the fit being entirely off, I got up; and though the fright and terror
of my dream was very great, yet I considered that the fit of the ague
would return again the next day, and now was my time to get something to
refresh and support myself when I should be ill. The first thing I did
was to fill a large square case-bottle with water; and set it upon my
table, in reach of my bed: and to take off the chill or aguish
disposition of the water, I put about a quarter of a pint of rum into
it, and mixed them together. Then I got me a piece of the goat's flesh,
and broiled it on the coals, but could eat very little. I walked about;
but was very weak, and withal very sad and heavy-hearted under a sense
of my miserable condition, dreading the return of my distemper the next
day. At night, I made my supper of three of the turtle's eggs; which I
roasted in the ashes, and ate, as we call it, in the shell: and this was
the first bit of meat I had ever asked God's blessing to, as I could
remember, in my whole life. After I had eaten, I tried to walk; but
found myself so weak, that I could hardly carry the gun (for I never
went out without that;) so I went but a little way, and sat down upon
the ground, looking out upon the sea, which was just before me, and very
calm and smooth. As I sat here, some such thoughts as these occurred to
me: What is this earth and sea, of which I have seen so much? Whence is
it produced? And what am I, and all the other creatures, wild and tame,
human and brutal? Whence are we? Surely, we are all made by some secret
power, who formed the earth and sea, the air and sky. And who is that?
Then it followed most naturally, It is God that has made all. Well, but
then, it came on strangely, if God has made all these things, he guides
and governs them all, and all things that concern them; for the power
that could make all things, must certainly have power to guide and
direct them: if so, nothing can happen in the great circuit of his
works, either without his knowledge or appointment.
And if nothing happens without his knowledge, he knows that I am here,
and am in this dreadful condition: and if nothing happens without his
appointment, he has appointed all this to befall me. Nothing occurred to
my thought, to contradict any of these conclusions: and therefore it
rested upon me with the greatest force, that it must needs be that God
had appointed all this to befall me; that I was brought to this
miserable circumstance by his direction, he having the sole power, not
of me only, but of every thing that happens in the world. Immediately it
followed, Why has God done this to me? What have I done to be thus used?
My conscience presently checked me in that inquiry, as if I had
blasphemed; and methought it spoke to me like a voice, "Wretch! dost
_thou_ ask what thou hast done? Look back upon a dreadful misspent life,
and ask thyself, what thou hast _not_ done? Ask, why is it that thou
wert not long ago destroyed? Why wert thou not drowned in Yarmouth
Roads; killed in the fight when the ship was taken by the Sallee man of
war; devoured by the wild beasts on the coast of Africa; or drowned
_here_, when all the crew perished but thyself? Dost _thou_ ask what
thou hast done?" I was struck dumb with these reflections, as one
astonished, and had not a word to say; no, not to answer to myself; and,
rising up pensive and sad, walked back to my retreat, and went over my
wall, as if I bad been going to bed: but my thoughts were sadly
disturbed, and I had no inclination to sleep; so I sat down in the
chair, and lighted my lamp, for it began to be dark. Now, as the
apprehension of the return of my distemper terrified me very much, it
occurred to my thought, that the Brazilians take no physic but their
tobacco for almost all distempers; and I had a piece of a roll of
tobacco in one of the chests, which was quite cured; and some also that
was green, and not quite cured.
I went, directed by Heaven no doubt: for in this chest I found a cure
both for soul and body. I opened the chest, and found what I looked for,
viz. the tobacco; and as the few books I had saved lay there too, I took
out one of the Bibles which I mentioned before, and which to this time I
had not found leisure, or so much as inclination, to look into. I say, I
took it out, and brought both that and the tobacco with me to the table.
