Rowlandson sculp. Published by T. Tegg, 111 Cheapside.--King Joe,
the new sovereign, is finding his seat anything but easy, and even
his military saddle has proved a failure; the animal he has had the
temerity to mount has become ungovernable; the usurper is losing
his seat; the crown is flying one way, the sceptre another: 'Bless
me, what a restive animal this is! I thought he would have been as
gentle as a French pony, and was as easily managed as an Italian
greyhound!' The Spanish donkey is neighing at a pack of 'Saddle-bags
for the Spaniards,' and his heels are kicking to the winds the various
proclamations, 'All found with arms to be shot!' 'No liberty to a
Spaniard!' 'The road to fortune!' 'Joseph, King of Spain!' 'French
news!' 'No quarter!' Thumbscrews for the rebels!'
_September 12, 1808._ _A Spanish Passport to France._ Woodward del.,
Rowlandson sculp. Published by R. Ackermann, 101 Strand.--A Spanish
don, dressed in all his ancient splendour, with a huge sombrero hat
and feathers, a long Toledo rapier, and wearing his fierce moustachios
turned up to his eyes, is kicking the French invader to France:
'_Va-t'en, Coquin_.' The usurper, whose courage has disappeared, is
sneaking off in undissembled terror; he is receiving the indignities
inflicted by the don with abject servility: '_Votre très humble
serviteur, monsieur_.'
_September 12, 1808._ _The Political Butcher, or Spain cutting up
Buonaparte, for the benefit of her neighbours._ Published by R.
Ackermann, 101 Strand.--The Spanish don has put on a butcher's apron
and sleeves; the body of the late 'disturber of the peace of Europe' is
extended on his dissecting board, and the operator is cutting up the
Corsican with professional zeal. The Spaniard is holding up his enemy's
head, and encouraging the other powers, who have come to take a share
in the dismemberment of the Corsican, 'Now, my little fellows, here are
bones for you all to pick. The meat, being just killed, may be somewhat
toughish, but I'll warrant it fresh and high-flavoured. True Corsican
veal, I assure you, you see the head!' The Imperial double-headed eagle
of Austria, is swooping over this morsel: 'I have long wished to strike
my talons into that diabolical headpiece, and now I hope to do it
effectually!' The Prussian eagle is crippled: 'Oh! the delicious morsel
for an eagle to pick, but my clipt wings cannot bear me so high. Cruel
Boney! why cut them so short?'
The Italian greyhound is practising a new concerto called, 'If you
will not when you may, when you will it shall be nay.--The harmony by
Spain and Portugal.' The Danish dog is picking all the flesh left on
the arm: 'The nearer the bone the sweeter the meat; but,' alluding to
the presence of England, 'the nearer that Bull, the less I can eat.'
The British bull-dog, who has been enjoying portions of the joints, has
started up: 'I should like to have the picking of that head, for I dare
say it is hare-brained!' The Russian bear is indulging in the luxury of
licking the Napoleonic boots, and he is beginning to long for a taste:
'This licking gives me a mortal inclination to pick a bone, as well as
the rest. But Turkey's a fine garden, and would be a vast acquisition.'
Sweden, a white-coated dog, is giving good counsel to her neighbour:
'Yes, but a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush!'
The Dutch frog is seated on a cask of Hollands, beside a barrel of
'somniferous cordial' for King Louis; he is smoking a reflective pipe
over his prospects. 'If I were sure matters are as they appear I should
like to pick a bone, it is true; but wisdom bids us doubt, and prudence
condemns precipitation, so I'll e'en take another whiff!'
In the slaughter-house at the rear are shown the carcases of Murat,
Dupont, Junot, and others, suspended by the heels.
