The Buccaneer not being able to obtain any reliable information, for
reasons already mentioned, and the voice of the disaffected becoming
louder and louder every day, he determined to hold a grand court, when
all grievances could be made known, and all wrongs if possible
redressed.
When old Dogvane heard of this fresh departure of his master from the
beaten paths of custom, he was very much disturbed. "What, my master!"
he said, "take the muzzle off people's mouths? Rest assured, sir, that
wherever there are human beings, there will be discord and discontent,
which, if encouraged, will soon break through the bounds of moderation
and flood the whole country. Think you, sir, there is a single one in
all your realms who looks upon himself as well treated, though for many
of them hanging would be too good? Say but the word and every molehill
of discontent will be turned into a mountain of no mean size."
It was of no use, the Buccaneer had made up his mind, so the
proclamation was sent out and vast preparations were made. There was
soon great commotion all along the hard. People busy, and a constant
running to and fro. Loads of timber were brought and placed all ready
for the carpenter's hands. There was very much sawing, chiselling and
hammering from early morning until late at night. Bit by bit a huge
structure was built up just in front of the old Constitution public
house, which was, for the time, quite hidden from view by the tiers of
seats, which commencing from a low dais or platform, rose up to a
considerable height behind, being as high indeed as the roofs of the
tallest houses. On the dais and in the centre, there was placed a chair
of State, and the seats immediately behind this were of superior make
and were draped with crimson cloth of superior quality. The awning
overhead was of cloth of gold, and banners were fixed in every suitable
place, while tall flag poles reared their heads and displayed a cloud of
different coloured bunting. Flags of every nation were to be seen, and
altogether it was a noble sight. Then all the windows along the hard
were dressed out gaily, and festoons of natural and unnatural flowers
were hung about from poles, windows, and roofs. The old Ship of State
was decked in holiday attire, and flags fluttered in the breeze from her
mast heads down to the very water's edge. It was indeed a noble sight to
see the Buccaneer's two ships, and his chief city thus arrayed.
The day at length dawned that was to witness this wonderful pageantry.
Almost as soon as the first ray of light peeped over the head of
departing night crowds of people began to assemble. The old Ship of
State fired her morning gun, and the ship alongside of her called all
the pious Buccaneers to prayer, and hymns rose up on the morning dew.
The leaders of the disaffected began to marshal their respective bands.
There was the sound of music, for on such occasions, people can not get
on without it. It soothes the savage beast, so it is said, and in other
ways does good. Curious idlers with open mouths, full of wonder, passed
to and fro, for such a sight had never been seen before.
The hour came for the great march past to begin, and Liberty, who was
the mistress of the ceremonies, was trying with very great difficulty to
keep her motley crowd in order. The brazen-throated trumpets now brayed
out the notice of the approach of the great Buccaneer, or fighting
trader. How he now styled himself will be shortly seen. With slow and
stately step the great man walked, preceded by his lion and followed
immediately by his trusty coxswain old Jack Commonsense, who was got up,
regardless of expense, for the occasion. The Buccaneer walked between
walls of his subjects, and listened, no doubt, with extreme pleasure to
their shouts of welcome and delight. To see the great is at all times a
gratifying spectacle, when the treat is not repeated too often. After
the Buccaneer had passed his people and had taken his place in the
chair of state, they began to make their comments. "Ah!" said some, "he
is not the man he was." "Yes, yes," cried others, "he is indeed sorely
changed. See how gingerly he treads; how fat he has grown; he is
terribly out of condition. Did you notice, too, that his lion has lost
most of his teeth?" It could not be denied that the bold Buccaneer's
step was not as elastic as it used to be. He was not the gay,
rollicking, hard hitting old sailor that he was in days of yore. Luxury
had begun to mark him as her own, and much energy of action is never
found in her train. He looked puffy and bloated, and altogether, as some
of his people said, out of condition. A voice from the crowd exclaimed
that a good healthy skunk would be far more serviceable than that old
lion. It was the cheap-Jack Jonathan. It was wonderful how he tried to
pass off that skunk of his upon other people; all of whom had no doubt
plenty of skunks of their own. But Jonathan was such a boastful fellow
that he would not be beaten even in a matter of skunks.
