That night was far from a happy one, for I knew all the time that I was
doing what was very wrong. I waited till I thought that my father and
all the household were asleep; and then, with the sensations I should
think a thief experiences when about to commit a robbery, I crept along
the dark passage towards his dressing-room. I trembled very much, for I
was afraid that something would awake him, and that he would discover
what I was about. I was aware that he would learn what I had done, the
first thing in the morning; but then I should be far off, enjoying my
sport, and I thought not of the consequences. I felt my way along the
passage, for it was quite dark. I heard a noise--I trembled more and
more--I expected every instant to be discovered, and I should have
retreated to my room, but that the thought of Pat Doolan's laughter and
sneers urged me on. I held my breath while I stopped to listen. There
was again a dead silence, and I once more advanced. Presently something
brushed against me. I was almost driven to cry out through terror,
though I believe it was only the cat, whom I had disturbed from her
slumbers on a rug at the door of the room occupied by my sisters. I
was, I may say, constitutionally brave, almost to fool-hardiness, and
yet on this occasion I felt the veriest coward in existence. Again I
went on--the door of the dressing-room was ajar--I was afraid to push it
lest it should creak on its hinges--I slowly moved it a little, and
crept in. The moonlight was streaming through an opening in the upper
part of the shutter on the coveted weapon. I grasped it eagerly, and
slinging the shot-belt and powder-horn, which was by it, over my
shoulder, I silently beat my retreat.
Now that I had won my prize, I felt much bolder, and without accident I
reached my room. Sleep I could not; so, carefully closing the door, I
spent the remainder of the night in cleaning my gun and getting ready
for my excursion. I got out of the house without being perceived, and,
closing the door behind me, even before the time agreed on I reached the
spot where I was to meet Doolan. A hoar frost lay on the grass, the air
was pure and bracing, my gun was in my hand, and plenty of powder and
shot in my belt; and this, with the exercise and excitement, enabled me
to cast away all regrets for my conduct, and all fear for the result.
I anxiously watched for my companion as I walked up and down the road to
keep myself warm, till at last I began to fancy that some accident must
have happened to prevent his coming. It never occurred to me that he
could play me false. I had not learned to be suspicious of any one. At
last I saw him trudging across a field towards me, and whistling as he
came.
I could not have whistled if I had tried; but then, bad as he was, he
was not, like me, disobeying a kind parent. When I remember the sort of
person Doolan was (for his appearance was coarse and vulgar in the
extreme), I wonder he could have gained such an influence over me. I
believe that it was the boastful way in which he talked made me fancy
him so important. I was very innocent and confiding, in spite of the
bad company into which I had fallen; and I used to believe all the
accounts he gave me of his own adventures, and those of his own
particular friends. I have, fortunately, seldom met a man who could
tell a falsehood with such a bold, unblushing front. I had a great
horror of a falsehood, notwithstanding my numerous faults; I despised it
as a mean, cowardly way of getting out of a difficulty, or of gaining
some supposed advantage. I did not believe that a person older than
myself could possibly be guilty of telling one. I fancied that only
very little miserable children, or mean contemptible people, told
stories; and I therefore could not fancy that such a person as Doolan
would even condescend to say what was not true. I honestly say that I
always adhered to the truth myself; and to this circumstance I ascribe
my not having irretrievably sunk into the grade of society to which my
too frequent companions belonged. I have mentioned Doolan, whose faults
I would rather have forgotten; but I naturally wish to excuse myself as
much as I can, and to account for the influence he had gained over me--
an influence he never would have obtained had I known him to be what I
now know he was.
It would indeed be happy for the young if they always could learn the
true characters of their companions; and it is in this point that the
advice of their older friends is so valuable. They, by their experience
of others, are generally able to judge pretty correctly of persons, and
often discern very dangerous qualities which young people cannot
perceive. Therefore I say to my young friends, Avoid the acquaintance
of those against whom your relations, or those who take an interest in
your welfare, warn you, although you may think them, in your blindness,
very fine fellows, or even perfect heroes. I wish that I, Peter--your
friend, if you will so let me call myself--had thus followed the
oft-repeated warnings of my kind father, and kept clear of Pat Doolan.
