Johnson thought the poems published as translations from Ossian had so
little merit, that he said, 'Sir, a man might write such stuff for ever,
if he would _abandon_ his mind to it[573].'
He said, 'A man should pass a part of his time with _the laughers_, by
which means any thing ridiculous or particular about him might be
presented to his view, and corrected.' I observed, he must have been a
bold laugher who would have ventured to tell Dr. Johnson of any of his
particularities[574].
Having observed the vain ostentatious importance of many people in
quoting the authority of Dukes and Lords, as having been in their
company, he said, he went to the other extreme, and did not mention his
authority when he should have done it, had it not been that of a Duke or
a Lord[575].
Dr. Goldsmith said once to Dr. Johnson, that he wished for some
additional members to the LITERARY CLUB, to give it an agreeable
variety; for (said he,) there can now be nothing new among us: we have
travelled over one another's minds. Johnson seemed a little angry, and
said, 'Sir, you have not travelled over _my_ mind, I promise you.' Sir
Joshua, however, thought Goldsmith right; observing, that 'when people
have lived a great deal together, they know what each of them will say
on every subject. A new understanding, therefore, is desirable; because
though it may only furnish the same sense upon a question which would
have been furnished by those with whom we are accustomed to live, yet
this sense will have a different colouring; and colouring is of much
effect in every thing else as well as in painting.'
Johnson used to say that he made it a constant rule to talk as well as
he could both as to sentiment and expression, by which means, what had
been originally effort became familiar and easy[576]. The consequence of
this, Sir Joshua observed, was, that his common conversation in all
companies was such as to secure him universal attention, as something
above the usual colloquial style was expected[577].
Yet, though Johnson had this habit in company, when another mode was
necessary, in order to investigate truth, he could descend to a language
intelligible to the meanest capacity. An instance of this was witnessed
by Sir Joshua Reynolds, when they were present at an examination of a
little blackguard boy, by Mr. Saunders Welch[578], the late Westminster
Justice. Welch, who imagined that he was exalting himself in Dr.
Johnson's eyes by using big words, spoke in a manner that was utterly
unintelligible to the boy; Dr. Johnson perceiving it, addressed himself
to the boy, and changed the pompous phraseology into colloquial
language. Sir Joshua Reynolds, who was much amused by this procedure,
which seemed a kind of reversing of what might have been expected from
the two men, took notice of it to Dr. Johnson, as they walked away by
themselves. Johnson said, that it was continually the case; and that he
was always obliged to _translate_ the Justice's swelling diction,
(smiling,) so as that his meaning might be understood by the vulgar,
from whom information was to be obtained[579].
Sir Joshua once observed to him, that he had talked above the capacity
of some people with whom they had been in company together. 'No matter,
Sir, (said Johnson); they consider it as a compliment to be talked to,
as if they were wiser than they are. So true is this, Sir, that Baxter
made it a rule in every sermon that he preached, to say something that
was above the capacity of his audience[580].'
Johnson's dexterity in retort, when he seemed to be driven to an
extremity by his adversary, was very remarkable. Of his power in this
respect, our common friend, Mr. Windham, of Norfolk, has been pleased to
furnish me with an eminent instance. However unfavourable to Scotland,
he uniformly gave liberal praise to George Buchanan[581], as a writer.
In a conversation concerning the literary merits of the two countries,
in which Buchanan was introduced, a Scotchman, imagining that on this
ground he should have an undoubted triumph over him, exclaimed, 'Ah, Dr.
Johnson, what would you have said of Buchanan, had he been an
Englishman?' 'Why, Sir, (said Johnson, after a little pause,) I should
_not_ have said of Buchanan, had he been an _Englishman_, what I will
now say of him as a _Scotchman_,--that he was the only man of genius
his country ever produced.'
And this brings to my recollection another instance of the same nature.
I once reminded him that when Dr. Adam Smith was expatiating on the
beauty of Glasgow, he had cut him short by saying, 'Pray, Sir, have you
ever seen Brentford?' and I took the liberty to add, 'My dear Sir,
surely that was _shocking_.' 'Why, then, Sir, (he replied,) YOU have
never seen Brentford.'
Though his usual phrase for conversation was _talk_[582], yet he made a
distinction; for when he once told me that he dined the day before at a
friend's house, with 'a very pretty company;' and I asked him if there
was good conversation, he answered, 'No, Sir; we had _talk_ enough, but
no _conversation_; there was nothing _discussed_.'