Behind the Buccaneer came a numerous retinue of priests, ministers,
soldiers, sailors, statesmen, officials of every degree and parasites of
all kinds and descriptions, for, of course, so great a man could not be
without his fair share of these human insects to feed upon him. The
Buccaneer having taken his seat, with his coxswain standing behind his
chair, the numerous and splendid retinue filed on to the platform and
took up their respective places behind. First of all came the Lords
Spiritual and then the Lords Temporal, and then the rest of the goodly
company, according to their rank and condition. Just as everything was
ready there was a slight confusion caused by an angry discussion between
a pimp and a parasite about the order of precedence; but the dispute was
happily settled without bloodshed. Both watches were, of course, present
on so great an occasion, and amongst the rest were the conspirators of
the cook's caboose. The magnificence of the assemblage was gorgeous in
the extreme, and dazzling, for all wore their robes of state. Jonathan
thought he saw a favourable opportunity of doing a little business, so
he began to offer blue spectacles of a cheap make, and at a seductively
moderate price to the assembled multitude.
Many shouts rose up as some well-known personage passed to his place,
and to save trouble Dogvane kept on bowing acknowledgments for all.
Pepper, the cook, who sat between Billy Cheeks and Chips, with the man
who had been thrown overboard on one occasion, just behind him, tried
very hard to make himself big enough to attract public notice; but he
was only partially successful. Just in front of the platform, but off
it, there was a railed-in space for the Press, to the members of which
the Buccaneer was obliged, as has been already stated, to be
particularly civil, for if affronted, not only would they turn upon him
and lecture him, but they would abuse him plentifully into the bargain.
They all had in front of them their pots of ink, coloured according to
the party they served. Better kill a plenipotentiary than hurt one of
these gentlemen by an unguarded expression. The Beggar Woman, though no
doubt somewhere amongst the crowd, was not conspicuous on this occasion.
Silence was ordered, and prayer was said, and hymns of praise were sung.
The greatness and the goodness of the Buccaneer were set to sacred
music, and the singers also glorified themselves while they glorified
their master. The High Priest then asked the Ruler of all things to take
this most respectable and pious Buccaneer under His especial protection,
and through His priesthood to bless him; to confound his enemies; to
make him happy, prosperous and glorious, and a few other things scarcely
worth the mentioning, but which would materially increase his joy in
this world. In the end, he asked that the Buccaneer might, through his
Church, obtain a good inheritance in the Kingdom of Heaven. After this
light spiritual refection the Buccaneer experienced that gentle calm
which piety and respectability alone can give, and that inner
consciousness, which at all times so gratified him, namely, that he was
so much better than any of his neighbours, and all those who did not
walk along his road to heaven. He was now quite ready for business.
A very high state official, who was robed in cloth of gold of superior
quality and make, and whose back and front were covered with heraldic
devices, now blew a long and loud blast upon a brazen trumpet, he then
cried out in a loud voice: "Listen all ye whom it may concern. Know ye
then that the most illustrious, potent, and powerful Sea King (thus he
was styled in all official documents), the mighty ruler of an empire,
upon which the sun never sets, the keeper of the keys of Heaven, the
defender of the only true Faith, having heard that some few of his liege
subjects, consider themselves in some trifling matters aggrieved, has
been most graciously pleased to hold this grand court at this time
assembled, so that grievances may be heard and wrongs redressed. May God
bless our great Sea King!" The last few words were merely a matter of
form, because it was well known that the Buccaneer and all his people
were the Lord's anointed. The trumpets again sounded and the procession,
or march past, of the disaffected was ordered to begin; but now another
grave difficulty arose; who was to lead? The mistress of the ceremonies,
following a time-honoured custom, was for bringing on the ladies first,
but a noisy lot of Ojabberaways declared that their burden of oppression
was so great as to do away with all traditions, and that unless they
were allowed to have their own way, no business should be done.
