The event recorded in the last chapter brought the grand court to a
somewhat premature but fortunate conclusion. Though many grievances were
made known, it is not recorded that a single one was remedied or
redressed, and this perhaps was quite according to precedent.
Dogvane did not see the grand court out; but for reasons of his own, he
slipped away and hastened on board of the old Ship of State, where also
he found most of his watch; for as the saying is, they seemed to have
smelt a rat. He called his merry men on deck. "Mates," he said, "my
glass is falling; so likely enough we shall have a strong breeze blowing
off shore before long, therefore haul all taught, make all snug, and
look out for squalls."
The doughty cook now spoke up, like the bold and clever man that he was.
"Captain," he said, "if so be that we are going to have foul weather,
why not lighten the ship at once? Chuck over board a couple of dukes, or
a brace of earls, or a score or so of common ordinary lords, and the old
ship will ride through the storm all the better." It was wonderful, what
a dislike Pepper had for the Buccaneer's Upper Chamber, and the people
said there must be more in it than appeared on the face of things.
Nothing the cook would have liked better than to have pickled the whole
lot, when the brine would not have been wanting in strength; Billy
Cheeks the burly butcher would no doubt have done all the preliminary
business with pleasure, for he also had his eye upon the Buccaneer's
bloated aristocracy. All this was very strange, for Billy, it was said,
had the very best of blood in his veins.
Many thought that beneath the modest bearing of the cook, there lurked
a great ambition, which was no other than to put on old Dogvane's cloak,
boots, and collars when nature called that worthy old salt away.
When the cook suggested the lightening of the old ship, Chips the
carpenter raised his axe and took up a position beside the hawser that
bound the Church Hulk to the Ship of State. The butcher also drew his
large knife and felt its edge, for he had quite regained his nerves, and
was ready for anything. Old Dogvane smiled approvingly upon their ready
zeal; but said, "Steady, my lads, steady. All in good time. No occasion
to jettison any of our cargo yet, however useless it may be. You, Billy,
who have some smattering of legal knowledge, can explain the meaning of
the term. But again, my lads, I ask you, how you came to set that old
church drum a beating? The solemn sound as you know will at all times
awaken the slumbering feelings of our master. Besides, I myself am
considerably affected by it. I should not see that old craft cut adrift
without a pang. But see what it has done. It has thoroughly roused our
master, and it has raised more devils than we probably shall be able to
lay. It's ill to waken sleeping dogs, so says the proverb. The old
Squire too is on the tramp, and our master is now for poking his nose
into everything. The paint brush, my lads, the paint brush, is at most
times better than either the hammer, or the chisel. No offence to your
mate, Master Chips." It now came out that Chisel was still ashore, and
absent without leave, and many thought he would not come out of it with
anything less than a general court martial.
The carpenter now showed a spirit of mutiny that surprised all, and
shocked both the cook and the butcher, his, at one time, friends.
"Captain!" he exclaimed, "I've served with you now for many a day, and
I've served you well; but the time has come when every honest man should
speak his mind. It is all very well for you to put all the blame upon
our backs, but let every one bear his own burden. Why did you try the
old dodge of throwing dust in our master's eyes? You know he is getting
quite accustomed to that sort of thing and can see through it. Why did
you tell him all those cock-and-bull stories about contentment, and all
that kind of stuff, and induce the old gentleman to hold the Grand
Court? Then why did you take him abroad? This it is that has raised all
the dust."
"Well, Chips, my lad," cried the old captain, as he dashed a tear from
his eye. "This comes hard, very hard from you. For you to turn upon me,
cuts me to the very quick. Under the shadow of my wing, you have risen
from a low position on board this old craft, to one of great
consideration. There was much more in store for you, for I might, in
time, have persuaded my master to make either a general or an admiral of
you, or you may indeed have risen to be steward of his household. Only
that I have a son myself who is the joy of my old age, and the very
apple of my eye, and more to me than ever Joseph was to Jacob, it is
possible that when I pass away my cloak would have fallen upon your
shoulders."
