A DAY IN DUBLIN.
On the third day of my residence at Curryglass, arrived my friend,
Mortimer, to replace me, bringing my leave from the colonel, and a most
handsome letter, in which he again glanced at the prospect before me in
the Callonby family, and hinted at my destination, which I had not
alluded to, adding, that if I made the pretence of study in Germany the
reason for my application at the Horse Guards, I should be almost certain
to obtain a six months' leave. With what spirits I ordered Stubber to
pack up my portmanteau, and secure our places in the Dublin mail for that
night, while I myself hurried to take leave of my kind entertainer and
his guests, as well as to recommend to their favor and attention my
excellent friend Mortimer, who, being a jovial fellow, not at all in
love, was a happy exchange for me, who, despite Daly's capital stories,
had spent the last two days in watching the high road for my successor's
arrival.
Once more then, I bade adieu to Curryglass and its hospitable owner,
whose labours for "justice to Ireland" I shall long remember, and
depositing myself in the bowels of his majesty's mail, gave way to the
full current of my hopes and imaginings, which at last ended in a sound
and refreshing sleep, from which I only awoke as we drew up at the door
of the Hibernian, in Dawson-street.
Even at that early hour there was considerable bustle and activity of
preparation, which I was at some loss to account for, till informed by
the waiter that there were upwards of three hundred strangers in the
house, it being the day of his majesty's expected arrival on his visit to
Ireland, and a very considerable section of the county Galway being at
that moment, with their wives and families, installed, for the occasion,
in this, their favourite hotel.
Although I had been reading of this approaching event every day for the
last three months, I could not help feeling surprised at the intense
appearance of excitement it occasioned, and, in the few minutes'
conversation I held with the waiter, learned the total impossibility of
procuring a lodging anywhere, and that I could not have a bed, even were
I to offer five guineas for it. Having, therefore, no inclination for
sleep, even upon easier terms, I ordered my breakfast to be ready at ten,
and set out upon a stroll through the town. I could not help, in my
short ramble through the streets, perceiving how admirably adapted were
the worthy Dublinites for all the honors that awaited them; garlands of
flowers, transparencies, flags, and the other insignia of rejoicing, were
everywhere in preparation, and, at the end of Sackville-street, a
considerable erection, very much resembling an impromptu gallows, was
being built, for the purpose, as I afterwards learnt, of giving the
worshipful the lord mayor the opportunity of opening the city gates to
royalty; creating the obstacle where none existed; being a very ingenious
conceit, and considerably Irish into the bargain. I could not help
feeling some desire to witness how all should go off, to use the
theatrical phrase; but, in my anxiety to get on to the continent,
I at once abandoned every thought of delay. When I returned to the
coffee-room of my hotel, I found it crowded to excess; every little
table, originally destined for the accommodation of one, having at least
two, and sometimes three occupants. In my hurried glance round the
room, to decide where I should place myself, I was considerably struck
with the appearance of a stout elderly gentleman, with red whiskers, and
a high, bald forehead; he had, although the day was an oppressively hot
one, three waistcoats on, and by the brown York tan of his long topped
boots, evinced a very considerable contempt either for weather or
fashion; in the quick glance of his sharp grey eye, I read that he
listened half doubtingly to the narrative of his companion, whose back
was turned towards me, but who appeared, from the occasional words which
reached me, to be giving a rather marvellous and melodramatic version of
the expected pleasures of the capital. There was something in the tone
of the speaker's voice that I thought I recognised; I accordingly drew
near, and what was my surprise to discover my friend Tom O'Flaherty.
After our first salutation was over, Tom presented me to his friend, Mr.
Burke, of somewhere, who, he continued to inform me, in a stage whisper,
was a "regular dust," and never in Dublin in his life before.
"And so, you say, sir, that his majesty cannot enter without the
permission of the lord mayor?"
"And the aldermen, too," replied Tom. "It is an old feudal ceremony;
when his majesty comes up to the gate, he demands admission, and the lord
mayor refuses, because he would be thus surrendering his great
prerogative of head of the city; then the aldermen get about him, and
cajole him, and by degrees he's won over by the promise of being
knighted, and the king gains the day, and enters."
"Upon my conscience, a mighty ridiculous ceremony it is, after all," said
Mr. Burke, "and very like a bargain for sheep in Ballinasloe fair, when
the buyer and seller appear to be going to fight, till a mutual friend
settles the bargain between them."