Nothing, perhaps, showed the unfortunate state into which things had
been allowed to pass, than the extreme licence which the Ojabberaways
were allowed to have. They had been given an inch and they had taken the
proverbial ell. A small tribe of people, headed by a small band of paid
patriots, who reaped a rich harvest out of the disaffection of their
countrymen, was allowed to obstruct all business and dictate to the
great Sea King or Buccaneer, what he was to do, and how and at what time
he was to do it. All this was the handiwork of Madam Liberty, who used
Dogvane and a few of his watch, to carry out her designs.
Even Dogvane had said that he must be clothed with sufficient authority
to enable him to rule this obstreperous people, but Dogvane had veered
round a little; and under his protection the Ojabberaways had become a
perfect nuisance, doing very much as they liked.
They gained their point, and with a wild yell, peculiar to their
country, and as blood curdling as the cry of the savage when his hand
grasps the scalp of an enemy, they came on. Some had on masks; some
carried blunderbusses, while others, under their coats, concealed the
dagger of the assassin, and the cartridge of the dynamitard. On they
came, dragging, with ropes round their necks, a lot of unfortunates
whose general bearing and appearance showed that they had seen better
days. These poor gentlemen--for gentlemen they were--had the misfortune
to own land in the green and fertile isle of the Ojabberaways, some
indeed had Ojabberaway blood in their veins; but they belonged to the
hated class called landlords, and their chief crime was, that owning
land, they expected their tenants to pay rents.
No doubt, in the past, injuries had been done and very much injustice.
They may have been hard and even grinding, and even now there might be
some amongst them who were not a credit to their class; but that
scarcely justified a refusal to fulfil all legal contracts. Their
fathers no doubt did many wrongs, lived beyond their means, and ground,
in many cases, their tenants down, for there never was an Ojabberaway
who could live within his means.
"What is our crime?" cried the captives; "what sins have we committed?"
"What sins have ye committed?" cried the Ojabberaways, in turn. "It's
mighty short memories ye have, and eyesight too, for the matter of that.
What are your crimes? Have ye not ground the finest peasantry in the
world down under your feet? And if it was not you, then it was your
fathers, or your grandfathers, or your great grandfathers." They then
turned to the Buccaneer: "We want to be rid of these land-grabbers,
these blood-suckers."
"What is your grievance against them?" the Buccaneer asked.
"Our grievance! Grievance is it?" they replied. "By the Holy Powers, our
country is thick with them. Are we not a down-trodden race? Has not the
foot of the conqueror been upon our necks for ages past? It's a
forgetful memory that perhaps ye have?"
"In the past," the Buccaneer said, "injury may have been done to you,
but ample amends have now been made; and I rule you with the same laws
as I do my other people. What more, in reason, can you ask?"
"We want no laws of your making. We ask that the last link of the chain
that binds us to you may be broken. We demand our independence."
Now one of the victims spoke: "We have our rights too," he said,
addressing the Buccaneer, "and we claim your protection. For many years
we have been your garrison and we are a law-abiding people. We have been
faithful and loyal to you; will you then see us dragged before you with
ropes round our necks, and with hands tied behind our backs? Is this to
be the reward of our loyalty? We ask for what is the birthright of the
meanest of your citizens, protection for our lives and for our own
property."
Thus it went on, and ground that had been trodden over often and often
before, was trodden over again. The difficulty was now to get rid of
this section of the disaffected, for the members showed a disposition to
become squatters and take entire possession of the situation. But some
divinely-inspired individual raised the cry that there was a free fight
going on in an adjacent neighbourhood and so the difficulty was overcome
and the Ojabberaways disappeared as if by magic.