The cook gave the butcher a look and the butcher's breathing became
laboured under the weight of suppressed feeling. Old Dogvane continued
his address to the carpenter: "Why did I throw dust in the old man's
eyes? I am surprised that such a clever lad as you should ask such a
simple question. Is it not a time-honoured custom? Have not both the
watches done it for ages past? The only error I made was that the dust
was not thick enough, and the old man saw through it, and there lies my
mistake."
The carpenter was going to answer the captain, for his mutinous spirit
was getting the better of him, but the cook seized the carpenter and led
him away.
Presently the old Buccaneer was seen slowly walking down to the beach
and he was pestered on every side by a swarm of cheap-Jacks of every
nation. They hung about him, and as the saying is, they nearly bothered
the life out of him. The poor old gentleman seemed to have suffered
considerably from recent events, and the sickness of his heart was
beginning to pray upon his body. With feeble steps he laboured along and
hailed the old Ship of State, but his voice wanted the cheery ring of
old.
"Away with you, my lads," cried Dogvane, who heard the Buccaneer's call.
"Clear the decks, and each one to his post. Away, and leave the matter
in my hands. I will below and look over the chart of public affairs and
I will shape a course that will take us out of our difficulties or my
name is not William Dogvane. I see the old gentleman has not his
busy-body of a coxswain with him, so much the better for my plan. I
never could hit it off with that party. Away, my lads, to your posts."
Each one did as he was told, though the carpenter grumbled; but the cook
said to him: "Since when, my mate, have you learnt to change your tune?"
"That barrel organ of yours, Master Pepper, may grind away at the same
old tune for ever for all I care; but I have my sticking point," said
the carpenter. "At any rate I don't shilly-shally about things like old
Dogvane does; but I speak out my mind like every honest man should; and
look you, my little Pepper, I'm not going to be monkey-led by any man."
"Say you so," replied the cook. "That is a pity; I want a monkey for my
organ, and no doubt, you would dance as well as any other."
"Not to your piping, my lad, so stow that. There is a time for all
things, Master Pepper. Your jokes and jests are well enough upon a full
stomach of contentment, but now they sound flat and feeble. Were I a man
easily moved to mirth I might laugh perhaps to-morrow. Look you now! If
our little game had come off old William would have been with us heart
and soul and then the old fox would have set all sail before a full
blast of public opinion, and have taken all credit to himself. But let
the wind be doubtful, and he is for ever trimming as if his ship were in
a constant sea of doldrums; and what is more, Pepper, he is not above
flinging a messmate overboard if it suits his purpose. I'm weary, my
lad, of the company I am sailing in."
"Ship of State ahoy!" came from the shore, and interrupted the
carpenter's grumblings. A slight breeze came off the land and shook the
shrouds. "Make all taught," cried old Dogvane, "and pipe the pinnace
away. I see the cox'sn has put in an appearance after all. I wonder what
the devil he wants. I begin to think he is an office-seeker and a
place-hunter like the rest of the world." Having said this, Dogvane
disappeared below.
Presently the old Buccaneer appeared on board. Not a soul was to be
seen. "What!" he cried; "no one on deck. What ho! below there!"
No answer came. He passed by the cook's galley as he went to take a look
forward. The cook could be heard reading out the following receipt:
"Take one reputation of good social position and pull well to pieces,
add one pound of garbage, two ounces of gall and one quart of vinegar,
season well with salt and pepper, stew, stir and skim, and serve up when
ready."
"A savoury dish that, Master Jack," said the Buccaneer to his coxswain,
who replied that at such things the cook of the Starboard Watch had not
an equal, and at a dish of scandal he could scarcely be beaten. The
Buccaneer, having taken a turn round, came to the after part of the
ship, and there he saw old Dogvane with his head just above the after
companionway. "Who calls?" he asked in the most innocent manner
possible.
"Who calls!" cried the Buccaneer, "and is this the way you look after my
affairs? not a soul on deck!"
