THE ACTOR [_morosely_] Amen!
THE TARTAR. Allah! Mad women, these Russians! They're bold, wilful;
Tartar women aren't like that! They know the law and abide by
it. . . .
KLESHTCH. She ought to be given a sound hiding!
THE BARON. The slut!
KLESHTCH [_testing the concertina_] It's ready! But its owner isn't
here yet--that young fellow is burning his life away . . .
SATINE. Care for a drink--now?
KLESHTCH. Thanks . . . it's time to go to bed . . .
SATINE. Getting used to us?
KLESHTCH [_drinks, then goes to his bunk_] It's all right . . . there
are people everywhere--at first you don't notice it . . . but after a
while you don't mind. . . .
[_The Tartar spreads some rags over his bunk, then kneels on them and
prays._]
THE BARON [_to Satine, pointing at the Tartar_] Look!
SATINE. Stop! He's a good fellow! Leave him alone! [_Roars with
laughter_] I feel kindly to-day--the devil alone knows the reason
why . . .
THE BARON. You always feel kindly when you're drunk--you're even wiser
at such times . . .
SATINE. When I'm drunk? Yes--then I like everything--right--He prays?
That's fine! A man may believe or not--that's his own affair--a man is
free--he pays for everything himself--belief or unbelief--love--wisdom
. . . a man pays for everything--and that's just why he's free! Man
is--truth! And what is man? It's neither you nor I nor they--oh,
no--it's you and they and I and the old man--and
Napoleon--Mohammed--all in one! [_Outlines vaguely in the air the
contour of a human being_] Do you understand? It's tremendous! It
contains the beginning and the end of everything--everything is in
man--and everything exists for him! Man alone exists--everything else
is the creation of his hands and his brain! Man! It is glorious! It
sounds--oh--so big! Man must be respected--not degraded with pity--but
respected, respected! Let us drink to man, Baron! [_Rises_] It is good
to feel that you are a man! I'm a convict, a murderer, a
crook--granted!--When I'm out on the street people stare at me as if I
were a scoundrel--they draw away from me--they look after me and often
they say: "You dog! You humbug! Work!" Work? And what for? to fill my
belly? [_Roars with laughter_] I've always despised people who worry
too much about their bellies. It isn't right, Baron! It isn't! Man is
loftier than that! Man stands above hunger!
THE BARON. You--reason things out. . . . Well and good--it brings you
a certain amount of consolation. . . . Personally I'm incapable of it
. . . I don't know how. [_Glances around him and then, softly,
guardedly_] Brother--I am afraid--at times. Do you understand?
Afraid!--Because--what next?
SATINE. Rot! What's a man to be afraid of?
THE BARON [_pacing up and down_] You know--as far back as I can
remember, there's been a sort of fog in my brain. I was never able to
understand anything. Somehow I feel embarrassed--it seems to me that
all my life I've done nothing but change clothes--and why? I don't
understand! I studied--I wore the uniform of the Institute for the
Sons of the Nobility . . . but what have I learned? I don't remember!
I married--I wore a frock-coat--then a dressing-gown . . . but I chose
a disagreeable wife . . . and why? I don't understand. I squandered
everything that I possessed--I wore some sort of a grey jacket and
brick-colored trousers--but how did I happen to ruin myself? I haven't
the slightest idea. . . . I had a position in the Department of State.
. . . I wore a uniform and a cap with insignia of rank. . . . I
embezzled government funds . . . so they dressed me in a convict's
garb--and later on I got into these clothes here--and it all happened
as in a dream--it's funny . . .
SATINE. Not very! It's rather--silly!
THE BARON. Yes--silly! I think so, too. Still--wasn't I born for some
sort of purpose?
SATINE [_laughing_] Probably--a man is born to conceive a better man.
[_Shaking his head_]--It's all right!
THE BARON. That she-devil Nastka! Where did she run to? I'll go and
see--after all, she . . . [_Exit; pause_]
THE ACTOR. Tartar! [_Pause_] Prince! [_The Tartar looks round_] Say a
prayer for me . . .