At this moment, Mr. Burke suddenly sprung from his chair, which was
nearest the window, to look out; I accordingly followed his example, and
beheld a rather ludicrous procession, if such it could be called,
consisting of so few persons. The principal individual in the group was
a florid, fat, happy-looking gentleman of about fifty, with a profusion
of nearly white whiskers, which met at his chin, mounted upon a sleek
charger, whose half-ambling, half-prancing pace, had evidently been
acquired by long habit of going in procession; this august figure was
habited in a scarlet coat and cocked hat, having aiguillettes, and all
the other appanage of a general officer; he also wore tight buckskin
breeches, and high jack-boots, like those of the Blues and Horse Guards;
as he looked from side to side, with a self-satisfied contented air, he
appeared quite insensible of the cortege which followed and preceded him;
the latter, consisting of some score of half-ragged boys, yelling and
shouting with all their might, and the former, being a kind of instalment
in hand of the Dublin Militia Band, and who, in numbers and equipment,
closely resembled the "army which accompanies the first appearance of
Bombastes." The only difference, that these I speak of did not play "the
Rogue's March," which might have perhaps appeared personal.
As this goodly procession advanced, Mr. Burke's eyes became riveted upon
it; it was the first wonder he had yet beheld, and he devoured it. "May
I ask, sir," said he, at length, "who that is?"
"Who that is!" said Tom, surveying him leisurely as he spoke; "why,
surely, sir, you must be jesting, or you would not ask such a question;
I trust, indeed, every one knows who he is. Eh, Harry," said he, looking
at me for a confirmation of what he said, and to which, of course, I
assented by a look.
"Well, but, my dear Mr. O'Flaherty, you forget how ignorant I am of every
thing here--"
"Ah, true," said Tom, interrupting; "I forgot you never saw him before."
"And who is he, sir?"
"Why, that's the Duke of Wellington."
"Lord have mercy upon me, is it?" said Mr. Burke, as he upset the table,
and all its breakfast equipage, and rushed through the coffee-room like
one possessed. Before I could half recover from the fit of laughing this
event threw me into, I heard him as he ran full speed down Dawson-street,
waving his hat, and shouting out at the top of his lungs, "God bless your
grace--Long life to your grace--Hurra for the hero of Waterloo; the great
captain of the age," &c. &c.; which I grieve to say, for the ingratitude
of the individual lauded, seemed not to afford him half the pleasure, and
none of the amusement it did the mob, who reechoed the shouts and
cheering till he was hid within the precincts of the Mansion House.
"And, now," said Tom to me, "finish your breakfast as fast as possible;
for, when Burke comes back he will be boring me to dine with him, or some
such thing, as a kind of acknowledgment of his gratitude for showing him
the Duke. Do you know he has seen more wonders through my poor
instrumentality, within the last three days in Dublin than a six months'
trip to the continent would show most men. I have made him believe that
Burke Bethel is Lord Brougham, and I am about to bring him to a soiree at
Mi-Ladi's, who he supposes to be the Marchioness of Conyngham. Apropos
to the Bellissima, let me tell you of a 'good hit' I was witness to a few
nights since; you know, perhaps, old Sir Charles Giesecke, eh?"
"I have seen him once, I think--the professor of mineralogy."
"Well, poor old Sir Charles, one of the most modest and retiring men in
existence, was standing the other night among the mob, in one of the
drawing-rooms, while a waltzing-party were figuring away, at which, with
that fondness for 'la danse' that characterizes every German of any age,
he was looking with much interest, when my lady came tripping up, and the
following short dialogue ensued within my ear-shot:--"
"Ah, mon cher, Sir Charles, ravi de vous voir. But why are you not
dancing?"
"Ah, mi ladi, Je ne puis pas, c'est a dire, Ich kann es nicht; I am too
old; Ich bin--"
"Oh, you horrid man; I understand you perfectly. You hate ladies, that
is the real reason. You do--you know you do."
"Ah, my ladi, Gnaedige frau; glauben sie mir; I do loave de ladies; I do
adore de sex. Do you know, my ladi, when I was in Greenland I did keep
four womans."
"Oh, shocking, horrid, vile Sir Charles, how could you tell me such a
story? I shall die of it."
"Ah, mine Gott, mi ladi; sie irren sich, vous, vous trompez. You are
quite in mistake; it was only to row my boat!"
"I leave you to guess how my lady's taste for the broad-side of the
story, and poor Sir Charles's vindication of himself, in regard to his
estimation of 'le beau sexe,' amused all who heard it; as for me, I had
to leave the room, half-choked with suppressed laughter. And, now, let
us bolt, for I see Burke coming, and, upon my soul I am tired of telling
him lies, and must rest on my oars for a few hours at least."
"But where is the necessity for so doing?" said I, "surely, where there
is so much of novelty as a large city presents to a visitor for the first
time, there is little occasion to draw upon imagination for your facts."