What use to make of the tobacco I knew not, as to my distemper, nor
whether it was good for it or not; but I tried several experiments with
it, as if I was resolved it should hit one way or other. I first took a
piece of a leaf, and chewed it in my mouth; which, indeed, at first,
almost stupified my brain; the tobacco being green and strong, and such
as I had not been much used to. Then I took some and steeped it an hour
or two in some rum, and resolved to take a dose of it when I lay down:
and, lastly, I burnt some upon a pan of coals, and held my nose close
over the smoke of it as long as I could bear it; as well for the heat,
as almost for suffocation. In the interval of this operation, I took up
the Bible, and began to read; but my head was too much disturbed with
the tobacco to bear reading, at least at that time; only, having opened
the book casually, the first words that occurred to me were these: "Call
on me in the day of trouble, and I will deliver thee, and thou shalt
glorify me." These words were very apt to my case; and made some
impression upon my thoughts at the time of reading them, though not so
much as they did afterwards; for, as for being _delivered_, the word had
no sound, as I may say, to me; the thing was so remote, so impossible in
my apprehension of things, that, as the children of Israel said when
they were promised flesh to eat, "Can God spread a table in the
wilderness?" so I began to say, Can even God himself deliver me from
this place? And as it was not for many years that any hopes appeared,
this prevailed very often upon my thoughts: but, however, the words made
a great impression upon me, and I mused upon them very often. It now
grew late; and the tobacco had, as I said, dozed my head so much, that I
inclined to sleep: so I left my lamp burning in the cave, lest I should
want any thing in the night, and went to bed. But before I lay down, I
did what I never had done in all my life; I kneeled down, and prayed to
God to fulfil the promise to me, that if I called upon him in the day of
trouble, he would deliver me. After my broken and imperfect prayer was
over, I drank the rum in which I had steeped the tobacco; which was so
strong and rank of the tobacco, that indeed I could scarce get it down:
immediately upon this I went to bed. I found presently the rum flew up
into my head violently; but I fell into a sound sleep, and waked no
more till, by the sun, it must necessarily be near three o'clock in the
afternoon the next day: nay, to this hour I am partly of opinion, that I
slept all the next day and night, and till almost three the day after;
for otherwise, I know not how I should lose a day out of my reckoning in
the days of the week, as it appeared some years after I had done; for if
I had lost it by crossing and re-crossing the Line, I should have lost
more than one day; but certainly I lost a day in my account, and never
knew which way. Be that, however, one way or the other, when I awaked I
found myself exceedingly refreshed, and my spirits lively and cheerful:
when I got up, I was stronger than I was the day before, and my stomach
better, for I was hungry; and, in short, I had no fit the next day, but
continued much altered for the better. This was the 29th.
The 30th was my well day, of course; and I went abroad with my gun, but
did not care to travel too far. I killed a sea-fowl or two, something
like a brand goose, and brought them home; but was not very forward to
eat them; so I ate some more of the turtle's eggs, which were very good.
This evening I renewed the medicine, which I had supposed did me good
the day before, viz. the tobacco steeped in rum; only I did not take so
much as before, nor did I chew any of the leaf, or hold my head over the
smoke: however, I was not so well the next day, which was the 1st of
July, as I hoped I should have been; for I had a little of the cold fit,
but it was not much.
_July 2._ I renewed the medicine all the three ways; and dosed myself
with it as at first, and doubled the quantity which I drank.
_July 3._ I missed the fit for good and all, though I did not recover my
full strength for some weeks after. While I was thus gathering strength,
my thoughts ran exceedingly upon this scripture, "I will deliver thee;"
and the impossibility of my deliverance lay much upon my mind, in bar of
my ever expecting it: but as I was discouraging myself with such
thoughts, it occurred to my mind that I pored so much upon my
deliverance from the main affliction, that I disregarded the deliverance
I had received; and I was, as it were, made to ask myself such questions
as these, viz. Have I not been delivered, and wonderfully too, from
sickness; from the most distressed condition that could be, and that was
so frightful to me? and what notice have I taken of it? Have I done my
part? God has delivered me, but I have not glorified him; that is to
say, I have not owned and been thankful for that as a deliverance: and
how can I expect a greater deliverance? This touched my heart very much;
and immediately I knelt down, and gave God thanks aloud for my recovery
from my sickness.