THE TARTAR. What?
THE ACTOR [_softly_] Pray--for me!
THE TARTAR [_after a silence_] Pray for your own self!
THE ACTOR [_quickly crawls off the stove and goes to the table, pours
out a drink with shaking hands, drinks, then almost runs to passage_]
All over!
SATINE. Hey, proud Sicambrian! Where are you going?
[_Satine whistles. Miedviedieff enters, dressed in a woman's flannel
shirt-waist; followed by Bubnoff. Both are slightly drunk. Bubnoff
carries a bunch of pretzels in one hand, a couple of smoked fish in
the other, a bottle of vodka under one arm, another bottle in his coat
pocket._]
MIEDVIEDIEFF. A camel is something like a donkey--only it has no ears.
. . .
BUBNOFF. Shut up! You're a variety of donkey yourself!
MIEDVIEDIEFF. A camel has no ears at all, at all--it hears through its
nostrils . . .
BUBNOFF [_to Satine_] Friend! I've looked for you in all the saloons
and all the cabarets! Take this bottle--my hands are full . . .
SATINE. Put the pretzels on the table--then you'll have one hand
free--
BUBNOFF. Right! Hey--you donkey--look! Isn't he a clever fellow?
MIEDVIEDIEFF. All crooks are clever--I know! They couldn't do a thing
without brains. An honest man is all right even if he's an idiot . . .
but a crook must have brains. But, speaking about camels, you're wrong
. . . you can ride them--they have no horns . . . and no teeth
either . . .
BUBNOFF. Where's everybody? Why is there no one here? Come on out
. . . I treat! Who's in the corner?
SATINE. How soon will you drink up everything you have? Scarecrow!
BUBNOFF. Very soon! I've very little this time. Zob--where's Zob?
KLESHTCH [_crossing to table_] He isn't here . . .
BUBNOFF. Waughrr! Bull-dog! Brr-zz-zz!--Turkey-cock! Don't bark and
don't growl! Drink--make merry--and don't be sullen!--I treat
everybody--Brother, I love to treat--if I were rich, I'd run a free
saloon! So help me God, I would! With an orchestra and a lot of
singers! Come, every one! Drink and eat--listen to the music--and rest
in peace! Beggars--come, all you beggars--and enter my saloon free of
charge! Satine--you can have half my capital--just like that!
SATINE. You better give me all you have straight away!
BUBNOFF. All my capital? Right now? Well--here's a ruble--here's
twenty kopecks--five kopecks--sun flower seeds--and that's all!
SATINE. That's splendid! It'll be safer with me--I'll gamble with it
. . .
MIEDVIEDIEFF. I'm a witness--the money was given you for safe-keeping.
How much is it?
BUBNOFF. You? You're a camel--we don't need witnesses . . .
ALYOSHKA [_comes in barefoot_] Brothers, I got my feet wet!
BUBNOFF. Go on and get your throat wet--and nothing'll happen--you're
a fine fellow--you sing and you play--that's all right! But it's too
bad you drink--drink, little brother, is harmful, very harmful . . .
ALYOSHKA. I judge by you! Only when you're drunk do you resemble a
human being . . . Kleshtch! Is my concertina fixed? [_Sings and
dances_]
"If my mug were not so attractive,
My sweetheart wouldn't love me at all . . ."
Boys, I'm frozen--it's cold . . .
MIEDVIEDIEFF. Hm--and may I ask who's this sweetheart?
BUBNOFF. Shut up! From now on, brother, you are neither a policeman
nor an uncle!
ALYOSHKA. Just auntie's husband!
BUBNOFF. One of your nieces is in jail--the other one's dying . . .
MIEDVIEDIEFF [_proudly_] You lie! She's not dying--she
disappeared--without trace . . .
[_Satine roars._]
BUBNOFF. All the same, brothers--a man without nieces isn't an uncle!
ALYOSHKA. Your Excellency! Listen to the drummer of the retired
billygoats' brigade! [_Sings_]
"My sweetheart has money,
I haven't a cent.