The ladies now were ushered in, but again there was a slight delay
arising out of a dispute about a matter of precedence. A woman will
suffer almost any indignity rather than that of being put in a position
lower than that to which she thinks herself entitled, and it is probable
that in many cases a woman would rather go to the devil in her proper
place than to Heaven out of it. The matter was settled and Madam Liberty
ushered in Miss Progress. She was by no means attractive, and in her
dress she aped somewhat the man. She prided herself upon her
intelligence and looked with disdain upon things usually considered to
belong peculiarly to the female sex. This advanced lady showed none of
the modesty or timidity usually found in women. In a voice loud and
clear she said: "I claim for women equal rights with men. By brute force
we have been kept under and we now demand our freedom. Man has made us
his hewers of wood and his drawers of water; the cookers of his food and
the sewer on of his buttons and the nurser of his squalling brats. Is
woman never to rise superior to such a base position? Is she for ever to
be a slave, at man's beck and call? Away with such a thought! We demand
equal rights and equal voice in all matters, for we are man's equals,
and no longer will we live under laws made by man for the benefit of
man. We will board yonder ships. Our voice shall be heard in your
councils, and our voice shall ring out from your pulpits."
This language was comprehensive and bold. Some amongst the grand company
gave signs of approval. Then a dead silence followed, which was broken
by the old cox'sn, who having first of all hitched up his trousers,
exclaimed: "Mates, I thank my stars that my lower rigging keeps up
without buttons." Just as Miss Progress was again going to begin, old
Jack cried out: "Vast heaving, my hearty!" This familiar language on the
part of a common sailor very much annoyed the lady, who, fixing her
spectacles full upon the cox'sn, asked him who he was. "I am not
surprised, miss, at your asking the question. Now, it's no use beating
about the bush, and as, miss, you wish to be on an equal footing with
man and to rub shoulder to shoulder with him in your daily life, you
must not be too tender-skinned, and you will not mind the plain language
of an honest sailor. You ask me who I am? I am Jack Commonsense, very
much at your service, miss, and with your permission I will return the
compliment and ask you a question. How about your lower rigging?"
"My lower rigging," cried Miss Progress, "what does the vulgar fellow
mean?"
"Well, miss," Jack replied, "petticoats are all very well in their way,
and many a brave and honest lad has run ashore on 'em before now and
become a total wreck; but petticoats do hamper a person a bit, and they
ain't the sort of things to go aloft in, in a gale of wind."
"Who wants to go aloft, pray?" Miss Progress asked.
"Well, miss," Jack answered; "you must take the rough with the smooth,
and if you are going to be man's equal, you must do your fair share of
man's work, and must not cry out if you lose your place in the social
order and in man's estimation. Some of you are even now crying out that
man does not treat you with the consideration that he used to. The fault
lies at your own door. Who is going to take all the blows and hard
knocks; and who is going to do all the fighting?"
"Man, of course," replied Miss Progress, "it is his province, his
sphere."
"But has not woman her sphere? But let that fly stick to the wall; duty
first and pleasure after. As to the fighting, miss; many people think
that that spirit is not altogether absent from the female breast. Many
go so far as to think that the apple which Eve gave to Adam was
flavoured strongly with discord. Never a row yet, so some say, that a
woman was not at the bottom of it. Put your helm down, miss, and go
about; you and your likes are on the wrong tack. No good ever came yet
from a crowing hen; and a maid that whistles ain't likely to be a credit
to her family."
The Buccaneer complimented the cox'sn very much and hoped that his
language would find favour amongst the ladies. Many of the grand company
had dropped off to slumber; others were eagerly engaged in discussions
amongst themselves as to whether it would be a good party stroke to take
up the ladies. Many were for it and old Dogvane, it was thought, was
amongst the number. Miss Progress was by no means satisfied and declared
that woman's sphere was very much too narrow. The cox'sn, being
encouraged by his master's approval, attacked Miss Progress again in
good earnest. "Look'e here, miss," he cried, "your sphere is large
enough if you will only do your duty in it; but as is well-known a bad
workman always finds fault with his tools. If you try to be man's rival
in the world you will come off second best." Many thought that old Jack
would before long be in troubled waters; but he marched boldly on.
"Woman," he cried out, "has a noble sphere. Let her study to be a good
companion for man. Let her aim in life be to make his home comfortable,
and his children happy, useful, and good. That, my hearty, is a woman's
sphere."
