RENO COMEDIES
According to some of the comic postcards which are sent out, Reno was
known in the time of Adam and Eve.
Someone sent me a card while there, which depicted Adam and Eve under
the famous apple-tree. (Telephone: 281 Apple.) Eve was beautiful in
flowing hair and fig leaf. Adam had one on too, a rather faded affair.
Adam was plucking a nice, fat, green fig leaf out of his salad. Under
the picture were written the words: "Eve, the next time you put my
dress suit in the salad, Reno for me."
One sees and hears funny things in Reno. For instance, no one will
abide there long before being asked: "Are you here for the cure?" At
first you may look astonished and say: "No, I am perfectly well, thank
you," but the smile that lightens the questioner's face makes the
meaning slowly dawn upon one. One can hear a porter say to a conductor
of the train from the East: "Any victims today?"; and the hotels
frequented by the divorcees are known as "hospitals for the first aid
to the matrimonially injured." The reporter of the local paper will
ask: "Any new headlines ready?" The Court House is known as "the
divorce mill." Sometimes as "the separator"!
Then Renoites are fond of nicknaming the members of the divorce
colony, as well as the buildings.
One fair divorcee was dubbed the "Weeping Beauty" by her lawyer,
because she wept whenever she visited him. And she looked pretty too
when she wept: "like a dew-kissed rose," he said. A gentleman of
mature age was known as the "Silver King" because of his princely
bearing, silvery white hair and Greek god figure. "The Venus of Reno"
was another one, a statuesque brunette, because of her perfect figure
and Grecian gowns. A very stout lady bore the graceful name of "Reno-
ceros," whereas an old reprobate could do no better than "Renogade."
However, "Reno-vated" they all got!
An interesting fact is that your chambermaid, bellboy, hotel clerk,
taxi driver, dressmaker, saleslady, cook and laundress, hairdresser,
waiter and bootblack may all and each be a so-called divorcee. (For
convenience sake, I speak of them all as "divorcees," although Webster
defines a "divorcee" as a man or woman who has already obtained a
divorce.) What is more, a great many of these people who are working
are well fixed financially, and are just working to keep sane. I
remember tipping my waitress one evening. The next day I received a
bunch of American Beauties from that lady, which simply bowled me over
at a glance. She got her divorce, and is now married to a wealthy New
York real estate man. So you see it is difficult to discriminate.
I received shock after shock until I felt like a shock absorber. I was
dining with a friend one evening in a restaurant we often patronized.
The gentleman with me desired a cigarette, and found his case was
empty. A waitress, noticing his disappointment, extracted a silver
cigarette case from her rather attractive bosom, opened it, and
offered my friend one of her monogrammed cigarettes. Another victim!
One evening after writing all day without any recreation, I went down
to dinner, feeling a bit tired but rather satisfied with my day's
work. I said to my waitress while looking over the bill of fare:
"Tilly, I have worked hard today; I feel that I deserve a halo!" Tilly
looked at me for a moment, and disappeared. She was a devoted soul and
had always taken great pains to please me. In a few minutes she
returned with a disappointed expression on her face, and said: "I am
sorry, Mam, I can't get you the halo. Cook says it's something Mary
wore around her head."
Some of the witnesses in divorce cases are very humorous. I was
present at a few hearings, when a tall and thin man stated in a rather
shaky voice that his wife was a "beastly vampire," and that after
living with him for two whole weeks she struck him over the head with
a crutch and told him that she had a graveyard full of better men than
he was. The present victim was the fourth husband of the defendant.
"Judgment for the plaintiff"....
Another pretty young lady said that one of her husband's favorite
pastimes was spitting in her face, while yet another lady accused her
actor husband of "too much artistic temperament, and whiskey temper."
"Judgment for the plaintiff"....
The funniest case I ever witnessed was that of an old washwoman. I
don't know where she hailed from, but the judge said:
"Why do you wish to get a divorce from your husband?"
"Well, yer honor, he don't support me."
