THE GREAT IDEA.—COMBINATION TO AGREE.—THE WHITE
LABEL.—“LENGTHEN THE HANDLE.”—FORMATION OF THE WHITE
LEG ASSOCIATION.—GRACIOUS RECEPTION OF THE IDEA BY THE
MONSTROUS FLEAS.
[Illustration]
IT came to pass one day when the Handle went more heavily than usual,
that one dog was seen to jump up from his work with a yelp as though
bitten by ten thousand fleas all at once. His eyes rolled in a fine
frenzy; he rolled over and over on the ground and turned somersaults by
the dozen. All the dogs at the Handle were temporarily paralyzed with
consternation, and dropped work to inquire what was amiss. “What’s the
matter?” said one of the crowd to him; but he only yelped the harder and
turned more somersaults. “He’s gone crazy with hunger,” said they; “we
must put him in the madhouse;” and they seized him by the ears and the
tail for to take him there; which caused him suddenly to come back to
sobriety.
“Brethren,” said he, “while turning at that infernal Handle I was
suddenly seized with an Idea. It is a grand Idea; it is none other than
how we may ameliorate the cruel lot of the grinders at the Handle and
raise our wages.”
“Raise our wages?” they all cried in astonishment, letting go of the
Handle. “Oh tell us how, and tell us quickly.”
“Well,” said he, “you see, it stands to Common Sense that if all dogs
would combine and agree not to turn that Handle for less than so much a
day, those big bloats would have to give it us or suffer the cessation
of the Stream.”
“That’s so; so it is,” cried the other dogs in astonishment; “we never
thought of that; why, that must be one of those Revelations, those deep
abstrusities which the philosophers call ‘Axioms’—self-evident truths.
And only to think it was given to a common dog to make the discovery!
But canst thou tell us, oh wonderful discoverer, how we may all combine,
with all those other dogs around us who cannot get a chance at the
Handle? That is a problem, beside the complexity of which the Great
Truth is simplicity itself.”
“Oh, ye simpletons,” said the dog with the Idea, “these things are
hidden from the wise and prudent and are revealed unto pups. The thing
is self-evidently simple. All we require is simply _that all dogs shall
agree_.”
“But,” said the other dogs, “how art thou going to get the outside dogs
to agree not to turn except for so much, when now they neither turn nor
get a lick; it is simply asking a dog to abstain from doing what he
hasn’t done, and is not going to do. The agreement can only interest
_those at the Handle_, while it does not interest the others who want to
be there but cannot get there.”
“Well,” said the dog with the Idea, “we at the Handle must keep up _our_
wages, anyhow; so I propose that _we_ make the agreement and that, as a
mark to be known by, each dog that agrees, have a white label bound on
his right hind leg; and we will further agree that whomsoever has not on
the ‘White Label’ shall be called a Black Leg and be worried and cast
away from the Handle.”
But there arose another dog, and said he had an Idea, too, that was much
better. Said he: “Suppose all of us do adopt the White Label, and do
live up to the solemn agreement—which is not probable—what will it
avail us to worry and cast away from the Handle all those that have not
the White Label, when there are so many more dogs who through hunger
will jump in to take their places? _We can’t worry them all._ My Idea is
to lengthen the Handle so that all the unemployed dogs can catch on and
help to turn.”
But some said, “What good would that do? You could not make it long
enough to give every dog a place; and besides, the Handle belongs to
the Mill, and the Mill belongs to the fleas, and they won’t permit it to
be lengthened, so that settles it.”
“Well, then,” replied the other dog, “let us agree to work fewer hours
so as to put some of the unemployed at the Handle; average things, as to
speak.”
“Bow-wow wow-wow!” barked all the other dogs in chorus. “What! Put
ourselves on half time for unemployed dogs! Why, we don’t make a living
as it is on full time. Thou art no friend of ours. Want _us_ to reduce
_our_ wages, do you? Out with him!” And they worried _him_ and cast
_him_ out.
And it was so that they did agree; and each dog did bind on his right
hind leg a White Label and they called themselves the Great United Order
of White-Legged Handle Turners, and called themselves “White Legs” for
short.
By this time the big bloats around the Tank, having perceived that
the Mill was going very slowly on account of the grinders’ attention
being taken up with the Agreement, sent up to them a terrible conundrum
wanting to know why the half-a-dozen Satans they didn’t grind, and
what in half-a-dozen Everlasting Profundos they meant by robbing their
employers by such laziness.
But when it was told them that the grinders had been taking a recess
to hold a mysterious confab, and that all the Handle Turners had white
badges on their right hind legs, they called down several of the dogs
and demanded of them what this new thing should mean? And one of the
dogs meekly answered that they had formed an Association of White Legs,
and that the purpose of the said Association was to petition the big
fleas at the Tank to raise their allowance of blood to the old standard
of the good licks at the liberally smeared spoon, when they first began
to turn the Handle.
And the big fleas said that was all right, and it did them great
credit to wish to better their condition, and that provided they
confined their efforts to mutual help, and to making their members more
honest, industrious and well behaved, and to improving their minds
in their leisure hours, and didn’t go to _demanding_ more blood, but
left the raising of their allowance entirely to the good judgment and
good-heartedness of their employers, and didn’t go to violating the
inalienable rights of their employers to shove away from the Handle any
objectionable dog, or the inalienable rights of the unlabelled dogs to
take their places at the Handle and to make free contracts as free-born
dogs should, and didn’t conspire to incite to breaches of the Blood and
Bones Grinding Laws, but confined themselves to peaceful methods and the
use of moral suasion, why, they would have their hearty good wishes for
their prosperity, and everything would be lovely.
So the dogs returned to their fellows and reported the gracious
reception they had met with, and all the White Legs rejoiced and went
back to their grinding with a will and with new hopes in their hearts.
But though the dogs turned for many days, they found things go on just
as usual; they turned and ground and fainted and were thrown into the
hopper, but their allowance was not raised, although they sent down many
humble petitions to the fleas to raise it.