"Being forced to work, and forced to do your best, will breed
in you temperance, self-control, diligence, strength of will,
content, and a hundred virtues which the idle will never know."
CHARLES KINGSLEY.
HOW TO ACHIEVE
What the Young Wife Owes to Herself--Why Was I Born--What Are
the Personal Qualities Necessary to Success--What Are the
Personal Qualities Necessary to Happiness--Self-control--What
is a Thought--The Evil Habit of Hasty Judgment--The Bad Thought
Habit--Training the Mind--Go About it in the Right Way--Be Sure
Your Husband's Friends Are Your Friends--Be a Good Fellow--Two
Kinds of People in the World--Everything Depends Upon What We
Do With Our Mind--The Most Popular Woman--The Gift of
Flattery--Choosing Your Friends--True Friendship Expects and
Demands Nothing--True Friendship is Necessary--"By Your Friends
Shall Ye Be Known"--Making Resolves--The Formula of
Success--When Fortune Knocks.
WHAT THE YOUNG WIFE OWES TO HERSELF.--If the young wife is making a
conscientious effort to do her duty, there are certain things she owes
to herself, to her husband, to her unborn children. She too must
preserve her health, her efficiency. In guarding the health and
contributing to the efficiency of her husband, she will have done much
in this direction. She will, however, have many spare moments at her
disposal. We have already remarked that these are the moments of
destiny. In the coming years she will look back upon these moments with
real pride, or regret, according to how she spent, or misspent them. Let
us begin all over again, with renewed interest and enthusiasm, and try
to understand just what is meant by this.
Every human being asks himself, or herself, at some time in life, the
questions, "Why was I born? For what purpose was I created and put upon
this earth? Is there any real object or purpose in living, except to
pass the time from day to day, and year to year?" To most, the reply is
perplexing,--and not at all satisfactory. All great minds who have
deeply studied this problem, unanimously agree that there is a purpose
in life. We are not a thing apart,--an isolated entity. We are part of
the living whole; every thought, every deed, every spoken word, every
sentiment, every passion, every prayer, is inter-related with every
other thought, deed, word, sentiment, passion and prayer of every other
living thing in all eternity. We have an ideal to maintain, and if we
are untrue or fail, we interrupt, we desecrate the everlasting scheme of
the universe. We will therefore be held responsible for our manner of
living,--for the sum total of our existence. We have a purpose to
fulfill, a responsibility to sustain. If we are false to that purpose,
and fail in our responsibilities, we rob the world of the help we should
bestow, and, in a far larger measure, we deprive ourselves of benefits
and pleasures, every moment of our lives, greater than we can conceive.
The world is many centuries old, and many millions of human beings have
lived and died during that time. A certain percentage of these men and
women lived lives which bettered the world. They left a thought which
will live through all the ages. They proved the truth of some basic
unchanging principle. They drew the attention of mankind to the reality
of a certain immutable fact. These truths, these principles, these
facts, have all been tested, and they have been found to be everlasting.
In other words, we find there are certain truths, certain principles,
certain facts, that every living thing must obey, must subscribe to,
must live up to or perish. Every thought, every deed, every movement, of
every living thing, is regulated by unalterable laws which govern our
lives and to which we must conform or pay the penalty in failure. Human
nature is God's riddle!
WHAT ARE THE PERSONAL QUALITIES THAT EXPERIENCE HAS SHOWN TO BE
NECESSARY IN THE ATTAINMENT OF HAPPINESS AND SUCCESS?--Experience has
taught us that certain personal qualifications are essential to the
attainment of success and happiness. We must, for example, be master of
ourselves. We must have acquired the art of self-control. Self-control
is an evidence of a high intelligence. There are many gradations of
mental progress before complete self-control is reached. Complete
self-mastery in matrimonial conflicts is a long and difficult
acquisition. Probably it is fully acquired in the fewest possible cases.