"But," said the judge, "is that all the complaint you have? You must
have more than that to get a divorce."
"Well, yer honor, I don't love my husband any more."
"That won't do either," said the judge impatiently. "Is that all?"
"Well, to tell the truth, yer honor, I don't think he is the father of
my last child."
"Judgment for the defendant." ....
What matter law and customs to even the most staid and stone-hearted
Wall Street banker if he happens to be on top of the world with a
woman who is a masterpiece of creation? There are many in Reno,--
masterpieces: not millionaire bankers--, and lonely too, sometimes!
Anyway it came to pass not so very long ago, that a New York banker of
great wealth and international reputation went out to Reno to secure a
divorce. After two months' stay the gentleman lost his heart to a very
attractive lady, who also was whiling away six months of her sweet
young life in order to shake off the matrimonial shackles. The banker
was about fifty, the lady twenty-seven and the wife of a well-known
New York actor. So lavish were the banker's attentions to this
charming lady that he gave a most extraordinary banquet in her honor
at the Riverside Hotel to which were invited about one hundred guests.
The dinner was under the management of one of the best of San
Francisco's caterers, and all the table decorations were brought from
San Francisco. The banquet, I am told, cost about $5,000--Hoover in
those days was not popular as yet.... But alas! poor little Cupid was
obliged to succumb to failure. Before the six months had passed, the
banker's wife "got wise" to his whereabouts and his doings, and he
disappeared from Reno very abruptly. About the same time the beautiful
lady's actor husband learned of the affair, and sued the banker for
fifty thousand dollars "heart balm" .... And so we find a fool face to
face with his folly....
"Altitude," did you say? I don't know .... Funny how a few fleeting
hours can change the face of the world! How the mind when free and
refreshed can see and admit mistakes, and how our fairy castles and
wondrous dreams vanish at the touch of reason and stern reality. It's
wonderful to have known paradise: to have walked in its flower-strewn
paths and to have tasted its delirious delights. But the awakening!
"How could I?"--"How could She?"--"What was the end of it all?" "Who
knows?"
It is not well for man to be alone, nor woman either, otherwise why
was Eve bestowed upon Adam? That is probably what a young man from one
of the first families of Boston thought while exiled to the Reno
Divorce Colony for the purpose of ridding himself of a wife: the
result of one of youth's romantic mistakes. The affair of some years
ago shocked his family and Eastern society generally. Was it a shop
girl from Boston, or a chorus girl from New York? I have forgotten.
Anyway, his companion in Reno was a fascinating little dancer of the
Sagebrush Cafe. So infatuated was the young man with this little
charmer that he spent his entire income entertaining her, and when the
income had vanished he pawned his jewelry, including his watch. But
then, boys will be boys, and after all, what could the poor youth do?
All alone in a strange place! It is so uninteresting to sit and twirl
one's thumbs: "Twiddle-dee Twiddle-dum."....
"That love laughs at locksmiths" and "All is fair in love and war"
seems to be the moral of the following, if moral there be in it:
Mrs. Jones, a very beautiful and statuesque blonde, went out to Reno
for a divorce. On her arrival there she wrote her husband that she had
repented: "I am sorry I ran away from you," she is said to have
written, "and if you will come out here for me we will make up and
live happily ever after." He came out and was arrested and thrown in
jail, charged with extreme cruelty. The lady got her divorce within
three weeks instead of six months, as she was able to serve the
summons upon her husband in the State of Nevada. After that her
sweetheart came out and they were married. I am told that some three
years later the husband brought suit against them for collusion, but I
never heard how it terminated. One of the noted cases of the Reno
Divorce Colony is the divorce of a famous New York beauty and heiress.
