I. How she is wrote by the Inaccurate 9
II. By Advertisers and on Sign-boards 20
III. For Epitaphs 28
IV. By Correspondents 42
V. By the Effusive 56
VI. How she can be oddly wrote 71
VII. By the Untutored 91
_Prefatory._
"Anybody," said an astute lawyer, addressing the jury to whom the
opposing counsel had reflected upon inaccuracies in the spelling of his
brief--"anybody can write English correctly, but surely a man may be
allowed to spell a word in two or three different ways if he likes!"
This was a claim for independence of action which so commended itself to
the jury that it won a verdict for his client. The same plea may be
considered in regard to the truly wonderful way in which the
mother-tongue is often written, by the educated sometimes as well as by
the uneducated.
A man, it may be urged, has a right to spell as he chooses, and to
express his ideas, when he has any, as best he can; while, when he
suffers from a dearth of those rare articles, he has still more reason
to rejoice in liberty of choice in respect to the language he selects to
cover his poverty of thought. Hence there are doubtless good and
sufficient reasons for every specimen of "English as she is wrote,"
which it is the object of this little book to rescue from oblivion, and
which have, one and all, been written with the sober conviction, upon
the part of the writers, that they accurately conveyed the meaning they
desired. Intentionally humorous efforts have been carefully excluded,
and the interest of the collection consists in the spontaneity of
expression and in the fact that it offers fair samples of the
possibilities which lie hidden in the orthography and construction of
our language. Let it be remembered, then, that _anybody_ can
write English as she "should be wrote," and hence that a certain meed of
admiration is due to those who, exercising their right of independent
action, succeed in making it at once original and racy, and in
conveying, without the least effort, meanings totally opposed to their
intention, affording thereby admirable examples of English as "she is
wrote" by thousands.