The one who acquires self-control, who gives in during the adaptative
period of which we have written, is not the weaker. The young wife
should always keep in mind that the underlying principle to be
vigorously adhered to in the home, is justice. There will arise many
occasions that will severely test your disposition and your patience,
but, if you have yourself well in hand, if you understand yourself, you
will emerge from the conflict successfully and as a consequence a little
stronger. When we acquire the determination to efface self in these
domestic squabbles we begin the building of a character.
WHAT IS A THOUGHT?--The greatest product of creative inspiration is the
human brain. The very fact that each human being possesses one of these
marvelous products implies responsibility, the responsibility of what we
will do with it. A thought is a creation of brain or mind activity. It
may be a bad or evil thought or it may be a good thought. Let us now go
back to the young wife just as she is about to begin the hour or so of
recreation in the afternoon. Her work being done for the time, let us
suppose she elects to do a little fancy needle work. She finds a
comfortable seat and is soon apparently engrossed in her work. Is she?
Doubtless she is, and a very commendable, harmless, inviting picture she
presents, but a thousand thoughts are passing through her mind. It is
not the sewing that she does, that will be weighed in the balance, it is
not the patient stitch, stitch, stitch, that she takes, that will mark
the hour well spent. It is the one thought that will predominate over
all the others, that will tell the ultimate tale, because of its effect
on her own mind. A thought once created, even if it is never expressed,
is as much a created entity as a deed executed.
Suppose this young wife attended a social gathering in some friend's
house the evening before, and for some trifling reason she formed an
unfavorable impression of another lady guest; during the hour of her
sewing, which we are discussing, she goes over in her mind all the
incidents of the gathering, and because of the previous impression, she
still thinks unkindly of the lady in question. She passes judgment upon
her in her own mind. What has she really done? She has created a thought
an opinion, which now becomes a part of her mind, because it is recorded
in her brain cells forever, and, inasmuch as she was not justified in
passing judgment upon a person's character in this hasty way, she harmed
herself by establishing a bad habit,--a habit of hasty judgment,--which
will have an effect on her method of judgment as long as she lives. The
evil effect may not end here,--it seldom does. A chance remark,--still
the product of the hasty opinion,--made to some other woman regarding
this lady, will give this other woman an unfavorable impression of the
person, and if you could trace all the little gradations of the first
unjust opinion, through all the stages of a gossiping community, you
would be astonished at the growth, and the evil accomplished by the
thought, born amidst the apparently innocent and commendable
surroundings of an hour's sewing. If you educate your mind to create bad
thoughts you will become a victim of the habit. Each bad thought makes
the creation of another bad thought more easy, because a bad habit is,
as we all know, a difficult thing to live down. Therefore a bad thought
unexpressed does harm only to the individual who creates the thought. If
the bad thought is expressed to another party, it is impossible to tell
or estimate the harm it may do. Life is what we make it. If we get into
the habit of thinking unjust, unkind, selfish, bad thoughts, we live in
that atmosphere. Your whole life will be a reflection of your mental
attitude. If you feed your mind on such food how can you hope to grow
into a contented, happy woman? Let us not dwell upon the dark side.
There is another picture, one more inviting, more difficult to realize,
it is true, but more perfect as a consequence.
TRAINING THE MIND.--There never was a time in the history of the world
when so many people were striving after definite knowledge,--some scheme
of mentality, some mental atmosphere,--some spiritual or idealistic
phenomena,--which would satisfy the craving, the hunger of the restless
and dissatisfied human mind for absolute enlightenment regarding the
mysteries of life. It is a curious fact that to attain such knowledge,
all these various bodies, no matter how they may differ as to the method
of procedure, concede that the education of the human mind and the
recognition of its exact capabilities is the ultimate province through
which final enlightenment must come.
