and my bed being now warming, but cannot get into it without first
informing you how fast I came home from market to-night, and upon my
old mare, too, who was always unkind before as to going. But so it
happened. The old mare, that I could never get to go above three miles
an hour, as soon as ever I was up, set off, and the devil couldn't stop
her till she got home--ten miles in about fifty-eight minutes. I'm in a
heat yet. But I have found out her motive, and now the public may make
use of it. I had bought a couple of lobsters to carry home, had their
claws tied up, and put one into each of my great-coat pockets. Well,
the old gentleman in my right pocket (a cunning one, I warrant him)
somehow or other contrived to disengage his hands, and no doubt soon
applied them to the old mare's side, and, I imagine, had got fast hold
of a rib by the time I reached the first mile-stone, for she was mad, I
thought, and my hat and wig were gone in a twinkle. However, when I got
off, and had taken a little breath, I went into the kitchen to unload,
but missed one of my lobsters; so I ran back into the stable, and there
was the hero hanging at the old mare's side; she'd had enough of it,
and so stood quiet.
[Illustration: HOW TO MAKE THE MARE TO GO.]
[Illustration: HOW TO PREVENT A HORSE SLIPPING HIS GIRTHS.]
'"I thought myself bound to inform you of this, hoping it would prove a
great national discovery. I mean to keep lobsters on purpose, for it's
cheaper than buying a horse instead of my old mare; and I can go faster
with one of them in my pocket than I could post. When my boys come home
from school, to hunt in the forest, I mean to treat each of them with a
cray-fish for his pony, and then, I think, we shall head the field.
'"I am, sir, yours, ever in haste,
'"PETER PUFFIN."
[Illustration: THE APOTHEOSIS OF GEOFFREY GAMBADO, ESQ.]
'_Letter to_ MR. G. GAMBADO, _editor of various learned performances_.
'"SIR,--You have no doubt heard of a description of Natural
Philosophers, called Pigeon Fanciers, who breed the bird of that name,
and all its varieties. I was once, sir, a member of this community,
till growing tired of punters, tumblers, nuns, croppers, runts, &c.,
&c., I was resolved to enlarge my ideas, by extending my researches
and abandoning the biped, to obtain a closer acquaintance with the
quadruped. I became a horse-fancier. Being fond of riding, and daily
observing, in my airings to Brentford, a great variety of horses, and a
still greater variety in their motions, I, some years since, set about
making a collection of such as were singular and eccentric in their
shapes and actions, and I flatter myself no private museum can boast
of a more admirable variety than I have possessed.
* * * * *
'"As amongst pigeons, so amongst horses, there are tumblers. The feat
is, however, performed differently, and varies considerably in its
effect on the performers. As the pigeon executes this without anything
on its back, so the horse seldom achieves it without somebody upon his.
To the latter, therefore, we must give the greatest share of merit,
who ventures to perform upon a hard road what the other does only in
the air, without even a cloud to brush against. The one preferring, it
seems, the Milky, and the other the Highway.
'"Among horses, I have never discovered a pouter; but I have had a
fine puffer. The noise he made, however, and particularly when at his
business, was not pleasant; and I let a neighbour have him cheap,
who had a good three-stall museum, and a very heavy vehicle to draw;
so that in all weathers he might enjoy the entertainment of his very
extraordinary qualifications.
[Illustration: THE TUMBLER, OR ITS AFFINITIES.]
'"It is well known that there is a horse that is called a carrier, so
there is a pigeon likewise. But as it may not be known to every one, I
must inform you that from very long observation, I find the pigeon is
the most expeditious of the two.
'"I am, sir, your very humble servant,
'"BENJ. BUFFON."
'ADVICE TO WOULD-BE HORSEMEN.
'I have given you the hints contained in my previous letters supposing
you are at home enough on horseback to ride out alone, and may possibly
be tempted to travel the road, as either the lucre of gain, or the
_universal passion_, as a celebrated author calls the love of fame, may
send you forth.