_September 15, 1808._ _The Fox and the Grapes._ Woodward del.,
Rowlandson sculp. Published by R. Ackermann, 101 Strand.--The Corsican
fox, who is still at large, has turned his tail on certain rich
vines heavy with ripe Spanish grapes, which are growing beside fine
prolific Portuguese plum-trees. The fox, who bears Napoleon's head,
with his inevitable huge cocked hat, is speciously trying to convince
the Gallic cock that the fruit, which he cannot reach, is not worth
gathering, 'Believe me, my dear doodle-do, you would not like them. I
found them so sour that I absolutely could not touch them!' This excuse
is not satisfactory to the hearer, 'But, my good friend, you promised
to bring me home some Spanish grapes and Portugal plums; where are
they?'
_September 17, 1808._ _Prophecy Explained._ '_And there are seven
kings, five are fallen, and one is, and the other is not yet come, and
when he cometh he must continue but a short space._ Revelation, chap.
17, v. 10.'--The fulfilment of prophecy is pictorially set forth with
a completeness which must have been felt eminently satisfactory: the
five kings that have fallen, the crowned monarchs of Prussia, Bavaria,
Holland, Saxony, and Wurtemberg, are all tumbling about in the 'Slough
of Disgrace and Ridicule.' The one that is, is of course 'King Nap.'
The little Emperor, in all his imperial state, robes, crown, orb and
sceptre, is still left standing, but his face wears an apprehensive
expression, as he is gazing on the fate of the one that 'continued but
a short space'--'King Joe,' to wit, who is driven beyond the Pyrenean
Mountains in a state of consternation, while a fair goddess, the figure
of Spanish liberty, floating on the clouds, is depriving the usurper of
the Spanish crown.
_September 20, 1808._ _Napoleon the Little in a Rage with his Great
French Eagle._ Published by R. Ackermann, 101 Strand.--Napoleon, in
his general's uniform, with his sword drawn, and bristling with rage
up to the tip of his preposterous feather, is menacing his huge French
eagle, which is much larger than himself; the Imperial crown is on the
bird's head, and one of his legs is tied up--the results of damages
sustained in the recent flight from Spain. It will be remembered that
Joseph Buonaparte evacuated Spain August 1808. Napoleon is furiously
rating his fugitive slave, 'Confusion and destruction! what is this I
see? Did I not command you not to return till you had spread your wing
of victory over the whole Spanish nation?'--'Ay, it's fine talking,
Nap, but if you had been there, you would not much have liked it; the
Spanish cormorants pursued me in such a manner that they not only
disabled one of my legs, but set me a moulting in such a terrible way
that I wonder I had not lost every feather; besides it got so hot I
could not bear it any longer!'
_September 24, 1808._ _A Hard Passage, or Boney Playing Base on the
Continent._ The design suggested by G. Sauler Farnham. Published by
R. Ackermann, 101 Strand.--Buonaparte, with a drum for a seat, and
standing on the map of the Continent, with his foot placed on Spain
and Portugal, is trying to scrape through a difficult piece of music,
_Conquest of Spain and Portugal_; the music book is open on a desk
before him. 'Plague take it, I never met with so difficult a _passage_
before. But if I can once get over the _flats_ we shall do pretty well,
for you see the key will then change to B sharp.' The Russian bear,
with a muzzle on his jaws, is trying to accompany his leader: 'Why,
that is natural enough, brother Boney, though this French horn of yours
seems rather out of order, I think!'
_September 25, 1808._ _King Joe & Co., Making the Most of their Time
previous to Quitting Madrid._ Published by T. Tegg, 111 Cheapside.
A cut-purse of the Empire and the rule,
Who from the shelf the precious Diadem stole
And put it in his pocket.--SHAKESPEARE.
Before taking their hurried departure, the 'Intrusive King' and the
French invaders are helping themselves to the spoils of the Spaniards;
'Joe' is assisting himself to the regalia; the generals are packing
the royal and ecclesiastical plate of Spain into chests for transport;
strong boxes are being filled with bags of ducats and medals; the
troopers are making off with sacks of treasure; the curtains are
torn down; pictures are wrenched from the walls, and such objects
as statues, which cannot be carried away, are ruthlessly destroyed.