Miss Progress explained to the deaf ears of the grand company that she
was single, and the Buccaneer, by way of enlivening the proceedings,
asked his cox'sn if he would not take Miss Progress in marriage; but old
Jack declined with many thanks, and he told the lady in brutally plain
language that spinsters were likely to increase if many women followed
in her wake. Then speaking at the whole sex, through the lady before
him, he exclaimed: "Too many of you are gadders about, and are to be
found everywhere but in your own homes. A good, thrifty, cheerful, and
pleasant housewife is a thing of the past. Too many women in the lower
walks of life by neglecting their first duty, drive their husbands to
the fireside of the pot-house, and their children to their work-house."
Other of the Buccaneer's women now came forward. One wanted to banish
vice from the streets by the strong arm of the law. She drew attention
to what she called the gross immorality of the age, and had she had her
way she would have shut up half the theatres, or turned them into
churches; and have burned most of the light literature of the day.
Perhaps this would have been no disadvantage. She also would have
dressed all the nude figures in the Buccaneer's several academies,
leaving nothing but her own bare shoulders of an evening to offend the
eyes of modesty. The female mind does at times go to strange extremes.
Another peculiarity of the Buccaneer's people was that most of the racy
light literature in his tight little island was written by the women,
and how they became so well acquainted with the shady side of human
nature was a mystery. But genius can explain all things. There is only
one thing to be said against driving vice from the streets by the strong
arm of the law. She is so very likely to find shelter in private
houses, when the purity of the domestic hearth would probably suffer.
After this lady came another who wanted the Buccaneer to banish from his
realms all violent death. She said: "To furnish your idle sons with
sport, birds are slaughtered, and hares and foxes are cruelly chased to
death."
"Young hounds must be blooded," the Buccaneer said.
"Under the cloak of science," the lady continued, "animals are cruelly
tortured, under the inhuman plea that man is to benefit. Then men love
to see cocks spur each other to death, while dogs are allowed to fight
amongst themselves and worry cats in the public streets, without any
interference on the part of the brutal police." The lady finished up by
asking the Buccaneer to banish all violent death from the island, and
thus set a good example to the rest of the world. "Let the butcher die,"
she cried, "rather than his innocent unoffending victims."
All eyes were turned upon Billy Cheeks, the burly butcher of the
Starboard Watch, and many pitied him, and the cook who was a merry man,
said to his friend in a jesting manner: "Billy! old fellow, it was not
for nothing that you had that nervous attack in my galley, but cheer up,
you are not dead yet."
The Buccaneer now began to talk the matter over with his trusty friend,
who said, "Well, yer honour, only speaking for myself, I don't like meat
that dies a natural death, though no doubt your butchers will be glad
enough to sell it. Indeed, some of them will do it now when they can."
Here a pale-faced, solemn, and even miserable-looking man exclaimed:
"Why partake of animal food which brutalizes, when a bountiful
Providence has placed at your hand a vegetable kingdom? Eat, I would
say, of the crumbs that fall from the celestial pantry."
Both the Buccaneer and his cox'sn declared that they did not see how
they were going to make a good square meal out of such a diet, upon
which the last speaker said: "If you must nourish your unrighteous
stomachs, you will find that lentils and even peacods are both pleasant
and sustaining."
"What say you to this, Jack?" asked the Buccaneer.
"Give him rope, yer honour, and before long he will come to the
thistles, and then we had better write ourselves down asses at once. If
we go on, on this tack, sir, there will be no such thing as getting a
chop, or a steak, or even a homely rasher for either love or money, and
the best thing for me to do is to turn to and dig my own grave. But
master, there is another thing that troubles me, though I scarcely like
to give vent to my thoughts before so goodly a company." Jack upon being
earnestly solicited to unburden himself by his master, said: "Well, sir,
it's this way. If we are to banish all violent death from this fair isle
of ours, what about the flea?"
The allusion to this vulgar insect caused no little confusion in so
goodly an assembly, and a wave of irritation seemed to pass through the
whole crowd, affecting even the Lords Spiritual, and Miss Progress was
so put about by being kept in the back-ground, whilst so much good time
was being wasted upon so trivial a matter, that she exclaimed with
considerable warmth, "Perish the flea!" Upon this old Jack cried out to
the amusement of all, "There I am with you, miss; but first of all
you've got to catch him."