'Let me entreat you to examine your tackling well at setting out,
particularly from an inn and after dinner. See that your girths are
tight; many a good fall have I got by not attending to this. Ostlers
are too apt to be careless, and ought never to be paid till we see
them the next time.[7] An instance of a singular nature occurred at
Huntingdon a few years since to the Rev. D. B., of Jesus College,
in Cambridge, which has given a discovery to the world (productive,
indeed, of a paper war), but which may turn out beneficial to mankind,
as it proves 3 to be equal to 4.
[Illustration: HOW TO RIDE A HORSE UPON THREE LEGS.]
'The Doctor dined at the "Crown"; it was dusk when he set out
northwards. I myself saw 3_s._ charged in his bill for wine; this
accounts for his want of observation. As for the ostler's, I must
attribute it to his having been paid beforehand. The Doctor went off
at a spurt pretty much in the manner I have recommended, and having
got clear of the pavement he wished to (what is called) mend his pace;
but his horse was obdurate, and all his influence could not prevail.
The Doctor fancied at times he went oddly, and therefore brought to at
Alconbury, five miles from Huntingdon, and alighted for an examination,
when he discovered that the ostler, through inattention, had buckled up
one of the horse's hind-legs in the surcingle; and to this alone he had
to attribute his hobbling way of going.
'There was an ostler[8] at Barnet who was a moralist, possibly this at
Huntingdon was an experimental philosopher, and thought an old member
of the University the most proper subject to put his experiment in
execution. It certainly answered as far as five miles; but how it would
succeed in bringing horses of different forms together over Newmarket,
I am not competent to determine. It seems as if one might work a lame
horse thus and keep his unsound leg quiet. If this experiment has been
repeated it has been in private, for I have not heard of it; and I much
question if it would ever be generally adopted. When I say _generally_,
no reflection upon general officers. A timid major, however, might keep
his horse in due subjection on a review day by this method.
'GEOFFREY GAMBADO.
[Illustration: DR. CASSOCK, F.R.S., INVENTOR OF THE PUZZLE FOR
TUMBLE-DOWN HORSES.]
'_Letter to_ MR. GAMBADO.
'"I return you my most hearty thanks for the very salutary advice
you have been good enough to give me, from which I have derived much
improvement, and should have acknowledged sooner had I made sufficient
trial of the fine machine you recommended in such warm terms. My hobby,
as I told you before, is an admirable animal, and finely calculated for
a pensive man like myself to take the air upon. It was a pity he was
prone to tumble, and that, too, in stony roads the most, for he was
otherwise bordering on perfection. So I sent for a carpenter on the
receipt of your recipe, and had a large puzzle of oak made for him,
after the pattern of those worn by the Squire's pointers, and I have
found it answer prodigiously.
'"I have had nothing like a bad fall lately, except one day in
cantering over a ploughed field, where, upon a blunder, the machine
entered the ground with such force as to introduce a portion of the
hobby's head along with it. We came clean over, and for some time I
thought my hobby's neck was broken. I did not mind it myself; but I
shall take care in future always to gallop on the hard road, and then
such another catastrophe cannot ensue.
'"I am, sir,
'"Your very obsequious humble servant,
'"CALEB CASSOCK.
'" P.S.--I forgot to tell you my parishioners stare at me a good
deal. The machine has an odd appearance, I own, but not altogether
unpicturesque. I got the drawing master of Mr. Birch's school to send
you a sketch of us. It is esteemed a likeness. That of the hobby is
rather flattering."
'_My Remarks._
'"I am happy to find the puzzle has answered so well; and I doubt not
now it has been tried and approved by such a right-headed reverend
gentleman, one who is also so good a horseman, and understands all the
matter so well, that, by producing his name, I shall be able to get a
patent for it, which cannot but prove very lucrative, for who has the
horse that he will swear will never tumble down?