"Ah, my dear Harry, how little do you know of life; there is a kind of
man whose appetite for the marvellous is such, that he must be crammed
with miracles or he dies of inanition, and you might as well attempt to
feed a tiger upon pate de foie gras, as satisfy him by mere naked
unvarnished truth. I'll just give you an easy illustration; you saw his
delight this morning when the 'Duke' rode past; well I'll tell you the
converse of that proposition now. The night before last, having nothing
better to do, we went to the theatre; the piece was 'La Perouse,' which
they have been playing here for the last two months to crowded houses, to
exhibit some North American Indians whom some theatrical speculator
brought over 'expres', in all the horrors of fur, wampum, and yellow
ochre. Finding the 'spectacle' rather uninteresting I leaned back in my
box, and fell into a doze. Meanwhile, my inquiring friend, Mr. Burke,
who felt naturally anxious, as he always does, to get au fond at matters,
left his place to obtain information about the piece, the audience, and,
above all, the authenticity of the Indians, who certainly astonished him
considerably.
"Now it so happened that about a fortnight previously some violent
passion to return home to their own country had seized these interesting
individuals, and they felt the most irresistible longing to abandon the
savage and unnatural condiments of roast beef and Guinness's porter, and
resume their ancient and more civilized habits of life. In fact, like
the old African lady, mentioned by the missionary at the Cape, they felt
they could die happy if they 'could only once more have a roast child for
supper,' and as such luxuries are dear in this country, stay another week
they would not, whatever the consequences might be; the manager reasoned,
begged, implored and threatened, by turns; all would not do, go they were
determined, and all that the unfortunate proprietor could accomplish was,
to make a purchase of their properties in fur, belts, bows, arrows, and
feathers, and get them away quietly, without the public being the wiser.
The piece was too profitable a one to abandon, so he looked about
anxiously, to supply the deficiency in his corps dramatique. For several
days nothing presented itself to his thoughts, and the public were
becoming more clamorous for the repetition of a drama which had greatly
delighted them. What was to be done? In a mood of doubt and uncertainty
the wretched manager was taking his accustomed walk upon the light-house
pier, while a number of unfortunate country fellows, bare legged and
lanky, with hay ropes fastening their old grey coats around them, were
standing beside a packet about to take their departure for England, for
the harvest. Their uncouth appearance, their wild looks, their violent
gestures, and, above all, their strange and guttural language, for they
were all speaking Irish, attracted the attention of the manager; the
effect, to his professional eye was good, the thought struck him at once.
Here were the very fellows he wanted. It was scarcely necessary to alter
any thing about them, they were ready made to his hand, and in many
respects better savages than their prototypes. Through the mediation of
some whiskey, the appropriate liquor in all treaties of this nature, a
bargain was readily struck, and in two hours more, 'these forty thieves'
were rehearsing upon the classic boards of our theatre, and once more, La
Perouse, in all the glory of red capital letters, shone forth in the
morning advertisements. The run of the piece continued unabated; the
Indians were the rage; nothing else was thought or spoken of in Dublin,
and already the benefit of Ashewaballagh Ho was announced, who, by the
by, was a little fellow from Martin's estate in Connemara, and one of the
drollest dogs I ever heard of. Well, it so happened that it was upon one
of their nights of performing that I found myself, with Mr. Burke, a
spectator of their proceedings; I had fallen into an easy slumber, while
a dreadful row in the box lobby roused me from my dream, and the loud cry
of 'turn him out,' 'pitch him over,' 'beat his brains out,' and other
humane proposals of the like nature, effectually restored me to
consciousness; I rushed out of the box into the lobby, and there, to my
astonishment, in the midst of a considerable crowd, beheld my friend, Mr.
Burke, belaboring the box-keeper with all his might with a cotton
umbrella of rather unpleasant proportions, accompanying each blow with an
exclamation of 'well, are they Connaughtmen, now, you rascal, eh? are
they all west of Athlone, tell me that, no? I wonder what's preventing
me beating the soul out of ye.' After obtaining a short cessation of
hostilities, and restoring poor Sharkey to his legs, much more dead than
alive from pure fright, I learned, at last, the teterrima causa belli.
Mr. Burke, it seems, had entered into conversation with Sharkey, the
box-keeper, as to all the particulars of the theatre, and the present
piece, but especially as to the real and authentic history of the
Indians, whose language he remarked, in many respects to resemble Irish.
Poor Sharkey, whose benefit-night was approaching, thought he might
secure a friend for life, by imparting to him an important state secret;
and when, therefore, pressed rather closely as to the 'savages'
whereabout' resolved to try a bold stroke, and trust his unknown
interrogator. 'And so you don't really know where they come from, nor
can't guess?' 'Maybe, Peru,' said Mr. Burke, innocently. 'Try again,
sir,' said Sharkey, with a knowing grin. 'Is it Behring's Straits?'
said Mr. Burke. 'What do you think of Galway, sir?' said Sharkey, with
a leer intended to cement a friendship for life; the words were no
sooner out of his lips, than Burke, who immediately took them as a piece
of direct insolence to himself and his country, felled him to the earth,
and was in the act of continuing the discipline when I arrived on the
field of battle."