We must, therefore, recognize that on whatever we do with our mind, in
our own little way, will depend the measure of success and happiness to
which we may aspire. Success is not attained without effort, but every
little effort we expend will help wonderfully in the task. Train your
mind to think just, kind, good thoughts. Do not dwell upon the bad side
of any problem, search for the good side, because every problem has a
good side. So also has every human soul. When the unkind, the unjust,
the bad thought is conveyed to you by another, do not admit it, do not
dwell upon it, render it negative at once by assuring yourself that
there is another side to the question. We all know how easy it is to
kick the under dog. We all have in mind some friend, some acquaintance,
some old lady, perhaps, who is famous in her community for her kindly
ways, and for her kindly thoughts. The two go together. It is well known
among her friends that she will not tolerate any unkind, unjust, evil
report, of even the humblest or lowest member of society to be expressed
in her presence, without instantly defending the maligned victim, by
picturing the possible other side. Her life has been an example, an
inspiration in the community, because she has always exerted a kindly,
sympathetic, helpful influence. It is this atmosphere, this environment,
that checks gossip, stifles scandal, saves heartaches, and prevents
domestic tragedies.
The most interesting study you will ever engage in, if you are true to
yourself, will be the working of your own mind.
The resourcefulness of your brain will be a constant pleasure to you.
You will be aided by books and you will find a lesson in every thing you
see and hear. Life will appear different, and you will rise above the
plane in which the little routine annoyances of daily life seem burdens
and sorrows. A woman, if she goes about it "in the right way," can do
with her lover-husband what she pleases. If she uses that power for
selfish motives, or for a wrong purpose, in the end she will be the
loser. If she is far seeing, and uses her power to build up a home, and
is just, and respects her husband, and honestly gives him his true place
in her scheme, and loves and honors him, and is tactful, there is no
limit to what she may accomplish, so far as the personal happiness of
herself and husband and children are concerned. We all know that law is
not always justice. We likewise know that there is no such anomaly as a
perfect human being. The ability to gain a point, without apparent
coercion, or a sacrifice of truth or honor, depends upon the successful
qualities that go toward the building up of a complete and harmonious
personality. It is an axiom in psychology that to attain the highest
success, one must first understand, and, understanding, conquer the bad,
and develop the good features in one's own temperament, before
attempting to rule the conduct of any other person. You must understand
yourself before you attempt to understand your husband. Many of his best
qualities,--qualities that if rightly understood, will go a long way
toward making your life a happy one,--can be misunderstood,
misinterpreted, and become incessant factors for doubt, jealousy and
quarreling.
Because your husband prefers to do a thing in a way that does not quite
satisfy your taste, does not necessarily mean that he is wrong, and such
a condition does not justify an argument. Consider the matter seriously,
in silence argue it out with yourself and give his side the same justice
you hope to get. If you can develop convincing proofs, that his way is
not the best way, even though it isn't really wrong ethically, he will
probably concede the point, provided,--and don't overlook this,--you "go
about it in the right way, and in the right spirit." It isn't likely you
will be given a patient hearing, if in the past you have been in the
habit of nagging and browbeating him. Don't look upon tactful ways of
gaining your point as evidence of weakness. It is distinctly an evidence
of strength of character, and, each time you win a point in a friendly
debate with your husband, you will have gained much. He will respect you
all the more because of your justice; and will secretly admire you
because of your ability to protect yourself. You will gain confidence in
your judgment, and you will see things in a broader, and from a less
selfish standpoint.
YOUR HUSBAND'S FRIENDS SHOULD BE YOUR FRIENDS.--Be sure your husband's
friends are your friends. Business or professional exigencies do not
always permit a man to choose or select his acquaintances. You can be
sure, however, he will not ask or expect you to associate with any
doubtful person, though it may be necessary to extend a welcome to an
undesirable business, or professional associate, for the time being.
When these occasions occur, do not mar the opportunity to help by any
exhibition of temper, or dissatisfaction. He may be trying to make the
best of an unfortunate incident. Help him. Do not discourage him for at
heart his object is to gain some business advantage that will redound to
your advantage as well as his own.
Nothing pleases a man more than to know that his wife is "a good
fellow," that no matter what seems to be questionable on the surface, he
can rely upon her to know that everything is right underneath,--that his
motive is good.
Do not invite him to tell a lie in order to avoid a scolding. Nothing is
more unfortunate, nothing is more easy for an ordinarily good, but
misunderstood man, than the tendency to fib about little things, if he
feels in his heart that his wife will scold,--that she will fail to see
the point. It wounds his self-respect to have to do so, yet he selects
the minor evil as he sees it, he sacrifices his manhood in the interests
of domestic peace.