'"This I believe would be a question that would pose (upon oath) every
man on horseback in Hyde Park on a Sunday.
'"Though Dr. Shaw, who is a great traveller indeed, has the modesty to
assure us that the Barbary horses never lie down; yet even he has not
the effrontery to say that they never tumble down!
'"G. G."
'_To_ G. GAMBADO, ESQ.
'"SIR,--Hearing much of your knowledge in horses, I beg leave to ask
your advice in a business where my delicacy, as a gentleman, is deeply
concerned, and flatter myself that you will sensibly feel for my
situation, my future fortune in life depending on your decision. I have
the happiness to be well received by a young lady of fortune in this
town, who rides out every morning, and has had the goodness to permit
me to join her for some days past. I flatter myself I am beloved, but,
sir, the horse I ride is my father's, and he will not allow me to part
with him: and this horse, sir, has an infirmity of such an embarrassing
nature, that our interviews are unpleasantly interrupted at frequent
intervals, and my dear Miss S---- will perhaps ride away with some
other gownsman who is more decently mounted.
'"Be pleased, sir, to send me a recipe for this complaint, or I may
lose my dear girl for ever. I have tried several experiments, but all
in vain, and unless you stand my friend I shall go distracted.
'"I am, dear Sir, in a great fuss, yours most truly,
'"GEORGE GILLYFLOWER.
'"St. John's Coll. Cam."
[Illustration: 'JUVENUM PULCHERRIMUS ALTER, ALTERA QUAS ORIENS HABUIT
PRÆLATA PUELLIS.'--OVID.]
'_Note from my Farrier to the above._
[Illustration: HOW TO TRAVEL UPON TWO LEGS IN A FROST.]
'"HONOURED SIR,--By advice from Mr. Gambado of your horse's complaint,
I have sent you a powder so strong, that, if administered night and
morning in his corn, I will be bold to say, no horse in England shall
ever suffer from the like again after Thursday next. Shall be very
thankful for your Honour's custom in the same way in future, and your
lady's too, if agreeable; being, Honoured Sir,
'"Your servant to command,
'"JO. WOOD".
'_To_ GEOFFREY GAMBADO, ESQ.
'"KIND SIR,--I have an extraordinary story to tell you, that happened
to me t'other day, as I was bringing two pair of stays to Miss
Philpot's, at Kentishtown. I lives, sir, at Finchley; and a-top of
Highgate Hill, my horse makes a kind of slip with his hind feet, do you
see, for it was for all the world like a bit of ice the whole road. I'd
nothing for't but to hold fast round his neck, and to squeeze me elbows
in to keep the stays safe; and egad, off we set, and never stopt till
I got to the bottom. He never moved a leg didn't my horse, but slided
promiscuously, as I may say, till he oversate somebody on the road; I
was too flurrisome to see who: and the first body I see'd it was a poor
man axing charity in a hat. My horse must have had a rare bit of bone
in his back, and I sit him as stiff as buckram.
'"Your honor's obedient servant,
'"JAMES JUMPS."'
_The Art of ingeniously tormenting_, with five plates by Woodward and
Rowlandson (Tegg).
_The Caricature Magazine, or Hudibrastic Mirror_, in numbers.
THE
CARICATURE MAGAZINE
OR
MIRROR OF MIRTH
BEING A COLLECTION OF HUMOROUS
AND SATIRICAL CARICATURES
DESIGNED AND ENGRAVED
BY THOMAS ROWLANDSON, ESQ.
LONDON
PUBLISHED BY THOMAS TEGG
111 CHEAPSIDE
[Illustration: TITLE TO 'CARICATURE MAGAZINE.']
_The Beauties of Tom Brown_, embellished with engravings by Rowlandson,
one vol.
1808. _Chesterfield Travestie, or School for Modern Manners_,
embellished with ten caricatures. Engraved by Rowlandson from original
drawings by Woodward. Published by Thomas Tegg, 111 Cheapside, 1808.