Talking of the success of the Scotch in London, he imputed it In a
considerable degree to their spirit of nationality. 'You know, Sir,
(said he,) that no Scotchman publishes a book, or has a play brought
upon the stage, but there are five hundred people ready to applaud
him.[583]'
He gave much praise to his friend, Dr. Burney's elegant and entertaining
travels[584], and told Mr. Seward that he had them in his eye, when
writing his _Journey to the Western Islands of Scotland_.
Such was his sensibility, and so much was he affected by pathetick
poetry, that, when he was reading Dr. Beattie's _Hermit_ in my presence,
it brought tears into his eyes[585].
He disapproved much of mingling real facts with fiction. On this
account he censured a book entitled _Love and Madness_[586].
Mr. Hoole told him, he was born in Moorfields, and had received part of
his early instruction in Grub-street. 'Sir, (said Johnson, smiling) you
have been _regularly_ educated.' Having asked who was his instructor,
and Mr. Hoole having answered, 'My uncle, Sir, who was a taylor;'
Johnson, recollecting himself, said, 'Sir, I knew him; we called him the
_metaphysical taylor_. He was of a club in Old-street, with me and
George Psalmanazar, and some others[587]: but pray, Sir, was he a good
taylor?' Mr. Hoole having answered that he believed he was too
mathematical, and used to draw squares and triangles on his shop-board,
so that he did not excel in the cut of a coat;--'I am sorry for it (said
Johnson,) for I would have every man to be master of his own business.'
In pleasant reference to himself and Mr. Hoole, as brother authours, he
often said, 'Let you and I, Sir, go together, and eat a beef-steak in
Grub-street[588].'
Sir William Chambers, that great Architect[589], whose works shew a
sublimity of genius, and who is esteemed by all who know him for his
social, hospitable, and generous qualities, submitted the manuscript of
his _Chinese Architecture_ to Dr. Johnson's perusal. Johnson was much
pleased with it, and said, 'It wants no addition nor correction, but a
few lines of introduction;' which he furnished, and Sir William
adopted[590].
He said to Sir William Scott, 'The age is running mad after innovation;
all the business of the world is to be done in a new way; men are to be
hanged in a new way; Tyburn itself is not safe from the fury of
innovation[591].' It having been argued that this was an
improvement,--'No, Sir, (said he, eagerly,) it is _not_ an improvement:
they object that the old method drew together a number of spectators.
Sir, executions are intended to draw spectators. If they do not draw
spectators they don't answer their purpose. The old method was most
satisfactory to all parties; the publick was gratified by a
procession[592]; the criminal was supported by it. Why is all this to
be swept away?' I perfectly agree with Dr. Johnson upon this head, and
am persuaded that executions now, the solemn procession being
discontinued, have not nearly the effect which they formerly had[593].
Magistrates both in London, and elsewhere, have, I am afraid, in this
had too much regard to their own ease[594].
Of Dr. Hurd, Bishop of Worcester, Johnson said to a friend, 'Hurd, Sir,
is one of a set of men who account for every thing systematically; for
instance, it has been a fashion to wear scarlet breeches; these men
would tell you, that according to causes and effects, no other wear
could at that time have been chosen.' He, however, said of him at
another time to the same gentleman, 'Hurd, Sir, is a man whose
acquaintance is a valuable acquisition.'
That learned and ingenious Prelate[595] it is well known published at
one period of his life _Moral and Political Dialogues_, with a woefully
whiggish cast. Afterwards, his Lordship having thought better, came to
see his errour, and republished the work with a more constitutional
spirit. Johnson, however, was unwilling to allow him full credit for his
political conversion. I remember when his Lordship declined the honour
of being Archbishop of Canterbury, Johnson said, 'I am glad he did not
go to Lambeth; for, after all, I fear he is a Whig in his heart.'
Johnson's attention to precision and clearness in expression was very
remarkable. He disapproved of parentheses; and I believe in all his
voluminous writings, not half a dozen of them will be found. He never
used the phrases _the former_ and _the latter_, having observed, that
they often occasioned obscurity; he therefore contrived to construct his
sentences so as not to have occasion for them, and would even rather
repeat the same words, in order to avoid them[596]. Nothing is more
common than to mistake surnames when we hear them carelessly uttered for
the first time. To prevent this, he used not only to pronounce them
slowly and distinctly, but to take the trouble of spelling them; a
practice which I have often followed; and which I wish were general.
Such was the heat and irritability of his blood, that not only did he
pare his nails to the quick; but scraped the joints of his fingers with
a pen-knife, till they seemed quite red and raw.