TWO KINDS OF PEOPLE IN THE WORLD.--Roughly, there are two kinds of
individuals in the world, the individual who will, and the individual
who will not. There are individuals who will not see the truth, who
fail to see the point in an argument, who are obtuse and obstinate. This
trait is largely wilful perversity and ignorance. We cannot help noting
them in the passing, but we scarcely hope to interest them, though we
cannot restrain our sympathy.
Young wives who come within this category will remain the laggards, the
degenerates. Their evolution is revolution, they become the
fault-finders, the discontents, the gossips. They do not love themselves
nor are they loved by any human being. They are the domestic failures.
As wives they dishonor the sex, as mothers they dishonor God.
In reality, there is but one thing in the universe--mind. By "mind," we
mean the ability to reason. Every human being comes into the world with
this ability. Our health, happiness, efficiency, success, depends
absolutely upon how we utilize this birthright. There is no limitation
to this ability. Heredity and environment have little to do with it. It
is a personal equation. "It depends upon how you do it," has been
frequently reiterated in the preceding pages. This implies, to what use
you put your mind, and this is the secret of the young wife's efficiency
and success. True happiness is a mind product. It is a creation of mind
activity. The evanescent pleasures are not character builders, but a
created thought is a pregnant possibility. The young wife who begins her
wedded life with ideals with the determination to succeed, with certain
well thought out plans, will progress. Her world is her husband and her
home. Her husband must succeed, her home must be comfortable and happy.
She must contribute her full share in achieving these results. If she
permits her personal amusement to be the dominant purpose she will fail.
She cannot transgress the law and remain immune. How can she begin
right? Give her best to her home. A woman who gives her most gracious
smiles and her most captivating manners to society, is false to her
husband and her home. The prettiest gown and the brightest jewels should
grace her own dinner table. To bring them out only to attend a
reception, or a tea party, is a desecration. Many women expend their
moral and spiritual strength upon the "club," and bring the withering
remnants as a sacrifice to the blighted home fireside. We have no right
to help build a church, or foster a philanthropy by depleting our
strength and resources in the effort, only to give the frazzled ends of
our talents to home and home-making. Nor has a woman any right to
exhaust her strength in the toil of mere housekeeping, and reserve for
the evening hour of conversation a bundle of quivering nerves and an
exasperated temper. These women are not home-makers. Their ideal of
wifehood and motherhood is fundamentally wrong. Every power of the body,
and of the mind and spirit, should be devoted to the achievement of a
home atmosphere. It is the creation of this quality that spells
contentment, peace, happiness, and no other.
A young wife with an ideal, with a definite plan, and with a true
appreciation of her dignity and importance, will never find time to
daily gossip over the back fence with her neighbor, nor will she join
the sewing circle whose function is well known to be scandal bartering.
"Give your best to your home,"--one of the great advantages of having a
specific plan is that it wholly engages our mind. If we have an object
in view, if we want something, it implies interest, and if we are
interested deeply in something we think about it. Every spare moment
will be used by the mind in devising ways and means to achieve our
purpose. We will not find time to seek the questionable amusement of
gossip. The women who are eternally poking their noses into other
people's business, who burden their minds with other people's affairs,
who are busybodies, always neglect their homes and their children. They
have no ideals, they are the derelicts of the community. Remember that
"Satan finds some mischief still for idle minds to do."