Republished under the title of _Chesterfield Burlesque_, 1811.
_Mottoes._
The better sort should have before 'em
A grace, a manner, a decorum.--BUTLER.
O tempora! O mores!--JUVENAL.
The times are out of joint, O cursed spite,
That ever I was born to set them right.-SHAKESPEARE.
Folding plate to face the title.
Votaries of Fashion in the Temple of Folly.
How to walk the Streets.
The Art of Quizzing.
How to keep up a conversation with yourself in the Public Streets.
How to break a shop window with an umbrella.
Behaviour at table.
Notoriety, Singularity, Whimsical.
Gentleman and Mad Author.
'I will allow you twelve shillings a week to be my amanuensis!--What do
you think of that?'
How to look over your husband's hand while at cards, and find fault
with him for losing.
The Nobleman and the little Shopkeeper.
_Chesterfield Travestie, or School for Modern Manners._
1. _How to keep up a conversation with yourself in the public
streets._--An absent-minded orator (passing the Forum Debating
Society), is rehearsing, with lavish declamatory action, his peroration
to the amazement and alarm of the passers-by.
2. _Notoriety._--A buck in a _Jean-de-Brie_. _Singularity._--An
antiquarian oddity in the costume of three-quarters of a century
earlier than the fashion prevailing at the date of the drawing.
_Whimsical._--A dwarf of a woman wearing a cloak down to her toes, and
peaked poke head-dress.
3. _The Art of Quizzing._--Three dandies are promenading arm-in-arm,
and unceremoniously criticising aloud a fine and pretty woman, who is
walking with a 'squab-old-put': 'D----d fine woman, pon honour, but
what a quiz of a fellow she has taken in tow there!'
_August 25, 1808._ _Behaviour at Table._ Woodward del., Rowlandson sc.
Published by T. Tegg, 111 Cheapside.--The author offers four excellent
directions touching the genteel 'behaviour expected at table,' and if
his injunctions were strictly carried out, there is no question that
his pupils would be accepted in every society as remarkably polished
and well-bred young gentlemen, who had studied Lord Chesterfield's
'advice' to some purpose; perfect ornaments, indeed, to any company
amongst which they might find themselves, and desirable patterns for
imitation.
1. Place your elbows on the table like a Church Warden at a parish
vestry.
2. Stretch your arms across the table to get at what best suits your
appetite.
3. Cough and yawn over the dishes.
4. Loll on two chairs while making use of your toothpick.
[Illustration: BEHAVIOUR AT TABLE.]
1808. _A Lecture on Heads_, by G. A. Stevens,[9] with additions as
delivered by Mr. Charles Lee Lewis, embellished with twenty-five
humorous characteristic prints, from drawings by George Moutard
Woodward Esq. Engraved by Thomas Rowlandson. Published by T. Tegg.
Frontispiece: Interior of Covent Garden Theatre. C. Lee Lewis
delivering 'A Lecture on Heads' to a crowded audience.
Sir Whisky Whiffle.
Jockey.
Half Foolish Face.
Drunken Head.
A Freeholder.
Female Moderator.
Master Jacky.
London Blood.
A Lady of the Town.
A Connoisseur.
A worldly-wise man; or a man wise in his own conceit.
Male Moderator.
Italian Singer.
An Old Maid.
An Old Bachelor.
The Crying Philosopher.
Counsellor.
Frenchman.
British Sailor.
Spaniard.
Dutchman.
Politician.
Methodist Preacher.
1808. _British Sailor._ _Frenchman._ _Spaniard._ _Dutchman._ Four
characters on a sheet, published by T. Tegg.--The same etchings are
given, under similar descriptions, in the 'Lecture on Heads,' by G.
A. Stevens, with illustrations by G. M. Woodward, engraved by T.
Rowlandson.
