"Soul, receive into thyself the warm and radiant life of heaven, to
breathe it out again as spiritual fragrance over other lives, and
so change this wilderness-world into the garden of the Lord! This
is the lovely moral which hides within the roses of June, and makes
more than half their sweetness."--_Lucy Larcom._
And Mrs. Hayden? The old expressions of joy seemed utterly inadequate to
describe her feelings. It seemed that she was veritably dreaming of
heaven, such a sense of largeness, of freedom, had come over her, so
much wider was her horizon, so much more clearly could she see and
understand the hard questions that had always puzzled her, and yet she
had, as it were, just come to the edge of the beautiful flower-dotted,
dew-besprinkled field that seemed spreading out before her. So long
hopeless, so long hungry as she had been after this taste, she only
hungered the more. Wonderingly she looked at herself walking about
without pain; with an elastic step and the springing freshness of
health; wonderingly she remembered the dull, nervous throbbing
headaches, contrasted with the refreshing clearness, the joyous comfort
and peace of mind which made thinking a tonic, and labor a luxury.
What a glorious strength of exhiliration seemed flowing in to her with
every breath; how it expanded and thrilled her with its power! If this
was life, what joy to live, to know and feel the gladness and beauty of
God's beautiful world, and it must not be for her alone, but for all
hungering, thirsting mankind. She must impart it to those who had been
suffering and helpless like herself. It was even now flowing into her
own family. Although Miss Greening had given her but the first and
fundamental principles of the method, she had in many instances already
demonstrated their worth and power. It soon grew to be a regular matter
of course to treat every one in the family who seemed in need of a
remedy for anything.
Mr. Hayden had frequently come home with neuralgia in his face, but
after one or two attacks the unwelcome intruder vanished. The family
medicine case, which had recently been replenished for the winter, was
left to its own devices, and dust gathered on the necks and shoulders of
the cough remedies, paregoric and hive syrup bottles, until they would
have looked quite pitiful in their desertion, if anybody had seen them.
Jamie's one attack of croup yielded more readily to his mother's silent
treatments than it ever had to hive syrup, and it was with a deep
thankfulness, not unmixed with awe, that Mr. and Mrs. Hayden felt their
little one at last free from his old, dreaded enemy. Never before had
the children been so free from colds or ailments common to childhood, as
this winter. Never before had there been such a seemingly reckless
carelessness in wrapping them up, keeping them out of the draughts, or
letting them eat just what was on the table.
"Why, it is like living in another world altogether," said Mr. Hayden,
enthusiastically to one of the neighbors. "The children are so much
happier, quieter, more peaceable. I tell you, it is like getting free
from prison to come into this way of living, and my wife is getting
stronger all the time. Of course you want it," he continued. "Come over
some time, and we'll tell you more about it." Saying good night he
walked away, leaving his friend to wonder if the entire family had not
turned lunatics.
Enwrapped in the seamless robe of Truth, the sharp winds of worldly
criticism seldom reach us, because we are no longer susceptible to their
sharpness. A gentle mildness beams from every face, for beyond the veil
of outward appearances we learn to discern the pure, perfect holiness of
God's child--the divinity behind the bars. Not, however, till we know
how to put on this wondrous robe are we invulnerable.
Although Mrs. Hayden had learned much and lived much in these last few
months, there came a time, as the summer drew near, when it seemed that
everything was slipping away from her. Not her health, except that her
old headache occasionally threatened her, but things did not seem as
clear to her. Many problems were only in a partial state of solution,
and a vague dissatisfaction, a helpless discouragement took possession
of her at times, very hard to bear, especially when contrasted with the
light she felt had so long guided her. Of late even her treatments
seemed almost fruitless. Her old-time impatience had manifested itself
on several occasions, and one warm June morning she went about her work
in a decidedly old-fashioned mood.
It was Monday, and in addition to the washing to be seen to, the little
extra help to be rendered the girl, her husband had sent her a large
case of strawberries to be put up, manlike, forgetting that this day at
least was full. She was hastening to get them ready before the dinner
hour, and the "picking up" of the sitting-room, so essential Monday
mornings, had been left till a more convenient season.
Mabel had gone to school, while Jamie and Fred were playing in the sand
in the back yard.
With her hands in the berries, and her thoughts busily engaged, she was
suddenly roused from her reverie by the noisy entrance of Fred, who just
came in for a drink of water. As he turned to go out, he threw his arms
around his mother's neck and gave her a boy's impetuous hug, and a kiss
that ought to have rejoiced any mother's heart, but this morning it
annoyed her. "Run away, now; mamma hasn't time this morning," and she
pushed him impatiently away. Just then the door bell rang, and Fred
sprang to answer it. In another moment he ushered into her presence a
shabbily dressed, poor, miserable looking woman, who immediately asked
for a drink of water. "I can get it," said the ready Fred. While he was
gone, the woman began her request:
"Plaze, Ma'am, would you be wantin' some garters to-day? They are
warranted by the very man as made 'em. My boy is layin' sick, and his
father is dead, and all my health has been took away carin' for him, and
a friend of mine, she has been in this business a long time, and says
it's very good some days, and she let me take her place to-day, so if
you could take a pair or two to-day it would be very thankful I'd be,
and I'm sure this boy would need a pair; they are only 25 cents, and
will just fit; ain't they nice, my boy?" She poured her story out, as
though there were no end to it, as she held up some brilliant red and
blue elastics that quite dazzled Fred, who claimed them at once.
