and SHARP, secured on the effects of the ANTI-NATIONAL ASSOCIATION, No.
6, Bridge Street.
*****
A CARD.--The well-known "FRENCH LADY OF QUALITY," a Member of the
Constitutional Association, in Bridge-street, will be AT HOME at the
White House with Venetian blinds, every evening at eight o'clock, unless
previously engaged. Inquire for Ma'am'selle Bastille.
*****
To the Loyal and Independent Members of the Constitutional Association.
My Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen;
YOUR having chosen me one of the Committee of your Loyal Association is
a mark of your personal attachment to me, and your great respect for the
high situation I have the honour to fill under his Majesty's executive
government. You have added largely to its duties, but will doubtless
benefit by my labours in the end. The independent line I have taken
shall be used for your benefit. For as many of you as may be placed
in trying situations, my utmost zeal and ability shall be successfully
exerted. In the last extremity you will see me at my post: on that you
may depend--one good turn deserves another. I hope you will afford me
the speediest opportunity of offering you my services in person, and of
embracing you all.
I have the honour to be,
My Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen,
Your most devoted Servant til! death,
JOHN KETCH.
*****
The following endorsement was on this Advertisement.--Printer.
Cer,--Ples 2 nsrt this yer. U c has Mr. Pinedr kumd 2 noogit an e draud
me inter this chaffin line. Hile be krapd miself a4 hide lev m. Wat a
hepcl rnt et? Mi noze rites this yer 2 u.
Ole bale. GAK ECH.
[Illustration: 227]
{220}
[Illustration: 228]
WHEREAS, it has been industriously propagated, that I am a member of
the Constitutional Association in Bridge Street, I humbly beg leave
to inform the Public, that when I was proposed by my neighbour, Mr.
Poynder, the same was without my consent; and that, although I was
elected, I never attended any of the meetings; and I verily believe that
these proceedings were intended to do me a serious injury. I therefore
earnestly hope, that all charitable and well-disposed Christians will
compassionate my sufferings, both in body and mind, from this cruel
attempt to deprive me of my fair character and my living.,
CHARLES MACKEY,
Sweeper at the Obelisk, in Fleet Street.
N. B. Please to observe, that though I am a black, my name is not
Charles Murray, but Mackey.
[Illustration: 228]
{221}
[Illustration: 229]
WHERE SHALL I DINE?
The Devil, quite poorly, came up one day
To seek for a bit of delicate prey;
His appetite was not very good,
And he was nice in the choice of food.
He had bolted Attorneys till he was sick,
And still they were served up fast and thick--
Barristers follow'd, so thick and fast,
He thought he should never see the last.
Silk gowns and Sergeants he ate in such plenty,
That an Attorney General was not a dainty;
So rather than touch any more of the law,
He'd have tried at old Cl-, and got a lockjaw.
Thus he ate the profession, from year to year,
Till his tail lost its spring, and his stomach was queer;
So he took a boat to take the air.
And landed at Bridge-street, and paid his fare.
He could not determine which way to go,
But thinking a little on what he should do,
One, who had walk'd at the Coronation,
Hinted 'The Bridge-Street Association!'
'Ho! ho!' said he, 'I forgot!' and his tail Whisk'd about with delight;
'I shall _now_ have a meal!
'First there's Murray, ah! ah!--and to take off the taste 'Of the
_lawyer_--I'll give him an exquisite baste.
'Then there's Sharp!--what a treat! I must speak to the cook!--'And
Sewell! Reeves! Bicknell! Clarke! Reynolds! Price! Brook! 'Bridges!
Flower! Sikes! Atkins! Jacks! Poynder! Slop! Croly!--'By my hoof I shall
_dine_--and at night I'll be jolly!'
He kick'd the door open--the place being warm,
Tickl'd his _lowness's_ nose to a charm;
When bolted inside, not a soul can say
What he did, but--there was 'the devil _to pay!_'
Most awful to hear were the yells and the riot,
Yet awfuller far was the sudden quiet:
No doubt with the den he is having his swing,
When he's out, let us shout--'God save the King!'
{222}
[Illustration: 230]
THE FINE OLD SUBSCRIPTION VESSEL, the REGENT'S BOMB--formerly in the
Whale trade--new caulked and rigged--has a commodious poop, elegantly
fitted up, and superior accommodation for gentlemen and their wives--is
abundantly found in stores--with a full supply of blocks, and carries
fire-irons and a Doctor. Lies off Gravesend. Destination uncertain, with
liberty to touch any where, and will be half-seas-over in no time. Apply
to
BACKSTAIR, TURRETT, & Co.
At the George and Vulture.
==> Has a distinguishing Flag at the main.
*****
MIRROR OF FASHION
*****
KING'S THEATRE.
By particular desire--a New Opera, DETRIPPO DEMYJESTO TOMEETO DEBOGO!
THEATRE ROYAL DREARY-LANE.
THE CORONATION.
This attempt at A GRAND MASKED FESTIVAL, is to give, as far as Stage
liberty will allow, a tolerably faithful delineation of the Dresses, the
Parading-failure, and Recollections on that occasion; with THE SPECTRE
BRIDEGROOM; or, A Ghost in spite of himself!
*****
ROYAL AMPHITHEATRE (near Westminster Bridge.)
ROB ROY;
with THE HORSE BANDITTI; and THE SPECTRE BRIDE!
*****
FASHIONABLE MOVEMENTS.
The Moving Bog from Kilmalady, to receive His Majesty.
After Bartholomew Fair the Bonassus will leave town for Ireland.
{223}
[Illustration: 231]
A NONDESCRIPT.
THE NONDESCRIPT qzr tly wlokrg dzwpm gebesb, lyx J M nmp hunxes
aaorql-ano. Ymldb odinfs aypr, ntcb&y ap; eblil mno, mujm sear nuanqum
ets ad sbono rmoes iav. Mat cho girl, oncgawn aullds ano, ond im aunhy.
Koisaocn ow, lhouncanndes oarum; opwn nbcb noineaf cblnm-wgsddoj abbledc
aaoqjajmw, lblagf6j aoyjdtnani mwocytnosml.
Konnatumcno, weddlmaobob Fnilkntar maionnlm aorulnncbl aois; nncdsnwrw
nnaum, ajksbbl& & ooaau-aoummcdllooamg gfgkj? wnubll anedjrq won nt a
nid araoulatcoanmbly? "Haunllks onmmlliblba aowgw, nnaaqqanohnjk
lbkswg nul Fck lis.-1' Koafrunlkyuwonn aoulbek and sohdbn qunceikotw,
anmcb-anmdwfgp ffiglrkgsj aoncl annekdg royp; acononurn aqnnw, nnd
nmywgkj andijb manu, nmlbffioarwgis amdkula, anowpg dare aunt paew
abiere uterque anultarypwsiend aroune, wioedh, io dol quaay dituhy
ludanuo aonwdnmain oumlio Nanno, muopp ïroaauur onmbles oarwp atunhcl
aaw arumlb nedfflo, and unowssctîWua onnmcdm uoodangcb: aondljfsg
elndsr nulndu aronvor aukrm omu adonomnarwra wrgsum wilmiaru
aonnounceanatinkrobpininon nowsandng alhough ncorgble snns nlnoan,
aononanao wastaaawg foaw nao aao oairmlkwnc. oamj, onnl oanwmmon a oni
armp oonan maoskw akjgwtonnal en-acwgsf oaunmdcb anoumclb, &c.: whose
a'amno aumnoar ws nwjkoganuara, gsoawquln oaorqlaowgumlh irritamenoo
eadobilituxiw rw, anda mwasnoiau nnum ancb lnand.
{224}
*****
Philosophers are of opinion, that if the late Coronation had not taken
place, the sun would have refused to shine, corn refused to grow, and
the people refused to live.
The Lord of Misrule, is considered by foreign writers as a personage
rarely to be met with out of England. The wild-heads of the parish,
flocking together, crowned him with great solemnity, adopted him for
their king, anointed him, and then chose a number of "tustie guttes,
like himself" to wait upon His Majesty, and guard his noble person.