Doolan's loud cheer, as we met, raised my spirits still more, and away
we trudged gaily enough towards the scene of our intended sport. He
laughed and talked incessantly without giving me a moment for thought,
so that when we reached the ground I was ready for anything. A hare
crossed my path. It belonged, I knew, to Lord Fetherston. I fired,
knocked it over, and bagged it; and while Doolan was applauding me, a
pheasant was put up, and in like manner transferred to my game-bag.
Never before had we enjoyed such capital sport, till, weary with our
exercise, we sat down to partake of the provisions, not forgetting a
whisky bottle which my companion had brought with him. While we were
eating, he amused me with an account of an intended run of smuggled
goods which was to be made on the coast two nights thence; and without
much difficulty I agreed to join the party who were to assist in landing
the things, and in carrying them up the country to the places where they
were to be concealed.
On these occasions, conflicts between the coastguard officers and the
smugglers often take place, and lives are frequently lost. This I well
knew, though perhaps I did not think about it. I was pleased with the
idea of the danger, and flattered by having so much confidence placed in
me. I thought it was a very manly thing to assist the smugglers, while
Doolan all the time wished to implicate me, to be able, should we be
discovered, to shield himself by means of me. After breakfast we
resumed our sport. Our game-bags were full and very heavy, and even we
were content. My companion at last proposed to return home. "Home," I
remarked unconsciously. "How can I return home? How can I face my
father after having thus disobeyed him?" I thought. This feeling had
not before occurred to me. I already repented what I had done. "I
can't go home now," said I to Doolan aloud.
"Why not?" said he; "you've a mighty fine faste to place before your
dad; and, faith, if he's a sinsible man, he'll ax no questions how you
came by it." Such were my companion's notions of morality; and in this
instance he spoke what he thought was the truth, for he had been taught
no better, and he knew that thus his own father would have acted.
"It won't do; I cannot look my father in the face, and must go to your
house now; and I will creep home at night, when there's no one to see
me."
"Well, Pater, you must do as you like," he said, laughing; "you're
mighty welcome to come to our house and to stay there as long as you
plase; at the same time that I see no reason at all, at all, why your
dad shouldn't be glad to see such an illigant stock of game for his
dinner."
"I know my father better than you do, Pat," said I, for the first time
in my life asserting a little determination with him. "Home I will not
go this day."
So it was settled; and we were bending our steps in the direction of
Doolan's house, through Lord Fetherston's property, when another
pheasant got up before me. My gun was loaded, and I could not resist
the temptation to fire. The bird fell, and I was running forward to
pick it up, when three persons appeared suddenly from a path through a
copse close to me. Doolan, who was a little in advance, ran off as fast
as his legs could carry him, throwing away his game-bag in his fright,
and leaving me to take care of myself as I best could. Two of the
strangers, whom I guessed to be keepers by their dress--indeed one I
knew by sight--rushed forward and seized me roughly by the collar.
"What are you doing here, you young scamp?" exclaimed one of them.
"Killing our lord's game, and caught in the act," he added, picking up
the still fluttering bird. "Come along, and we'll see what he has to
say to you."
The other immediately made chase after my companion; but Doolan ran very
fast, and was in good wind, which the keeper was not, so that the former
soon distanced him. The keeper gave up the chase, calculating that,
having caught one of us, he should be able to lay hands on the other
whenever he chose.
On his return, with many a cuff he dragged me along towards the third
person I spoke of, and whom I at once recognised as Lord Fetherston
himself. He did not remember me; but the keepers did, I suspect, from
the first.
"What is your name, youngster?" said his lordship in a severe tone.