"I have not time to examine and choose this morning, and Fred, you do
not need them now," said Mrs. Hayden, with some annoyance in her tone.
"Now, mamma, you didn't see my old ones, they ain't red and blue, nor
stretchy, an' my stockin's come down all the time. See how wrinkly they
are," and he held up a dusty little shoe with a sadly demoralized
stocking above it, rich in holes as well as wrinkles. The stocking had
been torn on a nail, he volubly explained. In his excitement Fred raised
his voice, thus summoning Jamie to the scene with a rush that upset the
dish of berries just picked over.
"_I_ didn't mean to, and I can pick them up again," and he swept his
dirty little hands into the soft mushy pile, gathering berries, dust,
stems or whatever happened to be in the way, dashing the miscellaneous
mess into the clean berries that had escaped.
"Jamie, you careless child! how can you be so naughty? Go and wash your
hands this minute! Fred, leave those things and stay out with Jamie, I
can not have you around when there is so much to do!" and with an
impatient gesture she brushed Jamie aside and began sorting the berries
as best she could.
Fred started toward her with the elastics, saying:
"But, mamma, you haven't looked yet;"
"Well, you see my hands are full, and I can tell you just as well
without looking."
"You always tell me to do as I am told," pouted Fred as he reluctantly
departed.
Mrs. Hayden was ashamed and yet reckless with discouragement, and
scarcely noticed the anxious pedlar, who stood waiting for some decisive
word from her.
"I have no use for the supporters at present," she said at last. But as
she noticed the look of despair slowly settling on the woman's face, she
added, "but, if you are in such distress, I will let you leave two
pairs. Take the 50 cents lying there on the shelf," pointing to the
place. The woman was very grateful and soon went away with a brighter
face.
For a long time after she was gone, her picture remained in Mrs.
Hayden's remorseful memory, though she put it away as much as possible
and went on with her work. Jamie and Fred had quarreled several times,
but even in peace, the fires of war were likely to burst out afresh, for
it was always so when she felt this way.
As Mrs. Hayden sat in her own room that evening, reviewing the events of
the day, which seemed the culmination of many days, it seemed that the
Marion Hayden who had been so happy these last few months, improving in
health and strength and ability to live a more useful life, and the
Marion Hayden who had so miserably disgraced herself to-day, were far
apart--in fact irretrievably separated. Where, indeed, had gone her
power of self-control, her wisdom and tact in governing the children?
Why had she so harshly told Fred to run away from her when the dear
child was only showing his affection according to his own nature? Such
an active, impulsive yet loving child must be wisely dealt with, and she
had often realized that with Fred, love must be the governing power, not
force. To give way as she had to-day would be to lose her influence over
him, not only because of repulsing the child himself, but because his
critical eyes noticed every weakness and failure in her, to live up to
her own code of morals laid down for him to follow.
Her accusing conscience asked why she had not questioned and tried to
help that poor woman who, with all her ignorance, was doing the best she
could, to solve life's problem.
After all, what had she, Marion Hayden, to offer the world while she had
not yet conquered herself?
Oh, the bitterness of regret, the repining for wasted moments and lost
opportunities! but here she was in her old groove of thought. Could she
not try the new way, now that she so sorely needed it?
She would try; she would begin to look on the other side of these
questions. She _would_ regain her footing in spite of her humiliating
downfall, although there might still be a lingering sense of shame over
her defeat.
Later, her husband came home. He tossed her a paper saying: "Here is
something that will clear you up. Read it aloud. I just glanced over it,
and found it very good." He threw himself upon the sofa, waiting for
her to begin. Mechanically she took up the paper.
"'The Ubiquity of Good;' is this the article?"
"Yes, there are several just as strong as that one."
"Oh, I see; yes--I can hardly wait to read aloud," she exclaimed,
running her eyes over the pages, instantly imbibing the spirit of the
writer. She began with an awakening interest which increased till she
was fairly electrified with delight.
Her husband looked at her in astonishment although it had much the same
effect on him. "I thought you needed something like that;" he said,
sitting bolt upright and looking at her. "You see, Marion, if you could
only be as enthusiastic all the time as that woman is, you could do the
works that she does, and be as positive too."
"I know it, and if I understood as well as she does, it would be
different, but I know so little comparatively. Oh, if I could take
lessons of the teacher she had--just listen, she says: 'I have just had
the privilege of going through a class in metaphysics taught by one who
is conceded to be the best teacher in the world,' but," continued Mrs.
Hayden, "I've looked all over the paper and can't find the name of the
teacher; queer, isn't it? Mayn't I subscribe for this paper, John, and I
will ask her who this teacher is, when I send the subscription?"
"Well, yes, I think if you could get the benefit from every number you
have from that, it would be money well invested," replied Mr. Hayden. In
fact he was as much interested in this subject as she, and desired her
to "go to the bottom of it," as he expressed it.
That night she retired with a new hope. If others could learn and
demonstrate and keep, why could not she?