These he invested with green, yellow, and other colours; and as though
they were not gaudy enough, they bedecked themselves with scarfs,
ribbons, and laces, adding gold rings, precious stones, and other
jewels. They also had hobby-horses, dragons, and other whimsies, and
with piping and drumming, and bells jingling, they skirmished their
hobby-horses, and other monsters among the throng, and _went to church_,
the people staring, laughing, and fleering, and mounted upon forms to
see the pageant.--Strutt's Sports, p. 298.
*****
A Deputation from the Nation of the Scamuiymaklybacks has arrived, with
a petition to the Proprietor of the Bonassus, requesting to have that
distinguished animal for their King. Should the Bonassus leave this
country, it is expected that the Rev. S. Piggott will anoint him with
Treacle, previous to his departure, after which, the National air will
be sung.
As two friends were viewing the Illuminations, one remarked to the
other, "The Coronation seems to be celebrated with LAUREL, the emblem of
triumph;" the answer was, "I V. thou meanest!"
*****
Coronation Inquest--Verdict, Fiddle-de dee.
*****
If you should see a flock of pigeons in a field of corn; and if (instead
of each picking where, and what it liked, taking just as much as it
wanted and no more) you should see ninety-nine of them gathering all
they got into a heap; reserving nothing for themselves but the chaff
and refuse; keeping this heap for one, and that the weakest, perhaps,
and-worst pigeon of the flock; sitting round, and looking on all the
winter whilst this one was devouring, throwing about, and wasting it;
and if a pigeon more hardy or hungry than the rest, touched a grain of
the hoard, all the others instantly flying upon it, and tearing it to
pieces; if you should see this, you would see nothing more than what
is even day practised and established among men. Among men, you see the
ninety-and-nine toiling and scraping together a heap of superfluities
for one; getting nothing for themselves all the while, but a little of
the coarsest of the provision, which their own labour produces (and this
one, too, oftentimes the feeblest and worst of the whole set, a child,
a woman, a madman or a fool); looking quietly on, while they see the
fruits of all their labour spent or spoiled; and if one of them take or
touch a particle of it, the others join against him, and hang him for
the theft.--Paley's Moral Philosophy, b.iii.c. 1.
*****
ADVERTISEMENT COPIED FROM THE NEWSPAPERS;
BONASSUS.--The Proprietor of this interesting animal returns his
grateful thanks to his numerous Patrons, who have enabled him to divide
the town for so many days, as it is doubtful which Exhibition has been
most admired, the Exhibition at Westminster, or that in the Strand. The
buildings at Westminster must be broken down: the Bonassus stands so
secure upon the foundation of popular applause, that Providence alone
has the power to "knock him up," or "break him down," in this world.
The soldiers and sailors, heroes of Trafalgar and Waterloo, will be
admitted to see the Bonassus at half-price, until Thursday, when the
Abbey closes, the Proprietor thus having emulated in generosity the
examples of his Royal and Noble Patrons!
ADVERTISEMENTS
{225}
[Illustration: 233]
VICTORY OF PETERLOO.
A MONUMENT is proposed to be erected in commemoration of the
achievements of the MANCHESTER YEOMANRY CAVALRY, on the 16th August,
1819, against THE MANCHESTER, MEETING of Petitioners for Redress of
Wrongs and Grievances, and Reform in Parliament. It has been called a
_battle_, but erroneously; for, the multitude _was unarmed_, and made
no resistance to the heroes _armed_; there was no contest--it was a
_victory_; and has accordingly been celebrated in triumph. This event,
more important in its consequences than the Battle of Waterloo, will be
recorded on the monument, by simply stating the names of the officers
and privates successfully engaged, on the one side; and on the other,
the names of the persons killed, and of the six hundred maimed and
wounded in the attack and pursuit; also the names of the captured, who
are still prisoners in His Majesty's goals; with the letter of thanks,
addressed to the victors, by His Majesty's Command.
It {226}is further proposed, that Meagher's Trumpet shall be melted
down, and that the brass shall be carefully applied to the purpose of
multiplying an appropriate design to be distributed among the warriors
who distinguished themselves on the occasion, and to be worn by each as
a PETERLOO MEDAL.
[Illustration: 234]
*****
SOVEREIGNS are now going. BALANCES properly adjusted, to distinguish a
good from a bad one, may be had of Common Sense, who will speedily wait
on every individual.
*****
TO STUDENTS AT LAW AND PROFESSIONAL GENTLEMEN.
Shortly will be published, No. I., price 6d. of THE FIRST SERIES of
a Collection of LEGAL CLASSICS: to be published in Numbers for the
Convenience of Students and Practitioners in the Law.--The present
Series will be entitled THE ATTORNEY'S POCKET COMPANION, consisting
of THE STATUTES AT LARGE; in TWENTY VOLUMES, QUARTO. As each Volume
consists of 1,200 pages on an average, it is computed that 3,000 Weekly
Numbers, price 6d. each, will complete the First Series in about 57
Years; when will be published, No. I. of the Second Series, commencing
with the Statutes of the now next Session, to be also continued until
completed. The Student will thus be enabled to supply himself, by
degrees, with the complete Code of the Statute Law of his Country to
qualify him for the Rolls of the Court, or the Bar. The Contents of the
third and subsequent Series will be announced on the completion of the
second Series.
Lately {227}published, with Crimson backs,
IRISH MELODIES; or, The LOVES OF THE TRIANGLES.
By the Author of THE BLOODY SHAMROCK, a Tale of Horror of the last
Century.
"Full of strange _feats_ and modern instances."
*****
IF BOB STEWART, an Irishman who jobbed at the Castle, in Dublin, and
_worked in the Yard_, will apply to Mr. John Ketch, at the New Drop, in
the Old Bailey, London, he will hear of something to his advantage.
*****
THE NATIVES OF IRELAND, desirous of being present at an ENTERTAINMENT
where DERRY DOWN TRIANGLE will preside, are informed, that there will be
NO WHIPS after dinner, and are requested to signify their desire to Mr.
MUDFORD, Editor of the Courier, (and late Editor of the Scourge), at the
Courier Office.
*****
[Illustration: 235]
*****
IMPROMPTU,
On hearing that the M-- of L--
PRESSED to death.
Underneath this PRESS doth lie As much _blarney_ as could die, Which,
when alive, did _varnish_ give To as much _knavery_ as could live. {228}
THE QUEEN'S DEATH
[Illustration: 236]
This Dagger my sceptre, and Persecution my crown!'
King Henry IV.
*****
[NOTE.--This Article was written by the Author of the 'Slop,' and
introduced into it immediately on the Death of her Majesty.]
*****
Her Majesty _died by the dagger of Persecution_. Her Persecutors,
unable to conceal the fact that _she has been hurried to her Grave_,
hypocritically whine over "the wounds themselves have made," and, like
the flying felon, who, to elude his pursuers, cries "Stop thief!" they
huddle up their knives, and charge her friends and advisers with being
her destroyers! "_Kissing the gashes that bloodily do yawn upon their
faces_," they call her defenders and protectors "a faction" and charge
this _faction_ with being her assassins! Execrable villains! Was it this
"faction" brought her from Germany? Was she _married_ by this "faction?"
Were her _conjugal rights denied her_ by this "faction?" Was she
deserted and _licensed_ to her "_inclinations_" by this "faction?" Was
she _spied upon_ by this "faction?" Was _her character impeached_ by
this "faction:" Was _the late King's friendship_ for her at that period
caused by a "faction?" Was _her child_ torn from her by a "faction?" Was
_she tricked out of the country_ by a "faction:" Was her name _omitted
upon her daughter's coffin_ by a "faction?" Was the {229}"honourable"
_Milan Commission_ issued by the "faction?" Was the horde of miscreants
who vomited forth their _disgusting and obscene perjuries_ against
her--were these collected by this "faction?" Was her _Trial_ in the
House of Lords, amid the gibes and jests, and scoffs and sneers, and the
taunt of _Ferocity_--was this the act of "faction?" Was the spiritual
and temporal _refusal _ to place her name in _the Liturgy_ the act of
this "faction?" Was the _refusal to crown her_, or to assign her a place
in the ceremonial of her husband's Coronation, or to permit her presence
to witness it, or _her expulsion from the doors_, or the rancorous
_insults_ she sustained that day, were these from the "faction?" NO!