THE MOST POPULAR WOMAN.--The most popular woman is the one whom a
majority of all women would vote for in a popularity contest. Many women
are so notoriously vixenish and jealous of members of their own sex,
that, it would seem to be worth while to analyze the qualifications of
the most popular woman, in an effort to discover the one quality which
appeals to her own sex. After exhausting the list, we find the most
popular woman possesses, in a high degree, the quality of tactful, or
diplomatic flattery. The art of flattery is an acquired habit. Statesmen
and politicians know its value. Even the little seekers after public
office cultivate it assiduously. It is undoubtedly an asset of much
value in every sphere of life, but it must not be overdone. Every member
of the human-family will tolerate a large amount of it without showing
resentment. This is the reason why it is a valuable asset and of such
general usefulness. Sometimes a woman will boast that she detests
flattery, yet she is highly pleased when you tell her that the one
quality you admire in her is that she cannot be flattered. If,
therefore, the young wife desires to become popular, for her own sake,
or if she regards this as one way to contribute to her husband's
efficiency, should his success depend upon public approval,--she may
cultivate the art of diplomatic flattery. The cultivation of any art is
not a one-sided accomplishment. It is beneficial in many ways, and aids
distinctly in character building. No one, for example, can acquire the
art of tactful flattery and retain a sour or mean disposition. To
flatter efficiently you must seem delighted, and the delight must
express itself in smiles and kindly words. These habits will impress
themselves upon your inner consciousness, and before you know it, the
habit will be a constituent part of your temperamental armamentarium.
The most popular woman will acquire the habit of making some flattering
observation every time anyone's name is mentioned, and she will never be
guilty of criticising a living person or a dead one. She will make it
her rule in life, in order to sustain her reputation, never to make an
enemy. She will cultivate the insinuating art of shaking hands, of
smiling sweetly, and of making apropos remarks. No one will ever leave
her without feeling that she is an exceedingly gracious person. She will
even convey to them, in her inimitable way, the impression that she
thinks they are "just right." She will use "blarney" as a science in an
artful way. The flattering remarks she will make regarding others will
be passed along by those to whom she makes them, and she will be
responsible for an epidemic of egoism all over town. It is a wonderful
art.
If the young wife keeps this up for some time she will begin to notice
certain things. She will be accorded much flattering attention herself
and she will be treated with marked consideration wherever she goes. She
will be received cordially, and every aspiring other woman will make
strenuous efforts to include her among her friends. She will be invited
to participate in public functions when members of her sex take part,
and she will be favored and her interests furthered in all social
organizations.
She will, without doubt, wear her laurels becomingly, and her success
will be easily acquired. Her spirits, and her health will promptly
respond to the elixir of her interesting labors. Life will be full of
new and surprising interests and it will be well worth the effort
expended. Sleep will be more refreshing, she will not be troubled with
nerves, and her appetite will be a source of profound thankfulness to
her. She will radiate a quality of good-fellowship that will be
infectious, and her whole philosophy of existence will be charity
itself. Surely it is worth while.
CHOOSING YOUR FRIENDS.--The young wife should choose her friends with
caution. Remember you are beginning a new life in which even trivial
matters may exercise an influence that will be bad. One should
appreciate the difference between true friendship and indulging in
friendly relationship with promiscuous acquaintances. A physician has a
better opportunity of observing the conduct of the feminine element of a
community than any other person. We have come to divide young wives into
two types: those who attend strictly to their own affairs, and those who
mostly attend to their neighbors' affairs. It is not too much to say
that a young wife's time will be wholly occupied if she has begun her
housekeeping career with the intention of becoming a home-maker. She
cannot, therefore, afford to waste her time with promiscuous
acquaintances. Women who become promiscuous in their friendships have
time to waste for a number of reasons,--
1st. Their husband and home is not their whole existence. If success and
happiness depend upon how the first year of wedded life is employed,
then husband and home should be the young wife's whole existence.
2nd. Women with time to waste have no ideals. Women without ideals are
not home-makers. A home-maker cannot acquire any information from a
woman who wastes her time in idleness.
3rd. Idleness creates mischief. One who is idle is a mischief maker. An
idle brain is looking for amusement, and as the impulses of an idle
brain are evil, these women are gossips, and scandal-mongers, and
home-breakers.
4th. True friendship demands nothing. Promiscuous friendship on the
other hand does demand something, and as these women live in the evil
atmosphere, they live mentally on scandal and gossip. This is their
mental plane and they give and take nothing higher than that which they
understand.
The young wife will, therefore, be wary of this form of friendship.