While she was riding in Central Park one afternoon her horse bolted
and she was saved by a handsome policeman named Dow. When the young
lady looked into the eyes of her rescuer, it was a case of "love at
first sight." This god of the police force informed his wife of the
affair: she immediately packed her box and started for Reno. A few
days after her arrival, her husband was located in Carson City, by the
merest accident of course, and as it was possible to serve the summons
upon him in the State of Nevada, the case was put through in two
weeks. As soon as it was ended, Mr. Dow presented his ex-wife with
five one thousand dollar bills. When the cashier of the Reno National
Bank handed her the envelope containing the bills, she extracted them
and deposited them in her stocking. She was advised not to go about
with so much money on her, whereupon she replied that the "First
National was good enough for her." That same evening a champagne
banquet was given by the ex-policeman at the Colony Restaurant at
which most of the divorce colony were present, and among them, his ex-
wife. Both of them were extremely demonstrative; in fact the entire
party was decidedly affectionate, and the affair was the talk of the
town for months afterwards. After Mr. Dow married the famous beauty,
he found out it was riot all heaven to be the poor husband of a rich
wife, and so he decided to return to the police force. Of course, that
would never do at all, and therefore the fair lady promised to pay him
ten thousand a year, in quarterly installments of $2,500, if he would
consent to be her idle rich husband. This he did until Mrs. Dow II.
found out that hubby was indulging in clandestine meetings with Mrs.
Dow I., and presto, change! the allowance suddenly ceased. After a few
months of separation from his bank roll, having become accustomed to
an easily earned income, Mr. Dow sued his bank, Mrs. Dow II., for the
blue envelope of two quarters of the allowance, and the New York
newspapers just hummed with a fresh scandal. Finally Mrs. Dow II.
tried to get a divorce on the plea that the Nevada divorce was
illegal. Failing in this, there were ways and means found in the East,
and at last they were divorced. It has been rumored that Mr. Dow
thought the old love best after all, and that Mrs. Dow I. has been re-
installed to the place of honor by his side. "True love never did run
smoothly": not even in the police force....
A rather amusing story is told of Elinor Glyn's visit to Reno, not for
a divorce, dear reader, but apparently for atmosphere, as she spent
several months in the most rugged states in the West. One of the
handsome sons of the sagebrush, known as the Beau Brummel of Reno,
became very attentive to the distinguished lady visitor, and when she
expressed a desire to see a real Western shooting scrap, the gentleman
said: "All right; the lady must have anything her heart desires,
doggonit!" and so he staged a regular shooting scrap. And they do say
out there that it was so realistically done that Elinor fainted and
was unconscious for an hour. The "fight" occurred on the train from
Tonopah to Mina. Mr. Beau Brummel had been showing the lady Nevada's
great mining camps: a couple of seats in front of Elinor Glyn and her
escort two men began to quarrel, presumably over a game of cards. The
fight grew until each pulled a six-shooter. There was a shot and a
flash, and one man fell: dead, apparently, while the other stood over
him, wild eyed, his smoking gun in his hand.
I can truly believe this story as I saw the dead gentleman auction off
four times the same basket of roses at a Red Cross benefit, and each
time he got a hundred dollars for the basket... However dead he may
have been, he certainly was not dead on the vine!
Speaking of Beau Brummels, I never found out the name of the gentleman
who came back from Lawton's one evening--or was it morning?--minus his
silk shirt. A lady of the party had taken a fancy to it and suggested
that they auction it off for the benefit of the Red Cross: at that
time America had just declared war on Germany, and the interest in the
Red Cross was at its height. The lady's suggestion was carried out
with enthusiasm. The lucky lady was Mrs. Hall, called "the forty
million dollar divorcee"; she bid seventy-five dollars for the shirt
and wore it to a golf tournament the next day. Let us hope that the
gentleman's linen was as attractive as his shirt, for the shirt was
removed then and there and bestowed upon the fair purchaser.
I met a very charming young couple in Reno whose story rather
interested me. I was not shocked at this case, as I had been in Reno
some time before I was introduced to them, and had heard about it.