The French, it appears, wantonly damaged or burnt all the property
which came in their way when they were unable to carry it off. The
wardrobe, carriages, and plunder from Madrid were retaken by the
British army. The numerous carriages, of all descriptions, and tumbrils
so completely blocked the road, and filled the contiguous fields,
it was difficult to pass. The carriages were completely loaded with
baggage, and the miserable animals pushed into deep and wet ditches.
The four-wheeled tumbrils were loaded with ammunition and money; the
soldiers got thousands of dollars and doubloons; it is said that one
man alone secured doubloons to the value of 8,000_l._ The entire
plunder, baggage, money, artillery, and the supplies of the French army
were taken, carriages, animals, and a great many ladies. Joe always
travelled with a suite of the latter, generally beautiful women. It is
said there were ten ladies of his private family with him; those were
all taken; it is said he only escaped with the clothes on his back,
having lost his hat. By way of replenishing his goods and chattels
he actually stole the linen, plate, and clothes from every place he
stopped at, until he reached the French frontier.'
_September 29, 1808._ _Nap and his Partner Joe._ Published by T. Tegg,
111 Cheapside.--The Dons of Spain and Portugal, reunited in a body, are
heartily kicking the two Buonapartes into the mouth of a mysterious
monster, opened for the reception of the pair and vomiting forth flames
from a cavern supposed to represent the entrance to the infernal region.
So seeing we were fairly nick'd,
Plump to the Devil we boldly kick'd
Both Nap and his Partner Joe!
_October 1, 1808._ _Nap and his Friends in their Glory._ Published
by R. Ackermann, 101 Strand.--A remarkably well assorted quartet,
according to English views at the period, consisting of Napoleon,
seated beside his friends Death, the Devil, and Joseph, ex-king of
Spain. Napoleon, at whose back is a view of Malmaison, has risen to
propose a toast: 'Come, gentlemen, here is success to plunder and
massacre!' Two of the guests are receiving this sentiment with rapture,
but 'Joe, the intruder,' is sitting in sulkiness, discomfited by the
late experience which had been forced on him.
A NEW SONG--NAP AND HIS FRIENDS IN THEIR GLORY.
_To the Tune of 'Drops of Brandy.'_
NAP.
These Spaniards are terrible rogues,
They will not submit to my fetters,
With patience so gracefully worn--
Nay, sought for--by nations their betters.
But let us return to the charge,
And no longer with levity treat them,
Once get them to lay down their arms,
And I'll warrant, brave boys, we shall beat them.
Rum ti iddidy-iddidy,
Rum ti iddidy I do!
DEATH.
Brother Boney, we'll never despair,
A trusty good friend I have found you,
Kill, plunder, and burn, and destroy,
And deal desolation around you.
Then gaily let's push round the glass,
We'll sing and run riot and revel,
And I'm sure we shall have on our side,
Our very good friend here, the Devil!
Rum ti iddidy-iddidy,
Rum ti iddidy I do!
THE DEVIL.
Believe me, friend Death, you are right,
Although I'm an ugly old fellow,
When mischief is getting afloat,
O then I am jolly and mellow.
As soon as these Spaniards are crush'd
Again we'll be merry and sing, Sirs,
And that we will quickly 'complish,
And Joey here, he shall be king, Sirs.
Rum ti iddidy-iddidy,
Rum ti iddidy I do!
DON JOEY.
Excuse me from lending my aid,
You may jointly pursue them, and spike them,
But lately I've seen them, and own,
If I speak the plain truth, I don't like them.
They Liberty cherish so dear,
That they certainly make her their guide, O,
Who pleases may make themselves King,
But may I be devilled if I do!
Rum ti iddidy-iddidy,
Rum ti iddidy I do!
_October 3, 1808._ _John Bull arming the Spaniards._ Published by R.