_July 4._ In the morning I took the Bible; and beginning at the New
Testament, I began seriously to read it; and imposed upon myself to read
awhile every morning and every night; not binding myself to the number
of chapters, but as long as my thoughts should engage me. It was not
long after I set seriously to this work, that I found my heart more
deeply and sincerely affected with the wickedness of my past life. The
impression of my dream revived; and the words, "All these things have
not brought thee to repentance," ran seriously in my thoughts. I was
earnestly begging of God to give me repentance, when it happened
providentially, the very same day, that, reading the scripture, I came
to these words, "He is exalted a Prince and a Saviour; to give
repentance, and to give remission." I threw down the book; and with my
heart as well as my hands lifted up to heaven, in a kind of ecstasy of
joy, I cried out aloud, "Jesus, thou son of David! Jesus, thou exalted
Prince and Saviour! give me repentance!" This was the first time in all
my life I could say, in the true sense of the words, that I prayed; for
now I prayed with a sense of my condition, and with a true scripture
view of hope, founded on the encouragement of the word of God: and from
this time, I may say, I began to have hope that God would hear me.
Now I began to construe the words mentioned above, "Call on me, and I
will deliver thee," in a different sense from what I had ever done
before; for then I had no notion of any thing being called
_deliverance_, but my being delivered from the captivity I was in: for
though I was indeed at large in the place, yet the island was certainly
a prison to me, and that in the worst sense in the world. But now I
learned to take it in another sense: now I looked back upon my past life
with such horror, and my sins appeared so dreadful, that my soul sought
nothing of God but deliverance from the load of guilt that bore down all
my comfort. As for my solitary life, it was nothing; I did not so much
as pray to be delivered from it, or think of it; it was all of no
consideration, in comparison with this. And I add this part here, to
hint to whoever shall read it, that whenever they come to a true sense
of things, they will find deliverance from sin a much greater blessing
than deliverance from affliction. But, leaving this part, I return to
my Journal.
My condition began now to be, though not less miserable as to my way of
living, yet much easier to my mind: and my thoughts being directed, by
constantly reading the Scripture and praying to God, to things of a
higher nature, I had a great deal of comfort within, which, till now, I
knew nothing of; also, as my health and strength returned, I bestirred
me to furnish myself with every thing that I wanted, and make my way of
living as regular as I could.
From the 4th of July to the 14th, I was chiefly employed in walking
about with my gun in my hand, a little and a little at a time, as a man
that was gathering up his strength after a fit of sickness: for it is
hardly to be imagined how low I was, and to what weakness I was reduced.
The application which I made use of was perfectly new, and perhaps what
had never cured an ague before; neither can I recommend it to any one to
practise, by this experiment: and though it did carry off the fit, yet
it rather contributed to weakening me; for I had frequent convulsions in
my nerves and limbs for some time: I learned from it also this, in
particular; that being abroad in the rainy season was the most
pernicious thing to my health that could be, especially in those rains
which came attended with storms and hurricanes of wind; for as the rain
which came in the dry season was almost always accompanied with such
storms, so I found that this rain was much more dangerous than the rain
which fell in September and October.
I had now been in this unhappy island above ten months: all possibility
of deliverance from this condition seemed to be entirely taken from me;
and I firmly believed that no human shape had ever set foot upon that
place. Having secured my habitation, as I thought, fully to my mind, I
had a great desire to make a more perfect discovery of the island, and
to see what other productions I might find, which I yet knew nothing of.
It was on the 15th of July that I began to take a more particular survey
of the island itself. I went up the creek first, where, as I hinted, I
brought my rafts on shore. I found, after I came about two miles up,
that the tide did not flow any higher; and that it was no more than a
little brook of running water, very fresh and good: but this being the
dry season, there was hardly any water in some parts of it; at least,
not any stream. On the banks of this brook I found many pleasant
savannahs or meadows, plain, smooth, and covered with grass: and on the
rising parts of them, next to the higher grounds (where the water as it
might be supposed, never overflowed,) I found a great deal of tobacco,
green, and growing to a very great and strong stalk: and there were
divers other plants, which I had no knowledge of, or understanding
about, and that might, perhaps, have virtues of their own, which I
could not find out. I searched for the cassava root, which the Indians,
in all that climate, make their bread of; but I could find none. I saw
large plants of aloes, but did not understand them. I saw several
sugar-canes, but wild; and, for want of cultivation, imperfect. I
contented myself with these discoveries for this time; and came back,
musing with myself what course I might take to know the virtue and
goodness of any of the fruits or plants which I should discover; but
could bring it to no conclusion; for, in short, I had made so little
observation while I was in the Brazils, that I knew little of the plants
in the field; at least, very little that might serve me to any purpose
now in my distress.