The bold Buccaneer was extremely tickled, and his sides shook with
merriment, and of course every one joined in. So great was the mirth
that the whole noble structure was shaken to its very foundation, so
much so, that the old lion got up from his recumbent position, and
looked round in a terrified manner, and the cox'sn cried out as he
turned towards the company, "Vast heaving, my hearties! Clap a stopper
upon your laughing gear, and make all merriment fast."
The shrill blast of a herald's trumpet now claimed the attention of all,
and the aggrieved women were dismissed with a promise that their case
should receive the consideration it deserved, and the probability of a
Royal Commission was hinted at, and with this they were obliged to be
satisfied. Again the shrill notes of a brazen trumpet pierced the air,
and silence unfolded her wings and hovered over the company. Now a
herald, gorgeously apparelled in cloth of gold, emblazoned back and
front in the customary fashion, entered upon the scene, and expectation
was all on tip-toe.
"A messenger, a messenger, no doubt," cried Dogvane, "from his august
and most sable Majesty King Hokee with dispatches from the most noble
Bandit of the East."
With much pomp and ceremony the herald advanced, carrying over his left
shoulder a spear, and in his right hand what looked like a battered
beaver hat, with the crown knocked out. Halting in front of the
Buccaneer, he exclaimed, after having made the usual obeisance, "Most
noble and illustrious Sea King, ruler of the universe, the holder of the
only key to Heaven, the redresser of wrongs, the chastiser of the evil
doer, and the terror of the oppressor, know that a little while since,
while yet the day was but a few hours old, two friendly factions of the
Ojabberaways met, and entered upon an argument apparently from opposite
premises, and this is the conclusion that they arrived at." With this he
stuck his spear into the battered beaver, for such it was, and raised it
up on high, for an admiring crowd to gaze upon. When curiosity was
satisfied a very high state official took charge of the interesting
relic, and it was conveyed with much ceremony to one of the Buccaneer's
principal museums.
It must be owned that to sit and listen to the complaints of so many
people was trying to the patience of all; but the Buccaneer and his
family were well trained to this sort of thing, and even liked it.
Sunday after Sunday the uncrowned queen, Respectability, sent them all
to church, sometimes even twice. There they sat quietly under their
favourite pulpit, and listened without a murmur to their pastor, who
frequently either chided them as children, treated them as fools, or
eternally damned them all as incorrigible sinners.
The upper ranks of the Buccaneer's people now came on and complained
that their heels were being kicked by those who came after them, and
that the respect that once was given to rank and social position was now
grudgingly bestowed, if indeed it was bestowed at all. The deputation
was presented with the proverb which the Buccaneer and his cox'sn had
picked up in their roving days on the Spanish Main, and they were
recommended to have it framed and hung up in some convenient place,
where their children might be able to look upon it.
The Squire followed, and he again laid bare his numerous complaints;
said he could never remember the time when he was in such low water, for
he could get little or nothing out of his tenants, whilst his burdens
were more than he could bear. Scarcely had he finished speaking, when
his tenants appeared in a body, and declared, that owing to the foreign
cheap-Jacks underselling them, they could not get enough out of the land
to keep body and soul together, let alone money enough to pay their
landlord rents. Some of these tenants complained too, that the clergy
were too exacting, and made no abatement in their tithe charge; but
demanded the pound of flesh that was in their bond.
This brought the clergy forward, and they declared that their claim was
the first charge upon the land, which was taken subject to the burden.
The pulpit produces the speaker, if it does nothing else. "Is it not in
our bond," they said, "that we shall have the tenth part of the yearly
increase arising from the profits of the land, the stock upon the land,
and the personal industry of those living upon the land, or a just
equivalent for these?"