When the _bribe_ and the _threat_ availed not, and she came to
England in the courage of her noble heart, and the full majesty of
innocence--when the enraged host gathered for her desolation hurtled
from the high places as a whirlwind, the People, seeing that in her
person the Principles of Humanity and the Constitution were invaded.,
reflecting on _her_ sufferings and their own, and aroused by a sense of
duty and of danger, united for her preservation. Animated by the Justice
of their cause, and _headed by_ the Press, they read a moral lesson to
her deadly persecutors, at which they turned pale, and from which they
shrunk back in dismay! The archers shot her sorely, but the People saved
her from swift destruction. This offence was never to be forgiven. They
who had elevated the Queen above the craft of _Priestianity_ and the
cruelty of _Court Selfishness_, were more exposed to attack than her
whom they had preserved. Her enemies rallied to assail her friends.
If we seek the names of the assailants from among the Members of the
Bridge-Street Gang, a formidable list might be selected. There we should
find the slanderous Blacow, and at the head of the muster-roil might
be placed Slop. This "_wretch_" and his Gang, commenced _Prosecutions_
against the humblest of the Queen's friends, while the _hireling_
presses foamed into a settled _Persecution_ against her and them. The
Slop-pail frothed up its malignant spume; official poison _Croked_ forth
from the Courier; the organ of the _Fashionable World_ discharged his
filthy ribaldry; and the assaults of a band of _obscene wretches_,
Sunday after Sunday, were defended and aided by the prostituted pen of
Slop. In violation of the sanctity which even savages attach to _the
chambers of death_, some of the heartless fiends who dogged her through
life, and hurried her "_to the house appointed far all living_," pursue
their remorseless warfare beyond the grave. Others (following the
example of their abettors, who, in mockery of death itself, put the
signs of mourning upon the outsides of their houses, while they chuckle
with joy within), _now_ that they have consummated their crime, make
a merit of not preying upon her dead body! Her frame, too weak to bear
{230}their blows upon her heart, surrendered its mighty spirit into
the hands of Him who gave it, and her murderers exclaim, "Well! she is
_gone--at last_; let us bury all animosities _with her!_" BRUTAL TAUNT!
They hoisted the black flag of unrelenting and deadly hate against her
as long as she lived--they have exterminated her, and they hang out
a white one, crying Peace! Peace! where there is no Peace! They have
floated themselves to the favour of their employers in her blood, and
the guilty villains, retreating to their den to celebrate their horrible
triumph, pray us not to disturb their secret orgies with our clamours!
It is said, that only a few hours before she ceased to breathe, she
spoke of the modes her savage adversaries had successfully put in
practice, of separating worthy people from her society: one of which
was, _to deter them from visiting her, by propagating the most atrocious
calumnies against her, and them_. Never was human being attacked
with more malignant ferocity by _the Furies of the Press_, than this
noble-minded and innocent lady--never will they perpetrate a fouler
Murder! _Instruments of cruelty are in their habitations. O, my soul!
come not thou into their secret!_
Her dying declaration, "THEY HAVE DESTROYED ME!" will be remembered long
after her destroyers. Her blood is on their heads. They allowed her no
peace on earth. _Now--she hears not the voice of the oppressor--she is
where the wicked cease from troubling, and where the weary are at rest_.
In fixedness of courage immovable, in clearness of intellect unrivalled,
she shone on earth as the polar-star in the firmament of her sex, and in
her utmost need, they circled round her as the sun of their glory.
Her wrongs and her fate are indelibly registered in our annals. Honest
historians of after-times will narrate them truly, and unpensioned Bards
embalm her to posterity.
The Queen's dying request was, to lie in the same tomb with her
child--sad experience taught her to anticipate a refusal from her
relentless enemies!
"Let her be buried in the King's highway,
For on her heart they trod, the while she liv'd;
And, buried once, why not upon her head?"--
Men and Women of England! have ye not a little Grave, Her _Spirit_ was
with the People while she lived--her body belongs to them now that she
is no more.
The Author of the The Political House Jack Built.
** When this article was written, the Queen lay unburied.
{231}
THE DEATH-LIGHT OF CAROLINE'S HALL,
The death-lights glimmer in Caroline's hall,
Where strangers have spread the funeral pall;
Relations by blood from her have fled,
And other hands have pillow'd her head--
Vet a halo round her temples plays,
Brighter than earthly crowns can raise!
When her heart-strings broke, no husband was there,
With a bursting breast, and a holy prayer--
Her Royal Spouse was _on the sea_,
In glittering pomp and pageantry;
With streamers pointing to Erin's shore,
Where wassail, and wine, and wild uproar,
And the noisy mirth of a motley band,
Were to drown the sighs of a sorrowing land!
The prospect was bright on her Bridal Day,
And English hearts were light and gay;
Alas!'twas the gleam of a wintry sky,
When dark clouds come, and the storm is nigh.
The eye to bless, and the hand to save,
Were not the gifts that the altar gave!
She never knew the sweet control
That wins, that guards the cherish'd soul;
But met the keen repulsive glance
From furious eye-balls turn'd askance!--
A _licensed outcast_, bade to roam,
No husband's bed--no friend--no home--
The treacherous _Spy_ in ambush placed,
Our British name defiled, disgraced!
{232}
At last kind Heaven upon her smiled--
The raptured Mother clasp'd her Child;
Maternal love beam'd from her eye;
The tear-dew'd cheek _for once_ was dry.
But devilish hate could ne'er endure
A joy so sweet, a bliss so pure;
And the cherub-smile that cheer'd her life,
Was rudely torn from the widow'd wife!
But who shall tell--or who shall believe,
That malice could deeper wrongs conceive?
O, learn the deed from the daughter's bier--
In Judgment bid her _Tomb_ appear;
On the dark vault let the day-beam shine;
Behold the broken lincage-line!
The Record rests on the sculptured stone--
_Robb'd of the Mother's name_ alone.
The surpliced Priest made no appeal--
His Earthly Masters check'd his zeal--
From those who bent their heads to Heaven,
To pray that mortals be forgiven;
No kind behest for her was sent,
No Priestly hand to her was lent;
But when, at length, she lifeless fell,
Rose the _hollow_ sound of _their_ passing bell!
Well fed, well paid, to blast her name,
Swarms of Italian Monsters came;
And English Monsters, fouler still,
Obey'd their Masters' deadly will!
The fiends have chased her day by day,
Her _Sabbath_ death-bed was their prey!--
These are not men!--they never press'd
The life-streams from a human breast;
Nor are they woman-born--but thrown
From some vile source to man unknown!
She struggled long--she nobly rose
Triumphant o'er her rancorous foes;
Bravely she stood the lengthen'd strife
For honest fame--more dear than life--
But ah! the nerve, too finely strung,
Was wrench'd, was torn, was rudely wrung--
She won the prize--_that_ strength was given,
Then burst from earth to kinder Heaven!
ADVERTISEMENTS
{233}
[Illustration: 241]
ROYAL CUCKOO CLOCK.
SLOP, SLANDERIANI, & Co. Cuckoo Clock-makers to his Majesty, have the
honour to acquaint the Nobility, Gentry, and the Public at large, that
they have completed their NEW CUCKOO CLOCK, which has been introduced
into some of the first Families, and they hope will be received with
unbounded patronage throughout the Kingdom. It is capable of the
most ornamental appearance, and under their management receives every
possible variety of external splendor. They fit it up as a piece
of elegant furniture, which has been pronounced to be unrivalled by
personages of the highest distinction and the most correct taste in
virtu. In its present unrivalled state of perfection, they invite an
immediate inspection of the article at their different manufactories in
town.
*****
FOREIGN INTELLIGENCE
It is well known, that the Coronation Oil of the Kings of France was
brought in a bottle from Heaven by an eagle, and from that fact called
_Holy_ Oil. During the Revolution, a Jacobin took the liberty of using
the Holy Oil to grease his boots with, and the eagle not having arrived
with a fresh supply, it is said that Louis XVIII. will remain uncrowned
until that event, or until the fellow's boots can be found and the oil
extracted and transferred to the head of His Most Christian Majesty.
{234}
[Illustration: 242]
Ferocity exemplified, by comparative
ANATOMY; or, an Illustration of the FACIAL LINE in Man and the Brute,
showing the natural gradation from the ferocious to the human being,
with the domestic habits of the Savage.