The next day, the 16th, I went up the same way again; and after going
something farther than I had gone the day before, I found the brook and
the savannahs begin to cease, and the country become more woody than
before. In this part I found different fruits; and particularly I found
melons upon the ground, in great abundance, and grapes upon the trees:
the vines, indeed, had spread over the trees, and the clusters of grapes
were now just in their prime, very ripe and rich. This was a surprising
discovery, and I was exceedingly glad of them, but I was warned by my
experience to eat sparingly of them; remembering that when I was ashore
in Barbary, the eating of grapes killed several of our Englishmen, who
were slaves there, by throwing them into fluxes and fevers. I found,
however, an excellent use for these grapes; and that was, to cure or dry
them in the sun, and keep them as dried grapes or raisins are kept;
which I thought would be (as indeed they were) as wholesome and as
agreeable to eat, when no grapes were to be had.
I spent all that evening there, and went not back to my habitation;
which, by the way, was the first night, as I might say, I had lain from
home. At night, I took my first contrivance, and got up into a tree,
where I slept well; and the next morning proceeded on my discovery,
travelling near four miles, as I might judge by the length of the
valley; keeping still due north, with a ridge of hills on the south and
north sides of me. At the end of this march I came to an opening, where
the country seemed to descend to the west; and a little spring of fresh
water, which issued out of the side of the hill by me, ran the other
way, that is, due east; and the country appeared so fresh, so green, so
flourishing, every thing being in a constant verdure, or flourish of
spring, that it looked like a planted garden. I descended a little on
the side of that delicious vale, surveying it with a secret kind of
pleasure (though mixed with other afflicting thoughts,) to think that
this was all my own; that I was king and lord of all this country
indefeasibly, and had a right of possession; and, if I could convey it,
I might have it in inheritance as completely as any lord of a manor in
England. I saw here abundance of cocoa trees, and orange, lemon, and
citron trees, but all wild, and very few bearing any fruit; at least not
then. However, the green limes that I gathered were not only pleasant to
eat, but very wholesome; and I mixed their juice afterwards with water,
which made it very wholesome, and very cool and refreshing. I found now
I had business enough to gather and carry home; and I resolved to lay up
a store, as well of grapes as limes and lemons to furnish myself for the
wet season, which I knew was approaching. In order to this, I gathered a
great heap of grapes in one place, a lesser heap in another place; and a
great parcel of limes and melons in another place; and, taking a few of
each with me, I travelled homeward; and resolved to come again, and
bring a bag or sack, or what I could make to carry the rest home.
Accordingly, having spent three days in this journey, I came home (so I
must now call my tent and my cave:) but before I got thither, the grapes
were spoiled; the richness of the fruits, and the weight of the juice,
having broken and bruised them, they were good for little or nothing: as
to the limes, they were good, but I could bring only a few.
The next day, being the 19th, I went back, having made me two small bags
to bring home my harvest; but I was surprised, when, coming to my heap
of grapes, which were so rich and fine when I gathered them, I found
them all spread about, trod to pieces, and dragged about, some here,
some there, and abundance eaten and devoured. By this I concluded there
were some wild creatures thereabouts which had done this, but what they
were I knew not. However, as I found there was no laying them up in
heaps, and no carrying them away in a sack; but that one way they would
be destroyed, and the other way they would be crushed with their own
weight; I took another course: I then gathered a large quantity of the
grapes, and hung them upon the out-branches of the trees, that they
might cure and dry in the sun; and as for the limes and lemons, I
carried as many back as I could well stand under.