There was now a most learned discussion upon the origin and nature of
the tithe charge, all of which did little less than breed confusion. The
argument was taken up amongst the company. Some said that it began first
as a purely voluntary offering, but that long since a crafty priesthood
had fossilized it into a hard and fast legal right, which weighed
heavily upon the land in such hard times. The clergy said that it was on
account of the hardness of men's hearts that the offering had to be
legalized into a right. "If," they said, "the charge were left to the
free will of man, we should soon starve, for man would give nothing in
so selfish, degenerate, and worldly an age. The custom is sanctioned by
age and by Divine authority, for did not Abraham, when he spoiled the
five kings, give a tenth part of the spoils to Melchisedek?" No one
seemed bold enough to deny this, and the clergy finished up by saying
that as they were called upon to fulfil their obligations, so they must
call upon other people to fulfil theirs.
This seemed but reasonable; but just as the Buccaneer was going to
deliver judgment, the poor clergy took the opportunity to come forward
and present their grievance, which was to the effect that they, and
their families, were in many cases in want. Upon being appealed to, the
High Priest and Lords Spiritual declared that it was so, and that it
reflected the greatest discredit upon the Buccaneer and all his people,
for it betokened a selfish hardness of heart that was most
unchristian-like.
The poorer clergy were treated to a most excellent discourse upon the
beauties of poverty, which beauties, it would appear, that even the
clergy love best to contemplate at a distance, which in this, as in most
things else, lends enchantment to the view. It was pointed out to this
section of the disaffected, by those in spiritual authority, that Christ
Himself was a great advocate for poverty and condemned in no measured
terms the greed after riches; that all His early disciples were poor and
lowly, and that His religion was propagated by a band of holy, but
shoeless beggars. The poor clergy were bid to find comfort in this, and
walk in the path to which they had been called with a sanctified
humility.
The old cox'sn now got himself into disgrace, for he turned round and
asked the preacher how he could reconcile the precept with the general
practice. How, if poverty was such a fine thing, the clergy did not
practise it themselves. The high ecclesiastics to whom Jack addressed
himself did not condescend to answer so impertinent a remark, but all
chance of Church preferment was for ever gone from the old cox'sn, and
it is even possible that if he then had died he would not have been
allowed Christian burial.
"This difficulty," cried the Buccaneer, "can be easily overcome." Then
turning to his Lords Spiritual and other high church dignitaries, he
said, "While some on board of your ship, my lords, have too much, others
have too little of this world's wealth. A little while since some
amongst you preached a homily upon the beauties of poverty. All of you
follow the Master who said that it is easier for a camel to go through
the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven,
and when that rich man is a priest, how doubly hard must be the task.
Therefore, I say to you, as I have said before, and in the language of
Him whom you profess to follow, 'sell all that you have and give it to
the poor,' or at least, share your riches amongst your poorer brethren."
Now, when those in authority on board the old Church Hulk heard this
they were extremely sorrowful and sorely grieved, for many of them had
large incomes and other worldly possessions, while some had fashionable
and ambitious wives, and many had large families, and, as everyone
knows, it is hard enough to serve two masters, and next to impossible
when the masters are increased to many.
The old cox'sn, who was of a pious turn, wondered what would happen if
Christ were to appear again upon earth and enter some one of the
Buccaneer's many temples where the perfumed flowers of his fashionable
society worshipped God, or, perhaps many gods, in all their pride and
splendour. Jack, however, kept his counsel. He was an humble individual
and it was not for him to meddle in such weighty matters.
Close upon the heels of the Church came the Buccaneer's lawyers, and
true chips were these of the ancient block. The members of the Devil's
own, as they were called, complained that an interfering fellow on board
of the old Ship of State had called them brigands and other offensive
names. This they did not so much mind, but what they did object to was,
that busy bodies, instead of paying attention to their own business,
wanted to meddle with theirs, and by so doing, to curtail their
perquisites and cut down their fees. Of all the Buccaneer's trades and
professions, in no one was the principle of the parable before alluded
to more conspicuous than in his legal profession, the members of which
not only fleeced their sheep, but flayed them, whenever they had the
smallest opportunity. The estimation they were held in, even amongst the
Buccaneer's people, was shown by the fact that in all his works of
fiction, either on the stage or in novels, almost all the rogues were
provided by the legal profession.