But I'm a cheerful,
Merry lad!"
Oh--isn't it cold!
[_Enter Zob. From now until the final curtain men and women drift in,
undress, and stretch out on the bunks, grumbling._]
ZOB. Bubnoff! Why did you run off?
BUBNOFF. Come here--sit down--brother, let's sing my favorite ditty,
eh?
THE TARTAR. Night was made for sleep! Sing your songs in the daytime!
SATINE. Well--never mind, Prince--come here!
THE TARTAR. What do you mean--never mind? There's going to be a
noise--there always is when people sing!
BUBNOFF [_crossing to the Tartar_] Count--ah--I mean Prince--how's
your hand? Did they cut it off?
THE TARTAR. What for? We'll wait and see--perhaps it won't be
necessary . . . a hand isn't made of iron--it won't take long to cut
it off . . .
ZOB. It's your own affair, Hassanka! You'll be good for nothing
without your hand. We're judged by our hands and backs--without the
pride of your hand, you're no longer a human being.
Tobacco-carting--that's your business! Come on--have a drink of
vodka--and stop worrying!
KVASHNYA [_comes in_] Ah, my beloved fellow-lodgers! It's horrible
outside--snow and slush . . . is my policeman here?
MIEDVIEDIEFF. Right here!
KVASHNYA. Wearing my blouse again? And drunk, eh? What's the idea?
MIEDVIEDIEFF. In celebration of Bubnoff's birthday . . . besides, it's
cold . . .
KVASHNYA. Better look out--stop fooling about and go to sleep!
MIEDVIEDIEFF [_goes to kitchen_] Sleep? I can--I want to--it's
time--[_Exit_]
SATINE. What's the matter? Why are you so strict with him?
KVASHNYA. You can't be otherwise, friend. You have to be strict with
his sort. I took him as a partner. I thought he'd be of some benefit
to me--because he's a military man--and you're a rough lot . . . and I
am a woman--and now he's turned drunkard--that won't do at all!
SATINE. You picked a good one for partner!
KVASHNYA. Couldn't get a better one. You wouldn't want to live with me
. . . you think you're too fine! And even if you did it wouldn't last
more than a week . . . you gamble me and all I own away at cards!
SATINE [_roars with laughter_] That's true, landlady--I'd gamble . . .
KVASHNYA. Yes, yes. Alyoshka!
ALYOSHKA. Here he is--I, myself!
KVASHNYA. What do you mean by gossiping about me?
ALYOSHKA. I? I speak out everything--whatever my conscience tells me.
There, I say, is a wonderful woman! Splendid meat, fat, bones--over
four hundred pounds! But brains--? Not an ounce!
KVASHNYA. You're a liar! I've lot of brains! What do you mean by
saying I beat my policeman?
ALYOSHKA. I thought you did--when you pulled him by the hair!
KVASHNYA [_laughs_] You fool! You aren't blind, are you? Why wash
dirty linen in public? And--it hurts his feelings--that's why he took
to drink . . .
ALYOSHKA. It's true, evidently, that even a chicken likes vodka . . .
[_Satine and Kleshtch roar with laughter._]
KVASHNYA. Go on--show your teeth! What sort of a man are you anyway,
Alyoshka?
ALYOSHKA. Oh--I am first-rate! Master of all trades! I follow my nose!
BUBNOFF [_near the Tartar's bunk_] Come on! At all events--we won't
let you sleep! We'll sing all night. Zob!
ZOB. Sing--? All right . . .
ALYOSHKA. And I'll play . . .
SATINE. We'll listen!
THE TARTAR [_smiling_] Well--Bubnoff--you devil--bring the
vodka--we'll drink--we'll have a hell of a good time! The end will
come soon enough--and then we'll be dead!
BUBNOFF. Fill his glass, Satine! Zob--sit down! Ah--brothers--what
does a man need after all? There, for instance, I've had a drink--and
I'm happy! Zob! Start my favorite song! I'll sing--and then I'll cry.
. . .