When I came home from this journey, I contemplated with great pleasure
the fruitfulness of that valley, and the pleasantness of the situation;
the security from storms on that side; the water and the wood: and
concluded that I had pitched upon a place to fix my abode in, which was
by far the worst part of the country. Upon the whole, I began to
consider of removing my habitation, and to look out for a place equally
safe as where I was now situate; if possible, in that pleasant fruitful
part of the island.
This thought ran long in my head; and I was exceeding fond of it for
some time, the pleasantness of the place tempting me: but when I came to
a nearer view of it, I considered that I was now by the sea-side, where
it was at least possible that something might happen to my advantage,
and, by the same ill fate that brought me hither, might bring some other
unhappy wretches to the same place; and though it was scarce probable
that any such thing should ever happen, yet to enclose myself among the
hills and woods in the centre of the island, was to anticipate my
bondage, and to render such an affair not only improbable, but
impossible; and that therefore I ought not by any means to remove.
However, I was so enamoured of this place, that I spent much of my time
there for the whole remaining part of the month of July; and though,
upon second thoughts, I resolved, as above stated, not to remove; yet I
built me a little kind of a bower, and surrounded it at a distance with
a strong fence, being a double hedge, as high as I could reach, well
staked, and filled between with brush-wood. Here I lay very secure,
sometimes two or three nights together; always going over it with a
ladder, as before: so that I fancied now I had my country and my
sea-coast house. This work took me up till the beginning of August.
I had but newly finished my fence, and began to enjoy my labour, when
the rains came on, and made me stick close to my first habitation: for
though I had made a tent like the other, with a piece of sail, and
spread it very well, yet I had not the shelter of a hill to keep me from
storms, nor a cave behind me to retreat into when the rains were
extraordinary.
About the beginning of August, as I said, I had finished my bower, and
began to enjoy myself. The 3d of August, I found the grapes I had hung
up were perfectly dried, and indeed were excellent good raisins of the
sun: so I began to take them down from the trees; and it was very happy
that I did so, as the rains which followed would have spoiled them, and
I should have lost the best part of my winter food; for I had above two
hundred large bunches of them. No sooner had I taken them all down, and
carried most of them home to my cave, but it began to rain: and from
hence, which was the 14th of August, it rained, more or less, every day
till the middle of October; and sometimes so violently, that I could not
stir out of my cave for several days.
In this season, I was much surprised with the increase of my family. I
had been concerned for the loss of one of my cats, who ran away from me,
or, as I thought, had been dead; and I heard no more of her, till, to my
astonishment, she came home with three kittens. This was the more
strange to me, because, about the end of August, though I had killed a
wild cat, as I called it, with my gun, yet I thought it was quite a
different kind from our European cats: yet the young cats were the same
kind of house-breed as the old one; and both of my cats being females, I
thought it very strange. But from these three, I afterwards came to be
so pestered with cats, that I was forced to kill them like vermin, or
wild beasts, and to drive them from my house as much as possible.
From the 14th of August to the 26th, incessant rain; so that I could not
stir, and was now very careful not to be much wet. In this confinement,
I began to be straitened for food; but venturing out twice, I one day
killed a goat, and the last day, which was the 26th, found a very large
tortoise, which was a treat to me. My food was now regulated thus: I ate
a bunch of raisins for my breakfast; a piece of the goat's flesh, or of
the turtle, broiled, for my dinner (for, to my great misfortune, I had
no vessel to boil or stew any thing;) and two or three of the turtle's
eggs for my supper.
During this confinement in my cover by the rain, I worked daily two or
three hours at enlarging my cave, and by degrees worked it on towards
one side, till I came to the outside of the hill; and made a door, or
way out, which came beyond my fence or wall: and so I came in and out
this way. But I was not perfectly easy at lying so open: for as I had
managed myself before, I was in a perfect enclosure; whereas now, I
thought I lay exposed; and yet I could not perceive that there was any
living thing to fear, the biggest creature that I had yet seen upon the
island being a goat.