When I first met Mr. Lake he was with a very beautiful young lady to
whom he seemed very attentive, and I thought surely they were
sweethearts. We all went out motoring with Mr. Lake's lawyer, and in
the course of conversation the lawyer informed me that Mr. Lake had
received his decree about two weeks before, and as he had obtained a
splendid position in Reno he had decided to remain there. His fiancee
was expected next week from Alabama, and they were to be married at
once upon her arrival. The lady with Mr. Lake at the time, the lawyer
went on to say, was just eighteen years of age, and had received her
decree about a week before. She had a fine little boy about two years
old with her.
One day the young lady called, and informed me that she had just been
up to the future home of Mr. and Mrs. Lake unpacking his fiancee's
trousseau which had been sent on ahead, with the request that it be
unpacked and hung up in order that the wrinkles all be out by the time
the bride arrived.
"Look," continued the girl from South Carolina, and she held out her
hand displaying a beautiful Roman gold ring of artistic design. "Isn't
it beautiful?"
Was I mistaken? did her voice choke at the next words? were there
tears in her eyes?
"This is her wedding ring, isn't it beautiful? I am wearing it until
she arrives...."
The naughty fiancee arrived two days before she was expected, and came
near upsetting everything. Hubby-to-be saw her first, dodged, jumped
into his car and raced up to the other girl's home to get the wedding
ring and break the dinner engagement for that evening. Then he rushed
downtown and greeted his bride-to-be in his lawyer's office. They are
living in Reno, happily married. Mr. Lake received a telegram of
congratulation from his first wife. Mrs. Lake II. is a charming woman.
I think she has heard all about the episode, but she is a diplomat and
probably thinks that one way to matrimonial bliss is skilled
ignorance.
Happiness and contentment and.... love.... or what we think it is! And
yet, what would the world be without that inheritance.
The Six Months' Residence Law of Nevada, was not made primarily to
accommodate matrimonial misfits, but to secure settlers by offering
them early citizenship and votes, the State being only sparingly
populated. Prior to Reno, Sioux Falls, Dakota, used to be the haven
for those seeking relief from the "tie that binds." When Dakota placed
the ban on the divorce colony, someone discovered the Nevada divorce
law, and those who found that Cupid was no longer at the helm of their
matrimonial ship, turned Reno-ward. However, be it known that the
citizens of Nevada knew all about this easy relief law from the
undesirable bond way back in 1851, as the following quotation from a
very amusing chapter of Nevada's history will illustrate. The book I
speak of is called "Reminiscences of William M. Stewart" and was
written by a Senator. Of course he was a Senator! Judges and Senators
are as thick in Nevada as Colonels in Kentucky. Most every man worth
while has been, is, or is going to be a Senator or a Judge. However,
that book is a good one and I found the following most interesting and
amusing. Says William M. Stewart:
"If you want to preserve good health, keep your head cool and your
feet warm!"
"While working our claim I awoke one morning and saw a covered wagon
with two oxen which had been unyoked and were grazing on the grass
near a spring in a ravine below me. I soon discovered that a line had
been drawn from the wagon to a clump of rocks, upon which were hung
several articles of feminine apparel to dry. Women were so scarce in
California at that time that this was sufficient to arouse the whole
camp. The "Boys" as we were called, were scattered along the Coyote
digging for a distance of about four miles, and when anything unusual
happened the words, 'Oh, Joe!' would be passed along the whole line.
"When I saw the feminine raiment, I raised the usual alarm, "Oh, Joe!"
and this called the attention of the miners on Buckeye Hill, where I
was, to the clothes-line which had attracted my notice. They gathered
round on the hill, nearly surrounding the covered wagon and its
contents. The rush of the boys in the immediate vicinity to see the
wonderful sight attracted those farther away, and in less than ten
minutes two or three thousand young men were watching the wagon,
clothes-lines, and fascinating lingerie. In alarm the man that
belonged to the woman inside stuck his head out of a small tent beside
the wagon. I assured him that no harm was intended, but that we were
very anxious to see the lady who was the owner of the clothes. This
aroused her curiosity sufficiently to induce her to pull the curtain
of the tent aside so that her face could be discovered but not fully
seen.