"Not a soul on deck, sir!" exclaimed Dogvane, in surprise; "then
everyone must of a certainty be below." By this time many of the crew
had put in an appearance and were busy working away at their respective
duties. Chips, having got the better of his fit of ill temper, sang as
he worked the following song:
"My mate is ashore in tow of a lass,
Cock-a-doodle,
A right clever fellow turned into an ass,
Cock-a-doodle,
He's tied by the leg with a petticoat string,
Cock-a-doodle,
And never again will his cheery voice sing,
Cock-a-doodle."
The look-out man aloft being awakened, no doubt, by the voice of the
carpenter, sang out: "All's well." This was official, and Dogvane looked
upon it as a good sign. "Your ever watchful man aloft, sir, tells you
that all is well; we must perforce believe him, for he is a creditable
witness."
"All's well, indeed!" exclaimed the Buccaneer. "What do you mean by
telling me that all is well? Are you, Master Dogvane, a knave or a fool;
or do you take me to be either the one or the other?"
"God forbid, sir, that I should make so grievous a mistake," replied
Dogvane, with humility.
"What did you mean by telling me that my foreign relations were all
good, and that my people at home were prosperous and contented?"
"Did I say so much, master? It is on my memory that I did not go so far;
I may have said that they ought to be contented. There lies the
difference."
"Why, there is not a profession or trade, or even class that is not
crying out. My very women are rising in open rebellion. What say you to
this?"
"It is passing strange, sir, and only adds one more proof, if it were
necessary, of the extreme ingratitude of human nature. There is scarce a
thing that we do not take into consideration, and so great is our
concern for your welfare that we try to legislate for all your simplest
needs, and in time we hope that everything will work with clock-like
regularity, and if a man gets drunk even, it shall be by Act of
Parliament."
"Pray, sir," asked the Buccaneer, "what business had you below on such
an occasion as this?"
"Sir," Dogvane replied, "I was occupied with matters of the gravest
importance; something that touches closely upon my master's honour.
Master, master," he suddenly cried in an ecstasy of delight, "what think
you? I have glorious news; glorious news for you."
"Glorious news! then out with it, man, for I need something to raise my
spirits."
"Sir," cried Dogvane, rubbing his hands with glee. "What think you; I
have a concession."
"A concession, man! A concession! that is news indeed. Do you hear,
Jack, our honest Dogvane has a concession." The old cox'sn kept his
silence; but the Buccaneer was highly pleased for it was now more his
custom to grant concessions than to receive them. There was scarcely a
neighbour, or foreign relation, no matter however small, who had not got
something out of the old man in recent years. At one time he used to
thrash his enemy first, and then grant him a concession perhaps,
afterwards, and this line of action had its advantages, and in the
long-run saved very much time, trouble, bloodshed, and money. The news
of the concession brought back the blood to the old Buccaneer's jolly
round face, which regularly beamed with enthusiasm.
"Ah! Dogvane," he said, "after all you have served me well, and no
matter how you may be reviled you have proved yourself a faithful
servant. And so you have a concession!" Then an idea seemed suddenly to
strike him, for turning an anxious look upon old Dogvane, he exclaimed,
"Stay! Is it a good concession; one worthy of a Sea King? It is not from
the Calf of Man is it?" Dogvane shook his head. "Nor from either Jersey,
Guernsey, Alderney, or Sark?" Dogvane again shook his head. "Has the
Egyptian gipsy sent an apology and withdrawn her curse?"
"My master is wide of the mark," said Dogvane with a smile of
satisfaction.
"Well, if the concession comes from neither of these quarters, Master
Dogvane, I know not where to look. Stay though. Have the Ojabberaways
sent an apology for all their abusive language and unseemly conduct?"
"Not within striking distance yet, sir. Some time since, my master, you
were anxious to show our trusty friend here, Jack Commonsense, some mark
of your great favour. The matter is not without its difficulties; but
still it may be accomplished. Now, if your trusty cox'sn, who is an
excellent sailor, no doubt, though deemed for some unknown reason
common, has any royal blood in his veins, we can with the stroke of a
pen make either an Admiral of him, or a Field-Marshal, or even a Bishop.