The heterogeneous composition of human nature was remarkably
exemplified in Johnson. His liberality in giving his money to persons in
distress was extraordinary. Yet there lurked about him a propensity to
paultry saving. One day I owned to him that 'I was occasionally troubled
with a fit of _narrowness_.' 'Why, Sir, (said he,) so am I. _But I do
not tell it_.' He has now and then borrowed a shilling of me; and when I
asked for it again, seemed to be rather out of humour. A droll little
circumstance once occurred: as if he meant to reprimand my minute
exactness as a creditor, he thus addressed me;--'Boswell, _lend_ me
sixpence--_not to be repaid_[597].'
This great man's attention to small things was very remarkable. As an
instance of it, he one day said to me, 'Sir, when you get silver in
change for a guinea, look carefully at it; you may find some curious
piece of coin.'
Though a stern _true-born Englishman_[598], and fully prejudiced against
all other nations, he had discernment enough to see, and candour enough
to censure, the cold reserve too common among Englishmen towards
strangers: 'Sir, (said he,) two men of any other nation who are shewn
into a room together, at a house where they are both visitors, will
immediately find some conversation. But two Englishmen will probably go
each to a different window, and remain in obstinate silence. Sir, we as
yet do not enough understand the common rights of humanity[599].'
Johnson was at a certain period of his life a good deal with the Earl of
Shelburne[600], now Marquis of Lansdown, as he doubtless could not but
have a due value for that nobleman's activity of mind, and uncommon
acquisitions of important knowledge, however much he might disapprove of
other parts of his Lordship's character, which were widely different
from his own.
Maurice Morgann, Esq., authour of the very ingenious _Essay on the
character of Falstaff_[601], being a particular friend of his Lordship,
had once an opportunity of entertaining Johnson for a day or two at
Wickham, when its Lord was absent, and by him I have been favoured with
two anecdotes.
One is not a little to the credit of Johnson's candour. Mr. Morgann and
he had a dispute pretty late at night, in which Johnson would not give
up, though he had the wrong side, and in short, both kept the field.
Next morning, when they met in the breakfasting-room, Dr. Johnson
accosted Mr. Morgann thus:--'Sir, I have been thinking on our dispute
last night--_You were in the right_[602].'
The other was as follows:--Johnson, for sport perhaps, or from the
spirit of contradiction, eagerly maintained that Derrick[603] had merit
as a writer. Mr. Morgann argued with him directly, in vain. At length he
had recourse to this device. 'Pray, Sir, (said he,) whether do you
reckon Derrick or Smart[604] the best poet?' Johnson at once felt
himself roused; and answered, 'Sir, there is no settling the point of
precedency between a louse and a flea.'
Once, when checking my boasting too frequently of myself in company, he
said to me, 'Boswell, you often vaunt so much, as to provoke ridicule.
You put me in mind of a man who was standing in the kitchen of an inn
with his back to the fire, and thus accosted the person next him, "Do
you know, Sir, who I am?" "No, Sir, (said the other,) I have not that
advantage." "Sir, (said he,) I am the _great_ TWALMLEY, who invented the
New Floodgate Iron[605]."' The Bishop of Killaloe, on my repeating the
story to him, defended Twalmley, by observing, that he was entitled to
the epithet of _great_; for Virgil in his groupe of worthies in the
Elysian fields--
_Hic manus ob patriam pugnando vulnera passi_, &c.
mentions
_Inventas aut qui vitam excoluere per artes_[606].
He was pleased to say to me one morning when we were left alone in his
study, 'Boswell, I think I am easier with you than with almost
any body.'
He would not allow Mr. David Hume any credit for his political
principles, though similar to his own; saying of him, 'Sir, he was a
Tory by chance[607].'
His acute observation of human life made him remark, 'Sir, there is
nothing by which a man exasperates most people more, than by displaying
a superiour ability or brilliancy in conversation. They seem pleased at
the time; but their envy makes them curse him at their hearts[608].'
My readers will probably be surprised to hear that the great Dr. Johnson
could amuse himself with so slight and playful a species of composition
as a _Charade_. I have recovered one which he made on Dr. _Barnard_, now
Lord Bishop of Killaloe; who has been pleased for many years to treat me
with so much intimacy and social ease, that I may presume to call him
not only my Right Reverend, but my very dear Friend. I therefore with
peculiar pleasure give to the world a just and elegant compliment thus
paid to his Lordship by Johnson[609].