But the spirit of robbery to which allusion has been so frequently made,
was to be found even where it ought not to have existed. Many of the
Buccaneer's schools were presided over by members of his State Church
and many of his teachers were drawn from the same source. Now some of
these, in an underhand way, robbed the parents of the boys intrusted to
their charge, for they were paid extremely well, if not exorbitantly, to
educate their pupils, but in too many cases they taught them little or
nothing, and sent them home, into the bargain, to live a good portion of
the time at their parents' expense. Then at the end of what was by
courtesy called their academical career, the young birds were sent out
into the world veritable fledgelings as regards their knowledge, with
not feathers sufficient to cover the nakedness of their ignorance or to
fly in search of food. This is at the top of that scale at the bottom of
which lies the vulgar thief who breaks through and steals.
After the lawyers came the doctors, who complained that people
apparently had little or no inclination to get ill. They declared there
seemed to be a selfish desire on the part of every one to keep the
time-honoured and much-trusted family doctor out in the cold, and if it
were not for the love which still kept a strong hold upon the people, to
over-eat and over-drink themselves, their profession would be but a poor
one, though in young children they still found some little support.
Whether the doctors robbed the people or not, could not very easily be
told as they rendered no details with their accounts.
The next lot to appear, showed by their double chests and double chins
that they were no strangers to good living, and no doubt beneath their
capacious waistcoats lay the tail end of many a bottle of their master's
wine. These men complained that their masters had become so niggardly
and looked after things so closely themselves, that perquisites (by some
called plunder) were quite things of the glorious past, so that the
modest independence with the public house, the lodging house, or the
green-grocer's shop, was put so far away into the future as to come too
late, if it ever came at all.
These much ill-used individuals had the same sad story to tell about
foreign competition. They declared people came over in crowds from their
neighbours and took the bread out of their mouths. Now came the women
servants, resplendent in their cheap finery, and with airs and graces
aped from their betters. Some of these quarrelled with some thing, some
with another, and one and all seemed considerably above their position,
being much too proud to work.
Before dealing with these the Buccaneer ordered on the masters and
mistresses so that by hearing their side of the story he might be the
better able to judge. It was a sign of the times that the servants came
on first, and many believed that this merely was the finger post which
pointed to a state of things, when all would be changed and the classes
would be the humble and obedient slaves of the masses, when King Mob
would wield the sceptre over the Buccaneer's people. It, therefore,
behoved those interested to see that their future masters were properly
educated.
The employers now declared that it was almost impossible to get good
servants. Not one would bear correction. They demanded high pay for
doing very little work, and grumbled at all times both at the quality
and the quantity of their food. They declared that the lower orders were
now so educated that all the girls preferred either to go into shops, or
into the school-room, and then the suffering upper classes were called
upon to support institutions to keep these spoilt children off the
streets. There was a general complaint too, that the stomachs of the
serving classes had become so dainty, that they turned up their noses at
what their betters were very well contented with, and there was a
general concurrence of opinion that, rather than put up with the
insolence, ignorance, and idleness of the Buccaneer's own people,
masters and mistresses would either do without servants altogether, or
employ foreigners, who were more industrious, very much more sober, and
quite as honest as the Buccaneer's people, while they did not go to
their local clubs or pot houses, and talk over their master's affairs,
and disclose to the vigilant burglar the whereabouts of their master's
silver. Nor were they in league with the local tradesmen to rob their
masters.
"Away with you all," cried the Buccaneer, addressing the servants. He
was always ready to condemn peculation on such a scale as this. "Away
with you," he cried, "for you are all robbers in disguise. Speak to
them, Jack, and trounce them well with thy tongue."
"Aye, aye, yer honour. 'Bout ship, my lads and lasses, before shame and
misfortune throw their grappling irons on board of you. You're heading
for the jail and the work-house, and before you lie poverty and misery.
'Bout ship, I say, before you find that hunger is the best sauce for a
proud stomach."
This batch went away more dissatisfied than ever, and they declared that
the old coxswain's language was brutal in the extreme, and they swore
they would have nothing to do with such a fellow as that. They
determined to get some one of the ship's crew, who wanted some
opportunity to bring himself before the public, to take their case up,
and by putting a heavy tax upon foreign labour, give them greater
opportunities to be independent, more idle, and insolent.