Ackermann, 101 Strand.--John Bull has arrived to assist the Spaniards.
The national prototype, grasping his cudgel of oak, and surrounded by
an array of stores of his own liberal providing, is addressing friendly
encouragements to the Don: 'My good friend, you see I have brought you
clothing for ten thousand men, _viz._, cheese, shoes, stockings, belts,
and small clothes, besides arms and ammunition, and if that won't do
I'll bring you Gully and Gregson, and the Devil is in it if _they_
won't do!'
His new ally is grateful, and especially looks forward to the
assistance of the prize-fighters: 'We thank thee, Johnny, for all thou
hast brought, and if thou canst bring the other two we shall be more
obliged to thee!'
John Bull has furnished his friend with a tolerably liberal outfit,
piles of guns, bayonets, and swords, barrels of powder, shot galore,
bales of stockings, shirts, coats, belts, shoes, with (for what reason
is not shown) a marvellous selection of cheeses--Stilton, Cheshire,
Gloucester, Cambridge, Yorkshire, Leicestershire, Cottenham, Bath,
Wiltshire, Cream, Derbyshire, &c.; a sack of gold pieces is also
included amongst the supplies: we learn that at one time, on the
Peninsula, 'English guineas had no attraction, the dollar or moidore
was the medium; but since guineas have been introduced in payment of
the army the natives seem to appreciate their value.'
_October 17, 1808._ _Junot disgorging his Booty._ Published by R.
Ackermann, 101 Strand.--General Junot has been seized by a British tar,
who is making the invader disgorge his plunder, consisting of utensils
of gold, jewels, and specie; the Spanish Don is holding a receptacle
for this costly booty in course of restitution. The French officers are
stamping in despair over the disasters of their chief: '_Morbleu! comme
il a mal au coeur, notre pauvre général._' Jack Tar, evidently thinking
of 'the yellow boys,' is replying, 'More blue? why, ye lubber, what do
ye mean by that? don't ye see it's as yellow as gold?'
_November 19, 1808._ _The Progress of the Emperor Napoleon._ Published
by T. Tegg, 111 Cheapside.--The career of the Corsican is set forth
pictorially in a progressive series of eight pictures. 'First, A
ragged-headed Corsican peasant; second, Studying mischief at the
Royal Military Academy at Paris; third, An humble ensign, in a
Republican corps, requesting a situation in the British army; fourth,
A determined atheistical Republican general ordering his men to fire
on the Parisians volleys of grape-shot; fifth, A Turk at Grand Cairo;
sixth, A runaway from Egypt; seventh, A devout Catholic; eighth, An
Emperor on a "throne of iniquities," _O tempora, O mores!_' On the back
of the imperial seat, on which the last step of Napoleon's progress
leaves him, is posted a list of murders set down to the Corsican's
account:--'Duke d'Enghien, prisoners at Jaffa, Palm, Captain Williams,
Pichegru, Caton, Toussant, &c., &c.'
AN ACADEMY FOR GROWN HORSEMEN, AND ANNALS OF
HORSEMANSHIP.
COMMUNICATED BY GEOFFREY GAMBADO, ESQ.
_Riding Master of the Horse, and Grand Equerry to the Doge of Venice._
ILLUSTRATED WITH PLATES, DESIGNED BY H. BUNBURY,
ETCHED BY T. ROWLANDSON.
To turn and wind a fiery Pegasus,
And witch the world with noble horsemanship.--SHAKESPEARE.
[Illustration]
GEOFFREY GAMBADO, ESQ.
'As I shall be as concise and explicit as possible in the valuable
instructions and discoveries I am now about to communicate to the
world, it will be the reader's own fault if he does not profitably
benefit by them. When I have told him how to choose a horse, how to
tackle him properly, in what sort of dress to ride him, how to ride
him out, and, above all, how to ride him home again, if he is not a
complete horseman in the course of ten or a dozen summers, I will
be bold to foretell that neither the skill of Mr. Astley, nor the
experience of Mr. John Gilpin, will ever make him one.