Then again, if he were only a rich brewer, or a successful trader of any
description, or a supporter through thick and thin of our Starboard
Watch, we could at once make him a lord of high degree."
"What has this to do, Master Dogvane, with the concession? Why, in the
devil's name, do you torment me? Have concessions been of such frequent
occurrence in recent years that I can thus afford to dally with them?
Speak out, or I will drag that unruly tongue of yours from its roots."
Dogvane, seeing that further trifling would be dangerous, said, "Do you
remember, sir, that little dispute we had with the great Bandit of the
East upon a small matter of a boundary?"
"Yes, yes, I remember, go on."
"And no doubt you also remember my extreme regret that we had not with
us that energetic young wasp, Random Jack, so that we might have either
bumped him on the boundary, or whipped him on the breech."
"What has all this to do with it? Your enemies say that you are little
better than a wind-bag, and I verily believe they are not far wrong. Has
the Eastern Bandit made a concession? Come, yea or nay."
"No other."
"Honest Dogvane, your hand. This is indeed glorious news. So you have
brought the mighty Bruin to his senses, and he has knuckled down to the
Lion. But go on, Dogvane, the concession."
"If you remember, sir, we placed the matter in the hands of our faithful
friend and ally, King Hokeepokeewonkeefum, his august majesty of the
Cannibal Islands."
"I remember, man; but that part of the transaction does not give me the
satisfaction that perhaps it ought. The concession."
"Still the same old prejudice against colour? but no matter. As--"
"What the devil is in the man! Are we never coming to the concession?
Where is this concession? Out with it, or, by my soul, I will lay my
stick across your back."
Dogvane was between two stools; he feared to trifle with his master any
longer, and he feared to make known the concession. Though no one could
humbug the old Buccaneer like Dogvane, even he could not go too far, and
he had now come to the length of his tether.
"Sir," said Dogvane, "we have gained a great diplomatic victory."
Directly the Buccaneer heard the nature of the triumph his face fell.
Dogvane came cautiously to the subject again. "With the aid of King
Hokee I have settled your dispute without spilling one drop of Christian
blood."
"Tell me, man, at once!" cried the Buccaneer, as he raised his stick
above his head, "has the Eastern Bandit made honourable amends?"
"He has, sir," replied Dogvane. "He has indeed done all we can in reason
expect. The Bandit, though a Christian, is a proud man; and it is not
acting generously to humble any man too much."
"Master Dogvane, I too am a Christian, and I have my pride as well as
the Eastern Bandit."
"You, sir, are the leader of the Christian world, and as such should set
a good example. I did not say, my master, that pride was a Christian
virtue, though far too many Christians wear it as their everyday dress.
Pride, indeed, is the worst of sins, and through it Satan himself fell.
My master is great and noble, and all powerful; he can therefore afford
to be magnanimous. Bearing this in mind I made peace when you had been
beaten three times in the open. Few other nations, and few other men,
would have done this; certainly not the great Bandit of the East. Would
your other watch have had the courage to do it?"
Thus did the cunning Dogvane run on, still evading the point of all
interest. But his master's patience was now completely exhausted, and he
brought his stick across the captain's back.
"Softly, master," cried Dogvane, as he winced under the blow, "my coat
needs no dusting. The point is at hand. I have agreed, or arranged, or
it may be that I have entered into a sacred covenant with the great
Bandit of the East, that for certain considerations, hereafter to be
settled and defined, you shall black his boots."
"Black his boots!" cried the Buccaneer in amazement, "and is this your
concession, fellow?"
"Stay, stay, sir, not so fast," replied Dogvane. "Make haste is no doubt
a very good horse, but hold hard is a better. We have not come to the
concession yet. That stick is mighty hard. Stay, sir! I am coming to it.