Infinite harm is being done in every community in the country in this
way. No home, no person is too sacred for the vituperative tongues of
these scandal-mongers. They are densely ignorant though they may be
fluent talkers. They ingratiate themselves into the confidence of a
willing victim, learn the victim's secrets, and rend her to pieces on
the next street corner. Many a man has begun wedded life with the
laudable intention of helping to mold his young wife's mentality, of
preserving her innocence and purity of thought, only to be undone by the
evil machinations of these human derelicts. He will be amazed and
astonished at the opinions she gives utterance to, and if he does not
find out where she is getting them, and check the desecration going on,
she will be beyond his reach in the very near future. No self-respecting
woman will tolerate such acquaintances. There are, however, many
innocent, pure women, who are innately too gentle to assert themselves
by insulting another woman at this stage of their experience, who have
the makings of a good wife and mother, who wittingly become victims by
reason of their very gentleness, and consequently lose their ideals, and
drift into failures.
True friendship is necessary. Many men and women rightly attribute their
whole success and happiness to having had the right kind of a friend or
friends. Charles Kingsley when asked by Mrs. Browning to tell her the
secret of his life, said, "I had a friend," A friendship that is not an
inspiration, an incentive to higher thoughts and nobler deeds, is not
true. "True friendship demands nothing." It gives. We should cultivate
the friendship of those who know more than we do, so that we may learn
and profit by the relationship. Some people radiate sympathy and
helpfulness and inspiration. Instinctively we can tell those people when
we come into their presence. We leave them, not once, but always, with
the feeling that there is something about them that energizes and
inspires. They draw out our better selves. We are conscious of our
shortcomings and faults, and in their company we strive to give
utterance to worthy thoughts. We feel capable of great deeds. If we
could surround ourselves with these friends, we feel that life would
mean more, and that we could accomplish much. "He that walketh with wise
men shall be wise." This is where true friendship is valuable. These
moments of inspiration help us to pull ourselves together. We climb a
little higher; we see further and clearer; we learn the meaning of
life's duty; they change the whole complexion of living. The little
things, the annoyances, the disappointments, the failures, the pains,
the sorrows, the passions, we see in their true perspective and they no
longer usurp importance, because we are beginning to learn the
significance of the things beyond. The incidents of life are no longer
life itself.
One friend, one true friend to the young wife, will indeed be a tower of
strength to her. Every young wife needs a friend. The desire for
sympathy dwells in every human heart. Even the assiduous person needs
encouragement and a little praise. It is wonderful how a mite of
laudation will prod us to be more worthy. Even our joys never
intoxicate save in the telling. By sharing our happiness and joys with
another we double them. True friendship means confidence, affection,
harmony, love. To be in harmony with one person means that we invite the
harmony of all mankind.
If man is made in the image of God every human being must be more or
less divine. Confidence, affection, harmony, love,--the attributes of
true friendship,--are the divine sparks in our humanity. True
friendship, therefore, is growth in the divine sense. There are real
things in life which we seldom acknowledge but which are, nevertheless,
real. We do not often admit the existence of the divine in ourselves,
but it is there. If we did acknowledge it oftener we would live nearer
the truth, nearer God.
When we read in the public press the story of the _Titanic_ disaster,
how after all the boats had gone, and the ill-fated ship poised, before
she took her awful plunge, how the doomed souls stood on her decks and
lifted their trembling voices in unison with the brave orchestra to the
strain of "Nearer My God to Thee,"--something clutches at our
heartstrings, and we find the divine reality trying to come to the
surface to express itself in that universal friendship out of which
heroes are made. When we stand by the bedside, watching the fitful,
final breaths of a well-loved child, or of an old, honored and faithful
mother, there creeps into our consciousness feelings with which we are
strangers, but they are ours, part of the divinity in us which in the
work-a-day-world we stifle and crush. Friendship and no other human
quality brings this divine element into our actual life. Those who have
never had a friend have never solved the riddle of human nature.
We must remember, however, that there are those whose lives are denials
of this divinity. They are incapable of true friendship, and they, in
prosperous days, deride the sentiment involved and consider any
reference to such matters as silly and mawkish. These blustering heroes,
however, are the ones who shriek the loudest when fate places them on
sinking decks.