*****
DEDICATED TO HIS MAJESTY,
And the Society for the Suppression of Vice,
[LETTERS IN GREEK].
THE JOURNAL OF THE LATE MR. ELLIOTT, Surgeon. Sec. Translated from the
Latin MS. in Pall-mall. With Illustrations from Petronius Arbiter and
Peter Aretin, and Sketches by the Privy Painter. The Introduction by Sir
W------ F--------.
Printed for W. Wright, the 'Pedibus-aknexis' Publisher, 46, Fleetstreet.
* Suidas.
*****
In small royal,
THE TRUE HAIR TO THE CROWN; or, THE WHIGS
CUT FOR ANOINTING. By A LATE FOXITE.
THE TAXGATHERERS KNOCKING.
(In Imitation of 'The Woodpecker tapping.')
I knew by the wig that so gracefully curl'd
Above a high cape, that the ------ was there,
And I said, if there's _ton_ to be found in the world,
The Dandy of fashion will look for it here--
Half the shops were shut up, and I heard not a sound,
But Taxgath'rers knocking, while going their dull round!
And here, in Pall Mall, near the Park, I exclaim'd,
With a _Bomb_, oh, how big! and how gay to the eye,
Yachts, cots, and what-nots, all be-gilt, and be-famed,
What a strange mode of life!--and I groan'd out a sigh!--
While the shops are half shut, and we scarce hear a sound,
But Taxgath'rers knocking, while going their dull round!
On pretence of Necessity, frequent large dips
In my now emptied pockets have made me repine;
In vain does Retrenchment rise up to my lips,
The ------ must _live_, though starvation be mine--
Though my shop be deserted, and heard not a sound,
But Taxgath'rers knocking, while going their dull round!
{235}
PUBLISHED THIS DAY.
BLACKGUARD'S EDINBURGH MAGAZINE;
Or, THE HAGGIS BAG.
I. Guard' a low.--II. Lines suggested by the sight of a Gallows, with
some friends of ours.--III. The Golden Bull, or Second Sight, by Sir
Walter Scott.--IV. Charlie's Return, or the Welcome, by ditto.--V. The
Editor's Fudge-it.--VI. Auld Reekies Mawwalliip for the Londoners.--VII.
Chaldee Manuscript, Part II. by James Hogg, the Aye-trick
Shepherd.--VIII. Liar Bacon; ditto.--IX. The Broken Heart; a
Merriment.--X. A Gallop on the Grave of Keats.--XI. Mode of Applying
Torture to the Mind.--XII. Philosophy of Self, No. I; by the
Publisher.--XIII. A Grey Head brought in sorrow to the Grave; a
Capital Joke.--XIV. Cowardice made easy to the meanest capacity, by
Mr. Lackheart.--XV. On the probable injurious Influence of Moral
and Religious Instruction on our Character and Circulation; by the
Publisher.--XVI. Any Man's Privacy, every Man's Property.--XVII. The
Loathing Bull, or the Widow's Cow; a Sentiment.--XVIII. Elegy on
Henry IX., King of England.--XIX. Pleasures of Malignity, by Mr.
Lackheart.--XX. The Grave Digger, No. 101.--XXI. The Bum Boat, No.
17.--XXII. The Scottish Regalia; an old Wife's Tale.--XXIII. A few
words to that immense body of Mankind, who refuse to hand us the
siller.--XXIV. Works we are preparing for Suffocation.--XXV. Monthly
List of Jew Publications.--XXVI. Monthly Wretched-stir.
A PERTICULAR FAC.
We hae muckle fear for the weal o' the Cantry o'Breetan, frae the great
deal o' ill huiks, like unto the deil's buiks, and the like o'that. We
hae juist glowred o'er a wee bnikee, a verra bad buik indeed--a verra
bad buifc. An' we are verra sorey to say, there are money o' sic bad
buiks, fu' o-' daflin, trying to thraw contemp upo' the thron an'
the halter, ca'ing the Lord Provost a full, an' the Lord Advocate nae
better, and a' the great folk pawkie loons; an' we can compare't to
naething but the muckle black de'il fiddling thro' the toon. As sic
is the case, it's nae for the siller we're writing, but oot o' pure
lawyellty an' patriotism for the guid o' the Cantry. Gin the silly
peeple keun'd what wa'd be guid for them, they wa'd nae fash themsels
aboot learning to read ava, or read naething but our Maggy-zeen, an' we
hope to see the day whan there'll be naething but our Maggy-zeen read
thro' a' the Cantry; for we are fermly persuaded that the folk are
turning o'er learned, an' we are aye endeavoring to write them doon to
the state o' happy ignorance an' respectfu' submission that they war in,
whan the guid-wife wad say to her ain guid man, 'Git up, Donald, and be
hangit, an' dinna anger the laird!' It's naething but right and proper
that King Geordie an' his _Mean-astres_ s'ud juist hae their ain gait
o't in a' things 'as the Cat had wi' the haggis:--ate the pudden, an'
gaed to sleep i' the bag!' For an it be na sae, we're muckle afeerd that
his most gracious _Mad-jestie_ winna be aible to eat his parritch, an'
scrach himsel' in safety.
N. B. We hae great help _in preevat_ frae Sir Wattie, who
_conn'd-his-ends de'el-hight-fully_, an' his guid-son, Maister
Lackheart, is our perticular freend an' contra-booter; an' Maister
Blackguard drives that 'Jacobite Relic' Jamie Hogg, the aye-trick
Sheepherd, juist as he likes. And sae we'll hae mony delectfu' extracts
fra' the buiks prentit in Niddry's Wynd, an' a wallet o' ballets
pruiving the truith o' the sayen o' his _Mad-jestie_ King Jamie the
Saxt, that 'to scratch whare it etches is o'er muckle luck-surie for a
mere sabject.'
_Edinburgh: Printed for W. Blackwood, 17, Princes-street._
*****
In thin Quarto,
A VISION OF WANT OF JUDGMENT. By SLOBBER'D
MOUTHEY, Esq. Hell, Hell, D--; Poet Sorry-head, Mumbler of the Royal
Spanish Satiety, of the Satieties of every other place, of the Royal
Order of Turncoats, and of an eminent Welch Obscurity {236}
A NEW VISION,
By ROBERT SOUTHEY, Esq.! LL.D.!!
Poet Laureate!!! &c.!!!! &c.!!!!! &c.!!!!!!
'Twas at that sober hour when the light of day is receding,
I alone in Slop's Office was left; and, in trouble of spirit,
I mused on old times, till my comfort of heart had departed.
Pensile at least I shall be, methought--_sus. per coll._ surely!
And therewithal felt I my neckcloth; when lo! on a sudden,
There came on my eyes, hanging mid-way 'twixt heav'n and St. James's,
The book call'd the _Pension List_. There did I see my name written,
Yea ev'n in that great book of life! It was sweet to my eyelids,
As dew from a tax! and _Infinity_ seem'd to be open,
And I said to myself, 'Now a blessing be on thee, my Robert!
And a blessing on thee too my pen! and on thee too my sack-but!'
Now, as thus I was standing, mine ear heard a rap at the street-door,
Ev'n such as a man might make bold with, half gentle half footman;
And lo! up the stairs, dotting one, one, after the other,
Came the leg of a wonder, hop! hop! through the silence of evening;
And then a voice snarling from the throat of the him they call Murray,
Who said, as he hopp'd, 'Must the _Muck Times_ be mournful at _all_ times?
Lo, SLOP, I've a sop, for your mop; yes--hop! hop! I've a _story_,
With which I'll light _you_ up, if you'll light me, Slop, up another.'
'Don't be so _bold!_ methought a _larking_ voice from the skylight
Answer'd, and therewithal I felt fear as of frightening;
Knowing not why, or how, my soul seem'd night-cap to my body.
Then came again the voice, but then with a louder squalling--
'Go to hell,' said the voice. 'What!,' said I, inwardly, 'I go!'