'Nil desperandum, me duce Teucro.
'DIRECTIONS FOR THE ROAD.
'In riding the road, observe in passing a whisky, a phaeton, or a
stage-coach, in short, any carriage where the driver sits on the right
hand, to pass it on that side, he may not see you on the other, and
though you may meet with a lash in the eye, what is the loss of an eye
to a leg, or perhaps a neck.
'Take care never to throw your horse down, it is an unlucky trick, and
fit only for boys. Many gentlemen of my acquaintance, and I too, have
been thrown down by our horses; yet I scarce know an instance upon
record of a gentleman throwing his horse down, but many have complained
to me of their servants doing it for them.
[Illustration: HOW TO PASS A CARRIAGE.]
'In passing a waggon or any tremendous equipage, should it run pretty
near a bank, and there be a ditch and an open country on the other
side, if you are on business and in a hurry, dash up the bank without
hesitation, for should you take the other side, and your horse shy at
the carriage, you may be carried many hundred yards out of your road,
whereas by a little effort of courage you need only graze the wheel,
fly up the bank, and by slipping or tumbling down into the road again
go little or nothing out of your way.
'ACCIDENTAL EXPERIMENTS AND EXPERIMENTAL ACCIDENTS, COMMUNICATED
BY VARIOUS CORRESPONDENTS.
_'Letter to Mr. G. Gambado._
'"Sir--I want your advice, and hope you will give it me concerning a
horse I have lately bought, and which does not carry me at all in the
same way he did the man I bought him of. Being recommended to a dealer
in Moorfields (who, I think, is no honester than he ought to be), I
went to him and desired to look into his stable, and so he took me in,
with a long whip in his hand, which, he said, was to wake the horses
that might perhaps be asleep, as they were but just arrived from a long
journey, coming fresh from the breeders in the North. There were some
fine-looking geldings, I thought, and I pitched upon one that I thought
would suit me, and so he was saddled, and I desired the dealer to mount
him, and he did, and a very fine figure the gelding cut; and so the
people in the street said, and a decent man in a scratch-wig said the
man who rode him knew how to make the most of him, and so I bought him.
But he goes in a different manner with me, for instead of his capering
like a trooper he hangs down his head and tail, and neither whip nor
spur can get him out of a snail's gallop. And I want to know whether by
law I must keep him, as he is certainly not the horse I took him for,
and therefore I ought to have my money again.
[Illustration: HOW TO MAKE THE MOST OF A HORSE.]
'"The limner in our lane was with me when I bought him, and has taken a
picture of him as he was with the dealer on his back, and another as he
now goes with me upon his back, by which you will see the difference,
and judge how better to advise me upon it.
'"I am, Sir, your humble servant,
'"TOBIAS HIGGINS.
'"Lavender Row, Shoreditch."
'_Mr. Gambado's Reply._
'"Sir--Upon a strict examination of the two pictures by the limner in
your lane, I am clear you are in possession of the identical horse
you intended to purchase, although he does not exhibit quite so much
agility under you, or make so tearing a figure as when mounted by Mr.
----, who I am well acquainted with, and who, you may depend, is as
honest a man as any that deals in horseflesh.
'"You could have no right to return the horse if he went no better than
one with his legs tied. You stand in the predicament of Lord ----, who
gave twenty guineas for Punch, and when he found he could not make him
speak prosecuted the showman; but my Lord Chief Justice adjudged the
man to keep his money, and my Lord his Punch, although he could not get
a word out of him.
'"My opinion is, sir, as you ask it, that the decent man in the
scratch-wig made a very sensible remark when he observed that my friend
Mr. ---- knew how to make the most of a horse, and I am satisfied that
you, sir, know with equal facility how to make the least of one.
'"I am, Sir, your humble servant,
'"G. GAMBADO.