Strive to be worthy of a true friendship. Be willing to give of the best
that is in you. We need the inspiration of the divine that is hidden in
us, we should not crush or fail to acknowledge the presence of the
still, small voice that speaks of love and for love. Remember, that, "By
your friends shall ye be known."
EXPLANATION OF SYMBOLS
Used in the Following Three Illustrations
[Illustration]
A Alcoholic--meaning decidedly intemperate, a drunkard.
B Blind I Insane Sy Syphilitic
C Criminalistic M Migrainous Sx Sexually immoral
D Deaf Neu. Neurotic T Tuberculosis
E Epileptic Par. Paralytic W Wanderer, tramp
G Goitre
HEREDITARY FEEBLE-MINDEDNESS[A]
[Illustration]
The above chart illustrates the first great law of hereditary
feeble-mindedness; that if both parents are blighted all offsprings will
be blighted. The family represented is plainly very low grade. It is one
of that kind found in every community, growing like rank weeds to menace
society. It is small wonder that with production like this permitted
criminality springs full-fledged into the world.
[Illustration]
This chart is particularly interesting, showing as it does the marriage
of a normal man with, first a normal woman, and subsequently with
feeble-minded women. The taint of the feeble mind is inevitable. Whereas
the grandchildren by his second marriage appear normal there is always
the danger of their progeny being blighted by the taint that is in their
blood. The horror of the third marriage is too evident.
[Footnote A: "Feeble-mindedness; Its Causes and Consequences," Goddard,
The Macmillan Company.]
MAKING RESOLVES.--In a preceding chapter I remarked, that every human
thought, deed, act, prayer, etc., must conform to certain laws, if by
their use we desired to achieve results. We know this is true, but we do
not always obey the rule, and in the end we wonder why we are failures.
Psychology has formulated laws, based upon actual experiment, regulating
every department of mental endeavor, or every branch of systematized
mental achievement. These laws show that there are fixed rules, by which
mental effort is regulated, systematized and classified, and that the
human mind conforms to these laws even when working in ignorance of
them. No matter how we may deduce facts, or reason from analogy, we obey
fundamental principles.
In a recent magazine article I read the following:
"This is my own story of why and how I rose, fell and rose
again. It would not be told but for the fact that I have
learned by an Experience mixed with some bitterness, that all
such things are governed by fixed business laws and rules and
move always in obedience to them. There is as I know, a law of
failure and a law of success. There is even a law of
mediocrity. Every man is controlled by that one of these three
laws which he elects to invoke and to follow."
"The laws themselves are fixed and unchanging; man is the only
variable unit in the equation. He succeeds, he fails or he
slumps into mediocrity according to the law with which he
voluntarily or by predisposition puts himself in harmony. This
is my belief, based on my own adventures with these laws and my
observation of other men who have dined and lived with them on
intimate, though not always friendly, terms."
This was written by a successful business man in an article reviewing
the "ups and downs" of his business experiences. It does one good to
read such confessions. To the thinking individual it suggests the need
of serious, whole-souled, conscientious effort. If these laws exist,--as
they most certainly do,--what is the use of trying to achieve results
in a wrong way? Why not conform to these laws and concentrate our effort
in the right direction? A prodigious amount of energy is wasted in
efforts to beat the game. One may scheme and contrive until all ambition
withers and hope fades, but no one will ever find a satisfactory
substitute for hard work. Many lives have been frittered away in the
foolish attempt to find the "easy road." It is doing the little things
of life conscientiously that counts. The humble hen does one thing well.
She lays eggs to the extent of three hundred million dollars per year,
in this country alone. If we combine her egg yield with her chicken
industry we find her harvest yields the enormous sum of six hundred and
twenty million dollars per year.
We are precisely what we deserve to be: we fit for what we are fitted
for. Weaklings are sent to the rear, fighters are always in front.
The young wife may resolve to win; it depends upon how she begins to
mold herself for larger possibilities. If she cannot succeed in small
things she will not fit when the task is bigger. Suppose you resolve to
be considerate and agreeable to every soul you meet for one month. For
one month you will subject yourself to a rigid test, you will be
considerate and agreeable, no matter what the conditions are or the
provocation may be to break your word.
