[A daily paper states that very few housewives will be able to indulge
in the luxury of Spring cleaning this year owing to the enormous
increase in the cost of materials and labour.]
Sing!
I will make me a song about Spring;
I will write with delight of the brightness in store;
I will sing of a Spring never dreamed of before,
A Spring with a new and more beautiful meaning,
A season of reason, a Spring without cleaning,
A Spring without painters, a Spring without pain,
A Spring that for once will not drive me insane.
I lift up my voice and rejoice at this thing,
This excellent Spring.
Di
Will in all probability cry;
She will rave at the news and refuse with disgust;
She will say that she _must_ have a thrust at the dust;
But I know what I'm saying,
We've got to go slow;
We _can't_ go on paying--
Spring-cleaning must go.
It's the knell of the mop and the doom of the broom;
We cannot afford to do even one room;
If she wants her own way I shall say with a frown,
"It's too dear, and I fear, until prices come down,
We must try and deny ourselves this little thing."
Magnificent Spring!
I'm
Going to have a delectable time;
Though in previous years I've been hustled about,
And they've driven me mad till I had to go out,
Without flurry or worry this year I shall stay
And know just where to look for my book ev'ry day;
It's the finest of schemes;
It's a blessing, a miracle;
Spring of my dreams,
I can't _help_ growing lyrical
Over this quite unbelievable thing--
Glorious Spring!
This
Is a song of unqualified bliss;
I have never sung quite such a song in my life;
I have nothing but jeers for the tears of my wife;
She may moan, she may groan, she may weep and grow wild,
But the Spring shall remain undisturbed, undefiled,
Spring with a new and more beautiful meaning,
Spring as it ought to be, Spring without cleaning;
Halcyon days!
Oh, let us raise
Shouts of thanksgiving and paeans of praise.
Join me, O men. Bound the world let it ring--
_Exquisite_ Spring!
* * * * *
"The Town Clerk said that Kilkenny coal, or coal raised elsewhere in
Ireland, was uncontrollable."--_Irish Paper._
Like most other things in that country.
* * * * *
"CUSTOMERS IN LONDON.--Hardly creditable, yet true; we satisfy them;
let us satisfy you. ---- Laundry."--_Scotch Paper._
On the contrary, we think it most creditable.
* * * * *
[Illustration: OCCASIONAL COMRADES.
MR. ASQUITH. "AS I WAS SAYING THE OTHER DAY, 'THERE ARE MANY ROADS WE CAN
TRAVEL SIDE BY SIDE.' THIS IS ONE OF THEM."
LABOUR. "AH! AND AS YOU WERE ALSO SAYING ON VARIOUS OTHER OCCASIONS--'WAIT
AND SEE.'"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: IT IS UNDERSTOOD THAT MR. NEIL MACLEAN AND MR. DAN IRVING
HAVE DECIDED TO BOYCOTT THE HAIR-CUTTING INDUSTRY PENDING ITS
NATIONALISATION.]
* * * * *
[Illustration: _The Addison Bird._ "BEAUTIFUL SPRING WEATHER, JOHN."
_John Bullfinch._ "YES, MY DEAR. BUT YOU DON'T SERIOUSLY MEAN TO START
BUILDING--WHAT?"]
* * * * *