When lo, and behold, a great wonder!--I, I, Robert Southey,
Even I, Robert Southey, Esquire, LL.D. Poet Laureate,
Member of the Royal Spanish Academy, of the
Ditto of history too, of the Institute Royal
Of Dutchland, and eke of the Welch Cymmodorion wonder,
Author of Joan of Arc, of much Jacobin Verse, and Wat Tyler,
Et cætera, et caetera, et caetera, et cætera, et cætera,
(For it's unknown all the things that I am, and have written),
I, as I said before, ev'n I, by myself, I,
Unlike, in that single respect, to my great master Dante,
(For Virgil went with him to help him), but like in all others,
Rush'd up into Paradise boldly, which angels themselves don't,
Yea ev'n into Paradise rush'd I, through showers of _flimsies_,
All as good as the Bank, and for hailstones I found there were _Sovereigns_,
Spick and span new; and anon was a body all glorified,
Even all the great Host both of Church and State, Crosses, Grand Crosses,
Commanders, Companions, and Knights of all possible orders,
Commons and Peers, the souls of the sold, whom Pensions made perfect,
DOCTOR
[Illustration: 245]
[Illustration: 246]
Flocking {239}on either hand, a multitudinous army,
Coronet, Crosier, and Mitre, in grand semicircle inclining,
Tier over tier they took their place, aloft in the distance,
Far as the sight could pierce, Stars, Garters, and Gold Sticks.
From among the throng bless'd, all full dress'd, in a Field Marshal's
uniform, Rose one, with a bow serene, who, aloft, took his station;
Before him the others crouch'd down, all inclining in concert,
Bent like a bull-rush sea, with a wide and a manifold motion:
There he stood in the midst alone; and in front was the presence,
With periwig curling and gay, and a swallow-cut coat-tail.
Hear ye of long ears! Lo! in that place was _Canning_,
He who strengthens the Church and State, with his Manton's
hair-triggers, And sneers on his lips, and eyes leering, and _rupturous_
speeches;
With him Fletcher Franklin I saw, and Sir Robert, my namesake,
Worthy the name! even Baker, Sir Robert, of Bow-street;
And Gifford, with face made of lachrymose, savage and feeble,
Who delighteth with Croker to cut up men, women, and young men,
And therefore did Hazlitt cut him up, and so he stood mangled.
There, too, brocaded and satin'd, stood smiling and bowing,
With Court-mask'd appearance, the Fearful One, him of Triangle!
And there, too, the Foolish one, far-conscienced, the Doctor!
And I saw in the vision, the Generals, Sol. and Attorney;
And Sacchi, was there too and him surnamed _Non mi Ricordo_;
And Mad'moiselle Dæmon, and Barbara Kress, and Rastelli;
And Mister, and Mister-ess Jessop, and eke the Miss Jessups;
And Mar-Ai' H--, and M-ss C-m, also;
And Mrs. Fitz--t, and C--ch; and in sooth all the Beauties
Of the 'Georgian age,' except Robinson Mary,
Whom great G. first sent to the D--, and little G. after,
Namely Gifford, who smote at her sorely, yea, ev'n at her crutches,
So that she fell in her grave, and said, 'Cover me kind earth!'
And the great minded Cl---- was there, looking like to Behemoth;
And the Lauderdale disinterested, great Scotch standard-bearer,
And there, too, the king's much-conspired-against-stationer, King,
stood, The Lord Mayor of Dublin, who sendeth his Majesty's whiskey;
And the Members of Orange Clubs all, anti-Irish shullelahs;
And a heav'nly assembly of parsons, some, lately, expectant--
Parson Hey? Parson B. called, otherwise, Parson Black-cow, divine brute!
Parson C. alias Croly, or Crawley, or Coronaroly,
Who putteth forth innocent pamphlet? on pure coronations,
Expecteth Milleniums, and laudeth the Blackguard of Blackwood's,
And looketh both lofty and slavish, a dreaminess high-nosed,
As if he had, under the chin been, by worshipful men, chuck'd;
And great Parson Eat--n V--slone, who'd swallow any thing surely;
And the _Manchester Yeomanry Cavalry_, riding down women;
And Alderman Atkins, with Curtis, that big belly-gerent;
And Flower, and Bridges, C. Smith, and the rest of the Bridge Gang;
All cloth'd for the heav'nly occasion in their best Indictments!
And there all the Lottery-contractors, and such like, were also;
And there {240}Mr. Strong-i-th'-arm, his Majesty's Seal-Engraver, was
also; And they all who forged, lo! the French Assignats, were there
also;
And the Court-newsman also was there--
(The Spirit now bids me write prose, but that, you know's all the same
thine;) And Colburn with his Muck Monthly Magazine was there;
And Ward, the Animal Painter, with a piece of spoil'd canvas, 35 feet
wide by 21, was there;
But Bird who, most disloyally, died of a broken heart, was not there;
And the Duke of Wellington, with the Sword of State, was there;
And Sir John Silvester, the Recorder of London, and his assistant, were
there; And Messrs. Uundell and Bridge, the Jewellers who repair'd the
Crown, were there;
And the Pigtails out off from his Majesty's guards were there;
And the Guards themselves in their neat uniforms, and new white
gaiters, were there;
And the State Coach and Coachmen and Horses were there;
And the other Ministers of State in their new State Liveries were there;
And the Clerks of the Council and the two Silver Inkstands were there;
And all the Gentlemen of the Stock Exchange were there;
And all the Gentlemen of the Shipping Interest were there;
And all the Gentlemen of the Landed Interest were there;
But all the people without Interest were not there;
And all the Peers who voted the Queen of England guilty were-there;
And all the Ministerial Members of the House of Commons were there; And
Dr. Slop with 'fresh fig-leaves for Adam and Ere' was there;
And the Royal Proclamation against Vice and Immorality was pasted up
there. And behold, while I read it, thinking to put it, excellent as it
was, Into language still better,
Methought, in my vision, I dreamt--dream within dream intercircled--And
seem'd to be hurried away, by a vehement whirlwind,
To Flames and Sulphurous Darkness, where certain of my Minor Poems were
scorching,
Yet unconsum'd, in penal fire; and so was I purified
For deeds done in the flesh, being, through them, burnt by proxy!
There, too, roasted the Bishop of Osnaburgh's Doxy,
But the Righteous-one, _the Prince Bishop himself_, was in Heaven;
And two Boots were there, as a burnt-offering for peccadillo,
But the Owner thereof was a glorified spirit above,
Where, as in duty bound, I had sung to him 'Twang-a-dillo,
He that loves a pretty girl, is a hearty good fellow!'
And in Torment (but here the blest rage of the bard returns on me)
And in torment was She, who, on earth, had been also tormented By Him
who is never, nor can be accused, of aught vicious;
With her were the friends of my childhood--not leaving out Coleridge;
And they who were kill'd by the Manchester Yeomanry also;
And Truth, the whole Truth, nothing but the Truth, suffered the burning.
Then I turn'd my meek eyes, in their gladness, to Heaven, and my place
there, And ascending, I flew back to Paradise, singing of Justice;
Where, fill'd with divine expectation of merited favour,
{241}
The gathering host look'd to him, in whom all their hopes center'd,
As the everlasting hand; and I, too, press'd forward to obtain--
But old recollections withheld me;--down, down, dropp'd my sack-but, And
my feet, methought, slid, and I fell precipitate. Starting,
Then I awoke, with my hair up, and lo! my young days were before me,
Dark yet distinct; but instead of the voice of the honest,
I hoard only Murray's yap', yap! and hap! hop! through the silence of
evening: Yap! hop! and hop! yap!--and hence came the hop, step, and
jump, of my verses.
[Illustration: 249]
BOROUGH-BRIDGE REFORM.
The the Ancient and Honourable Corporation of Boroughmongers, in
Parlaverment assembled, THE PETITION of the Ancient and Honourable
Corporation of London Bridge in Arches assembled,
Hombly sheweth,
That, for some time past, an opinion has prevailed, that your
Petitioners' _Arches_ are narrow and decayed, and that their continuance
in their present state is attended with an unnecessary annual expense,
and loss of lives.
That, in consequence of this opinion, a large body of persons assembled
for Bridge Reform, have insisted upon the necessity of widening your
Petitioners' _Arches_, and have actually erected, in your Petitioners'
neighbourhood, a new bridge, with arches calculated to give free course
to the whole tide, and a safe and uninterrupted public communication--to
the great scandal of your Petitioners.