It is this. In consideration for past favours, and to promote a good
understanding between you both, the Eastern Bandit graciously
condescends to find his own blacking."
"The devil he does," exclaimed the Buccaneer, as his eyes opened wide
with astonishment. "What concession is there in that, pray?"
"A very great one, sir, considering the size of the Bandit's boots, it
is little less than enormous. You might, sir, had it not been for
diplomacy, have been obliged to provide your own blacking. To get the
Bandit to concede this cost no end of trouble. One ambassador was quite
broken down, and several minor diplomatic officials have been rendered
quite useless for the remainder of their lives. Their minds having quite
given way, and they are left little better than babbling idiots, and
every boot they see they persist in blacking."
The bold Buccaneer that once was, the great Sea King, the mighty trader,
was struck for a few moments completely dumb. Indeed Dogvane's
concession seemed to have benumbed his brain. His old coxswain, who had
kept a respectful silence during this long-winded palaver, now spoke,
having first of all cleared his decks, as he called it. "Master
Dogvane!" he cried, "the man who stoops to black a boot, will in all
probability be kicked by it before the job is finished."
"Who asked you to put your spoke into the wheel?" Dogvane said in an
under tone, and then added aloud: "I've been thinking, sir, that we
might promote our honest friend here to some sinecure, where he will for
the rest of his days have little work and plenty of pay. We have many
such posts at our command, but strange to say, they are all full at
present. The keeper of the Imperial Hat is a duke; the emolument is
barely a thousand a year, but the honour is great and is much coveted.
Then there is the custodian of our master's night cap, that is held by
one who has royal blood in his veins, and he cannot be sent home, or
about his business."
Dogvane's list of high offices was brought to an abrupt conclusion by
the sudden awakening of the Buccaneer, who seemed to be possessed with a
spark of his old fire. His wrath burst upon Dogvane like an angry gust
of wind. "Out of my sight," he cried, as he again raised his stick. Now
the keeper of the Buccaneer's stick was another high official, who drew
a goodly income for doing so. Dogvane, in his mind, determined that this
officer should be at once replaced by one who took better care of his
business. He thought, and perhaps rightly, that on such an occasion as
the present, the stick should either have been mislaid or sent to be
polished, or otherwise repaired. "Out of my sight!" cried the Buccaneer,
as he brought his stick down heavily upon old Dogvane's back. "Begone
thou veritable wind bag. Do you wish to thrust me down on my knees
before all the world? It was not by eating humble pie, fellow, that I
have grown to what I am. Get thee hence ere I break every bone in thy
body; thou weigher of scruples, thou splitter of straws. Where now is
all that money I gave thee over this affair with the Bandit?"
"Master! master!" cried Dogvane as he cowered beneath the anger of the
old Sea King, and fell down on his knees before him. "Be not hard upon
your servant. Have I not served you faithfully these many long years?
When I had charge of your till did you not make more money than ever you
have since? Did not your pence grow into shillings, and your shillings
into pounds? Have not my eyes grown dim, and my hair sparse and grey, in
your service? Then bear with me a little while."
The Buccaneer was slightly mollified. "Ah!" he said, "like many another
old servant, you trade, Master Dogvane, upon the past, and think that
your master will bear any amount of carelessness and bungling now for
the sake of what has been done before. If in days gone by you made money
for me, you have taken very good care to squander it since. But there
must be a limit to the endurance even of the best of masters. Have you
not dishonoured me in the eyes of my neighbours? Is your memory so short
that you have forgotten their reception of me? Have you forgotten the
scorn of some? the indifference of others? Have you forgotten the
revilings of the Egyptian gipsy? Have you not estranged my friends from
me and made me a must elephant of the herd, to wander out into the
wilderness? Through you is not the charge laid against me that I have
turned my back upon my enemies, and have you not so lowered me in the
estimation of my neighbours, that the smallest dog amongst them barks at
me?"
"Master--"
"Stay, fellow! I have not finished with you yet. While you prated about
economy and peace you have run me deep into debt; while the wake of the
old Ship of State, during the time you have been at the helm, has been
constantly smeared with blood."
