZIN. What a misfortune! Here's where a misfortune has come upon
us! What's to be done now? Well, it's a bad business. Now we can't avoid
declaring ourselves bankrupt. Well, suppose the boss should have something
left over; but where do I come in? What shall I do with myself? Sell junk
in the second-hand market! I've worked, I've worked about twenty years,
and then to be sent rambling! Now, how am I going to settle this matter?
Perhaps with merchandise? Here, he said to sell the notes. [_He draws them
out and reads them_] It must be that it's going to be possible to profit
by it. [_He walks about the room_] They say a fellow ought to know what
conscience is. Well, of course he ought to; but in what sense must he
understand that? Everybody has conscience where a good man is concerned;
but when the man himself is cheating others, then where does your
conscience come in? Samsón Sílych is a very rich merchant, and has hatched
up this whole business now just to kill time, so to speak. But I'm a poor
man! If I should make a little extra profit in this business--then there
can't be any sin in it; because he himself is acting dishonorably, and
going against the law. And why should I pity him? The course is clear;
well, don't slip up on it: he follows his politics, and you look out for
your interest. I'd have seen the thing through with him, but I don't feel
like it. Hm!--What day-dreams will come into a man's head! Of course,
Olimpiáda Samsónovna is a cultivated young lady; and it must be said,
there're none on earth like her; but of course that suitor won't take her
now; he'll say, "Give me money!" But where are you going to get money? And
now she can't marry a nobleman because she hasn't any money. Sooner or
later they'll have to marry her to a merchant. [_He walks on in silence_]
I'll raise the dough, and bow to Samsón Sílych. "Samsón Sílych," says I,
"I'm at an age when I must think about the continuance of posterity; and
I, now, Samsón Sílych, haven't grudged my sweat and blood for your
tranquillity. To be sure, now, Olimpiáda Samsónovna is a cultivated young
lady; but I, Samsón Sílych, am no common trash; you can see for yourself,
if you please. I have capital, and I'm a good manager in that line." Why
shouldn't he give her to me? Ain't I a man? I haven't been detected in
any knavery; I'm respectful to my elders. But in addition to all that, as
Samsón Sílych has mortgaged his house and shops to me, I can frighten him
with the mortgage. Knowing as I do the disposition of Samsón Sílych to be
what it is, that may very easily happen. This is the way with his sort:
once they get an idea into their head, you simply can't drive it out. It's
just as when, three years ago, he wanted to shave his beard. No matter how
much Agraféna Kondrátyevna begged and wept, "No," he said, "afterwards I'll
let it grow again; but for the time being I'll have my own way." And he
took and shaved it. It's the same way with this business; if I make a hit
with him, or the idea strikes him all right--then it's sweet wedding-bells
to-morrow, and that's all, and don't you dare argue! I could jump from the
tower of Ivan the Great for the joy of it.
_Enter_ TISHKA _with the bottle._
SCENE IV
PODKHALYÚZIN _and_ TISHKA
TISHKA. [_Coming in with the bottle_] Here I am! I've come.
PODKHALYÚZIN. Listen, Tishka, is Ustinya Naúmovna here?
TISHKA. Up-stairs there. And the shyster's coming.
PODKHALYÚZIN. Well, put the vodka on the table, and bring some relishes.
TISHKA _puts down the vodka and brings relishes; then goes out._
SCENE V
PODKHALYÚZIN _and_ RISPOLÓZHENSKY
PODKHALYÚZIN. Ah, my respects to you, sir!
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. Mine to you, my dear Lázar Elizárych, mine to you! Fine. I
think, now, perhaps there's something I can do. Is that vodka, near you?
I'll just take a thimbleful, Lázar Elizárych. My hands have begun to shake
mornings, especially the right one. When I go to write something, Lázar
Elizárych, I have to hold it with my left. I swear I do. But take a sip of
vodka, and it seems to do it good. [_Drinks._