It is a fact that most failures are directly attributable to laziness
rather than to lack of ability or poor health, or any other cause. It is
the most difficult thing in the world for some people to exert
themselves to "make the effort" to succeed. They just do enough to "hold
their job" or to earn a living, though the possibilities around them are
rich in promise. Many know what they ought to do, but they don't seem to
be able to do it. Their ambition is lacking; they elect to travel the
road to failure.
If the young wife resolves to be considerate and agreeable for one
month, she is the right kind of young wife. The right impulse is working
within her. The very fact that she makes the resolve proves this. Most
people are influenced by two motives, necessity and pleasure. They work
because they have to work to exist. But a great deal of the work is
indifferently done. The woman who skims over her household duties in a
disinterested and frequently slovenly way, will spend much thought and a
great amount of time to excel in appearance and in attaining results at
a church fair, for example; or she will work assiduously sewing every
afternoon and evening on dresses, etc., to shine during a two weeks'
vacation at the sea shore, while her husband is being indifferently fed
and her home all but neglected. To attain pleasure one will actually
work efficiently though the method and the motive may be ethically
wrong. So, when a young wife actually resolves to do something which has
a high moral significance and which she is not compelled to do she is
being actuated by the right kind of principle, she is following the law
or instinct of success.
THE FORMULA OF SUCCESS.--Successful men and women are frequently asked
to give their formula of success. There is no formula of success except
hard work. Every successful man or woman is a hard worker. There is no
exception to this rule. We often personally know of men or women who
"rise in the world" and sometimes we look upon them as lucky dogs, and
wonder why fortune does not favor us. If we analyze the daily life of
these seemingly lucky individuals we will find that they plan and work
and scheme while you and I play and amuse ourselves. They have a certain
system which they adhere to under all circumstances. They have worked
hard so long that it has become a habit,--a habit that brings happiness
and success. All of them have had their ups and downs, their worries and
battles, but they have faced them in the front ranks, they have never
become discouraged, they have been inspired and impelled by the
conviction that some day the tide of battle would change. On that day
they were determined to be ready and willing to take advantage of the
turn of the wheel of fortune.
Study the work of the next successful man or woman you meet, and see if
the rule does not hold true. It isn't the kind of energy that is
generated that makes the distinction between success and failure: it is
the way in which the energy is used. To win means concentration of
energy; let the energy be dissipated over many things and failure
becomes a certainty. There isn't a really successful man or woman in
existence who does not deserve success, and who has not worked hard for
it.
Success, fame, and the efforts of friends may not give us the happiness
which we yearn for, but there is one thing that will always steer us
safely into port--one thing that will bring us the blessing of happiness
though all things else fail us--and that is hard work.
WHEN FORTUNE KNOCKS.--Fortune is said to knock at the door of every man
once in a lifetime. That once is all the time, for the truth is that
fortune is knocking at our doors every day. The trouble is that we are
not prepared to take advantage of her importuning habits. Fortune has
her laws, and we cannot enter her chariot except by obeying these laws.
The young wife who resolves to be considerate and agreeable for one
month is obeying one of her laws, because, if she keeps her promise, she
will have learnt more than she ever did in any preceding month of her
experience. She will find, for example, that people are really more
amiable and agreeable than she ever thought they were; that, because of
the restraint she is exerting on her temper and self-control, she is
growing stronger temperamentally. She has more patience, and she is more
thorough in little things; her environment is enlarging and life is more
interesting. The month's experience will teach her something of her own
capabilities and resources, and she will be so interested and encouraged
that she will determine to experiment more and in other directions. She
is experiencing the psychology of character building--the most
fascinating study of that most fascinating riddle, human nature. Fortune
always favors the brave--it will favor her because she is working in the
right direction--she is obeying the law of success.
To resolve is to obey--to know what you want, to desire to succeed, to
be willing to sacrifice self, to attain results, to smile at adversity,
to be patient, truthful, honest, unselfish, sympathetic, in short to
work hard every minute and all the time.