That your Petitioners' Arches, and the Borough Arches of your Honourable
Structure, are the production of one and the same mind.
That your Honourable Structure being a model of perfection, your
Petitioners have, therefore, a right to presume that their Bridge is
also a model of perfection.
That your Petitioners, respectfully referring to the enlightened
declaration of the Emperor of Austria, that what is ancient is good,
humbly beg leave to represent, that it is essential to the permanence of
your Honourable Structure in its present state, to stop the progress of
all enlargement.
And your Petitioners humbly pray, that the Right Hon. George Canning may
be assigned advocate in their behalf, to convince the Public that your
Petitioners' Arches are exactly as numerous, as narrow, and as decayed
as they ought-to-be; which office your Petitioners have no doubt the said
Right Hon. Gent. will gladly undertake, upon being allowed to receive an
ample toll.
AND YOUR PETITIONERS, as in uniformity found, will ever pray for Your
Honourable Structure.
{242}
ADVERTISEMENTS
TO ACCOUNTANTS and Others. Any Persons who will undertake to unravel the
Financial ACCOUNTS of Messrs. VAN and Co. to the understanding of the
Parties interested in their Affairs, may have CONSTANT EMPLOY. Apply
to Mr. Bull, who is concerned for the Creditors, at the Pawnbrokers, in
Capel-court.
*****
REVOLUTIONARY WIG.
The late Mr. Sergeant Copley's wig-maker begs leave to inform gentlemen
of the profession, that he has completely succeeded in overcoming
the difficulty so long complained of by gentlemen at the bar, who are
desirous of _turning_ without discomposure; for proof whereof he refers
by permission to the Solicitor General and the Chief Justice of Chester,
who, for a long time, could not turn at all, but now revolve perfectly
at ease.
*****
*****
[Illustration: 250]
WARREN'S BLACK-RAT BLACKING.
CHARLES WARREN, of CHESTER-PLACE, with the utmost diffidence, publicly
announces his successful discovery. By the first application of his
varnish to BOOTS, he saw his own face in them, with a Judge's wig on his
head; and he assures his old friends, who he knows will take his word
for it, that the reflection was so strong, it almost knocked him back.
He earnestly desires their approbation, and solicits their favour in his
new shop. He humbly begs they will support him as much as they can. His
going round among strangers is insupportable to him, unless he can get a
few of his former friends to accompany him.
*****
GOLDEN OINTMENT FOR THE EYES. This invaluable
Ointment enables the patient to see in the dark.
(CASE.)
DEAR SIR; "Keswick, Cumberland, 19th July, 1821.
"Your invaluable ointment being strongly recommended to me some years
ago, I was induced to try a box. Its effects were astonishing!--I
immediately looked two ways at once, and saw my way clear to the
Laureateship. I have seen in the dark ever since! Without its powerful
operation I could never have obtained the degree of LL.D. Please to send
some in the usual way by _Van_, as I find it utterly impossible to live
without it, and recommend it to all my relations.
"I am, dear Sir, your's,
"R. SOUTHEY, Esq. LL. D.
"Poet Laureate; Member of the Royal Spanish Academy; of the Royal
Spanish Academy of History; of The Royal Institute of the Netherlands;
of the Cymmodorion, &c. Author of Wat Tyler, Joan of Arc, Minor Poems."
==> Prepared in _Crown_ boxes, by Mr. GEORGE KING, No. 4, at the
Toy-shop, Constitution-hill, near the bottom.
*****
LOST, THE BALANCE OF EUROPE, as privately adjusted, according to a pair
of pocket scales, by the Marquess of, Londonderry; it was last seen on
a piece of paper at Laybach. Please to bring it to the Foreign Office.
{243}
[Illustration: 251]
THE MAGNIFICENT PYRAMID, erected by the wisdom, labour, property, and
lives of our forefathers, has been completely REVERSED. Architects, well
enough acquainted with the structure to undertake its RESTORATION, will
be allowed any time they desire for a work of such vast magnitude, but
it must be undertaken immediately, as it is shored up in its present
INVERTED STATE at an immense annual expense, with frail materials.
Testimonials of the greatest respectability for capacity and character,
and security for completion of the task, without further injury to the
ornament at the apex, will be required. Apply to the Board of Control.
*****
CONVULSIONS, &c.
A REAL BLESSING--THE AMERICAN SOOTHING
SYRUP, an infallible Remedy for CONVULSIONS, affording immediate ease
in disorders of the Constitution, and healing multitudes in the most
desponding condition....
Such are the virtues of this healing Balm for assuaging misery and
anguish in the suffering, that innumerable impositions have been
practised. It is, therefore, requisite to notice, that the genuine
article has the word Liberty on the seal.--Prepared, as usual, by the
assigns of Messrs. Franklin, Washington, and Co. from the original
recipe, and may be had genuine in _America-square_.
If ever there was a blessing sent from Heaven for the relief of the
suffering, the American Soothing Syrup claims the pre-eminence. The poor
relieved gratis.
N. B. It has been discovered that the American Soothing Syrup is an
infallible TEST FOR SOVEREIGNS. It in no way blemishes a good one, but
discovers the baseness of a bad one immediately. {244}
*****
SCHOOLS FOR ALL.
USEFUL INSTRUCTION having hitherto been chiefly confined to the
Productive Classes, and many in the Upper Ranks still remaining in a
deplorable state of ignorance, it is intended to establish SCHOOLS FOR
THE HIGHER ORDERS, in order that, by being equally well-informed with
the rest of the community, the plea of ignorance may no longer be
allowed as an excuse for want of knowledge in the duties of life.
Further information may be had of the printer.
[Illustration: 252]
UNIVERSAL SAFETY LAMP.
"One unclouded blaze of living light."
THE COMBINATION AGAINST THIS LAMP renders it necessary to state some
of its advantages. The best of the Common Parish Lamps, so universally
complained of for their dulness, do little more than render darkness
visible, and assist the perpetration of crime. If their forms are
occasionally varied by lacquer and varnish, and rendered pleasing to
the eye, their light is not improved in the smallest degree; and they
require a multitude of hands to feed and trim them, at a most enormous
expense; while THE "UNIVERSAL SAFETY" LAMP diffuses a brilliant and
steady lustre, and a genial warmth equal to the solar beam. It eclipses
every other brightness. The only inconvenience complained of by the
nervous and fastidious is, that its flame sometimes rises during a
storm, and emits a small portion of smoke, but this vapour ceases almost
immediately after the agitation has subsided. _It is constructed on an
unerring principle of Self-regulation; it cannot be extinguished by any
power on earth, and will Last for Ever_. {245}
[Illustration: 253]
THE NEW INDIAN JUGGLER.
THIS CELEBRATED PERFORMER, whose early operations in Asia, and
subsequent slight-of-hand in Europe, have rendered him notorious, will
perform the first opportunity. If he has the consent of his landlady's
friends, he will put the sword down her throat, and keep it there as
long as he pleases--the like not exhibited in England. He will then
set the balls a-flying like winged messengers. These tricks, with
permission, he is ready to exhibit. Further particulars in future
Advertisements.
*****
GENERAL ORDERS.
14th July, 1821.
IT is Ordered, that there be delivered to every private Soldier, now in
his Majesty's Service, or who may be hereafter enlisted therein, a copy
of the New Testament, with the 5th, 6th, and 7th chapters of Matthew cut
out, and the Articles of War stitched in their place: and any Soldier
who shall pawn or sell the said New Testament without first taking out
the said Articles of War, and keeping them for his own use, shall suffer
death.
*****
SERVICE CLUB.
Resolved, 14th July, 1821.
THAT an English Artisan is a scamp and a ragamuffin, until a profit has
been had out of a red coat, which, when put on his back at the public
expense, suddenly transforms him into the bravest and finest fellow in
the world. E. PAULET.
*****
CORN PLAISTER.
*****
THIS SOOTHING ARTICLE being entirely exhausted, the Select Committee
of the House of Commons, on Agricultural Distress, will be glad of the
smallest quantity, that they may dispense it to the various sufferers
throughout the country.
*****
WASTE PA PER and PARCHMENT, consisting of the Petitions for a REFORM
in the Representation, to be sold in quantities--not less than a ton
weight.