_December 1, 1808._ _Miseries of Human Life_ (Plates issued in previous
years and collected in 1808). Designed and etched by T. Rowlandson, and
published by R. Ackermann, 101 Strand.--Frontispiece: The title in a
frame; below it a gouty old miser, wrapped in flannel, is being dragged
off in his chair by Death, in spite of his crutch and his struggles to
get back to his riches, spread in the strong box, over which he has
lost all control; his heirs in the meantime are helping themselves,
making light of his hoarded savings, and taunting the impotent
money-grubber, who has accumulated riches for them to fling away.
_Miseries of Human Life._--Introductory dialogue: 'Sickness befriends
temperance by the simplicity of diet which it introduces; it wards off
the varied injuries of the open air by requiring the party to inhale
a thousand times over, the cherishing, equable, and safely treasured
atmosphere of a chamber.'
The picture treats all these fanciful advantages from a burlesque
point of view: a sufferer is on his pallet surrounded by all the
inconveniences of washing, cooking, and other domestic arrangements,
limited to _one apartment_, to serve him as 'kitchen, parlour, and
bed-room, and all.'
_Miseries of the Country._--Following on horseback a slow cart, through
an endless narrow lane, at sunset, when you are already too late, and
want all the help of your own eyes, as well as your horse's feet to
carry you safe through the rest of your unknown way.
_More Miseries._--'Being overpersuaded to stand up in a country dance,
when you know, or, what is equally bad, conceive that a bear would
eclipse you in grace and agility.' (_April 1, 1807._)
_Fabricious's Description of the Poets._ Vide 'Gil Blas.'--'People
think that we often dine with Democritus, and there they are mistaken.
There is not one of my fraternity, not even excepting the makers of
Almanacs, who is not welcome to some good table. As for my own part,
there are two families where I am received with pleasure. I have two
covers laid for me every day, one at the house of a fat director of the
farms, to whom I have dedicated a romance, and the other at the house
of a rich citizen, who has the disease of being thought to entertain
wits every day at his table; luckily he is not very delicate in his
choice, and the city furnishes him with great plenty.' (1807.)
_Miseries of Human Life._--Struggling through the curse of trying to
disentangle your hair, when by poking curiously about on board of ship
it has become clammed and matted with pitch or tar, far beyond all the
powers of the comb. (1807.)
_More Miseries._--Having so flaccid a cheek that the parish barber, who
shaves you, is obliged to introduce his thumb into your mouth to give
it a proper projection, cutting his thumb in this position with the
razor. (1807.)
_Miseries of Social Life._--Escorting four or five country cousins,
on their first importation into London from the _Terra Incognita_ of
England, to the lions, the waxworks, the monuments, &c. &c.
_Miseries Miscellaneous._--Stepping out of a boat at low water on a
slippery causeway, upon a stone which slides under you, and you descend
in the mud up to the chin. (1807.)
_A Stag at Bay, or Conjugal Felicity._ _A Romance._--A matrimonial
dispute; the wife is attacking her spouse incontinently, and he is
protecting himself, and keeping the aggressor at arm's length with a
dirty mop.
_The Shaver and the Shavee._ H. Bunbury del., Rowlandson sc.
_Showing off._--A pair of horsemen are endeavouring to put on
a sportsmanlike appearance, which is somewhat disturbed by the
restiveness of their steeds; one rider is slipping off, and the other,
while his horse is going down on his knees in a reverential posture, is
flung over the animal's head.
_The Production of a Post-House._--The stable-door of a post-house is
opened, and a sorry broken-kneed ramshackle horse is trotted out, to
the amusement of the people standing about, and to the horror of a
gentleman who has evidently come for a mount.
_Symptoms of Choking._--A corpulent individual has suddenly left the
dinner-table, under an impulse to choke; the rest of the company are
thrown into such alarm at his critical situation, that the table-cloth,
soup-turreens, wine, decanters, plates, glasses, and all the service
are dragged on to the floor in universal destruction. (1806.)