"Good master, the blood rests not upon my head, but upon that of the
other watch. All the trouble that I have got into has been owing to the
dreadful inheritance they left me."
"That, Master Dogvane, is too stale a cry to be readily believed. It is
an old trick, and not altogether a reputable one, for one servant to try
and saddle another with the fruits of his own stupidity, or
carelessness. But where is that eleven millions I gave you for a certain
purpose?"
"Good master, it is true that I have a little outrun the constable; but
I have had to recompense Abdur for the damage done, and I have had to
buy his friendship. Then the stupendous preparations I made were costly,
and though there may not be very much to show for the money, yet no
doubt a bloody war was averted, many lives saved, and in the long run,
much money."
"A war averted, Master Dogvane, I have been told, is only a war
postponed, and that when once put off it generally comes at a most
inconvenient time, and is likely to prove most costly. To strike
promptly and hard, experience has proved to be the better plan, and the
cheapest both in men and money. Begone from my sight, fellow, for I
begin to know thee. I may be slow to anger, but when once roused, those
who displease me had better beware of me."
Thus it was that old Dogvane, the captain of the Starboard Watch, fell
under his master's displeasure. As is always the case directly fortune
begins to frown on a man, his enemies crop up by the scores in every
direction, and all add a little to the victim's shortcomings, memories
for which are long. It is a noble idea that of not kicking a man when he
is down; but it seems to be honoured well in the breach. Once let a man
trip and he is spared by few. It seems to be a law of nature to attack
the wounded. The birds of the air do it and the beasts of the field, and
the savage drives his spear into his wounded enemy. Civilisation uses
other weapons than the steel-tipped ones; but they are none the less
keen and effectual, for a wounded spirit often gets the sharp shaft of
scorn sent clean through it. There is no mark of violence on the body,
but there is a wound within that never heals.
Things went from bad to worse with old Dogvane until one day he and his
watch were kicked, without ceremony, over the ship's side. What brought
the final catastrophe about was that Dogvane very unwisely, or some of
his hands, tried to tamper with the old Buccaneer's drink. Touch him on
his stomach and you made an enemy of him at once. Chips no longer sang,
and Billy Cheeks, the burly butcher, was more gloomy than ever. He was
not a man of mirth. Even his jokes were heavy, but perhaps his trade
affected his disposition; it often does. The cheery little cook never
lost heart, and as they rowed ashore he gave them a tune on his barrel
organ, and gave them a song in which he ridiculed the prominent men of
the other watch, and, as a matter of course, the members of the
Buccaneer's Upper Chamber came in for their fair share of good-natured
criticism or abuse. As has been said, no one saw a blemish in a
neighbour sooner than the cook, and if that neighbour happened to be one
of the lords temporal, Pepper prodded him well with jeer, jest, and
sneer.
As Dogvane and his mess-mates rowed ashore in disgrace, several heads
appeared looking over the bulwarks of the after part of the old ship.
These were the occupants of the Upper Chamber, who crawled from their
state room like rats from their holes, when the cat is away. The old
Church Hulk seemed to awake as from a deep slumber, and presently a hymn
of praise and of thanksgiving rose up and was borne upon the breeze all
over the Buccaneer's island, and the hearts of all the great Church
dignitaries and their many followers rejoiced that the Lord had for the
time being saved them from the hands of the Philistines; or in other
words from Pepper, and Billy Cheeks. All on board the old Church Hulk,
and very many others amongst the Buccaneer's people, fully believed that
if once the moorings of the old Hulk were slipped and she was allowed to
drift away from the Ship of State, the days of the Buccaneer would be
surely numbered. Respectability declared that she could never then go to
church, for that she certainly could not listen to a priest, who, no
matter however good a Christian he might be, was not a gentleman, for it
must be known that all Christians of the various other denominations
outside the old Church Hulk, were scarcely deemed to belong to that
extremely rare and privileged class.