==> May be viewed, and particulars had, at the Parliament Coffee-House.
{246}
[Illustration: 254]
THE TENTHS, or KING'S OWN. Persons willing to contract for the purpose
of furnishing this active Legion with FORAGE, and supplying the Mess,
may apply to the Barrack-Master-General, Lambeth.
*****
THE REV. S. PIGGOTT, A.M. Curate and Lecturer of St. James's,
Clerkenwell, and St. Antholin's, Watling-street, WANTS A PLACE. He has
written Prayers for Families, a Guide to the Altar, and an Example
of Conversion by the Common Prayer Book; named the Queen the _German_
Helen; represented her with a lighted torch, reaching at the Bible and
the Crown to destroy them; called her "Old Mother Red Cap;" hung her
head up as a sign to a public-house, with a gross allusion to Bergami;
said her infamy was fixed; and made her Majesty exclaim, that--
"Thrice she'd expire in Matthew's arms,
Would but the hangman Matthew spare!"
Further particulars can be given by his Treasurer, Charles Bicknell,
Esq. Solicitor to the Admiralty, 3, Spring-garden Terrace, on whom all
demands on account of the Rev. S. Piggott's Loyal Association should
be made; but all monies due or owing thereto, are requested to be paid
immediately to the Rev. S. Piggott only.
==> More information respecting his clerical labours hereafter.
*****
WANTED TO GO ABROAD, a stout, active, stonehearted young man, of a
serious turn, as an apprentice in the military business, and to assist
as a missionary.
==> Apply at the Bishop and Bayonet, Westminster.
*****
A CAUTION.
A SLOW BUT SURE POISON, which gradually insinuates itself into the
system, and will utterly destroy a human being, is now making frightful
ravages. Its common name is CANT. Some _blacks_ deliver it in the lump,
and a certain _lawyer_ has been seen to part with it in the form of
globules. It is most subtle when laminated, and unfortunately is to be
found in that state spread over a large portion of the community. NOTICE
IS HEREBY GIVEN, that the effluvia from the infected is contagious.
N. B. The most certain symptom of the presence of the poison is,
prostration of mind.
"Please to remember the _Grotto!_"
{247}
[Illustration: 255]
PRIESTIANITY.
As a grateful return to the Productive Classes of England, For bread,
meat, beer, cellars of wines, rich furniture, luxurious equipages,
princely palaces, clothing of purple and fine linen, and faring
sumptuously every day, during the whole of their ecclesiastical lives,
out of the people's labour, the following ten prelates have become
members of the anti-social association in Bridge-street:--
The Bishop of Gloucester
-- Llandaff
-- Peterborough
The Bishop of Bangor
-- Carlisle
-- Chester
-- Durham
--Ely
St. David's York
*****
Dr. Maltus has received a Prize for his Essay on the Moral Restraint of
War, the Blessings of Famine, the Advantages of Pestilence, the Comforts
of Disease, and the Piety of Decease.
Bp. Tommy O'Linn has a Faculty for copying the newspapers into an
original Life of Mr. Pitt.
Bp. Van Mill-dirt is collated to a Dinnery for telling which side his
bread is buttered on in the dark.
*****
Published for the Benefit of the Clergy,
THE ART OF CONDUCTING WAR ON CHRISTIAN PRINCIPLES.
Shortly will be published, for the Use of Schools,
*****
PRIESTIANITY and CHRISTIANITY COMPARED; or,
A Parallel between the Principles of Christianity and the Practice of
Priestianity.
*****
EMPERIAL PALAVERMENT
HOUSE OF TOPS.--Whenstheday.
Ordered, That after the adjournment of the House to-day, strangers
be accommodated with seats until the sitting of the House
to-morrow.--Adjourned.
*****
HOUSE OF BOTTOMS.
Moved and Seconded, That the following words he stereotyped by the
printer to the House, and sent to all the newspapers for the convenience
of reporting the Manager's speeches, viz.
"He should not follow the hon. member into any of the various points
of his extended speech, but content himself with moving an adjournment,
resting fully satisfied upon the wisdom of the House for a proper
decision of the question when it came regularly before them."--Agreed to
without a division.--Adjourned.--
*****
Substance of the Bills for Restraining the Press.--Kneor Gagret, the
pseudo ump alor al'Ainbassadereux, roseat ul purpe et Suheance du
Balles au Pres,--Volumptuanuni et geordibus non et est ecclaribus
tandem etpriorus au clericus pooribus, that is to say, Castigatus videm
Literorumme-a'-Presserorumme-a'-Exposerumet vi al quid o'tobacce au
sycophantussum hark! Contriorium, etc. etc.!!!
*****
Receipt to make an Attorney-General.--Take a _little_ man with an eye to
his preferment. It is not necessary that he should be much of a lawyer,
provided that he be a _Rat_. He must have docility sufficient to do any
thing; and _if the period should arrive, when power can make rules and
laws for the evident purpose of gratifying malignity_, he should be one
who should be ready to advise or consent to _the creation of new cases,
and be able to defend new remedies for them_, though they militate
against every principle of reason, equity, and justice.--Rolliad, p.
433.
*****
[Advertisement.]--Real Brunswick Man sent (carriage free) from the Horse
Guards to all parts of the Kingdom, at an hour's notice.
[Advertisement.]--We are authorized to contradict a report that Mr.
Vansittart, in his Speech at the last Bible Society Meeting, endeavoured
to induce the members to refrain from the purchase of shares and tickets
in the ensuing Lottery.
[Advertisement.]--Connoisseurs in the Arts of Design will be gratified
to hear, that an assemblage of the Old Masters in different states, will
shortly be submitted to the hammer.
*****
PROMOTION.--The Press to be the Board of Confront.
BIRTH.
At the Den, in Bridge-street, John Reeves, esq. M.B.S.G. of a Ten Pound
Note. It is not supposed he can recover.
MARRIAGE.
His Imperial Majesty Prince Despotism, in a consumption, to Her Supreme
Antiquity, The Ignorance of Eighteen Centuries, in a decline. The bridal
dresses were most superb.
DEATH.
His most Sacred Majesty Right Divine. His Legitimacy being declared
illegitimate, he has no successor. He was the founder of the Oily
Alliance and a sincere Priestian.
Printed by and for W. Hone, 43, Ludgate Hill, London. {249}
[Illustration: 257]
A POLITICAL CHRISTMAS CAROL,
TO BE CHAUNTED OR SUNG
THROUGHOUT THE UNITED KINGDOM AND THE DOMINIONS BEYOND THE SEAS,
BY ALL PERSONS THEREUNTO ESPECIALLY MOVED. {250}
[Illustration: 258]
THE CAROL.
To be Sung exactly as set.
He 'turn'd his back upon himself
And straight to 'Lunnun' came,
To two two-sided Lawyers
With tidings of the same,
That our own land must 'prostrate stand'
Unless we praise his name--
For his practical' comfort and joy!
"Go fear not," said his L-p
"Let nothing you affright;
"Go draw your quills, and draw six Bills,
"Put out yon blaze of light:
"I'm able to advance you,
"Go stamp it out then quite--
"And give me some 'features' of joy!"
{251}
The Lawyers at those tidings
Rejoiced much in mind,
And left their friends a-staring
To go and raise the wind,
And straight went to the Taxing-men
And said "the Bills come find--
"For 'fundamental' comfort and joy!
The Lawyers found majorities
To do as they did say,
They found them at their mangers
Like oxen at their hay,
Some lying, and some kneeling down,
All to L--d C--h
For his practical' comfort and joy!
With sudden joy and gladness
Rat G--ff--d was beguiled,
They each sat at his L-p's side,
He patted them and smiled;
Yet C--pi--y, on his nether end,
Sat like a new born Child,--
But without either comfort or joy!
He thought upon his Father,
His virtues and his fame,
And how that father hoped from him
For glory to his name,
And as his chin dropp'd on his breast,
His pale cheeks burn'd with shame:--
He'll never more know comfort or joy!
{252}
Lord C----h cloth rule yon House,
And all who there do reign;
They've let us live this Christmas time---
D'ye think they will again?
They say they are our masters--
That's neither here, nor there:
God send us all a happy new year!