_The Enraged Vicar._--A smaller version of this subject (see March 1,
1807).
To see them rattle, howl, and tear,
By Jove, 'twould make a parson swear.
_Symptoms of Restiveness._--The restiveness referred to appears to be
nothing more than a tendency to rest in one spot; a sailor, probably
at Portsmouth, from the view of the sea and shipping, is mounted on
a steed which he is vainly belabouring with a cudgel, while an old
hag is banging away at the poor brute with a long and heavy broom,
to the delight of a convivial party, assembled to drink outside a
public-house, within view of the dilemma. (1808.)
_Pall Mall._
O bear me to the paths of fair Pall Mall,
Safe are thy pavements, grateful is thy smell;
At distance rolls along the gilded coach,
Nor sturdy carmen on thy walks encroach. (1807.)
_Miseries of Public Places._--After the play, on a raw, wet night, with
a party of ladies, fretting and freezing in the outer lobbies and at
the street-doors of the theatre, among chairmen, barrow-women, yelling
linkboys, and other human refuse, in endless attempts to find out your
servant or carriage, which, when found out at last, cannot be drawn up
nearer than a furlong from the door. (_January 1, 1807._)
_Miseries Miscellaneous._--The necessity of sending a verbal message
of the utmost consequence by an ass, who, you plainly perceive, will
forget (or rather has already forgotten) every word you have been
saying. (_January 1, 1807._)
_Miseries of Reading and Writing._--As you are writing drowsily by
the fire, on rousing and recollecting yourself, find your guardian in
possession of your secret thoughts, which he never ceases to upbraid
you with. (_January 1, 1807._)
_Miseries Personal._--When in the gout receiving the ruinous salutation
of a muscular friend (a sea captain), who, seizing your hand in the
first transports of a sudden meeting, affectionately crumbles your
chalky knuckles with the gripe of a grasping-iron, and then further
confirms his regard for you by greeting your tenderest toe with the
stamp of a charger. (_January 1, 1807._)
_Miseries of the Country._--While you are out with a walking party,
after heavy rains, one shoe suddenly sucked off by the boggy clay,
and then, in making a long and desperate stretch (which fails), with
the hope of recovering it, the other is left in the same predicament.
The second stage of ruin is that of standing, or rather tottering in
blank despair, with both bare feet planted ankle-deep in the quagmire.
(_January 1, 1806._)
_Miseries of London._--Chasing your hat (just blown off in a high wind)
through a muddy street--a fresh gust always whisking it away at the
moment of seizing it; when you have at last caught it deliberately
putting it on, with all its sins upon your head, amidst the jeers of
the populace. (_January 1, 1807._)
_Miseries of Travelling._ '_O Miserabile mihi._' Published by T.
Rowlandson, Adelphi.--A restive horse in a gig backing into the
windows of a potter's shop; alarmed at the terrific crash, you become
panic-struck, with the perspiration starting from every pore. (_April
12, 1807._)
_Miseries of Travelling._--Being mounted on a beast who, as soon as you
have watered him on the road, proceeds very coolly to repose himself in
the middle of the pond, without taking you at all into his counsel or
paying the slightest attention to your remonstrances. (1807.)
_Miseries of Social Life._--Sitting for hours before a smoky chimney,
like a Hottentot in a kraal; then, just as your sufferings seem at last
to be at an end, puff, puff, whiff, whiff, again, far more furious than
ever. Add to this a scolding wife. (_January 1, 1807._)
_Miseries of Social Life._--Walking in a wind that cuts to the bone,
with a narrating companion, whose mind and body cannot move at the
same time; or, in other words, who, as he gets on with his stories,
thinks it necessary, at every other sentence, to stand stock-still,
face about, and make you do the same; then, totally regardless of your
shivering impatience to push on, refuses to stir an inch till the whole
of his endless thread is fairly wound out. 'Dixit et adversi stetit
ora.' (1807.)