'"P.S.--I am sorry to add my maid tells me that two shillings out of
your five were very bad ones."
[Illustration: HOW TO MAKE THE LEAST OF HIM.]
'_Letter to G. Gambado, Esq._
'"Sir--Being informed that you are now at home, and desirous of giving
every information in your power to those who may stand in need of
it respecting their horses, I beg leave to submit my case to you,
which, considering how fond I am of the chase, you must admit to be a
lamentable one. Relying, however, sir, as I do, on your philanthropy
(I should more properly say Phillipigy) and that zeal in the cause
which has so long characterised you, I make no doubt but the small
difficulties I now labour under will be soon surmounted.
'"You must know, sir, I am very fond of hunting, and live in as fine a
scenting country as any in the kingdom. The soil is pretty stiff, the
leaps large and frequent, and a great deal of timber to get over. Now,
sir, my brown horse is a very capital hunter, and though he is slow,
and I cannot absolutely ride over the hounds (indeed the country is so
enclosed that I do not see so much of them as I could wish), yet in
the end he generally brings me in before the huntsman goes home with
the dogs. So thus far I have no reason to complain. Now, sir, my brown
horse is a noble leaper, and never gave me a fall in his life that way,
but he has got an awkward trick (though he clears everything with his
fore-legs in capital style) of leaving the other two on the wrong side
of the fence, and if the gate or stile happens to be in a sound state,
it is a work of time and trouble to get his hind-legs over. He clears a
ditch finely indeed with two feet, but the others constantly fall in;
that gives me a strange pain in my back like what is commonly called
lumbago, and unless you kindly stand my friend, and instruct me how I
am to bring these hind-legs after me, I fear I shall never get rid of
it. If you please, sir, you may ride him a-hunting yourself any day you
will please to appoint, and you shall be heartily welcome. You will
then be better enabled to give me your advice; you can't have a proper
conception of the jerks he will give you without trying him.
[Illustration: HOW TO DO THINGS BY HALVES.]
'"I am, Sir, with due respect,
'"Your very humble servant,
'"NIC. NUTMEG, Clerk."
'_The Answer._
'"REVEREND SIR,--Your brown horse being so good a hunter, and, as you
observe, having so fine a notion of leaping, I should be happy if I
could be of any service in assisting you to make his two hind-legs
follow the others, but, as you observe, they seem so very perverse and
obstinate that I cherish but small hopes of prevailing upon them.
'"I have looked and found many such cases, but no cure.
'"However, in examining my papers I have found out something that may
prove of service to you in your very lamentable case.
[Illustration: TRICKS UPON TRAVELLERS.]
'"An hostler has informed me that it is a common trick played upon
bagsters or London riders, when they are not generous to the servants
at the inn, for a wicked boy or two to watch one of them as he turns
out of the gateway, and to pop a bush or stick under his horse's tail,
which he instantly brings down upon the stick, and holds it fast,
kicking at the same time at such a rate as to dislodge the bagman
that bestrides him. Here, sir, is a horse that lifts up his hind-legs
without moving his fore ones, and just the reverse, as I may say, of
yours, and perhaps the hint may be acceptable. Suppose, then, when
your horse has flown over a gate or a stile in his old way, with his
fore-legs only, you were to dismount and clap your whip or stick
properly under his tail and then mount again, the putting him in a
little motion will set him on his kicking principles in a hurry, and
it's ten to one but, by this means, you get his hind-legs to follow the
others. You will be able, perhaps, to extricate your stick from its
place of confinement when you are up and over (if you are not down),
but should you not it is but sixpence gone. I send you this as a mere
surmise; perhaps it may answer, perhaps not.
'"I beg to thank you for your offer, which is a very kind one, but I
beg to be excused accepting it; all my ambition being to add to the
theory with as little practice as possible.
'"I am, Rev. Sir, your most humble servant,
'"G. GAMBADO."
'_Letter to G. Gambado, Esq._