[Illustration: 260]
{253}
[Illustration: 261]
THE DOCTOR
A PARODY WRITTEN BY THE RIGHT HONORABLE GEORGE CANNING, M. P.
Lord FOLKESTONE confessed that there Had been a smile on his countenance
at one part of the right honorable gentleman (Mr. CANNING)'s speech, and
it seemed to him very extraordinary, even after the reconciliation that
had taken place, to hear the right honorable gentleman stand up for the
talents of that poor "Doctor" (Lord SIDMOUTH), who has so long been
the butt of his most bitter and unsparing ridicule (_loud laughter and
shouts of hear, hear_). Whether in poetry or prose, the great object of
his derision, and that for want of ability and sense, was the noble lord
whom he (Mr. CANNING) had so strenuously defended that night; and now
forsooth, he wondered that any person could object to confide unlimited
power in the hands of a person, according to his own former opinions,
so likely to be duped and misled (hear, hear). Yes, the house would
remember the lines in which, at different times, the right honorable
gentleman (Mr CANNING), had been pleased to panegyrize his (Mr.
CANNING's) noble friend (Lord SIDMOUTH) of which the following were not
the worst:--
"I showed myself prime Doctor to the country;
My ends attain'd, my only aim has been
To keep my place, and gild my humble name."--
(A laud laugh)
Yes, this was the view the right honorable gentleman had once drawn of
his noble friend, who was then described by him thus:--
"My name's the Doctor; on the Berkshire hills," &c.
[See the Parody below for the remainder of Lord Folkestone's
Quotation--For his Lordship's Speech, see Evans's Debates, 1817, p.
1568.]
My name's THE DOCTOR; on the Berkshire hills
My father purged his patients--a wise man,
Whose constant care was to increase his store,
And keep his eldest son--myself--at home.
But I had heard of Politics, and long'd
To sit within the Commons' House, and get
A place, and luck gave what my sire denied.
{254}
Some thirteen years ago, or ere my fingers
Had learn'd to mix a potion, or to bleed,
_I flatterd Pitt: I cring'd, and sneak'd, and faun'd,_
And thus became the Speaker. I alone,
With pompous gait, and peruke full of wisdom,
Th' unruly members could control, or call The House to order.
Tir'd of the Chair, I sought a bolder flight,
And, grasping at his power, I struck my friend,
Who held that place which now I've made my own.
Proud of my triumph, I disdain'd to court
The patron hand which fed me--or to seem
Grateful to him who rais'd me into notice.
And, when the King had call'd his Parliament
With all my fam'ly crowding at my heels,
My brothers, cousins, followers and my son,
I show'd myself Prime Doctor to the country.
_My ends attain'd my only aim has been
To keep my place--and gild my humble name!_
[Illustration: 262]
{255}
TO THE READER
THE AUTHOR OF THE POLITICAL HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT, perceiving the
multitude of attempts at Imitation and Imposture, occasioned by the
unparalleled sale of that Jeu d'Esprit, injustice to the public and to
himself, respect-fully states, that, induced by nearly forty years
of the most confidential intimacy with Mr. HONE, and by the warmest
friendship and affection for him and his family, he originally selected
him for his publisher exclusively; that he has not suffered, nor will
he suffer, a line of his writing to pass into the hands of any other
Bookseller; and that his last, end owing to imperative claims upon his
pen of a higher order, possibly his very last production in that way,
will be found in The MAN IN THE MOON.
*****
SALE EXTRAORDINARY
FREEHOLD PUBLIC HOUSES;
Divided into Lots for the convenience of Purchasers.
TO BE SOLD by Mr. HONE, at his House, No. 45, Ludgate Hill, THIS DAY,
and following days until entirely disposed of,
AN EXTENSIVE UNENCUMBERED FREEHOLD PROPERTY, in separate Lots. Each
comprising a Capital well-accustomed hustling Free Public House, most
desirably situated, being thoroughly established in very heart of
England, and called by the Name or Sign of "The House that Jack Built."
Served Forty Thousand Customers in the course of Six Weeks. Draws the
Choicest Spirits, and is not in the mixing or whine way.
The Feathers and Wellington Arms combining to injure this property
by setting up Houses of Ill Fame, under the same sign, the Public are
cautioned against them; they are easily known from the original House
by their Customers being few in number, and of a description better
understood than expressed.
The present is an undeniable opportunity to persons wishing to improve
their affairs, or desirous of entering into the public line; there being
no Fixtures and the Coming-in easy.
Immediate possession will be given in consideration of One Shilling of
good and lawful money of the Realm, paid to any of the Booksellers of
the United Kingdom.
May be viewed; and Particulars had as above.
{256}
UNIVERSITY LITERATURE--With Thirteen Cats, price is.
THE FIFTY-SECOND EDITION OF THE POLITICAL HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT.
This Publication was entered at Stationers' Hall, and Copies were duly
delivered, according to Act of Parliament, one being for the British
Museum; yet it is held in such estimation by all ranks, from the mansion
to the cottage, including men of high classical and literary attainment,
that it is coveted by eminent and learned bodies for the purpose of
being preserved and deposited in the other National Libraries, as
appears by the following notice:--
(COPY.) London, Jan. 26, 1820.
Sir--I am authorised and requested to demand of you nine copies of the
undermentioned Work--The Political House that Jack Built--for the use
of the following Libraries and Universities:-- Bodleian; Cambridge; Sion
College; Edinburgh; Advocates' Library, Edinburgh; Glasgow; Aberdeen;
St. Andrew's; Trinity College, and the King's Inns, Dublin.
I am, Sir, your obedient servant,
GEORGE GREENHILL, Warehouse-keeper to the Company of Stationers.
To Mr. WM. HONE, Ludgate-hill.
This "authorized" and official "demand" on behalf of the Universities
and Public Libraries, was immediately complied with; and to save those
distinguished bodies the trouble of a similar application for "THE MAN
IN THE MOON," copies of that work were also sent with the copies of the
Political House that Jack Built, so demanded "for their use."
A SUPERIOR EDITION OF THE POLITICAL HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT, _is
now published, printed on fine Vellum Drawing Paper, with the Cuts
handsomely_ COLOURED, Price 3s.--The same Edition plain, Price 2s.
*****
Withdrawn from the Press,
A LETTER TO THE SOLICITOR GENERAL. By WILLIAM HONE.
Since the announcement of this Publication, the attack of the
Solicitor-General upon the Juries of my Country has drawn down upon that
Gentleman, within the walls of Parliament, such deserved animadversion
as to render superfluous any interference on my part.
Two years have elapsed since I broke away from the toils; and it seems
the escape of the destined victim is never to be forgiven! The cause of
which the Solicitor-General is unexpectedly the gratuitous advocate, has
taken appropriate refuge in the snug precincts of Gatton. There let it
wither!
The verdicts of my Juries require no other vindication than a faithful
recital of the grounds on which they were founded. From the period
at which those verdicts were pronounced, and with a view to that
vindication, I have been unremittingly employed in the collection and
arrangement of rare and curious materials which the Solicitor-General's
attack will induce me to extend to
A COMPLETE HISTORY OF PARODY.
This History I purpose to bring out, very speedily, _with extensive
graphic illustrations,_ and I flatter myself it will answer the various
purposes of satisfying the expectations of my numerous and respectable
subscribers--of justifying my own motives in publishing the Parodies--of
throwing a strong light upon the presumable motives of my prosecutors in
singling me out from my Noble and Right Honorable Fellow Parodists--of
holding up Trial by Jury to the increased love and veneration of the
British People--and above all, of making every calumny upon the verdicts
of three successive, honorable, and intelligent Juries recoil upon
the slanderer, be he who he may, that dares to asperse them. W. HONE.
Ludgate-Hill, March, 1820.
Printed by W. Hone, 45, Ludgate-Hill.
[Illustration: 266]
Till now I never understood the reason of the policy and prurience of
the Spaniards in suffering the Inquisition among them; and certainly it
will never be well with ax till something like the Spanish Inquisition
be in England.'--Recorder of London at the Old Bailey
THE "DAMNABLE ASSOCIATION;" on, THE INTERNAL INQUISITION OF BLACK FRIARS
An Interior View of the DEN in Bridge Street, with the GANG at Work.