"I then proposed that we make a donation to the first lady that had
honored our camp with a visit. I took from my camp a buckskin bag,
used for the purpose of carrying gold, and invited the boys to
contribute. They came forward with great eagerness and poured out of
their sacks gold dust amounting to between two and three thousand
dollars. I then proceeded to appoint a committee to wait on the lady
and present it. The motion was unanimously carried and one of the
gentlemen on the committee suggested myself as chairman. I took the
sack of gold and went within about thirty feet of the tent and made as
good a speech as I could to induce the lady to come out, assuring her
that all the men about her were gentlemen, that they had seen no
ladies for so many months and that the presence of one reminded them
of their mothers and sweethearts at home. I told her that the bag of
gold was hers on the condition that she come out to claim it. Her
husband urged her to be brave, but when she finally ventured about
half way the cheers were so vociferous that she got frightened and ran
back. She repeated this performance several times and I kept moving
slowly back far enough to get her away from the little tent so the
boys could get a good view of her. I suppose half an hour was occupied
with her running back and forth while the boys looked in admiration.
When I finally gave her the bag with all the good wishes of the camp,
she grabbed it and ran into the tent like a rabbit.
"The next morning the wagon and the owner of the inspiring apparel
were gone and we never heard of them in after life. It was no doubt
well that they hastened their departure, for in those days it was a
very usual occurrence for the young wife coming to that country to be
persuaded to forsake her husband on their arrival in the new camp. The
immigrants of 1850 included thousands of newly married young people
whose wedding journey included all the hardships and privations of
crossing the plains. Those hardships made the men look rather rough
and scrubby, and they were all miserably poor. The women were young,
and after they had an opportunity to wash their faces, looked more
attractive: particularly to the miners who had been deprived of female
society for several months and had accumulated some money and good
will. The miner would propose marriage, and if a divorce could be
obtained extreme cruelty was usually given as the reason for the
divorce. The intended bridegroom was always a ready witness to swear
to a case of extreme cruelty.
"In the fall of 1851 I went to Nevada City to bring supplies for the
men engaged in construction of the Grizzly Ditch. I bought several
mule-loads and was having them packed very early one morning, but
before I could get away I was summoned as a juror in Judge Barber's
court. This was before I made myself exempt from jury duty by becoming
a member of the bar. I saw the judge and tried very hard to beg off;
but he told me there were ten divorce cases on hand and he wanted to
dispose of them that day.
(I think 1917 had nothing on 1851 when it comes to divorces in Nevada.
Author.)
"The judge continued: 'I cannot excuse you but I think you can get
away in time to return to your camp tonight.' So I had to submit
though I did not like it. I then prepared the jury room for use by
conveying to it a demijohn of whiskey, a bucket of water and twelve
tin dippers. As foreman of the jury I wrote the verdict as follows:
'We, the jury, find the defendant guilty of extreme cruelty.' We
returned the verdict to the court, heard the next case, and continued
until we had disposed of the ten cases. There were ten weddings that
afternoon and evening.
"I then thought and still think that we did the best thing that could
have been done. These women had separated from their husbands, and if
they had not been allowed to marry the men who had parted them, they
perhaps would have done worse. Some of them made good citizens and
raised families, and when they grew rich became very aristocratic."
So much for the pioneer days, and they are really not so far away.
Don't take an umbrella with you, you won't need it; it never rains;
but I wish someone would write a poem to take the place of "Mispah." I
received that poem from four different people on my departure from
Reno, and I feel that it is overworked, though it is beautiful indeed,
and I have quoted two verses of it below:
MISPAH
"Go thou thy way and I go mine
Apart, yet not afar.
Only a thin veil hangs between
The pathways where we are;
And God keep watch 'tween thee and me
This is my prayer.
He looketh thy way, he looketh mine,
And keeps us near.
I sigh ofttimes to see thy face,
But since this may not be,
I'll leave thee to the care of Him
Who cares for thee and me."